New Years Eve Day Run

The photo is one I've posted before, called "death of the Buddha" and somehow seems to fit the mood of the times. I took to the park today, knowing that each 2 mile loop gave me either an out, or an opportunity to increase the distance...I thought it would be fitting to do 8 miles for '08....and it was a spectacular morning....

The first loop around was, as usual, too crowded with other joggers, walkers, strollers, bikers...and one of the reasons I seldom run in the park anymore. More traffic means more distraction, and what I crave on a run is complete dissociation from anyone else. My head has been sore and tired, both physically and emotionally. I bailed out of work yesterday with weird stomach pain and felt unsteady the rest of the day. My goal today was just to get moving again and by the second loop I could sense how difficult everything had become...what I remembered as vibrant, challenging, exhilarating at times, suddenly felt almost pointless and hopeless, and not just the run, but work, life etc...ah the voice of depression....After 2 loops I stopped to stretch. I considered my options; bail, and maybe run later again somewhere else, one more loop and reassess...or go for the whole 8 no arguments. I decided on the second option, hoping I think to salvage something meaningful, if I could just push past this weight laying on my soul. Third loop was the toughest as I began to really tire, and not having eaten too much, never wise to run any distance with fuel. I passed more physically challenged gals who walked deliberately, with dignity and thought, now what is my excuse here, I am a RUNNER. So, RUN.

The last loop I actually began to loosen up and feel strong; the sun was getting warm, and my legs stopped aching. My heart felt like it was trying to reach beyond the bad abyss to find a handhold, when I rounded a bend and was passed by a very young Asian boy on a bright purple bike. I saw him and his mother on previous loops, and this time, he had gotten ahead of her. As I caught up to her she was in a jog of her own trying to catch him, a beautiful, playful smile on her face. She looked like an older version of my daughter-in-law and that was it; suddenly my heart broke open and I smiled, full of love and yearning and hope and gratitude for everyone in my life, for everything in my path, for making those 4 loops, for persevering in the face of my own internal demons and the pressures of life, the never ending challenges of being human.

Light shone in a sudden flash. The death of the Buddha is a reminder of how fragile compassion can be in a disconnected, brutal world. We go on and on attempting to find evidence of something more than pain and suffering when the clues are planted all around us, and in us. There is a resurrection in the New Year, as we fight for justice, hope and healing. Be the change. Find the way. Do it now. Shine in '09.

Easy for You to Say

Today's Outlook: Today's emotionally charged Scorpio Moon reveals another side of her moody nature as she elicits memories about unfulfilled love. Depending on what's currently happening in our lives, this can be nostalgic or bittersweet as amorous Venus conjuncts Chiron the Wounded Healer. Our resistance to intimacy or commitment now stems from these uneasy recollections, yet it's crucial to understand how the past need not be replayed through present circumstances.

How much are the unseen forces responsible for our lives? How do we account for the sudden drop in energy, motivation, focus? How do the masters overcome the flux in star alignments, weather conditions, emotional tugs and needs? How does anyone overcome the loneliness and heartbreak of holidays spent adrift from loved ones or support??

I was running so much in the wind today, that by the time I got back onto Park, I had to walk the rest of the stretch home. The overcast, chilly, gusty morning was no comfort to my heart; instead it felt more like some trek into unforgiving lands....some truck driver yells at me out his window about how I can't hear anything "with those things on" meaning my ipod...and of course my thought is, how do people project their anger about their own behavior at others? All he had to do was wait 1 minute for me to cross his path. But apparently he thought I was the one that needed correction, even though he was in the bigger, more dangerous vehicle. I could hear him loud and clear. I might have said something back, under my breath. I have no problem standing up for myself. But when the weight of insult or forgetting takes a foothold it is very difficult to let go....to let the stride take me along in my own little world of struggle, triumph, process.

Sure, Scorpio moon, dance with Chiron, and intensify the bittersweet longing for love. How surprised could I be that just at this time of year, the love of person becomes a distraction from Love of Spirit, of Self, of mission. It is a small girl inside of me which longs for personal love, and the validation of recognition. The woman in me has found a way to maintain behind strong boundaries which has escaped capture. But just once it would be cool to find someone willing to break down that wall and walk with me a ways for the thrill of finding meaning and adventure on the Path. Until that day comes, the run will always do me good. The run is mine.

Rainbow Prayer Flags

I was pleasantly surprised to manage a nice 8 miles in a cool, cloudy morning earlier today, feeling sore, yes, tired, uh huh.....but after getting up onto Park, and enjoying the stretch of my legs on that nice straight flat, the rhythm of the gait took over, and the loose steady movement filled me with that wonderful contentment I love...

Am I too solitary?? I find so much peace in myself...but it's fragile energy seems easily dispersed by others....you'd think, in my business, I'd be a better manager, and maybe I am. But there are times, like now, when all I do is crave no interruption in the thoughts of my own creation. All artists have this internal life; apparently many runners do too. It's not the negative drain it used to be when the momentum would tumble me down into unwanted emotions of loss or helplessness. Now it comes from the strength in my own soul and the desire to feel it without disruption. I suppose the next step will come when I can easily incorporate the energy of others....outside the formal, professional structures. But meanwhile, I am happy to focus on the shamanic slant of the times, and use it for my own redevelopment of depth, clarity and purpose.

And let's allow the joy of changes to fly....free........

Bliss

"When the desire strikes, simply put on a pair of shorts and a T-shirt, lace up your running shoes, and head down the road, up a trail, or through an open field."

CLAIRE KOWALCHIK, The Complete Book of Running for Women


Pairing back my expectations while I heal, regroup and regain focus for a new goal....half-marathon for Feb???? I download a new training plan from RW that looks much like I do, with a few tweak outs. It makes sense to train for a good half, and put the marathon back on the calendar next year.

6+ miles, out and about the Griffin loop today through breezy, partly cloudy conditions, not too cold, not too warm, felt free, even if I'm still struggling some.....it reminds me that all I need to do is "...head down the road" to find a slice of serenity, within the context of movement and rhythm.

Even when Average

"Remember, the feeling you get from a good run is far better than the feeling you get from sitting around wishing you were running."

-SARAH CONDOR

Seems I continue to try to regain strength and stamina. The 8 miles at the gym Sunday on the treadmill took a toll; about 4-5 miles yesterday and around 6 today were challenging. Caught in a gentle rain, a couple of walk breaks....nothing like the intensity I had going on before....before, what? Before getting sick, getting shell-shocked from personal issues, work, before having to decide to bail on the marathon. Running is a mental game. It takes tough mindedness to keep focused discipline on the overall game-plan, which sometimes amounts to just getting out and running. It takes awareness that movement always has its benefits, even if it isn't pretty.

I've been downloading new podcasts, including 'This American Life' from NPR, and a couple of running forums, besides my usual podrunners. Sometimes, the pleasure is in losing myself in the music or the story, and just letting the miles go. I think for the New Year, I will treat myself to downloaded books; seems a good way to catch up on 'reading' and enjoy the journey all the more.

Moral of the story? The methods may change, the approach modified. But it always remains one foot in front of the other, in the steady drumbeat of rhythm. And this simple formula never fails.

Different Kinds of Runs

"This is what really matters: running. This is where I know where I am."

-STEVE JONES

Tired of fighting high winds and crappy weather, I took to the gym yesterday and a different kind of run on the treadmill. Before I knew it, I managed 8 miles, and threw in a little weight training for good measure. I work on form, time and management of resources, things that are harder to track outside. My slow pace is a 12-13 minute mile. Faster, and I can sustain a little over 10. Treadmills feel very unforgiving....so every twinge and ache seems amplified. But the ability to read the stats, regulate the pacing etc is pretty cool, and every once in a while, I guess it just serves as a break from the routine.

Today, an easy 4+ miles up to Griffin, just enough to stretch out tight legs and get a bit of 02...today is balmy, scattered clouds...the weather doesn't seem to know what it's doing. But the air, the sun, even the occasional gustiness was wonderful to feel on my skin. I am still adjusting to no Miami (can I do the half??)...it seems impossible not to be there at all, but if I do the half, will it feel like a cop-out? I'm not getting that crazy jazzy feeling about racing right now. All these weeks of not feeling well has been draining...and just getting normal runs in feels like a real triumph. Do I commit, and build anticipation towards the goal? Or do I recognize a shift, for multiple reasons, in my approach to running?? I hate to feel like I wimp out, and yet, my body seems to need the recovery. In the book Psychodynamic Running, the aspect of addiction as applied to running relates to the lack of flexibility and balance; the inability to adapt from the compulsive need to run. I relate to this struggle; running has been my dopamine fix, my solution to all things middle-aged. It got me through menopause, job crisis, relationship meltdowns, family traumas. Running instilled self-confidence in a way no other endeavor, despite my range of abilities, has done. The sheer gift of movement, of being safely tucked into my own head is a growing need the more the outer world clamors with it's pressures. How I will continue to utilize running for the long-term, and still make benchmarks, remains to be seen.

Meanwhile, there is a way forward. The road, which always calls to me, has adventures a plenty....all I need is willingness, and my 2 good feet.

12-12 Full Moon

The moon is at it's closest point to the earth in 15 years, pouring it's magic and mayhem upon us all. If you were fortunate enough to see it after it's early late day rise, then you probably captured the size and breadth of its presence. I will run later today when the temps warm a bit....a cold front has settled in...but clear skies portent a beautiful afternoon- will take it to Hugh Birch for a little slice of heavenly nature.

Sending Prayers to Flight

It was a restless night, with lots to ponder, as, right on cue, the Universe caught me up in it's bag of surprises once again. It's too early to speculate the true direction or purpose, so I will not attempt any description and suffice to say, I trust that what needs to be, will be.

I was not up for a big run, but still managed more than I intended, taking off for the overpass, and then turning north instead of south to meander through the Oakwood plaza to Stirling. From there, I headed north again, towards Griffin and turned into the trailer park once I realized I had been out about an hour. I'm not looking for heroics or worse, injury, so a slow 5 miles was just about right. The weather is balmy; sunny and unusually warm. The hint of heat felt good on my shoulders once I took off my outer shirt. I tried to focus on rhythm and gait, and noticed my sense of distraction. But instead of the twinge of sorrow that has tugged at my feet, I felt instead a slight push of hopefulness, something deep within that was asking to break through. I wanted to allow all my joy to surface. I know there is positive outcomes to be had. But like everything else in training, it's sometimes the more cautious approach that gets you there. Finding that tipping point between brash desire and withdrawal is always difficult, but maybe I am feeling my way there. The sun, wind and warmth are telling me I am welcome in the moment, where the balance always is.

Reflecting on Everything, Starting New Again

After 2 weekend runs that were shorter and more challenging than I can remember, I did a pretty solid 6ish miles today. Passing a surveyor at his truck at Stirling who said, hey, you really cover some ground! I saw you all the way over the other side of town there! LOL..... It was the boost I needed to feel like a runner again, and while listening to some new podcasts, began to see that this was the start of something new.

I thought long and hard last night about new starts. Having to put Miami on ice for this year is a tough decision. And even though it's not 100% firm, it's certainly unlikely I can get enough miles in to make even a decent half showing. Better to wait for Ft. Lauderdale in Feb. Making the adjustments in expectations about everything seems to be the mission, while keeping my focus on work and professional goals. There are still opportunities for breakthroughs, and the constant surprises of the Universe as it weaves it's creative chaos through our lives. I keep a seed of anticipation at the ready, in case. Meanwhile, I focus on regaining my strength, stamina and inspiration through the dark days of winter descent. And remember, I will come out the other side.

Back to any Run is a good Run

-mural at Art Basel/Miami

It's been over a month of fighting whatever is ailing me, and a week of antibiotics has finally broken through the logjam- slogging through long work days, by Wednesday there was no running, until today. Today; woke after a long sleep, groggy and stiff. Last night I tried to stretch as much as I could to prepare for running, and felt all the knobs and burrs of my shoulder/neck protesting in pain. It's been a while since I did any massage or chiro, and it's apparent. But I put some hope in my step as I took to the street, in a beautiful, clear, cool morning. Began with the overpass and headed down to the Arthur St. stretch. Made my pit stop at Anderson Park and took 56th all the way back. It wasn't much for mileage, maybe 6, and I stopped several times to walk off the tension and fatigue. I never got faster than an easy jog, but oh how lovely to be moving outdoors!! To feel air, sun and the whooshwhoosh of my own arms and legs, heartbeat and breath, and the easy meander of my thoughts swirling along their own path.

It's been a whirlwind fall, coming into the winter months, the close of '08. Super Barack is getting ready for his new gig, new digs, and will inherit hell in a handbasket, as far as the state of the world is concerned. All of us are doing the new economic shuffle, trying to figure out where our ground lies. I have the sense that any run will be a good run, these days. I have put Miami on the shelf. I can't see how I could get back up to snuff in less than 2 months. So all our expectations must shift. It's a good time to be humble, and aware of our own limitations and resources. Few will be tangible. Most, I sense, will be coming from levels deep within, where the Source will keep us all posted on our progress.

Circles of Light

"A race is a work of art that people can look at and be affected by in as many ways as they're capable of understanding."

-STEVE PREFONTAIN


Registration fees for Miami increase again on the 11th, so I'm giving myself until then to decide about doing the full or half. My cold is persistent, but I was determined to run today; out the door was cool and clear, but by the time I got out on the Arthur stretch, an ominous bank of clouds, separating out a front of gusty rain, came open on my head. The wind was so strong I had to run backwards for a bit before deciding to head back. I still managed about an hour out, but it was so cold, chilly and wet, it was a miserable dash to get back inside.

Surprisingly, everything felt ok; limbs, and gait were solid, and I think I could have pulled out a 7-8 miler. I know pushing it will not be smart in the long term...so I give myself this week to let inspiration come.

Driving home from work last night, the amazing star show was clearly visible around the moon...Jupiter and Venus...guarding the crescent and creating luminous circles of light. In Mumbai, they lit hundreds of candles for the dead. Potent fields of energy focus on the transition from life and the safe journey for many souls. We are always traversing the divide between things. And so we seem to require prayers to follow us on our way. The Light we burn within is enough to keep warm, but it's augmented thousands fold with the love of our brothers and sisters. Whether I run a lot or a little, the road is still the road. There are dreams enough to take me up in a rapture of light.

If, in your course, you don’t meet
your equal, your better,
then continue your course
firmly,
alone.
There’s no fellowship with fools.

-Dhammapada, 6, translated by Thanissaro Bhikkhu.

Increasing Tolerance

So don't be in a hurry and try to push or rush your practice. Do your meditation gently and gradually step by step. In regard to peacefulness, if you become peaceful, then accept it; if you don't become peaceful, then accept that also. That's the nature of the mind. We must find our own practice and persistently keep at it.

-Ajahn Chah, "Bodhinyana"

The holiday weekend has not gone exactly to plan. Whatever is ailing me physically is not done with me yet....I keep at a holistic approach, spending the last few days running and resting, sleeping as much as I can. My energy is still low, and some sort of low-grade something is still making my throat and sinuses sore. Yesterday's 9 miler was a good one; I had hoped to top it with a longer run today. But between inner and external factors, (a blustery, drizzly day) I think I may pass on that.

Increasing tolerance for everything seems to be the mission. For setbacks, mistakes in judgment, for suffering- my own and others. My usually impatient nature is under the gun to let it all go along any timetable. The trouble is, with Miami now 2 months away, I am feeling unusually anxious about the marathon. I am not where I'd hoped to be at this point. I would need to ratchet up 10-13 miles more on the long run in order to feel I have a hope of staying on my feet. The question is, do I push for it? Or do I lower my expectations and do the half? The beauty of this strategy is that I can do the full marathon for Ft. Lauderdale, instead. The bummer would be having to cut my annual commitment to Miami, skipping to next year.

Good to know there are options. Increasing my tolerance for allowing the shape of my life to create itself with gentleness, wisdom and compassion is tough!! Don't think spiritual 'right thinking' is for the weak. It takes tremendous strength to stand on your own thoughts, and at the same time, allow the Powers that Be to work their magic in our lives. For now, we strike compromise and truce. I allow myself to surrender.

Dream Big

Michael, my son and glider pilot extraordinaire, put his newly gotten glider into the air this past weekend; check out the pix- it is a beauty! I completely understand why there is little else he can talk about, at least with the excitement he reveals, when flying is his passion. He's so good at so many things. But he has a connection with those wide curling spaces he can only reach through wingtips silently carving invisible currents of heated air. Amazing.

I am thrilled to pass along my capacity to dream big. My life has been about the big dreams which fill me on so many levels. It didn't always make for much of a practical life, or even a happy one; I've been on my own path of adventure and seeking the path of Spirit forever. The good news for me is big dreams keep forming, it's just now they make sure to come in the form of an application I can put into the world. I never thought I'd be a professional in the 'marketplace', and I sure never ever saw myself as a 'runner'. Walker, yes, trekker, and occasional bike rider, but never runner. Every race I train for, especially the marathon, reminds me how big my dreams still are. I'm sitting on a few others, cooking on the back burners, which I'm sure are part of the overall mission of my work. It's good to know the urge to throw oneself out into the universe is alive and well in the family. Once upon a time, generations ago of my family launched themselves out of their small worlds. We have been on the move ever since.

Coming Back

It's been a difficult few weeks; the little walk in the weeds was a good reminder of the lesson about focus, and time. It may be interesting and dramatic to watch the unraveling of subplots, but in the end, if they don't serve, they don't belong, no matter how fascinating they look. Being sick is another kind of wilderness, and it's easy to give in to a fantasy of giving up. But as of Friday, after work, I took it upon myself to pony up and get outside, in an effort to jump start my engines once again.

Friday was nothing but wandering and stretching around the complex. Saturday, after business in Hallandale, I parked south of the bridge and ran north to the bandshell at Hollywood beach and back. That was a substantial enough loop, in very high winds, to give me back a sense of true running. And today, after enough of a sleep in, I did the Griffin long loop, and really tested myself, and lived to tell the tale.

I've lost some uumph...that's for sure. But I feel like I have good base strength, enoough to fight those winds and cool temps. My romance with running is safely intact. And I am so happy to have my dream in my back pocket to turn to when the pressures of getting by begin to feel a little nerve wracking. There is always an open road, and it welcome me, every time.

"Why run a race? You race to test yourself, for the ritual, the camaraderie, and for the adventure and discovery."

The New York Road Runners Club Complete Book of Running

Recovery, continued

Yesterday's short run did not feel traumatic, yet by the time I got into the office I could hardly move my right hip, which felt pulled out. This is my first bout of serious sidelining for a long time, and I am watching myself in amusement as I try to cope with my frustration. Not being out on the road has put me into running withdrawal, a syndrome characterized by irritability, low tolerance for stress, inability to regulate emotions, and sheer pissiness. Without that steady rhythm, which somehow sorts out my entire system, mind, body and soul, I am most certainly adrift. Running regulates my sleep, appetite, mood. Ok, so I did yoga today. And that was useful, no doubt, working through some of the tightness, soreness, and keeping my joints loose. But there is no substitute for consistent effort. Miami looms. I am determined, by Thanksgiving, my 2 month mark, to be on regular schedule and building up from 30 to 50 miles/week and more as I cruise into January. If I can't do this, I can't expect to pull out 26.2 miles. So here's to some healing and cooperation from the micro-universe of my body's internal structures. Let's go, boys and girls, let's get it in gear!

Meanwhile, everything is back to high intensity at work, full caseload, and lots, always, going on. The universe is never short on stories and plot lines which keep morphing into new permutations, interesting, heartbreaking, compelling, pulling at my skills and resources for compassionate response. I pray always to be effective, to utilize my talents well. I think it's all lining up as needed, and I have peace about the outward direction of things. Now, if I can get my body back into the game, and feel that integrity of strength and energy once more.

"When you do something, you should burn yourself completely, like a good bonfire, leaving no trace of yourself."

-Shunryu Suzuki

Beautiful Days

"To make your life a work of art, you must have the material to work with. The race, any race, is just such an experience."

-GEORGE SHEEHAN

Still recovering from my cold; but a beautiful morning beckons. So light hills and a round of the park fit the bill. Just moving through the cool air is heavenly...all this to build back strength and get ready to plan for the REAL training beginning at the holiday. 2 months. It begins.

Down, not Out

"Some runners judge performance by whether they won or lost. Others define success or failure by how fast they ran. Only you can judge your performance. Avoid letting others sit in judgment of you."

-HAL HIGDON

Somewhere around Saturday in the midst of my finishing class at NSU, I came down with a bad cold. I haven't been sick in so long, I couldn't believe it, and by Sunday it was a full-blown head/body, sneezing mess. I took off work yesterday, also a rare event- for being sick. But today, despite a part of me that said, 'turn over and go back to sleep', I got up and did an easy 4-5 miler, just to see how it felt.

The air was crisp as an apple; the sky crystal clear with blue edges sharp against the highlights of early morning. The first steps felt surreal; 3 days is the longest I've gone without running. I felt like I was flying just above the pavement, watching my own feet. There was no feeling until a half mile or so when I finally felt my muscles respond, or my brain catch up, whichever...and took my time cruising out Arthur and rounding to Park after a short walk break. Park was wide open and a joy. Dumb teenagers attempt to sling verbal crap at me- I notice this at several bus stops- they seem to enjoy taunting me. And that took a mental adjustment to revamp boundaries, which is good- I'll need them strong for work today, as I head back to the fray.

I confess all I really think about on the road is Miami. Beginning this weekend, assuming I am all ok, I'll do a serious training plan, now that I am about 2 months out. Thats 1 month or so to ramp up and a few weeks to taper. It doesn't seem possible right now, the way I feel. But I've been strong up to now. Keeping focus, there isn't anything out of reach, if I just keep my eye on the prize.

'Nuf Said

"The illusion of separateness is perpetuated through our interpretations of the seen.

We observe Reality manifesting in what appear to be separate, discrete parts -- without recognizing the inherent inseparability and interdependence of everything appearing before us.

When we focus, instead, on... the connective tissue of Reality, the invisible Source from which, and the Background against which everything shows up, the illusion of separateness is naturally and inevitably dispelled -- even as the appearance of duality remains."

-from The Daily Guru

Out the door this morning before 7, right after rain must have been through, there were puddles of water everywhere, and the sky was strewn with the remnants of storm clouds. The atmosphere was a soup of winds, watery vestiges and high humidity, and not all that cool. It feels, as I often think of it, as if I am running IN water. The entire loop back was directly into the winds; and it showed just how much more strength I have to stay consistently on pace throughout. I am BEAT!!

I focused on placing all my 'concerns' within their own spheres, in order to make sure they were outside my zone of personal power. This had to include clients, family and significant others, as I recognize that it's not my ability to see the connection, it's my need to stake my own space within it that's the issue. I am so naturally attuned to inter-relationships of reality, I can easily become stuck in it. Running has accomplished a powerful change: I am no longer as susceptible to this. I have come to own myself and my energy. And I hope it's strong enough that I would never lose it.

The irony is in the conflict between this and 'dependency needs', as we say in the biz. Somewhere is the balance between conflicting pulls for autonomy and interconnection. When I run, I feel like I flow into the sky. But I have no one I need to share it with, or worry over, or coerce into my love affair with the experience of the run.

Day off Work, Long Run

"Whatever the pace, run softly, run tall."

-JOE HENDERSON, Running 101

Thanks to Vets Day, I get a welcomed day off and accomplish LOTS, including, this morning, a really fabulous long run, 9-10 miler, the big loop to Griffin, over to the Seminoles, and back on Thomas. I can give more and more attention to form, pacing, and the nuances of how I deal with distances....I'm feeling amazingly strong, even with all the extra work and pressures of late.

I chalk it up to the influx of 'cosmic' energy which continues to change the overall nature of reality as we know it. Quantum entanglements, as described recently, seems to be one image that captures the sense of creative chaos, and fluid groupings of energy morphing anew. I am amazed at how directly I register this in running. The joy in being unencumbered by the usual forces of gravity, and feeling free-wheeling, at one with the motion, is indescribable. Obama was right about riding that wave; we are all caught up in these new, curative waters now.

World Run Day

We have to look inside for answers and
outside for inspiration.
-Lucas the yoga guy

The Cosmic kiss took me to the dusty corners of the past, where what seemed to be old introjects met to reacquaint themselves, even as we know, we know, who we are. Later, I soothed the weirdness of it all at Hugh Birch, commemorating World Run Day with a few leisurely loops with co-runners. The world hushed, expanded like bird calls on the day, fanning out into far reaches of my inner psyche...the movement felt exhilarating and relaxing. Yesterday's long run was intense, putting myself through distance and pacing. But today, the surreal rewards of being out of bounds of usual time forced open my assumptions. You truly never know.

What does it all mean? Nothing; everything. Poignancy in the search, though, plenty of deep tears for the sentiment of calling it all together, and allowing myself to feel receptive. There is no clear path. I just followed the loop. But tomorrow, it's a different run. And the conditions will be mysterious and waiting for me all the same.

Stranger Things Have Happened

You may be feeling like you are pulled in two directions today. Waves of excitement and concern may come and go throughout the day and it's important not to become too attached to either extreme. Rest assured that stability will return if you can learn to accept the paradox of your opposing reactions to what's happening in your life.

Aries horoscope for November 8, 2008

Yoga day, after putting the finishing touches on my paperwork for class. I did not run today, not yet, anyway, deciding it may be wise to put extra effort into tomorrow's run for World Run Day, and give myself a needed break. I continue to push the limits, I know; and I need to use caution in assessing my strengths and weaknesses.

In the aftermath of unexpected reconnection, I realize I need to apply the same thing. Be wise, be prescient, be willing to let go of preconceptions, attachments to outcomes or fear of either success or failure. The glow of accomplishment seems to be nothing but more progress, we we continue to establish some kind of track record in the era of speedy change.

This is Our Time

"My basic philosophy can be summed up by an expression we use in Norwegian: hurry slowly. Get there, but be patient."

-GRETE WAITZ, Run Your First Marathon

I was in a fog this morning....I threw on my gear and was out the door, running into the morning chill still somewhere out in the ethers, drifting around Grant Park, Virginia, and the tracks of my own past...by the time I rounded out on Arthur I found my focus and rhythm, with the steady footfalls sending vibrations up my legs, and into my heart. My heart, which has held it's breath, taken hits, bled, and believed, my spirit insisting, "hang on...it will come out alright."

I have learned how to grow patient. I found this on the road, between wanting to cave, and persevering through every run. I achieved many goals in life, and still work on more; but the lesson of the run is, do it- every time.

Obama has already bestowed gifts that came to bear with my clients, first day! The energy of inspiration is never to be underestimated. Great leaders, like energy itself, are boundless in their ability to tap the Universal Zeitgeist. The trick is, are you on the side of Light, or fanning the flames of your own ego? This leader brings humility and compassion, and like the Dalai Lama, he has sold me on his inner conviction and character. He does The Work for all of us, as do I. He runs his race knowing the mission is to bring us all along. This is truly, Our Time to turn it around, and begin to trek towards reconciliation and redemption.

Yes, we can. We did. We will.

Yes, We Can, and We Did!

I planned for maximum time to watch, then bask in the election results, which meant a very late night. I slept later this morning and took it as a recovery day. Last 2 runs, 2 in a row, have been pretty intense, running into head winds, and keeping my pace up. So it was well-deserved, and no doubt smart. I am realizing more and more that it can't be all about total mileage, but total strength and endurance. So as I continue to work through the next few weeks of classwork and Workwork, it is paying off to be cautious and consistent.

Meanwhile, I can let emotions run high today....remembering Chicago '68 as I watched Grant Park open its arms to the Prez-elect. Watching the black/white mix of the 2 first families mingle on stage. Watching the obvious love and support of Barack and Michelle sharing pride and joy. Watching his face as he addressed the huge Chicago crowd, and the gentle gratitude, and reach into our future. It was the right note, right speech, right time, and yes, right man. All these months of worry about sabotage, regression, repression....and we FINALLY come out the other side.

I felt the presence of many. Seen and unseen. And in my heart I knew the stars were lining up behind us as we made our stand for the Light and everything it makes transparent, everything that calls for reform and change. It is not the end of something, but as he said, just the beginning. And starting tomorrow I return to training with a lift in my step, knowing that I work on the side of bringing us through to better days ahead.

"V" for Vision, Victory and a New (ad)Venture

"Leave your watch on the kitchen table and go freely, like a child."

-CLAIRE KOWALCHIK, The Complete Book of Running for Women

I had weird dreams last night, and woke up feeling unusually fatigued...but then, I've been going at high gear for some time now, and I know there are times when it just catches up with me. My alarm was set on vibrate, so I missed it, and hopped out of bed and into my running gear before I could talk myself out of it. Voting Day!! The weather is also unusual, with a cover of foggy, chilly clouds and a headwind pushing at me all the way around the 7 mile loop until I could head south on 40th. I passed polling stations at TY park, at schools, prior to opening. I pushed through the fatigue and early morning disorientation until my blood circulated enough to wake my brain. My feet did their steady plop-plop along the pavement, and I confess, that cool air felt good. I imagined myself later today, prone on the living room floor watching voting results. How can we lose? What dirty tricks will the Reps attempt to steal this dream- again?

I want to invest in this hope. Everything in me feels the timing is indeed right. For those who insist on safety in bigotry or repression, the change will indeed come upon them, whether they like it or not. The secret for navigating the times comes with opening....and allowing the New Day to break upon us all, as co-creators, journeyers participants in the human drama. It has been a heart-breaking ride for many. But the many martyrs, leaders and ordinary folk who broke the trails for where we are going are watching us now, including Obama's grandmother who just passed. Ancestors are waiting for this day. And we can deliver our future to ourselves with a touch of a button, and take ourselves beyond promise and prayers. We can BE THE CHANGE we seek in the world. Do it. Vote. And take your own High Road into your good future.

Paula does it Again

"Fitness is like the blade of a knife; you want to sharpen it without ruining the blade."

=SALLY JENKINS, The Washington Post

Congratulations to Paula Radcliffe for her 3rd NYC Marathon win!! WHoo Hoo! Unfortunately I was up to my neck in my class paper, and did not get to see it....which really sucks....I missed the thrill of watching those elites do their thing. And I didn't run today either, after yesterday's 9+miler, which was done in a headwind most of the way back. So a well-deserved recoop day did not seem out of the question.

With a draft of the paper done, daylight's saving time accomplished and the weather settling down, I hope, the plan is to get back to early morning runs, and make them long enough, and relaxed enough to begin inching back up on the mileage. I'm feeling pretty good, but tired. I have plenty of good food stocked up, and nothing standing in my way. I can put together the rest of the class work by the end of next week, and begin to see light at the end of the tunnel by mid-month once class is done.

I will have 2 months to train solid for Miami.

from The Daily Guru

Nothing can remove you from the present moment, or from the reality of who and what
you really are.

Find the clear and constant Awareness which remains the unsullied and spacious Background of Life's ever-changing circumstance, and all restlessness will subside.

Hope and Inspiration

"The one resolution, which was in my mind long before it took the form of a resolution, is the key-note of my life. It is this, always to regard as mere impertinences of fate the handicaps which were placed upon my life almost at the beginning. I resolved that they should not crush or dwarf my soul, but rather be made to blossom, like Aaron's rod, with flowers."
-- Helen Keller

Today's AT, or Awesome Thing...something I've put into practice since the big PUSH has been on, in order to keep me grounded on the unceasing miracles which happen daily, if looked for.....
My client "X" gave his final presentation at group to prepare for his completion of treatment. Many of the girls cried; some of the men railed against their fates. My client gave a profound window on the journey of his own recovery, and was kind enough to place me in it, at which time a wave of comments went around the room about my being the best...therapist.....and I smiled deep in my heart knowing the Path I always meant to meet, the one where Hope and Inspiration resides, and commands the forward motion, the same one I meet every day on the run, between footfalls, heartbeats, and the very Breathe of Nature.

New Shoes

After cooped up all weekend in class, sitting sitting sitting....after hours of talk (albeit interesting...) and attention to detail for everything to get done...I took my new Brooks out for their maiden run.

What a joy!!! I've been an Asics girl forever- until Friday when on a whim I stopped at Runner's Depot on the way to class, and met the 'future me'...a woman with curly gray hair who has run a dozen marathons and was about to run the 50 miler up north...which she hoped to do in about 12 hours. She was selling the shoes; and she turned me on to the Brooks (she was wearing a pair). I kept getting an eerie sense of pre-ja vue....and decided it was all meant to be. And was it! I did an out and back, and took the last part on Park with ease, increasing the length of my stride to work out the kinks in my legs. What a tremendous feeling of comfort. How long will it last in these? Can I make it until January, then one last new pair before the marathon? Good investment for mind and body. And oh yea, a boost to my Spirit as well!

Courage and Compassion

My 9 miles this morning was mostly a run into stiff headwinds, as a front has parked itself with blustery winds, occasional drizzle and storms. Running into wind is so exhausting...and strengthening. So as much as I hate that feeling of never quite "lifting" off, I appreciate how this intensity is growing endurance; and I'll need plenty of it, over the course- of the next months, let alone the next marathon.

I start class tonight. I'm leaving soon to go vote early....then hit the NSU campus to see if I can do some research on the Co-op, as well as anything that will place me ahead of the work curve for the class. I have so little familiarity with the "art" of the library these days....while I still have the leisure, anything I can do to make it more comfortable is a good idea. And thanks to TP, a possibility of research at a law library.....should be super cool.

The presence of courage and compassion will serve me well in the next weeks. The more pressure I feel, the more I sense the safety net of Beneficent energy which inundates the efforts of our swing back from insane directions. Every run has its own character; a pretty run never predicts- it is a gift from the divine messengers and constellation of fates. But when the difficult run comes, like today, we are buoyed by past success. Our courage, built on solid accomplishment, will lead us through the next leg of the journey. The next corner, the crossroads, the completion; for now.

Inner and Outer Work

"To exercise at or near capacity is the best way I know of reaching a true introspective state. If you do it right, it can open all kinds of inner doors."

-AL OERTE

The first few miles this morning, looping long over the overpass until Arthur, was tough to sync into; my right thigh has been cramping, I did 4-5 miles easy yesterday, so I have not taken a day off for a while. I fought it, wrestled with it in my head, kept driving it, shuffling through the ipod playlist until I hit on a few tunes with just the right BPM and pace. Once I stopped at Anderson for water, I was able to harness a little more energy, and rounding out towards the east I finally found the groove. The light had come full on, after clouds obscured the sunrise. The cool air felt wonderful, invigorating on my skin. My legs opened up to a nice, steady rhythm and I felt the aches and pains recede...In my head, the joy of movement obliterated the challenges, and after another mile or so, I was taking each block in a flurry of motion...feeling great, strong, alive, boundless.

I kept this up for the entire last miles....it was maybe 3-4 in that last stretch on high gear. I could barely shuffle to the TY park entrance by the end, but even just a little walking had me recovered and loose again. I don't often push this hard, in training or in life. With class about to start, and the caseload kept high at work, it's an unusual time of intensity. It's a ripe time for fears, doubts or insecurities of all kinds. Can I maintain focus, progress, strength, clarity, endurance...all the attributes I need to make it work, make it successful...And yet how many times have I encountered unusual levels of challenge, pressure, deadlines....this is not new. This is my forte'. I forget I am the master of challenge and transition. I make a goal, and it's not "how", it's "when". My years of carving taught me how to perservere; my own recovery journey has provided inner strength and fortitude. Running just puts it all on the road, that's all. Just one more way I train my body and mind to support the Spirit within, determined to Make it Happen.

Flotsam and Jetsom

"If you can train your mind for running, everything else will be easy."

-AMBY BURFOOT

When the painters arrived and set their gear in motion, it seemed like a good idea to get out, even though I had planned this as a rest day. So a nice easy out and back seemed reasonable, nothing too taxing, since everything is good, and yesterday's long run was successful. Why push my luck?? It's finally cool enough to throw all the windows open, so the air this morning was delightful; perfect running weather (for me!). I lazed out to Anderson Park, then took Park Rd. back, soaking up the air, the early sun, and the feel of my legs searching for their pace. It came late in the loop, almost at the end, the last mile or so, when I finally relaxed and felt my stride open up and churn like a great wheel in motion. I may not be able to sustain that for long, but it sure feels wonderful. So it was enough to jump-start my system, and be ready for the day.

There is so much debris in the swells, by the park, at various crossroads; it got me in mind of the ruminations I fall into on the run. I reran dream plots (meeting Dave Matthews in Chicago....hmmm..was that you, Dave??), grocery and to-do lists, client concerns, and long-term wishes......projects both mundane and sublime. Thought about the kids, the Circle, and the election. It's amazing what you can think about on the run. Of course the best part is when you think about nothing at all, except the exhilaration of movement....It's true, once you 'become' the run, everything else is easy. Everything else is just part of training.

Long, Strong

It seemed weird to run in the middle of the day...I really needed that sleep, and just allowed myself to wake up naturally, deciding to run all the errands first today. By noon I was back, and out the door, ready to run a long loop, up to Griffin, west to the Seminoles, back on Thomas. The weather, which has gratefully taken a turn for the slightly cooler, was cooperating, as rain showers careened somewhere close to the area, but never quite on me. Breezes full of cool air buffeted against pockets of heat; and once I began the stretch down 40th, something wonderful opened up. The road began to feel more like a launchpad, and my gait something like a smooth engine running in a steady rhythm. It was a little hit and miss at times, but when it came into sync, it felt like a thing of utter beauty and astonishment. The happiness that comes with this motion is hard to capture, but weightlessness, within a strange context of weighted rhythm, is the essence.

It was a beautiful ride. For no reason I can think of. It felt like a gift for hard times, something reaching from the outskirts of my potential, reminding me that there is lots of progress to be had. Keep it up. Keep up with the wonderment of surprise.

Homage to Crash....it's heartening to see your blog, and to know you are my first follower! White Rock could be your come back. I'd love to run it with you.

Keeping Perspective....Run to Come

We also often add to our pain and suffering by being overly sensitive, over-reacting to minor things, and sometimes taking things too personally.

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

The Last Miles

"Training is principally an act of faith. The athlete must believe in its efficacy: he must believe that through training he will become fitter and stronger."

-FRANZ STAMPFL


My third day out this morning was a shorter run, about 6-7 miles, feeling tired and sluggish after 2 longer days, and a short night's sleep. I watched the debate, and enough of the talking heads after to feel I had some sense of the where things stand in the home stretch... then I had trouble falling asleep. Visions of voter fraud, and worse, outright sabotage courtesy of the right wing control freaks leaked into my staunch optimism. I kept wondering, if they could do it before, what will prevent them from doing it again, stealing another election? But then I come back to that 'wave of history', the tide of the times, etc. And somehow, in the core of this vision is a palpable hope that transcends business as usual, even bad business. It comes from the sense of pendulum swings coming back from disaster to balance before plummeting away to another extreme.

Maybe I dream. But the last miles are always the toughest. I watched Obama last night wondering what really goes on in his head. McCain is nauseatingly transparent. His cynicism and disrespect for his opponent was all over his body language. Obama kept cool and composed, on point and on message. Yet for all that, and after years of preparing, building this campaign, we come down to the stretch where literally anything can happen. Is he confident? He seems to be. Is he ready? Who could be, for what we have to cope with in the slide of national and world affairs? But the affirmation of history seems to be carrying him. When the line seems far, and energy is long spent, something wells from deep inside that brings a certainty, a surge of confidence. No matter what, you think, I am bringing this home. I will see myself cross the line...I hope he knows how much support there really is, even as he goes alone into the final stretch. He carries it now, but we are there for him, preparing to leap to his aide, the minute he is with us.

"The world is full of poetry. The air is living with its spirit; and the waves dance to the music of its melodies, and sparkle in its brightness."
-- Percival

The Journey continues

"Running is a way of life for me, just like brushing my teeth. If I don't run for a few days, I feel as if something's been stolen from me."

-JOHN A. KELLEY

It was a solid 8 miler this morning, with winds whipping up from the east, taxing my strength going over the overpass and again on the stretch back. It took a good 2 or 3 miles before I even felt loosened up enough to start enjoying myself, and able to absorb the beauty of the day; swirls of clouds moving across a bright sky, the air at once heavy with moisture but somehow brushed clean with the winds. I found myself sunk into the rhythm as I rounded north, thinking about everything and nothing, feeling the pat pat of my footfalls like a massage on the bottoms of my feet.

I've been more sore and tired than usual, even with the break. The intensity level of everything is greater, and the pressure to keep up just keeps on coming. I saw the altar with Ganesh, Hindu god, in one of Rishi's photos...and it was an electrifying reminder that Protection is near. I once had a dream, long ago, I can still remember clearly where a great female elephant came to my rescue. If the totemic energies are a foot, then we are lucky to have all the help we can get. It's not always in the ways we expect that the Source delivers on its promises. Meanwhile, we lose heart and focus so easily, we are like monkeys distracted by the detritus of our own whims. Only when we dig deep enough to build on the reserves of true dreams do the gods seem to flock to our aid. Big Dreams are all around us now. Channeling them into our corner of reality is the goal.

Homage to Chicago

That's Cheruiyot, Kenyan winner of yesterday's Chicago marathon, which apparently was run in warm temps this year, capturing a time of 2:06:25. Very very impressive!! Our Olympic women's winner, the Romanian gal, was 8th, and gracious enough to say "my legs are still tired" from Beijing.

I couldn't rally myself out early yesterday, but by midday, after chores were finally complete, I decided to give myself a mini-vacation to the beach for a run there. I did the loop from top to bottom: Dania peer (and a slight detour to do the bridge), down the length of the Broadwalk, turning at the bottom and back up to North Park. I think it's an 8 miler...not sure. It's been a while since I ran in the heat of day, and it was a very tough go for the first 2 thirds...But for some reason, as I turned back north along the ocean, I felt a surge of resonance with the air, the rhythm of my stride and tucked in for a respectable stretch, taking the sand along the walkway as I needed to cushion my feet, feeling steady, swinging my arms, holding my head high.

It was a boost to see the ocean; I'm studying clouds these days, no doubt an influence from Michael, also as I work on this painting, which is all about atmospherics. The ocean was an emerald green, and the breezes were driving full fluffy layers of white clouds buffeting the edges of the horizon. It was enough. It was my homage to the runners in Chicago. All together I probably made 18-20 miles this weekend, for a respectable 40-45 for the week.

Today, I rested, and did yoga. I slept so long, and so deep...the plot-lines in my dreams were all about treks and running.....coming up to Griffin with John (work) at my front and Jay(work) at my back, as we laugh about our pacing, coming up to Daryl (work) who held a basket of food at the 'halfway mark', with potatoes, fruit. I ask for the fruit- the potatoes are raw. And this morphs into other plots of loss, as the players in my life revolve through my past...

It was incredible to connect with CC and compare notes...every day is new confirmation of every thing we were taught by Mello. Have no doubt, we will be there for the advent of victory is all its glorious manifestations. Small and large, changes are coming to bring up into the line.

And a Woman

"A man who works with his hands is a laborer; a man who works with his hands and his brain is a craftsman; but a man who works with his hands and his brain and his heart is an artist."
-- Louis Nizer

On, and Off

A good motivation is what is needed: compassion without dogmatism, without complicated philosophy; just understanding that others are human brothers and sisters and respecting their human rights and dignities. That we humans can help each other is one of our unique human capacities.

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama


Saturday I went long; out early to cruise up Park, head west on Griffin, to Stirling, south at the Seminoles and finally taking the long stretch east on Thomas and home. Over 10? And just enough to let me know that my right leg and hip are getting pushed to the max again....I would have liked to go long again this morning, but I really want to avoid injury. So I didn't- maybe later, a short jaunt out and back just to stretch out my legs.

Modulating training is tough to do! I've been running at high intensity for a long time now, without any significant breaks for most of the year. The uber/ultra runner in me doesn't want to take any limitation...after all, if Dean can run everyday, ultra long, why can't I?
I look at myself with as much realism as I can stand. Every runner has a vision of who they want to be; faster, stronger, more flexible, or like me, more 'in sync' with the various levels at work, towards a harmony of performance and feeling. It takes time and effort to achieve any deep change, and yet, like my clients, every little step in the right direction is the right direction. I have to balance my vision as invincible, as guided by spirit, with the reality of physical work. I step outside the door of 'awkward wanna-be' which was my self-image until running, for everything about me physically, to another way of perceiving myself; potential, development, opening my capacity up for change.

We don't know what we prepare for anymore. Is it just a marathon? Or is it the next stage in our worldview which calls up this morphing of purpose? Do we recognize the road we run on as a way out of ourselves? And if so, do we always find a better us? I sense, for me, the tide is just now turning. Driven ambition is settling down into practical purpose, a ready stance that says anything is still (and always) possible. As the strands of chaos drive closer into the matrix of the zeitgeist, leaping into the unknown has never been more rewarding. And fun.

Hard Rain

It didn't look that bad, before dawn, low, horizon-hugging clouds, obscuring early light, dark, mysterious, grim. The air was too heavy. Over and under the interstate looping west by the time the sky, shifting south to north, brought the rain....softly, hungrily, and by the time I turn at 58th, more steadily. Tucking in for the ride, I am only halfway through, and rounding east again brings greater intensity. I am soaked; lightening and thunder is crashing to my left, every block seems to turn the tap up and up.....I confess I tried to bum a ride, without luck. The crashing booms began to unsettle me, but there was nothing I could do but keep a steady pace to make it home.

When it comes down to each few feet, and there is no visibility, when the very atmosphere feels like it's swallowing me up, there is a strange release from disciplined form or effort. It's a surreal trek into old trails towards unknown destinations...it takes me out of the present and into strange parallel worlds. So I may have been soaked through and exhausted, but it was adventurous and wild.

Wednesday Long Run

"Independence is the outstanding characteristic of the runner."

-NOEL CARROLL

After recovery day Monday, and a short session of hills and drills in the Park Tuesday, I was itching to get out there and really tuck into a long run. Began before dawn, over the overpass, turning south and eventually west out Arthur. That little rest did me good; the air was clear, warm with a breeze, and the sun, as it began to wink over the horizon felt great on my back. Turning north I decided to go all the way up to Griffin and make it long...I had a yen to see that stretch by the Med. examiners and see if I had it in me to cruise that far....of course by that point, I was pretty burnt. Anything over 8-9 miles begins to tear me down, so the last mile or so I broke up with a few short walk breaks. But by the time I made it home I felt light, strong, victorious.

It takes a certain temperment to love all this. I described running to someone recently who thought it sounded 'crazy'....and had to laugh at how the perception of running never matches the experience. At certain stretches today, it was definitely a feeling of blissful effort. No, it's not easy. There may be runners out there who casually lay out miles, who can run without discomfort, but I doubt that's the majority. Most of us pay a price, but we also reap the rewards. So like anything in life, we are confirmed by the work in real results.

I listened to the radio last night on the way home from work, an interview with an old rapper turned minister, who gave his 'Word'...it was something like this: God will confirm your right efforts through results. The marketplace can't validate you because there's a price to everything. But God is Love, so She looks for a way to support every positive step.

I watched the debates and thought about the times, the energy pouring into progressive and regressive ways of coping with problems, as the parties represent themselves through their candidates. All along I saw a leader of the future offer his calm, rational insight. The old guard, old news, was still worshiping at the altar of his old gods.

It's tough to be independent enough to see past the propaganda machine and reach for our own good road. We take a risk each time we go out there, to reveal our true selves. The time is coming when real results will catch up to us in real time. Then the changes will take us like a tide into better times.

It takes A lot of Discipline

This from my supervisor, asking about my running....
I never realize, until I hear myself talk about it, how much discipline I really have. And why the surprise? Can you imagine what it took to make wood carvings so large it took half a year or more to complete? To enter college after 17 years and complete not just a bachelor's but a master's degree in 4 years? I am the poster child of getting it done, no matter how 'right brain' I seem. And this has always been a contradiction in how people perceive me; they assume, from the side of the artist, that I am "free-spirited" (which I am), and easily distracted (can be), consumed by impulse and whim the way artists are traditionally viewed. What escapes them is the ENORMOUS discipline of the arts. And how organized our thinking needs to be to accomplish anything. Creative people are amazingly prolific. Whether they're work is any good is another issue. But to PRODUCE, you must know how to muster the forces within your mind. Running is just another extension of what I do naturally.

So, yesterday. My intent was long runs this weekend. I woke Saturday to rainy rain rain.....and decided to put the run after the folks' visit, which I did at Hugh Birch. I really needed to clear my head and get out of my usual 'hood, and this ended up being an excellent thing. I did 3 great loops of the park, using my training flats I keep in the car, and without the ipod (rain, rainy rain), focused on form, pace and pick-up. It was glorious. Since it kept raining on and off, almost no one was there. The surreal silence of nature, all few acres of it, tucked away in the middle of Ft. Lauderdale is surely one of the best gems we have. I felt magically transformed from the mind set of unending obligations and humanity to the peace and rhythms of the winds, water and birds invisible in the brush. I had amazing moments of ease despite soreness, and just really enjoyed the hell out of myself.

Today, I finally took that long stretch between here and where N. Park ends....then connecting left, and right to hook onto Griffin, down to Stirling, 64th, and home across the unending stretch of Thomas. Not sure of the mileage, but I would estimate 10+ easily. This was not such a great run, dragging ass mostly, but towards the end, again despite the agony of getting there, a lovely transcendence and steady gait home.

It takes a whole lotta discipline to pull off positive change, no matter how big, no matter how small...and I realize, from working in the field, that many folks have to learn this skill. When I watch my Dad, I realize sometimes where it comes from; his unbelievable capacity to manage even when he, himself, is down for the count, or beyond resources- he somehow manages to find enough resiliency to get there....is it really any wonder I am the same way???

Go long, and have trust in your inner resources. We never know what we have until pressed; the pressures of the times will surely bring out many incredible things as people find themselves enduring long past their comfort zone, and ultimately, past mere survival, living creative and well.

Cool and Clear

"There is nothing quite so gentle, deep, and irrational as our running - and nothing quite so savage, and so wild."

BERND HEINRICH, Why We Run: A Natural History

I had a shiver coming out the door today; have the temps moderated at last? The entire run, 8 miles, was so much more comfortable, as I quickly warmed up, feeling that lovely cool air against my skin. The sensuous side of running is apparent in changes- especially cool downs, since it heightens the senses and naturally quickens pace. I found myself better able to get alert and find a stride, focusing on visualizations of light structures...the pyramid holon, a field of dancing molecules which helped me cope with the final miles and feel a sense of motion that came from imagining my own and the atmosphere's physical properties winking in and out of each other.

We have new information coming all the time about the changes and times we are in. A new Hathors reading came in yesterday from Tom Kenyon and it confirmed many aspects, seeking to remind us to keep our own light and energy high through vibrational frequency work in appreciation. Dave's Little Book of Hona speaks to the same theme of blessing everything, thereby enhancing it's positive potential. So I found myself, quite naturally, extending my focus to the clear bright light, the wonderful feeling of the air, the long straight road, embracing all with my gait, my motion, my smile.

We are in for a wild ride, no doubt. But whether it comes about as pain or pleasure, or the space between where we surf the wave has so much to do with each of us. Set your course, and your purpose and let your natural resiliency support you; They watch, and assist and ultimately wait out our fate along with us.

The Rest of us Stop because we're Tired

"Every day, I stop halfway through my run for five minutes, look around, and enjoy the surroundings. I'm reminded of why I do this and why I love it so much."

-ANITA ORTIZ

6 (gym) on Monday. 7ish out on the road Tuesday. 8ish today, starting before light, and slogging through high moisture, humidity and density...I was as soaked coming home as if I'd been swimming. Unreal. Rounding the corner towards Arthur, the sky, which had been stretches of gray, opened in pinwheels of pink and orange, as somewhere deep behind the atmosphere, the sun rose. It was a strangely unsettling sight; it looked staged, and while I was still trying to get awake and find my stride, the surreal nature of Nature fell upon me like a strange vision. I run, sometimes, through the atmosphere of early morning with a combination of this dread and mystical love. It intensifies the solitary feeling, the sense of risk and adventure. Adrenaline eventually kicks in, and by the time I let loose westward, I have embraced the rhythm, and my mind drifts elsewhere...

Odd cramping, today in my left calf. I am doing lots of stretching/light weights at night. But I confess, that by the time my day is done at work I have very little left that isn't squandered on the floor, the couch, the bed.

There are ebbs and flows; there are waves. We are watching them now. Let's see how the Powers that Be surf their way through to our future.

"My call for a spiritual revolution is thus not a call for a religious revolution. Nor is it a reference to a way of life that is somehow other-worldly, still less to something magical or mysterious. Rather, it is a call for a radical re-orientation away from our habitual preoccupation with self towards concern for the wider community of beings with whom we are connected, and for conduct which recognizes others’ interests alongside our own."

-His Holiness the Dalai Lama

The Open Road

"Passion is pushing myself when there is no one else around - just me and the road."

-RYAN SHAY

My tough day yesterday slid into dream-filled hours of anticipation, waiting for today's chance to run. Thanks to Keith, who simply said in so many words "...bring it on!" in regards to weather conditions (and who bikes literally everywhere!) I decided not to woose out. So with an extra rain layer, and the ipod tucked away from the elements, off I went, blissfully out on the open road again.

It never did rain, but it was one of those under water type experiences, the air so dense with moisture, the gray clouds so low and heavy, water in all the potholes, curbs and swells...feels more like swimming than running. I was tense, groggy, and tired. I seem to be going through a strain that's hard to unravel from a physical or emotional level. My instinct is to stick with routine to create endurance. And this weekend, try another longer, long run.

Making a stand to grab the future, in the face of opposition, oppression, ignorance or other obstacles, to stay with passion and purpose is never an easy road. The resilience needed to go deep, go it alone, and find solace in a still, inner silence is created from discipline. Running was the Way, for me. Sure I had other paths, and they brought me through the raging torrents and volcanoes of my past. But these days, it's the steady approach of long miles that seems to settle me down and sort me out, keep me in touch with wider forces and strong enough to endure the times as they constantly shift and change.

Where are you, when no one is looking? What piece of earth has fallen under your feet? Which angels are holding you up as you watch your footing, stumbling along in the dark? I make my peace, day by day, with the very air. There is a new road waiting at the end of dreams, itself another dream.

Or Perhaps a Past life

"The desire to run comes from deep within us - from the unconscious, the instinctive, the intuitive."

-GEORGE SHEEHAN

It rained buckets last night, and threatened more once I was up, so I took my miles to the gym and the treadmill. Over an hour, over 6 miles, hard to estimate how it stacks to a road loop, since the readings are based on other settings, etc. But it was probably a good idea, got that twitch in my right hip towards the end, and thought, well lesser miles maybe a good idea...

I hate the gym....(sorry, Golds)...it's either TV, music blaring (not mine), people talking/shouting (the guy next to me had to holler out to everyone it seemed...), mirrors (yes, I know what those legs look like...), the readings on the control panel, and no where anything that corresponds to the run. Every time I run at the gym I am reminded all over again of why the run is an exciting, challenging and beautiful experience, OUTDOORS! I don't think it even rained this morning....but I was caught out on my long run Saturday, soaked with a mile or 2 left on that long loop. So with sinuses kicking up, I took the chance to avoid more rain...and got artificial running instead.

The impact of space/time and it's weird laws on our daily life has got to be impressive, and way beyond our comprehension. We may pick up pieces of a steady compulsion with origins esoteric to be sure. Whether we act on any impulse seems random at best. But once in a while something seems to descend on us like a mission, and we are taken up with purpose and passion. I like to imagine my many lives layering themselves in a fluid stream of influence. I'd like to think that just when I can't grasp a way forward, something bumps up from another plane of reality that nudges me safely on. It's wild to remember how much I wasn't a runner for so long, and how much I rely on it now to ground me through each permutation of myself.

New world record for Gebrselassie

Haile Gebrselassie with Berlin 'fun' runners
Gebrselassie mixed with amateur runners in Berlin before the race

Haile Gebrselassie broke his own world record as he won the Berlin Marathon for the third time in a row.

The 35-year-old Ethiopian became the first man to run under two hours, four minutes as he clocked 2:03:59.

Seeking Peace

Tempting to turn a short chores list into a big To-Do list, including a run, which after yesterday's long one, would have been imprudent. I essentially morphed 2 loops into one; heading south and along Arthur, up through the Seminoles past 441, then north to Griffin and around....I would estimate 10-12 miles easy. The problem, was after several weeks of relatively pain-free running, I had periodic cramping in my right leg, source of so many historic problems. I was about half-way through when it started, and I was so determined to do what I set out for, that I did not shorten the run. The cramping got worse as I went, but mysteriously, as often happens, the very last segment, the stretch on Park, was better. I would have liked to bring the total week's mileage up, with another run today, but I need to be careful- why push?

I have been on the hamster wheel, as my client calls it, for long enough to earn a day completely 'off'... out of the car, the traffic, stores, buying and consuming, and yes, training. (Although I did exercise with weights, etc...if it ain't out on the road, I don't seem to count it...) My usual resiliency, which had served me so well through the summer's stress, seems to be deflating. Between the winds of change all over the world and the burdens with the folks, work, and forever calculating care for myself, it is finally beginning to take a toll. The canopy of gray cloud cover sealed the deal today. There was nothing enticing me out for any good reason. I've slept in for a change, accomplished the chores list, and even painted. (When will this piece get done??) I'm completely content to roll around the floor for more 'nothing' tonight.

I am seeking peace amidst fervor and intensity, yes, some of it mine. A regular run, a good night's sleep. Dreams which are not prophetic or prescient in any form. Calls without drama. Willing clients. Stable parents.

I am seeking that thin line between active and passive which brings awareness of potential action and response.

I am seeking oblivion from worry.

I am willing to wait, and pray and leap into white holes of sky where clouds part, and the road to tomorrow is preparing.