Felt like summer Beach Run 2-24-13

It's been a lonely road lately,   as busy as ever,  in fact more so,  with the minutia of taxes and finances,  clients and juggling time,  keeping a focus on physical maintenance and all the upkeep that entails for acquiring good food,  lots of rest and of course running and yoga.

I headed out the door Sunday with no plan.  Forecasts called for record temps and for some reason that prompted the desire to see the beach....  

...together with all the other walkers, runners, bladers, blikers, wanderers down on the Broadwalk.... soaking up the hot morning sun.

I just let my body get on 'automatic pilot' to run there,  take my time soaking up the scene,  and on the way back,  cut down to the parallel alley where all this magnificent Nature hid along the backs of properties...heading on west crossing the major streets until I walked the last bit home.

Words come from multi-layered filters;  from my bodily senses,  my perceptual radar,  my inner compass which takes the world more as 'suggestion',  I found myself stopping more just to check out the light, the smells,  the color and shapes around me.  Finding the words, which usually comes easily, has been more difficult lately.   Emotions crowd around and say "who cares?  who sees?  who understands?"

When you are suddenly aware of your vast alone-ness in the world,  don't give up the sanctity of your solitude so easily.   After all,  Mother Nature knows you,  has freely offered Her gifts,  and you receive them every day.   The sense that we are walking separate from our own lives is the loneliest feeling of all.    But the World conspires to break you open anyway.  Nature sends Her beautiful smorgasbord of wonders and asks you to entrain with her constancy.   She grabbed hold of me as each fence row of blooms made me stop: focus: admire.  

Imagine if every time we saw one another we were filled with the same sense of awe and beauty...!!  Imagine what that would feel like if someone treated you this way.  I imagine.   I come back to Gaia....as She waits for me patiently,  like the good Mother She is....I know She carries me there, and back....every day. 

Ups and Downs: Run with the Cycles of Your Life

Just as mysteriously the gods granted me that week of effortless running,  this week has been all hard work.  My body feels as if it's been twisted up like a twizzler, firing the nerves in all the hot spots,  and making good sleep elusive.   Nevertheless,  the weekend runs gave me plenty of open roads to stretch my heart,  stopping at this beautiful spot on the 35th Ave cut-down I pass regularly, just to absorb the beauty of those big trees.   And this week,  my very modest attempts give me good doses of sun and breezy air.  Whether I walk really fast (which is surely how it must look) or run really slow,  simply moving along will eventually loosen me up and give a rise to the endorphins which situate me for the rest of the day.

Perfectionist and performance oriented folks, as I tend to be,  have difficulty riding with the cycles of life.  Especially now,  with the planet undergoing the most tremendous transformation since Creation,  we are billions of cells in the human/earth body on the receiving end of solar winds, planetary tides,  galactic alignments of all kinds with heavenly forces and bodies we can only barely perceive with either 5 physical senses or any others at our disposal!  And yet,  with brave hearts,  we wake up each day to take up our respective tasks,  arrive at our jobs, take care of our children, our parents, our partners, ourselves....cook our food,  address our issues,  seek solace,  create dreams,  love each other....all while the wobble of existence causes dramatic shifts in our energy or paradigms at any given time.    Is it any wonder there are days when the going is like a magic carpet ride,  full of mysterious and effortless results,  and others when it seems as if the very air is thick like molasses,  holding us up in our hard casings of bodily or emotional distress?

I may have finally found that step back,  where I take a longer look at the Big Picture....and showing up every day at work is honoring the dharma of my mission, making myself available to the Powers that Be in whatever way I'm led,  to offer guidance, inspiration and model the desire to stay in the game.   Or running morphs into a Zen practice of simply moving,  and finding the pace of the day,  no matter what my expectations may demand.   Or creating means finding the elements of my household life like colors in my art box,  making the landscape of my home full of living;  the plants lush and colorful,  the rhythm of work, interactions,  sleep and dreams...the inner life of Soul, impressing itself upon me, and asking me always,  Where is your attention now?  SEE what is truly there!

It takes downtime to appreciate the nurturing of shadows,  silence,  contemplation and solitude.  We mask the benefits with our cultural 'guilt trips',  when instead we can roll with it,  as if we had any other choice,  into our shamanic investigation...and come back out with greater insight,  confidence and resilience!  Why are we so afraid of our own inner Self??  This Valentine's Day,   as the world 'sells' us a picture of romantic love,  remember there is no love possible unless it lives inside of us.  The wounded,  betrayed, childlike heart hiding behind our adult masks, is calling to us to embrace it,  nurture it back into the Soul family,  where your acceptance and integration will give it new life and meaning.   Take a step in the direction of your next cycle and embrace your ups and downs.   Love even the question in-between. 

Pushing Through the Big Griffin Loop

Compared to other places I've lived,  I think of my SoFlo area as an urban development.  You can visit great parks, and of course the beaches,  but running in any direction will get you miles of neighborhoods and pseudo-industrial enclaves...some beautiful,  some not so much.   For my Sunday long run,  I decided to head for my big Griffin loop,  which extends west and north to capture connecting streets full of lush mystery and trashy charms.  There were more runners out yesterday (Ft. Lauderdale race is soon!),  and more trash along the roads.   The cool-down felt great with the sun blazing through clear skies....I got warm quickly and loosened up after my first few miles.

It was fun comparing notes with cousin Steve,  who also runs.  An injury side-lined him some years back,  but he was showing off his new Mizunos,  so I was happy to hear he was back.  Some of the runners I saw on my loop were younger, faster and more relaxed looking than me.  But as I tackled first one section,  then another,  I had to allow myself some pride;  I've been running now almost 10 years and "come hell or high water" have managed to STAY running all that time, minus a few days or so here and there.  So it hasn't exactly gone as 'planned':  I am not the 'uber-runner' of my fantasies.  My body,  built for anything but speed, seems to take running as a really long, fast walk!  With occasional spurts of greatness,  meaning I can actually get a good gait going,  I have morphed 'training' into a comfortable familiarity with all my loops and routes....knowing just how much will get me awake,  or stretch my limits and my legs.  And no races since Miami '12.

Hanging with Steve reminds me that every runner has their own 'Inner Runner'...flavored by personality, ambition,  competitiveness and drive.  I had much more ambition in the beginning.  Now I have drive, enough to convince me 3-5 days a week that it's worth my while to get out there again.   I was goal-oriented;  training for events.  These days,  I am most interested in how it feels and what I see along the way.   As above,  this shot of a canal overpass on 29th,  a semi-industrial park connector between Stirling and home.   Enchanting spot!

Some times I push through and like yesterday,  find it worthwhile.  Other times I choose my couch, my notebooks, my floor,  my yoga routine....or dive into my kitchen and play with good foods to feed my hopes and dreams.   As I watched a young gal running ahead of me yesterday I thought "great job,  young one,  now let's see you keep it up another 30 years!"
Age is a good thing.  Now I know when I can,  when I shouldn't,  and when none of that matters!