With Good Wishes for DL

We walk on frosted ground praising chrysanthemums bordering fields; sit on the edge of the woods waiting for the moon to rise. Not having to be alone is happiness; we do not talk of failure or success.

-Chia Tao, "When I Find You Again, It Will Be In Mountains"

We sit on the edge of Gustav, just close enough to earn a ground painting of a gray-blue palette and high winds. As if we needed reminders, in case there was any doubt. The news is deep in constant coverage and the intertwine of politics with real life. Before we knew it, the race is on...and 60+ days decides a lot of things for all of us.

I adore the nuances of communication. I love the projections, belief systems at war, perceived insults and injuries, demonstrations of altruism, heroism, nationalism. We are a species perpetually hooked on the juice of conflict; we move forward only because we have to...our resistance to change is legendary and our marriage to 3 dimensional reality obsessive in it's narrow commitment. We need the drama. It pushes us to change. To react and respond and ultimately, best way we can, adapt.

Once in a while, we transcend the limitations of our vision and step outside the room in our head that we thought contained it all. And lo and behold there are more rooms and functionalities, more potential for plot and backdrop and outcomes. Which door will you move through? and what room awaits? Or is it a wide sky behind mountains which peak in snow, is it open forums laid out on the mountain tops where guilds of speakers meet and compare their notes? Is it long and lonely forest paths which preserve your solitude? Is it that, is it all really here?

It saves me to exist in many places. To know my life is also somewhere outside this room. It assures me that influences are at work on bigger and bigger lotus flowers on the palms of buddhas who stack the universe with their mona lisa smiles. And that without doubt, silver cords reach through each one to me and beyond in the web of our deep love. We are penetrated, don't forget. We are not dense like rock; we are forgiving, like the winds.

Saturday long run

"We should always live in the dark empty sky. The sky is always the sky. Even though clouds and lightning come, the sky is not disturbed. Even if the flashing of enlightenment comes, our practice forgets all about it. Then it is ready for another enlightenment."

-Shunryu Suzuki, "Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind"

After a regroup day, and indulgence of all things political and communications, thanks to the candidates and talking heads, I took off early today for a combo, long loop, and much needed time out on the road. Taking a straight shot west over the turnpike, I head through the Seminoles so I can loop back east and up the new way to Griffin. The picturesque stretch by 31st, the trailer park and out on Stirling, where I can loop back on Park and home and easily 10+ miles complete.

Tired, taking it easy, the weather a patchwork of threatening bands of storm clouds and pale blue skies...it's all just a means of letting off the big steam for the day, tiring out my circuits, running out the anticipated stress that will come with visitation. Just do it - I tell myself. Take the car for a drive, pop in to assess the scene, and take off. The rest of the weekend awaits, and time still for thinking and resting and eating. For watching the nation's soap opera ever unfold and speculate about the deliberate differences of choices we will make. Once again we are holding our collective breaths. We are crossing our fingers and lighting candles, sending up prayers to our ancestors who know the score. We appease ourselves with easy answers, because nothing will be settled. Only new questions to inherent from either side as we face the opposition of our own natures.

The Beach

On a sudden whim, I decide to pack up for a trip to John U. Lloyd State park, which I really haven't seen much of since Wilma, and sits just north of the long loop I do across Dania Bch Blvd and south to the Broadwalk. Since I was packing all this last minute, I didn't get there until after mid-morning, and drove all the way to the end to park next to the last jetty, at the last lot. It was hot. The landscaping in the park has come in nicely and the feeling was lush and at the same time open to the intercoastal waterway and the Port to one side. The 5 mile loop, down and back, was just long enough to be a challenge in high 80's. Later I heard the heat index was high 90's, so it's no wonder that I took the last mile or so with walk breaks. I found lovely little pockets of wildness, and an "environmental education" facility that sat near an inlet and would be the perfect spot for a meeting or workshop.

Back to the beach, I had the magnificent views of a wide, and mostly empty beach, the rock piles breaking up the surf as it came crashing in, and hot sands to leech the aches and pains from my legs. I ate, read, listened to the radio, meditated, swam. I soaked up enough sun to warm the inner chill from my heart holding onto whatever trepidations my focus has landed on. Before long, the whole world consisted of bright skies and moving water, the random solidity of the dark rocks framing wide swathes of sand. The world, even with boat traffic and trash on the tide, faded into irrelevance as the landscape of my mind became rested and calm.

I needed to demarcate the the place between the work week and time off; to physically take myself away from the stress of my desk, my clients, my daily life. I watched last night as the Dems took their place in history behind their champion and welcomed the space to celebrate and place my hopes and prayers in with theirs; that the world would come to embrace a new face of leadership to challenge the status quo.

I continue to float a bit, resting and regrouping energy, while I indulge my love of all things communication as the politics unfold. The winds are picking up on the tides of transformation. Watch what comes of it and hold on to your hats!

Sunday run report

"Taking charge of your body can help you take charge of your life. And that power can help you go wherever you want to go, every single day."

-CHERYL BRIDGES TREWORGY, member of five U.S. World Cross-Country teams


I managed to finish all my chores yesterday including a 'porch makeover' courtesy of TS Faye, who pretty much trashed my screen and flooded the storage containers. One thing about chaos, it's always an opportunity to bring order. By 4PM, the whole pad was looking good, laundry done, and even though it had been incredibly hot and humid I decided to loosen up and run.

I took that mysterious road north of Stirling at the corner of 56th....which turned out to be a beautiful, shaded stretch of old growth around houses on big lots, a nice track taking me up and up to Griffin where I turned east. I decided to turn south at the corner of a Publix, keeping in mind a good potential pit stop. Turns out, on this straight stretch, I blew by the County Med Examiner's, site of our annual trainings. This nice, flat straight away gave me a chance to change gears, so I flew into a solid rhythm until turning into a picturesque trailer park area just north of Stirling. So many places for sale....I end up close to Park, and lope back home with a great, strong feeling. Whatever soreness I had from the week, it was one of those runs when everything just synced up...and I had that lovely flying feeling, lifting just off the ground. The map says it was just under 7 miles....it seems longer...but it was just the medicine I needed to cap the weekend.

The Olympics are over, the Dems are in Denver, and my week at work will be mercifully short. Come Thursday I can plunge into training to my heart's content, hopefully including a run in Key Biscayne and the Rickenbacker loop. While I can I will indulge the time and attention to my comfort and care as I shore up resources for the work ahead, not just the clients, the project and school, but the heart-breaking changes with the folks. It will take guts and nerve to see it through. 7, 9 or 12 miles in the heat will give you that. Faith in getting it done.

Toe the Line

Sam Wansiru takes Gold for Kenya in record time, kicking into high gear and staying there, for the men's Olympic marathon. He is 5'4" and 112#, which is almost exactly my build! How wild is that? I'm sure he has a few more muscles and little less excess baggage than I do, proportionally, but I watched his rhythm and gait...he was so smooth and relaxed, I almost never saw him adjust his arms, head or legs, which just kept swinging through their arc of turn overs, and over and over.....without a sign of fatigue. To keep up what he did for 26.2 miles really is something super human. His face radiated calm, without distress. The entire time I saw him I kept thinking, this is what I aspire to.....calm, steady effort, fast enough to enjoy the ride, not so fast that I can't appreciate what surrounds me.

I seem a long ways away from all that....I exchanged the Brooks yesterday and got my Asics back, then took them to the park for a trial run. They are lovely and smooth (and very pink)....but I was still sore, and only did 3 loops. Of course it was midday and hot as hell! So I can appreciate the limitations. I still hung out long enough to push through a trail or two after, catch some silence, watch birds, before heading out. I needed to push the parents to the back of my brain. I needed to see green. My heart went out over the water and up through skies transparent with crystal blues. Every cloud took my breath away, like messengers, holding my prayers, my hopes, my fears on their gossamer wings.

Where will this all lead? There is freedom in acknowledging a lack of control. And yet, the primitive mind needs reassurances. I run to reassure myself that I am whole. That mind and body work as expected, for my benefit and pleasure. I run because I can. Working that hard helps underscore my every ability in every area of my life. It keeps telling me I can endure, I can maintain. And I've been listening, hard.

Taking it to the Park

"Channel your energy. Focus."

-CARL LEWIS

First off, all honor to Dave Matthew's sax player Leroi Moore- who died unexpectedly this week. Dave took the band on stage in LA later that day to pay tribute to his long-time friend. Leroi was originally in Charlottesville at the time of the accident; it took me back to the beginnings of DMB when we were all up in the Valley, watching as this young band caught fire from our backyard. Welcome Home, Leroi.

And kudos to the Jamaican runners, to Usain Bolt who breaks all the rules by being big and tall and FAST as the lightening he's named for....and who allows his full exuberance come through. Why is it 'unsportsmanlike' to show victory and pride?? I loved his wide, chest-thumping finishes!! I feel just like that every time I complete a good run! The hunters in us, the long-distance runners, we know how satisfying it is when we meet our objective, find the food, destination, friend or foe....I can imagine how it strikes up all our ancient emotions. Let him have his moments in the sun!

Today, it's business then pleasure. Supervision, checking in on the folks under the new home arrangement then treating myself to Hugh Birch Park for some nice, easy training looping along the inter coastal. For once, it looks relatively clear...Faye hasn't been done with us either; strong gusty downpours pummeled us yesterday afternoon. I am itching to get out there and stretch my legs. I know I'm stronger...but I've been sore too...need to find the right shoes. And enjoy the air, sun, water of beautiful south Florida.

He that would be a leader must be a bridge.

-Welsh proverb

Storm Run

At a comfortable, easy 174 bpm I decide to see what it's like to be outdoors, through the end of Faye's cycle of squalls. The majority of the system is well on her way; but her far reaching swathes of squalls, muted as they are, still present micro-bursts of blustery activity. The air was wonderful! Full of pressures, and speed and oxygen. I did a very manageable 4-5 mile loop up Thomas and back on Park. Hitting that wide open straightaway, I let myself float in joy in the pacing, rhythm and indulgence of motion. I thought about a thousand different things; I laughed at modern civilization, and my own notions of 'running', in my 'running gear'...for no reason. I thought how narrow a span of time when we humans would run for no reason, and not to hunt, travel or communicate. I'm sure, sometimes, I was a messenger/runner. It's got to be behind my compulsive desire to learn how to master distance. It all just seems so familiar and right. I can so easily imagine the type of inner spiritual and emotional space a runner like that must have, to slip into their 'traveling' rhythm and be at one with the physical world. I think about the Japanese monks who run as THEIR spiritual discipline, on a bowl of rice, around mountains and trails that would challenge anyone. For no reason. Even our jobs, which we invent out of our definitions of necessity; how do we become so attached to our activities?? One thing I love about the immensity of Nature, She will remind you of what is real. And immediate. Everything else is just our own pretensions. We can think all this drama is going somewhere. But when I run, I realize it's all going nowhere fast, and that is the amazing thing. We are just where we left it off, a million years ago before we ever took this detour. Before we ever got side-tracked and distracted. Before the lower needs took the place of Informing the world. We are creators, still. And the raw power of Nature takes us back to primordial beginnings, and the place where primary push and purpose speaks to all of us now.

The Gift of Faye

It's almost 7:30, and the Olympics are about to start, the pre-show show anyway, and another band of Faye is moving through. Just when complacency sets in, she hurls a burst of wind and water in a huge swoop of her bands; and WHAM you feel that pressure up against the windows and rattling the frames...
Got the call earlier that we are out tomorrow. At this point, it is a precaution for rain and flooding, no doubt. A day to regroup from behind water-streaked windows. There is nothing like this feeling of being under the surface of something so vast...for another few minutes of daylight, I can watch the great wheels of grey clouds race against a lighter backdrop. She is powerful, alright, and I thank her for my little oasis of peace. I am 'off' running/training- I thought about venturing out for a rain run, just for fun. But it always ends up being more uncomfortable than worthwhile. I need the healing anyway. My legs have been incredibly sore. New Brooks this time. On the other side of all this I can't wait to get back out and see what I've got.

homage to Deena and Paula

Thanks, ladies, for your courage to get out there and show us what it's all about; that besides winning, medaling, finishing...sometimes it's just starting- at all, and trusting you will make the effort you can.

"Your dream might change our planet."

-Edward Lindaman (1920-1982)
Futurist and educator

Guts and Glory

"Sometimes our light goes out but is blown into flame by another human being. Each of us owes deepest thanks to those who have rekindled this light."

-- Albert Schweitzer


Before I head out to see the folks, a quick recap on all things running this weekend. Saturday, in temps well above my comfort level, I did a very long loop, up to Dania Beach Blvd, down the Broadwalk and back through Hollywood, which I estimate to be a half-marathon or more length. I never had any oomph or energy; no amount of fluids, carbs, electrolytes or ducking into A/C did the trick. It was a slog from start to finish, and I walked a good bit of the last few miles, under oppressive sun. I paid for it to, the rest of the day; flung on the carpet with food and drink, my books, painting and TV for the Olympics all within reach. The best part of the day was hunkering in for the Women's marathon when the real guts and glory of the tiny spitfire, the Romanian runner was revealed as she ate the distance between her and the other contenders, flashing around the Bird's nest, never stopping, even after crossing the finish line.

It was breathtaking.

26.2 ++++ miles (the pluses are for all the victory laps....done, by the way, at a good clip)... at max. output. Only a few times did I notice her form edge into sloppiness as I'm sure she tired. But momentarily, until she pulled her resources and form together and WHAM! nailed the next miles, and miles and miles. When I am out there, I am always struck by the sheer weight of distance, distance that just seems to go on relentlessly and eat me up by the miles, the block, the foot fall. Distance which is always far; even when my destination nears. My true goal? That one day I can run a marathon, let's say, and pull that distance in with an embrace of strength and form- that I can carve myself into it, not be controlled by the pain and punishment. I have the vision, and the desire. I am willing to put the time and miles in. Now if the weather will cooperate, my short-term goal of keeping my 40-50 mpw base will be cake.

...but I watched as first Deena, then Paula fell back; Deena fell out. My old gals, who came in on such high hopes, barely made it out. Deena looks injured. Paula looked hobbled by an old injury. The uber-runners are fragile and vulnerable. And I am no uber-runner. But it helps remind me that you never know where the flash will come from; I'm sure, when the Romanian gal finally looked over her shoulder, she had to wonder how she came to be on the course all alone....! Then pinch herself and keep on her way, to a gold medal. How incredibly cool is that?!!

Time to Run!

Sure, I've watched some beach volleyball, Mark Phelps swim into all this gold, and the amazing synchronized diving; but FINALLY! Time to run! Lagat and all the rest begin Friday to do their thing, putting speed and endurance to the test on nothing but their own feet. AND I CAN HARDLY WAIT. It will be heaven......

I was very tired today, and kept my morning run on the easy side, a 6 miler looping to 56th and back on Park. It's always a nice stretch to take that road as flat and open as it is, and just crank into my rhythm and let it go. No speed today, hardly any ooumph at all...but that's #4 in a row, and I know that running consecutively that many days puts me in this slump. I'll take tomorrow for recovery and do my long run Saturday. The goal will be another half-marathon or more distance and work on the pace. Yes, it's hot as hell down here in Florida, and of course humid. As long as I'm out early enough, I never mind the heat. I can have that run complete by mid-morning no problem.

I've been hitting on a few other runner's blogs...the sensibilities of other runners as they present themselves is so refreshing and fun to see. The self-report of training, eating, weathering the aches and pains never diminishes the joy and dedication of getting out there and getting it done! I am glad to be a part of it, and throw yet another facet open to the world.

Good luck in Beijing Super Runners!! We wanna-be's salute you!!!! And we'll be watching- and cheering you on.

Running, Flying

Last night, a dream image of a Tibetan-like monk who casually walked off a red-rock setting, flowing robes and all, and flew, loop-de-looping, the maroon and yellow fabrics billowing out in the wide sky. Today, I did another 9 miler through the Seminole rez, and found that strange dissociative state where I seem to float just off the ground- flying.

It was good to connect with Marlon today, and swap training encouragement. Runners from anywhere speak the same language. We are chronically in love with the quest, the motion, the feeling of 'taking off.'

Feeling strong. Going long.

"Great Spirit, give me the courage today to see that struggle and
conflict are here to teach me lessons that are a gift from you."

-posted on Daily Om

Validation

"If you want to reach a goal, you must 'see the reaching' in your own mind before you actually arrive at your goal."
-- Zig Ziglar

Tired, and a little tougher 8 miler this morning, but in general, strong. I'm placing more 'fartleks' in when the energy seems available, little bursts of speedwork for a block or so, always easier towards the end of the run than the beginning, after I've gotten loose. My legs are feeling more solid; I seem able to find my rhythm and keep the pace comfortably...my goal? To ease into distances for the fall imperceptibly, naturally, without pressure. So far, so good. Starting this weekend, with the month of September coming up in a few weeks, I'll begin lengthening those long runs, with the hope of cruising past half-marathon distances. If I can sustain those long miles, keep a decent pace, I can begin to plan my race schedule and hopefully more than 1 marathon this year.

Last night, the group gave me a token of their appreciation "for all you do for us", and the discussion roamed around themes of gratitude, giving, receiving and finding compassion and trust. I sat with a huge grin on my face as I watched each one find their voice and give story to their struggle. The progress of these folks in finding some center of stability is truly amazing; and to think that I am the catalyst and 'agent of change' validates my 'mission'. Mello would be proud, I think, as I embrace the Path, the Work and the challenge. I am SO VERY GRATEFUL that the universe saw to it to make good use of all my foibles and mis-matched talents. That somehow, a tapestry has come together of my soul's desire, and plan, put to the purpose for which I came. I've never felt so sure of it, and yet, so amazed at the focus it takes to pull it off. Running was the magic ingredient that calmed my mind and gave my body integrity and strength. The endurance is a heart-level phenomenon; it is the courage to put it all out there, every run, every time, and allow myself to follow the road from start to finish, completing the circle.

Meanwhile, the athletes of the world find their own validation for dedicated training and the vision of accomplishments. There are many wonderful and poignant stories coming out of these Olympics; political and personal. But the world watches the individual try and triumph, and cheers each one towards their own glory.

"Feel the fear and do it anyway."

-SUSAN JEFFERS

Pushing 9

"Paula Radcliffe Says She's Ready for Marathon

Trying to regain fitness after losing time to a stress fracture and spider bite, she's been running outside every day at the British training camp in Macau. The team's marathon alternate, Hayley Haining, has flown home from the camp, further indicating that the world record holder will race next weekend."
* * * * * * *

I dropped Michael off to the airport before 6AM this morning, and was out on the road heading west by 6:15. The sky was barely coming light behind me, and in front a sea of darkness and quiet slowly engulfed me mile by mile as I made my way through the shrouded neighborhoods. I veered up to Stirling so I could take the overpass to 64th and cut through the Seminole rez. I knew if I put a 9 miler in it could help shake the tension, cobwebs, stress and extra calories off...by this point, I was into my stride and feeling strong. The sun, which had crested the horizon, was still just light- not heat, and I rounded out at Sheridan full of energy still. I took my break at Anderson Park and had the straight stretch on Thomas to take me back. These last miles I picked up the pace and gave myself a much needed speed work-out. The benefit of running so early, and missing the heat? Cruising into high gear and having energy to kick. It felt fantastic! And it was almost the last miles before I can safely say my head was finally at peace.

The weekend with Michael, family and friends, the Olympic start- all of it, was full of breadth and depth in every imaginable way. My emotional circuits were hard-pressed to keep up! Yet I felt deeply connected to the pulse of it all, as I stretched my mind out and about to the many facets of action. It is easy to get lost in all the push and pulls, and a temptation to allow others to take away my joy in the challenge. But time and again, I see how running keeps giving me renewed gifts; the ability to find within the resources needed to sustain effort, to meet new benchmarks, to put into practice what I once only envision as possible. It is even more certain, in my heart, that my path is unfolding with heart and hope on my side. It was Michael who helped me see that the resistance I get is the lack of ability of others to speak the language of emotion. I am lucky that those who are closest to me also open from their hearts. They provide the loyal attention of good family. They are my support as I throw my talents toward the world. I am grateful, and excited to be ever on my way!

"Days before the Olympic Games begin, and as all eyes turn to China, we appeal to the world to remember that millions of Tibetans are crying out for human rights and freedom,"

-Tenzin Dorjee, deputy director of Students for a Free Tibet

Not fast enough

-Usain Bolt, Jamaican sprinter

I was optimistic about my run this morning, even though I began easy enough. But by the time I hit the middle of Arthur, I was in full stride, feeling good. It was hot as hell, and I was set on my usual 8 mile loop. Coming up to the corner of 58th, where I make my right turn, a yellow dog, wandering loose, began to chase me down, snarling and growling. I tried to outrun him, but he got me, biting me square on the back of the knee! Then he kept circling me while I flagged down the first car I could find to put something between me and him. The car was packed with Latino guys on their way to work, who turned out to be the owner's neighbor. When they called him, he came out, said 'no speak English' and nonchalantly called, then gathered the dog, who by this time was sheepish, submissive, coy. Damn dog, my adrenaline was pumping, and my leg was sore. I flagged down a very nice lady in a van full of little girls who dropped me at Anderson park, where I had the water fountain to wash it and rehydrate. I did a loose loping run back down Thomas home. I'm in the middle of trying to get Animal Control in order to post a report. It's sore, and I want to make sure the dog has his shots. DAMN DOG!

Meanwhile, Usain Bolt, the Jamaican sprinter and possible gold medal contender for the 100 and 200 meters, will want to be fast enough. Look at those legs! It is a few weeks before track and field will come on the Olympic time line, but it will be thrilling to watch these ultra-runners do their thing. Who knows, if I had a sprint in me like him, I might have out run the dog, at least tired him out. One more obstacle to overcome in the quest for sound training.

8 miles, 8 fold Path, 8-8-08 Olympics and Tibet Protest

Last night I dreamt I was on a trek with a group over a rugged landscape, when a band of rebels crossed our paths. Not sure what happened to the rest of my troop, but I tried hiding up against a rock face. Trouble was, I was fully visible through a gap on the side, and the rebels were watching me and quietly laughing. I thought, surely I am dead. I turned to see their women folk, old and young gathered in front of me, dark expressions on their faces. Now they will kill me, I thought and watched as one of the women appeared to reach under her burka for what I assumed was a gun. I even thought I saw a few guns appear....when instead hands came forward, to hold mine, and smiles of understanding broke out. They pointed me on my way and I felt my heart race from terror of death to sudden gratitude as I realized I was given my life and my freedom. Thank-you, Mothers, I said, as we embraced.

I feel like I am on my way to the Olympics in spirit. On my run today, I had this dream image haunting me with its powerful sense of purpose and plan. I am on a rendezvous with Purpose, and it felt just like the dream to set out on my 'trek' and my 8 miles, where I could internalize the struggle for freedom in my every footfall and accomplished mile. I felt placed where I belong. I imagined the crossroads of brother and sisterhoods on many levels meeting and watching the proceedings of 3 dimensional deliberations, set against the backdrop of physical and spiritual merit. I know the emotion will act as a conduit bringing in the sympathetic call of assistance while we attempt nothing less than the transformation of the world.

And I can hardly wait!

4 days on, 3 days off; On again

It was excruciating to not run for 3 days. To sit in hard plastic chairs attempting to be comfortable; impossible! To listen to all the youngsters who find themselves knee deep in the 'shit' of our Work, a little wide-eyed, a bit naive, and to reminisce about episodes in my own career. It was great having Keith there for the presentation. It felt like bringing a slice of real life into the classroom, where it belongs. But the effort and time it took to get through all the work, the chores and self-care was enormous. Now it's 3 days at work, and Michael comes Thursday!

I am really feeling what it takes to manage and maintain my life solo. The busier and more complex things become, the more disciplined I can be. But with no wiggle room or 'back-up', I see all the time how every little thing depends on me. This has brought me full circle in my life, from my earliest independence, through the era of marriage and boyfriends and the larger community up north, to independence once again. I am past the 'lonely' stage; I am so grateful to have my autonomy. But it's a dicey game, and sometimes I wish I could opt out, even for a bit.

Back to running today after missing those 3 days, I came to see all over again how the sheer movement brings the control back into my psyche. How much I need to move at my own pace without interference....and be the originator of my physical process. In the job of sitting and listening or focusing on the computer, I am never able to mobilize my energy which needs to stretch itself...when I don't run, there is nothing else that gives this to me, in such direct, entraining form.

So not only did I run 7 miles, I did the yoga routine too. I prepared all the food for the next 3 days and talked to Michael. I'm set to go. Aiming for 40 miles this week, if all works out as it should. Back to balance, such as it is. Back to the road, which welcomes me always with its wide ribbons of possibility.