tough runs and transcendence, not necessarily in that order

Maybe it was the motivation, but on Sunday, the need to put emotional distance between me and the primordial family forces took me out to the road and on the loop I love to run late in the day when I reach the long straight stretch home on Park Road.
Its a 4 laner with a grass divide, and very little traffic. It cruises on and on seemingly forever, a perfect stretch to practice pacing, to go long and fast, rock out to the music and really stretch my legs. The podcast I used was the fastest I have so the entire loop was at max. It was transcendent; I was strong. I flew with the wind and came in to the building in a blinding ball of light. I played out my best energy and troughed since then, apparently pushing to a limit that will take some time to assimilate.
Rest on Monday, with strength training and stretching, then back to the 7's yesterday, today and tomorrow. The mornings are beautiful...edgy with mild turbulent wind, sun, clouds, threatening to rain, backing off, just warm enough to go with minimum clothes (at last) and feel the air all over. I've slogged through both runs so far, but toughing it out....the strength base is there, and whatever those 'fibers' are doing to grow, or twitch or switch or whatever they do, I'm sure with the proper nutrition and rest, it will get there....I'm accumulating pictures, quotes and any source of advice and inspiration for the marathon. It may be far away, but I know one day I will be faced with the reality of signing up for it and having it stare me in the face for real. Then the commitment I profess will be tested....and the time to push through tough times or transcendence arrive.

If I can see it, I can believe it

Many of my cyber pals are marathoners; and I salute you all. Everyone of them gives me the same basic advice which is the ability to believe in the possibility always. And since building the image of something is my forte', this is advice I can relate to, and use more consciously. I see myself sucking up air and light and wind; I see the earth curve to support me. I can scan the insides of my arches, hamstrings, hips and adjust my gait, my pace, and all the while I'm thinking, what if I were mile 15, 18, 20? The pain I feel at the upper miles needs to push on into those miles. The comfort zone below needs to increase. The cushion of spring still in my step needs to extend itself so I can endure what I know follows; brutal pacing through lack of momentum. But today was a good one. I kicked more towards the end, strong, and overcame crushing fatigue, and I ate well this morning too. I found what I needed and even though it wasn't enough to sustain me consistently, I have better overall endurance. I'm seeing the results, and I imagine each of my marathoners crossing their first finish lines thinking what I might think one day soon, that the goal was always there waiting.

adaptation

What factors cause changes in performance, attitude and approach? And how much to you fight through it all to force strict adherance to your training intentions? Saturday's 9-10 miler was rudely interrupted by a thunderstorm midway, as I rounded the middle stretch by the Seminole reservation. Luckily, the rain never got too hard, but the winds picked up and it blew really cold, so that last half was a miserable and tough affair. Sunday, I just didn't have it in me for anything...and much as I felt 'obligated' to get out there, I finally took a pass. I had to get over my guilt which was out of proportion to the criime...lol...So finally, by afternoon's end, it was put up my feet and enjoy my well-deserved rest of the day slug-fest.

Today it was back to 7. And I felt like crap the entire way. So apparently my body is trying to adapt to 2 weeks of 40ish...a big leap up the mileage ladder for me. Is it time to regroup, and let this mind/body of mine catch up?? We run and run, pushing ourselves towards ephemeral goals that mean something only to us... and yet at some point the rest of us needs to be on board, or else the disconnect will stop us in our tracks. The fractures in my heart must not translate into any breaks in stride or bones or spirit....this is the only thing that I have some control over and which no one can tamper with; this is my sacred, if moving, space.

smoke and mirrors

what do I see through the smoke and haze, trying to achieve some clarity in the midst of meeting goals....I completed 40ish miles this past week, a first! a real disciplined push, and now I know this is possible. Yesterday, Sunday, a very difficult 9-10 with a stop around mile 6 or 7 when my lungs began to feel heavy...I am way underestimating the impact of the smoke. I see today there are more winds; so I'm hoping this means a shift in the air currents and therefore, we are not the funnel for this haze anymore. My body continues to go lean but has not complained too much, surprisingly. The old trouble spots are still there, right hip, ankle, but as long as I go smooth enough and long enough, things seem to settle themselves out. Strength and endurance seems to be the key. This week, I'll keep to the 7's, and see how the weekend goes. If I keep it within the 35-40 mile range, its still good, its still where I need to be. The important part is my mindset is all 'go'!

On a roll

May has ushered in warm and humid weather, so even a run at 7:30 is hot hot hot....apparently, if I am to get serious about this training, I may need to keep inching up that time earlier to accomodate both the distance and the temps...SIGH...getting home late from work, trying to rest and regroup and get the sleep I know I need, this will be tricky business indeed.

After Sunday's mega-10, and a day off, I've pulled out 3 days in a row of 7s. And have paid for it with a wicked toe blister that regrew each run. I haven't had one in a long time, and chalk it up to the sudden heat and humidity with the more constant miles. Not to be deterred, tomorrow will be another rest day. If I pick it up again Saturday, I can still meet my goal of a comfortable 35-40 this week. (we'll see...)

I've needed the push...the intensity at work has been killer, and although I usually review cases while I run, this week I try to just get lost somewhere else. Not sure where I'm going...its definitely a "running away" these days, which for me is probably a good thing, since I tend to take it all home with me in my head, always my weak point as a counselor. Maybe that's what I try to do, run hard enough to put enough distance between me and what I do....to get to that lovely moment when I transcend the aches, pains and constant chatter of crap in my head....beautiful weightless calm...I never could meditate in any traditional sense, I always needed to be moving, and now I have a clearer sense of this as running develops. As a child I walked, explored endless roads and trails around the neighborhoods just to get away and find space for my thoughts...this pattern has never changed...

Solitude is harsh. At the same time, it saves my life. In the depth of being alone, I find and transcend myself, and stumble upon safety in motion.