hills and drills, at Least I Try

A long time ago, I dreamt that an elephant came out of nowhere to help me escape danger, and I've never forgotten that feeling, or sense of connection with something from the Indian spiritual path....last weekend I saw an amazing PBS doc about it's history and felt I must have lived many lives in that atmosphere it resonated so strongly with me spiritually, artistically, culturally.

I slogged through my hills and drills at the park today. The pressures are upon me Big Time between training for the half-marathon and the sudden change in physical status with my Dad and therefore my parents' situation altogether. Not to mention the consistent hum of clients and agency politics at work....Last night I found myself not sleeping- again- and shouting in frustration to no one "why am I not sleeping???" even as I knew the answer. My brain will not be silenced. And comfort is not a commodity that I have. Will it take a Ganesh to come along and carry me through? The physical intensity of the run usually helps, but this week I'm drained and uninspired.

In some other parallel world, the elements of soulfulness inform me. I can feel it as if I were reaching out through the veil of this world. It's knowing this that enables me to retrieve my long vision and have patience with the ever-present process of change. Agents of care, of creation and dissolution are all about. My job is to see each day through to the next, and let that knowledge shine as a light from within. It's the many colors of art, the beauty of the inner world which does it. Generating the energy comes from the run. Hopefully, as the next weeks unfold, I will find that, and marry the internal and external efforts more seamlessly.

Weekend Runs

Before I saw the folks, I did a long run, around 10+ miles, which was pretty much a slow slog...but enough to pull out the anxiety in me until I got there. Of course the visit refilled that tank, and I had plenty to think about after, mostly how to manage, practically and emotionally, my father's sudden decline. Mom, from her wheelchair, makes amazing sense. Who would have thought that after that stroke, she becomes the coherent one?

On Sunday, training with someone on a bike was great....! Shorter distance overall, but it felt faster, as I paced with the bike and used it as a means of stepping it up. The impression is going and going without feeling the effort, since the bike gives the illusion of ease. THAT was a good run. And today, because the weather was so gorgeous, I went out for a short Griffin loop, coming around 40th to Emerald Hills and again, feeling good. The new shoes are getting broken in a bit, and my feet weren't killing me like they were Friday. Overall, I feel the strength is there, and once in a while a bit of speed. My goal for now is not to embarrass myself on race day and try to at least make my last time, which was 2:20ish. Cheryl just ran the Miami half in less than 2 hours! Kudos, girl!! I think I can do a respectable job...now that I have the next 3 weeks mapped out.

My new problem is too much food. Trying to find the balance between enough food for hard training and too much...which just doesn't feel good. Someday there is still a purist waiting to express herself. Maybe I need to be apart from the workaday world to pull that off. In the meantime, I seem to indulge more than I'd like. Another goal to parse down the road.

The work week awaits. Obama is speaking...in a brief, practical message he's outlining some of his continued vision for reform, before signing some stuff. It's cool to watch him loop that left hand around and take the portfolios one by one, new pen, new signature. President Obama. Sir. We who carried you in on our hopes and dreams most certainly salute you. It's week two, sir. You look like a natural. You make me feel that any effort is worth the results we seek; transformational change. I can follow you, mentor, teacher, guide, because you cloak yourself in a mantle of confidence and humility. You do not say, you must. You say, come with me. And your natural charm and intelligence frames the points I can hear, loud and clear.

I'm running down a road, feeling just fine. I pledge not to allow my doubts to snuf out the fun of training for this race. I will remember the privilege and joy of running. I will run, for fun.

homage to Miami

photo is from '08.
Hope all you Miami racers had a great time....the weather looked perfect...wish I was there......out soon for my own sunday run.....preparing, relatively on schedule, for Ft. Lauderdale half in a month.

A New Birth of Freedom

Barack and Michelle are doing their MLK service, and I am watching them on the news, while the stories intertwine about civil rights history, presidents and precedents, and the formulation of new narratives and ways of speech. Exciting times for communicators!! ...as well as the movers and shakers of the world. I adore the emotion, the debate, the dialogue. It was wonderful to touch base with Michael and hear what it's like in his own backyard and to speculate that maybe they will make their way down tomorrow. It will be strange to be at work and have the whole world focused on the Mall...and yet fitting as well, as my job is my 'mission' and the call I hear is the same as all of us, fulfilling a Dream.

Yesterday's long run accomplished what I hoped, a 13+ miler that gave me a remembrance of what being on my feet for several hours and more is like. I was out a long time, but stopped for good stretches. The good news was how I managed stretches of road which usually kick my ass....between the first Publix on Sheridan, and out Dania Beach Blvd. Between the beach, over the intercoastal and to the Publix on Young circle. From there to the train station and the park path that takes me to Johnson. Each of these mini stretches had more strength, better rhythm to my stride. It still took me an inordinately long time, and played me out for the rest of the day. But it felt good to get out there and mark each part of the endeavor with a sense of accomplishment, all to remind me that on race day, Feb. 22, I will be capable of handling the half-marathon.

A new birth of freedom is Obama's inauguration theme. All the way through the run, I kep thinking, if he can make it to 44th President, I can make it through this run. If he can make it to this perfect place in history, I can manifest my own great dreams. If he can articulate a vision that people from all walks of life can hear, I can motivate those who cross my path. If he can keep hope alive during every dark day from his start, to his finish once taking the oath of office, then I can maintain my perspective and optimism every day at work.

The personal is highly problematic, and maybe there's no getting around the tribulations that people find themselves within. But I am so swept up into the wave of history I can hardly hear the complaints. Stand up, now, good people, and give a cheer. The freedom we win is within. The cloak of fears and frustrations can fall away. Give them away to the earth. Fling them out to the sky. Stand now, beautiful people, and ring in a new birth of freedom. And demonstrate your love in every step of the New Road.

if it wasn't for the half marathon in Feb, I would be so off... as it is, I am hardly managing a decent base. Now that the car issue is resolved, I SO hope to get back to some regular miles......I miss being out there every day I am not.

Crystal Clear

Rainbow clouds are manifesting in the Yukon, and here in south Flo, in the dead of winter, the sun is bright, the breeze cool and the air, sharp and clear as crystal...refracting the very essence of solar energy. Running this morning was exhilarating....the feeling of air at just the right temp, the rush of air, the soft movement of morning breezes. I so hate to be cooped up. It was weird to be at the meeting room of Secret Woods park yesterday and not sit right outside in an outdoor ampitheatre. People are strange. Running is moving as fast as I want- or can- turning at which way, going any loop, street, alley. Moving through, moving right along at my own pace. I need the outlet. I am so impatient otherwise.

I wonder, if time speeds up, and the pace of everything with it, does it explain why my pace feels faster? My training level is less, my miles are less...I can't believe I suddenly found any speed....everything feels fast, all of a sudden. Time is flying in a flash nearer and nearer something...I run sometimes to feel like flying off my heels, right on the balls of my feet, launching with confidence from the tips of my toes, practically airborne....flinging into air....crystal molecules of sunlight bouncing off my back.

Clouds are casting rainbows in the Yukon. Watch, it's everywhere.

New Year, New Chances

All over the country, winter weather is knocking on doors. Down here in south Florida it has been balmy, bright, beautiful. Today's run took me out in low 70's weather, with shorts and singlet and the breeze in my face all the way home. I took the Griffin loop back down to Thomas...probably 7-8 miles, and felt stronger and lighter than I've been in a good while. Why would that be? Maybe just the simple turn of the year, the page, and a renewal of hope and new chances to get it done, get it right, get my own head together.

I am not letting myself get hooked on false expectations; not for running, work, the parents and the never-ending fantasies of romanticism. At the same time, now that we are passed the confounded holidays, I feel I can breathe easier in the light of Truth and reality. I don't need it sugar-coated. But while I dream my big dreams, and see things clouded to others, I am determined to make my peace with 'Process' and get on with the daily routine of training and focus on each part of the Path.

There are enough mysteries, intrinsic to the strange tapestry of Universal chaos, without my massive assumptions. If I stay clear, I can appreciate the mosaic. Every run holds unique elements in weather, form and feeling. Every day brings a surprise in how events unfold. I will pay attention, this year, to new windows which give me a glimpse of the potential...for change.