Expect miracles

Every once in a while I see other runners out there on the roads,  more so on Sundays when folks like me are getting their weekend runs in, the girls who make me look slow,  guys who run on grass with tall gaits, making me feel weak as I shuffle along at my turtle pace.  I have kept an insistent loyalty to my running schedule.  I get 2-3 days during the week, and both weekend days if time permits.  But I aim for the Sunday run no matter how the week went.  A present to myself;  a long lazy loop out somewhere on no time-frame.  Extensive meandering in my head....a chance to be away, and outdoors,  with nothing pressing except making it home.

I was proud of myself for getting both days in this weekend, even with the busyness.  New Asics "33s",  a nice minimal model,  gave me a surprising break from the slog in my old shoes.  Today,  as I made my way out early to take 29th up on my Griffin loop,  I could feel the relief in my feet and legs,  as the flexible platform gave me a new 'umph'...and pep in my step, at last.   Hot and humid conditions won't support that for long, though.  As I cruised through Ravenswood,  I could feel my energy flag,  and gulped down my water, laced with electrolytes.  My pit stop at Publix felt oh-so-nice as I lingered in the refreshing A/C before plunging back in to the heat.

I got so lost in my thoughts I forgot about pictures....usually I have my eye out for everything,  the skies,  the foliage,  the contrast of color and light and shadows.  But I was all the way down at the park before I realized I'd taken that whole 2nd stretch w/o a break.  But wow!  I was beat...as I headed out to finish it up through the back roads to Park.  

 

I spied these flowers in a soft bank by apartment buildings framed by their purple succulence in the full morning sun.  Of all the things I passed,  these caught my eye for some reason,  

...with extravagant grace.  As I stopped to photograph them,  I admired their flirtation with the wind and sun,  and how difficult it was to capture the essence of light streaming through them.  Everything that was caught in my mind, tossing about during the run suddenly seemed to lift;  in that few minutes of our communing,  it felt as if I was alone in all the world holding this great secret- such beauty,  I pass all the time,  and suddenly filled with exquisite wonder. 

It doesn't seem to matter what my subject is:  whatever is brought to my eye never fails to please the thirst in me for that intrinsic design,  the beautiful 'rightness' of the world.  People can screw it up,  and try to destroy it all,  but Gaia is much bigger and stronger than anything thrown at Her.  Even so,   the very petals of these purple gems,  like delicate wings of butterflies, also remind us- She is as fragile as our own dreams seeking fruition.

You don't have to run to open yourself to The World,  it is waiting for you to get out for your next walk,  hike, stroll through the garden, the park, the yard.  Each time I walk out the door at work, I look at the skies.  And every time I pay even a little attention to my surroundings,  Mother Earth will teach me just how incredible Life is,  through Her every vessel.   This week I  include and validate myself.  Maybe it was the new shoes,  but I had pride, and peace with myself.  I was grateful to run,  to notice.. anticipating how I might 'translate' it all for you to see it, too! 

Slow Go: Solstice and Super Moon

As if some Big Hand raised up to push me back from the pace of anticipation in these last weeks, I fell into the Solstice weekend like a root vegetable, lodging deep in the earth, sending my feelers around for water, food....looking up once in a while to witness the amazing sun, skies,  Super Moon- and kept a modest run practice going Friday at the park,  Saturday out and back,  and Sunday for the long run.  I found my craving for solitude supported by the knowledge that so many others were gathering for Solstice, or drumming for the full moon.  Even the 'chore list' was shortened when things I thought I needed were not available.  So drawing, journaling and being witness to it all became my MO.

The pace of everything seems so slow,  some kind of physics anomaly, where things closer to the Center appear to slow down, as things at the edges of events appear to speed up!  All over the news are headlines tracking what surface media talks about:  the streaming chaos of paradigms crashing, while all of us strive to keep on our feet, moving forward.  Weather events post new intensities;  floods and fires,  super storms and super moons....record temps in odd places,  the disappearance - and emergence- of lands and ancient civilizations- as we keep adjusting to the unknown.  The Egypt house now has another offer on it,  while I become 'stuck' in the processes of mortgage brokers and bankers....just trying to understand how to 'work it' while tuning in to the Vision of where I 'see' myself, my practice, my gardens, in years to come.

Running has become more 'stepping into' and less planning all the time:  Base miles are now becoming 'get out there and do SOMETHING' at least 3 times before the Sunday long run.   Yoga sprinkled in between keeps me aligned, as the usual aches and pains continue to jam up here and there, while maintaining mobility and flexibility.   As I headed out on Sunday,  I had no plan, packing my hydration belt and music,  and turning up 29th to catch Anglers and the lazy stretch along Ravenswood.  Heat and humidity was buffered by nice breezes brushing up against my skin giving relief from the sun's intensity.  Yes,  the sun IS more intense this year:  it doesn't take much to be outdoors and feel the full hit of this Solar season!  I made my pit-stop, drank all my water,  cruised down 35th with speculations about all the house, work stuff floating out of my head as I focused on my gait, my rhythm.  

Running is all about a rhythm.  Surely something as simple as Left/Right/Left/Right should be automatic, easy.  And yet, it seems I must mentally 'reach' into my body and take my hand off the 'switch' which tries to control myself, so that my body can control itself- and find that rhythm free from my mental construct of what the run should be.   So I detach, I ride the rhythm;  I found myself coming into Stirling with more umph than I expected and kept going until I hit Emerald Hills where I walked a good bit to home.

Finding that slow go,  that soft center seems to be the mission at this time.   I have much more coming that will serve to test and support my goals.  But turning the wheel of the year is a more monumental movement than we imagine.   Before the garden grows, and after we plant the seeds,  there is a fallow time,  a pregnant pause.  The seeds are germinating,  the Earth is making Herself available to us.    All of our resources are being gathered together to help push us up from the ground where we begin.  

Somewhere,  there is a New Place for me.   If I can just stay on my feet long enough to get there. 

Magic Egypt House and of course, a Long Run

Like many others,  I've been busier than ever!  It feels like everywhere I turn there is more...more clients,  more networking, more chores to keep up with, more sorting/packing and cleaning, and more incredible choices in my house hunt.  The photo is the backyard of what I now call Egypt house:  if you look thru those glass sliding doors you see an amazing room that will do nicely for an office/group/workshop space....and on into the house itself.  

 

The person who lived there was clearly 'in touch' with metaphysical themes:  there are 'relics' of wall paintings, hieroglyphs, and statuary scattered all about, inside and out.  The slightly neglected state gave me the feeling of being an anthropologist stumbling into a 'lost city'...and imagining life in a different time, a different state of mind.

Clever Celeste surprised me with the news that Egypt house was back on the market!  So as I awoke Sunday to a morning already filled with humid hotness,  all I thought was how much water and electrolytes to pack and where exactly to run?....having surrendered my house hunt to the gods.  After looping behind the neighborhood I took off on Park, blessedly empty and quiet on a Sunday morning,  the long stretch of road all mine as I settled into a gait and my thoughts.  The confluence of so many elements,  work, home, and the unending vision of my dreams all dancing in my head had me so distracted, I barely noticed where I was until I headed into beautiful John Williams park for my pit-stop.   The shade of the trees and high heat of early summer gave a muffled  oasis from the road traffic on the main drag;  I lingered and drank up, mixing with my electrolytes to keep me solid on my feet for the way home.  I looped up 56th to north Hills....and came in past the park shimmering in the waves of heated air off the lake....patting myself on the back that even with walk breaks, I managed ok.

....so as Cel and I took our second tour of Egypt house, later in the day,  I was filled with excitement and an odd sense of deja vu'....who stocks their house with such things?!  And what was he/she doing here that all of this came to be?  The mystery of the house, and the lure of that unkempt garden waiting for a resurrection kept me wandering in and around the rooms, the nooks and crannies,  the secret spots and more statutes coming to view....the speculation of how - and when- and what I could accomplish with all this glorious stuff!!

I learned to detach somewhat from the outcome in this process,  and we saw another great contender yesterday that I would consider a very good 'back-up'....that said,  it certainly feels like The Fates are conspiring on my behalf,  and for this house,  which in other hands would be gutted and rehabbed out of all recognition.   Like many things in life,  we can't hold on too hard....like a bird fluttering in our hand, or a butterfly taking pause on a fingertip....I marvel at the sheer magic of this place and know if I just keep focus,  it will fly to me...if I just stay open- and persistent in my vision.   The Mother knows what's in my heart.  She helped us transform The Barn into a sacred space,  with little or no resources, but many helping hands....She gave me second-and third chances to reinvent my life,  paved the way through trauma and losses....put me where I would do the most good and set me on my Path.  I showed Her I was willing to make the sacrifice of 'now' for 'then'...and I pray She is finally showing me The Time is Right....and a place is ready for me to begin again.  

I believe in the magic of my dreams.   It was a dream to live in the country, be an artist- which I did.  It was a dream to find and follow my spiritual path...It was a dream to rejoin 'the marketplace' and build a career....and now my dream to create a compound which for myself and others will provide healing and respite for the soul....and a nurturing caldron for creativity to blossom from the hearts and minds of those who are 'sent' to be there.  Egypt house waits patiently for someone to 'discover' it's riches, and set it free....that someone,  I feel, is me!

Seeing Clearly Now, the Rain is Gone

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=r1MjRp0ys5I

After our immersion in the deep waters of the last weeks,  sunshine returns to South Florida.  The sleeplessness finally gave way to a better night, and I woke to light streaming in the back door.  Without thinking,  I geared up and headed out towards the beach,  feeling the pull to see what La Mer was like in the aftermath of our deluge.   It was later than I should be out on a summer-like day;  the sun was augmented by the humid air, but a strong breeze was coming off the ocean, pushing the clouds around in bunches of greys and whites against a cerulean sky.  I felt foggy and tired after finally getting some deeper sleep, clearly on the other side of the energy swing and the job of integrating everything happening...

The rainstorms seem like a giant cleansing which gave way this week to some of the first crucial steps of a disclosure so deep, that I believe (as do others) it was the tipping point.   In counseling,  there are sometimes 'moments' when folks suddenly find themselves 'going there', to that 'event', that 'secret', that tragedy or trauma or 'sick thinking' no one knows about.  It is the tipping point.  It's when I know 'I'm in,' because disclosure has really begun, and now I must allow the roll-out and follow the trail with them,  to help them see it,  accept it, integrate it- heal it.

'Seeing' is an art.   My right brain skills are constantly tapped and stretched, and yet come so naturally to me, it often takes others pointing it out before I even notice.   From as early as I can remember, I 'saw' the world in a matrix of patterns and inherent design that came naturally;  even the discord of city/suburban Pittsburgh gave up it's beauty,  it's quirks and industrial compromises,  everything flowing into my eyes with a perfection...didn't everyone see this?!  Of course I explored art, and music and literature and writing...every which way humans have taken off into an expedition of this experience...and lived as an artist for many years...and of course I would ultimately be 'drawn' (good one),  into a more esoteric application in mediation and therapy:  oh yes, I 'see' you too!  When I am with someone,  I 'see' and sense patterns of integration, disintegration,  tangled threads of beliefs embedded into themselves with harsh emotional charges,  soft, delicate spools of hope like the tendrils on a vine, reaching out for the light of understanding.  I see 'where' they're going, as if I could unravel all those skeins of experience and follow them right into a person's essential Self.

And so I 'see' the World Gestalt in similar ways.   The 'design program' in me takes the said and unsaid,  the 'official version' of reality with the undercurrents I always have sensed- and learned over many years with many 'teachers-  and morphs it all together into my 'current take' on things.   So I 'knew' the moment the news broke on Friday (about government surveillance):  we reached the tipping point,  the disclosure process will now speed up, and JUST WAIT FOR WHAT HAPPENS NOW!!

All this was on my mind on the way up to the beach,  with a pace so slow once again a fast walker would easily pass me by,  but that was all the gas I had, as I came into North Park.

The winds has whipped up under the fast clouds, skimming through the sunlight.  La Mer never disappoints as I took my time absorbing the sea smells, the wide sky, and took a few pix, filling my water bottles for the way home. 

It was HOT!- oppressive as I started back across the intercoastal, nodding to the guys with their fishing buckets,  the runners with dogs, with babies in strollers,  the walkers who, yes, were just ahead and barely faster than I, dog tired and feeling the heat like a hot blanket on my head.  I thought about my new client who just started running a few years ago, and has already done marathons and an impressive list of races,  the colleague I met at training who 'jogs' with her dog (is jogging different than running?); I finally just walked several long stretches on the return and wondered at how we all maintain our momentum, our motivation, our courage in the face of the many elements which can 'seem' to work against us.

For me,  the Grand Design leaves nothing out, even the 'obstacles'.  If art is ultimately an editing process, we start with the blank slate/page/canvas/paper....we choose from an infinite variety of materials to create our piece of the Big Puzzle.  In therapy we start with a few limited 'items'/issues....because this is all that we can 'see'...until eventually we disclose more and more of ourselves in a true, authentic way.  We 'become' ourselves, but of course we were 'there' all along,  it was simply hidden from view.  It takes a determined runner to get out there in the heat, alone, tired...it takes an intrepid client to come back time after time to talk about the hidden stuff,  attached as it usually is to so much perceived pain.   It takes a formidable counselor to hang tough through it all, but for me it is like any run.  Always curious, I never know exactly what I'll be facing until I'm in it,  and once I am,  I 'plug into' that Grand Design and follow the trail, translating as I go what I hear, what I see so that client can see it too.

The Whole World is waking up to what has been hidden for zillions of years.  Whether it's what the government was doing last year, 50 years ago, or what civilizations existed outside written memory...or the interception by Space People who are getting ready for another grand exposure,  we need to stop blocking the flow of Truth, for Truth will win out every time.  It may seem like it takes forever to get to the core of it all.  But Nature knows Her stuff...She is set upon a course which will gather all of this up in Her Intrinsic Design, Her Grand Changes, and us with Her.   Trust your own truth.  Know you have a listener, a keeper, a guide.  Whoever it is who holds the key to YOUR awakening,  allow it to unfold. It may be the stars in the sky, or the warming sun.  Or you may be surprised to find that the one(s) who hurt you most, or seemed to block your way have been your best teachers all along.  

Nature Speaks; are You Listening?

Rainy season has parked itself over us until we're all soggy, day after day, and isn't going anywhere anytime soon;  hurricane season has officially begun.  Midwest America keeps taking the brunt of tornadoes and everywhere the uptick of volcanic and earthquake activity keeps everyone on their toes.  I was amazed to see sunlight this morning, and practically ran out of the house before anything could change on my way into a long, lazy Sunday run.

I'm house-hunting (thank you Celeste!!), and riding the waves of excitement and disappointment that comes with scoping out possibilities that fall away for one reason or another.   When landlord Doc said August will close Plantation,  I had to smile:  the Universe is clearly conspiring on my behalf to forward my plan.  Now if buyers and sellers would just line up nicely,  I can get into this new 'compound' I keep seeing, with my home, office, studio and gardens all rolled into one.

I love nothing more than to speculate on all this on the run.  I dove into the morning like any other Sunday,  happy to be out on the roads,  no pressures,  listening to the good tunes and allowing the right side of my brain to unfurl itself with the tap-tap of my footfalls.  As always,  the warmth of the sun on my skin,  the skies full of scuttling clouds, and Nature full-on in Her early summer abundance gave me comfort and inner rest.  The serenity I get from Her beauty is a never-ending source of inspiration.

In my work I see folks getting 'stuck' in the tapes in their heads.  Endless loops of desires and resentments swirling in small circles;  complacent reservations....satisfied with nothing and  no one,  alone in their anxiousness, scared to reach out, reach in.   Mother Nature is trying to get our attention.  She uses everything She has to break through our barriers in the hopes we will hear something other than our own angst,  see something beyond our perceived problems.   If we allow it,  there are not just scenic views 'out there',  there are answers.  The loneliness,  obstacles, misery and pain are all delivered into the patterns of constant motion,  the Life of Life itself.   We surrender our false sense of control and realize something Bigger than us is running the show.  But first,  we must be open.  We must walk out the door everyday and look up,  look around, and listen.  She is telling you Her secrets even now.