Before the Rain

I was lucky to hit 2 runs Sat and Sun this weekend, breaking up my usual long run into 2 slightly shorter ones and beating the rains which came in with a vengence yesterday.   Weekend runs deliver up the quiet and solitude I so enjoy out on the roads;  both times, I looped south, picking up some of my old routes for a change of scenery and mentally comparing where I am now to where I was when I hit these roads before.
I am always changing from year to year,  week to week, and often day to day, defeating my quest to stabilize my training and build into the uber-runner I see in my head.   While new runner rock stars are smashing records and achieving the impossible, I keep seeking to adjust to the many factors which seem to influence my running.   In Serenity Prayer terms, what I can and cannot control becomes as much an issue here as anywhere:  if not the response of my body to changing conditions,  what (besides food, gear etc) can I really control?
There is no relationship which can conform to my needs, but there are connections which support them.  The vast expanse of Nature Herself always gives me an open invitation;  She says,  come on out anytime, in any weather, and just keep moving one foot in the front on the other.  Enjoy your innate rhythm, motion and inner meditations.  Soak up the ephemeral beauty of My landscape as it unfolds around you.   She is making no other demands on me.  The only one 'demanding' is me.  

The Light of Fall

South Florida has a subtle way of shifting seasons.   If you are out midday, it would feel like any hot, humid summer-like day.  But in the early morning,  fall is bringing a slight moderation and breeze to the air, a welcome relief.  What strikes me most is the change in the light;  as if a shroud of mist, hovering from the intense heat and humidity was lifted, and a surreal clarity returns to highlight every leaf and shadow.

I walked a good bit of today's Griffin loop.  Now that I am back on my 6-day/week work stretch for the foreseeable future, my body is trying to keep up the pace overall.  In racing, I am was is kindly referred to as a "back of the pack" runner;  ok maybe not ALL the way in the back, but my gait is slow and easy.  The runner in my head thinks I am going like a bat out of hell.   The reality is my aging body struggles to keep a rhythm going these days.  On really slow days, like today,  I just throttle it down and walk.
On better days,  I am keeping some good stretches.  But this is not anything like my past training performance.  Clearly,  things are changing- again.

I've been deep in a shamanic/meditative space leading up to the High Holidays, using a "30 days of Elul" from our friends of the Daily Kabbalah to contemplate the year past- and ahead.  Despite my lapse as any kind of ideological or practicing Jew, I subscribe to the moral and ethical teachings I grew up with and come to appreciate more and more in my life.  The New Year is more than a celebration;  it is intense soul-searching, to come out into the new life of the new year with 'accounts balanced', and a sense of preparation for the new growth ahead.

Kabbalah asks that we put our principles into practice, and focus on changing behaviors and attitudes that keep us stuck in negative patterns.  This sounds exactly like the CBT and RET type of interventions I've been focusing on with clients.  It is always easier to see the places in some one else which calls for attention, and change;  it is far tougher to turn the lens on oneself and expose our own vulnerabilities and decide where we are ready to grow.

Running is an ever changing experience for me, and like today, humbles me to appreciate the limitations of the material world despite my lofty and idealistic vision.   The trick seems to be how to hold onto Vision no matter what the limitations may be,  and the faith that somehow the manifestation of our latent dreams are bound to find their way into our lives.   Too many things have emerged in my life not to believe this is true.   But the trust to stay true to our intent takes the greatest work;  we are waiting - and praying- while the New has already arrived.

Arlington/DC trail run

My trip to play Granny to now one year old Claire gave me a chance to revisit my favorite little run spot in Arlington.   My hotel stands just at the corner of an entrance onto a footpath, following a waterway which eventually leads to the trail-head in towards this beautiful wooded area.  Michael and I have been deep into this area, and last time I revisited this, snaking under and around highways in order to get as lost as I could into the landscape.  This time,  the Irene and Lee floods had washed piles of debris over and into the streambeds;  the path was clear, sometimes wet and I cut the whole thing short once I reached the underpass:

On my way back,  I was drawn to sit with the water, which was rich with silt and rushing down the rock bed,  singing loud above the silence of the trees.

I love Alexandria,  and my spot in Shirlington/Arlington where I can access all this, but it wasn't until I got back to Florida that I realized how gray Washington DC really is.   One thing my body has learned to crave is the strong sub-tropic sunlight;  depression and debilitation have a tough time finding a foothold in the Sunshine State.  And the feedback from those who know me ensures my opinion:  I am where I am supposed to be.

Of course the reason for everything is claiming my place as an Elder in our little family circle.  The thrill of holding my granddaughter and feeling the spirits of my parents through me, watching my son and daughter-in-law, and reconnecting with my other family members brought me an energized joy which comes on me fresh and deep.  I had many moments of happy tears and of course, I could not hug this darling child enough!

Running is the ground, the predictable motion of my body into the world, bringing me the peace and solace of Nature wherever I find Her.   Within the confines of physicality,  our emotional and spiritual lives learn to soar into new dimensions, where connections are felt through our hearts, souls and World Mind.   When you see the loved one before you,  embrace the heroics of reaching out to find our footing together, as we walk our trails of Life, Love and Light.

Here- to There

Sometimes the pace at work is exhilarating, other times simply exhausting!  When I prepare to be away there are tons of things to do, and the last 2 days it felt non-stop.  The capacity to focus in and find my 'rhythm' is a skill I borrow from running;  once begun, I'm in it to the end, and I don't like to stop for long, just keep going, going ...

I wanted to give myself a full loop this morning to help ensure a settling of my nerves and an honest exhaustion to help snooze on the flight later, if possible.   I was up and out earlier than usual, pre-dawn.  I felt like the only person out on earth; even the traffic was light as I crossed over by the park and headed out my usual route.  The coolish feel to the air was like a fresh push, helping me wake and swing into my warm-up walk.  I packed the Ghosts for the trip so I took out the old Launches, amazed at how wonderful they felt!  With a spring in my step I rounded the corner where I begin to run and felt like I could fly right off into the sky....

Amazingly,  I took the entire stretch from there to my Publix pit-stop in one fell swoop.  I had enough adrenalin to push past my usual lazy stride and settled into something that felt like a real run.  Everything was relaxed, and something about this early hour brought me closer to the passion I feel being out in Nature-  She calls to me, and I forget how Her times of transition are often the most Magical of all.

I hope the weather allows me to run the trail I love out the hotel...and take advantage of the hilly VA terrain to keep my endurance up.   There will be plenty of time of share the wealth of family and love, surrounding our little Claire in the circle of her first year!  I'm glad to represent faithfully the Self I am into this new experience, from Here- to There. 

The Mother is All

While the stormy season continues into September, and the mornings are overcast, sometimes rainy, definitely a bit cooler, I continue Project Adaptation coming off being sick and picking up my running groove again.  At work the other day, as I jaunt up and down our long hallways, I felt an interesting shift in my right hip/leg socket...the very place where I've been jammed up my entire running career.  As I took a right turn, it almost felt like tumblers in a lock- and I knew immediately that whatever had been stuck, suddenly got unstuck.  The feeling was immediate;  where I had limited range of motion on my right side and a chronic "hitch" in my hip and flexors, relief was sudden.  Cautiously hopeful that this might be the breakthrough I needed,  and after a no run day yesterday, I headed out on a longer Griffin loop just keeping my fingers crossed...maybe this is my opening at last.

It wasn't apparent until I took my first water break, and headed west to catch 56th and the road north.  Where I would labor, my legs found a smooth swing.  When I would usually flag in a muddled, painful pause, walking out the soreness,  I found the fatigue but not the pain- an experience of utter freedom - and the ability to sustain a stretch from Emerald Hills to my Publix pit stop...at one fell swoop.   Is it diet? supplements?  keeping my yoga routine up??  Or just the ongoing refinement of the Celestial vibes which, along with everything else, are clearing the debris from our fullest function?

We tend to polarize existence, from good and bad,  up and down, inner/outer and all sorts of dualities.  We've separated ourselves from the Process of our own lives in pursuit of goals;  materialistic or spiritual.  Goals got me where I am today.  At the same time,  the art of non-doing, of immersing myself in the process of the run, is what I always wanted.  The sheer joy of 'lifting off' into my shared space with Mother Nature, while moving in and through Her, soaking up every good vibe She has to offer;  this is bliss to the Long Distance Runner within. 

I seem to be reminded by all kinds of sources that The Mother is All.  Our ancient ancestors, and the medicine folk (still) know that behind the many faces of existence lies the Source of all Life.  We may struggle to be:  the better runner,  spiritual guide, partner, mother, worker etc.  And our humanity seems to urge us on to 'higher ground'.  But ultimately we are Held in the Good Hands of She who has birthed it all and continues to Mother us through our ongoing emergence into our New Selves.   It is time to Allow, and to Manifest Her willing support.