hard runs

Not all runs are pretty. Not every day is a beautiful day. The cycles of healing pull us up and then down into the shamanic descent that's required of us to squeeze the poisons from our spiritual tissues, and cleanse our souls for survival and growth in the 7 planes.....Not every corner gives us respite.....And today I find myself carrying my own dead weight right along every mile of 8, resurrecting as I go the last little bit of hope and inspiration tucked away for this moment when needed.....not all healing is healthy, sometimes it feels like a bag of crap.....and the run just like a washing machine cranking down the road.
I ran today to push through the trauma, betrayal, disbelief and sadness....I ran with my heart heavy like my feet, my legs burning from punishment. I kept the pace despite wanting to quit quit quit every mile, to give it all up, to sit down at a corner and put my head in my arms. I stayed on the road past exhaustion and prayed to the Mother to take my pain and make me understand, and by the last few miles I began to shake off the hunger in me to fall apart. There was my last loop, the stretch before Park Road where I let my legs loosen up and my stride open....I put my whole heart into that last half mile to see what junk would fly out....what tears, fears, broken dreams would scatter in my wake. The winds whooshed by me as I took the turn back by the park, to home. My heart was racing in my chest....and everything seemed to ache inside.
The healing that demands that I keep running this lonely road will one day break open to a World of Light...and not just in dark places, but in colors and parties and welcomes. One day.

14 and 40

As I hit 14 miles for the long run, I top 40 miles per week. Two weeks in a row now. Both long runs in the middle of the brutal heat and humidity, and yes, taking a ridiculous amount of time. Although yesterday, if I factor in the time I took for breaks, once at the park, and once to buy gatorade, it was probably my half-marathon time....so I think I'm finally adjusting. My ipod is set to all the faster downloads, between 175 and 180 beats per minute...and I stick to this throughout in my quest to train my legs to keep a consistent pace. So I would say its working, pretty much. Even if I tank out at different points, I can regroup later, by refocusing myself, and keeping in sync with the music.
Yesterday I played with little mantras and phrases, trying to find what worked best, things like "lean and mean, running machine", "don't slow down", and all that cheesy crap. It's interesting how willingly the body will follow the mind for no good reason, even when the heat is pressing down and your heartrate is up; the wisdom of the body, which is screaming for shade, for rest, for water, is entirely subsumed into the will of the mind...and on I went, cutting thru from the Seminoles up to 72nd, where I looped up to Stirling, and did the longest stretch back all the way to 95! Whew!!
With days off coming up, I will try one more long loop before the weekend, and see if I can top out at 15 or so. Somewhere in Runner's World was the advise that its not so much mileage as time on your feet. So far, 3 hours is the max....and I need to get it up now to 4....I also read about 'compartment syndrome' where the blood in the lower legs has a tough time circulating, which accounts for soreness and tingling in the legs and feet etc....my legs tend to swell during the day, and in running, its always my lower legs and feet that take the pounding. I wonder if this is an issue, and if so, if continuing to tweak at my diet will help....it's been tough to go hardcore on the protein and lower bread/grain carbs without wanting to consume everything in sight. But I have a feeling that the more I rely on fruits and veggies for carbs the better....
I had an amazing dream last night where I had my own dream therapy in assistance for a traumatic image that has been stuck in my head from a client, for several months now....WILD!! Perhaps with enough miles, all the junk that's gotten stuck in my head will dislodge...and the Dream Masters can have at it.

Mother Nature, Up close and Personal

While the planetary forces exert themselves, I run a 14 miler today, Wow! And pick up on the farthest flung threads of Hurricane Dean's reach, brisk, breezy winds, a short squally shower, sun flitting in and out of fast moving cloud swirls....She races to Jamaica, while Erin now floods Oklahoma, sorry Marlon, and let's not forget the earthquakes, Peru and Indonesia...tho I'm not hearing about that one much,??
Suddenly things have been happening that seemed on the 'menu' for some time, and so it looks like 'earth changes' are going to be part of the script. OK. Then pushing into it will be too, and I could feel that today, despite heat index temps in the 90's.....I took the first stretch, after a bobble around Taft, straight on to University....must be a 6 miler?, then up Davie Rd extension, getting lost at the intersection of corners, I find a back stretch between Sheridan and Stirling, lucky break, it takes me all the way to the Seminoles....and back up to Stirling, great stretch. i hit the little squall in here, just a few minutes, then gone. Over the highway, last break to re-hydrate, then the last big ride all the way along Stirling until I turned to home. I was going to loop all the way to 95....but at this point, I had all the heat I was going to handle. The shoes did great. My feet were sore, but it was tolerable. My legs were heavy, but I could keep the pace and put a little kick at the end, as usual.
Jamaica is preparing for Dean, and I'm looking out over sun-spilled green, ready to crash and watch what else is going on, what touches the outskirts of my world.
My squall, that cooled me outside the Seminole stretch, is on its way around, back to the Carribean. And another arm, of thunder, rain and gusty winds, is gathering itself to fling up to our neighborhood. All in good time.
I need to be part of that atmospheric movement....I run into the air, I push into the winds.....I let myself fall into the arms of the changing day.

dog days of summer

It's hard to believe, looking at photos of my half marathons last winter, that I froze my ass off, dressed in layers, with head gear, gloves and still came in like a drowned and frozen rat across the line. Today, at 6:30 AM, it was well into the 80's, humid, and only got hotter and more moist as the run went on. 8 miles of grueling heat, and all this before 9!! The serious training schedule will begin soon enough, and hopefully by then there will be some let up in the intensity. Meanwhile, I keep my mileage up as much as possible, and acclimate.

It's not long 'tll January. Really.