Cold Run

We broke heat records this past summer;  we are breaking cold records now.   Not sure what the low was last night;  I had it in mind to run no matter, so I didn't really care either way.  The photo shows just some of the ridiculous measures I have to go through...long tights, tank, long-sleeve micro tee, fleece hoody and over all that a wind-breaker.  And gloves.  And ear protectors.  As I set out, I took my time walking to get my legs to warm up.  There is something about rolling out of a warm bed, and into a frigid morning which challenges the strongest commitment.  At the same time, with my hood around my head, the music from my ipod made me feel as if I was sunk deep into a cocoon of sound.  The strange, mystical quality of it all was enticing.  And such is the motivation which leads me on...

I had plenty of chances to amend the plan.  Somehow it felt right to run up to the Winn-Dixie as my pit-stop, then on to the 'T' at 56th to meander down, across Sheridan to pick up Thomas home.  It may have been a pretty modest 5+ miler, but somewhere on the 56th St. stretch I began to have that niggling feeling of timelessness that comes with The Zone, and a nice rhythm to my gait.  The compression tights feel wonderful:  they really help support the legs, keep out the chill, and help me sustain what would otherwise be more difficult stretches.  Too bad there isn't something for warm weather, but that is a fantasy for another season.

The week of settling into our new offices demand I keep myself balanced with enough Nature to remind me, 'this is not my whole life.'  What I don't like about the new building is its fortress-like feel.  Once inside the warren of hallways and offices, stairwells and cameras,  we scurry like hamsters around invisible hurdles and wheels trying to get our jobs done.  I have a window, and a decent view of a not so decent neighborhood (so my clients tell me, and they know!).  But the moment I get to leave, the air seems to flood back into my lungs with relief.

There is something about the open air I have always craved; even as a child, never changing through every chapter of my life, whether stuck inside jails, other institutions and offices, or living on the land.  Running satisfies my need to be out with wide skies above me.  It puts me in some perspective with the rest of the planet and helps settle my seemingly endless concerns with the body of larger issues pulsing around me.  I feel solidarity with sentient beings whose only recourse is to 'endure', grow and be.  The many trees I come to recognize, the bird-life... Having even a little while to just move along in the landscape is my Right Brain anecdote to left-brain stress.  Try it:  next time you feel the world is caving in on you, take a walk in your favorite spot and breathe in the free air.  Your soul will thank you!

Back on the Road

It was unusually humid and warm, anticipating the front which has wrecked havoc further north, and promises to bring an end to our unseasonably warm temps by tonight.   I took the Launch replacements out for their maiden run.   Once again, I realize how many miles I put into a pair of shoes;  with every new pair, my feet say "thank-you...!" and I get a reprieve from the aches and pains of the old ones.

My mind was free to wander where it needed to go;  there is the work upheavals, as we move to our new offices on Sunrise.  The chronic pressures of clients and focus on the many crises of others.  Hanukkah arriving, and the disconnect from the usual family;  sitting with Mom on Sunday chit-chatting about the Jewish decorations, this after she comes out of "church" services, and our mutual eye-rolling over prayers to JC. 

Dementia is an interesting thing.  In her timetable, there is no difference between the living and dead.  Our weekly check-in on this subject surprises her every time with the litany of who's gone before her (she is the last...).   Seeing her fleeting shock and her head shaking trying to piece it together, wondering why she cannot ultimately free herself from her imprisonment in this mind and body. 

Most of the time when I run I think about the contrast between my mom and I, and how much she used to comment on my way of being;  where she was the passive, the accepting one, I was the aggressor- I had no problem setting out for what I wanted to do- my issues came with the situations that then befell me.   Nevertheless, very little got in my way.  When I run, I recognize the same amazing single-mindedness.  No matter how tired,  discouraged or old I may feel I know it is only my 'opinion' and subject to change.  Therefore, running is how I 'change' the mental landscape.  By allowing myself proof positive that I CAN indeed run, and usually further than I think I can, I automatically use this tactic with whatever else I feel stuck on;  what can I revamp in my thinking?

Obviously I take a page out of the meditator's handbook;  the gift of meditation is in cultivating the awareness of thoughts and the space between where thoughts are formulated - or dismantled.  The use of running as a meditation technique is not unique to me:  there are many others who use moving practices like yoga, martial arts to achieve the same results.  Some are sitters.  Some are movers.  By dissociating THROUGH the body, I allow my mind to 'take off'....now I gain some perspective, and in the mix a nice endorphin/dopamine hit.

I feel like I take my mother with me into the world, she who seems content now, to never move from that hallway, that room, bed.  One day, she will take her own lead, and drift out of my life...and I know I will be so happy that we've had all these heartfelt connections, lasting us forever.

Happy Hanukkah-  kiss your loved ones, light the Lights....remember Freedom. 

Sunday run 11-21

Capturing the run today, after a slammed week-  5 days at the regular work gig,  and now the 6th day at Pines.  Yesterday I saw 5 clients/families back to back, listening, engaging, finding more room in the infinite mental vault for more back-stories, emotional/defense patterns, family systems...the enormous minutiae of the counseling profession.  It takes tremendous presence of mind to juggle what is now 40-50 clients all together;  is it any wonder I continue to use running as my place to unravel the mental apparatus, and give myself a Right Brain break?

Today, the weather was unusually moderate; after a coolish spell where the night temps dropped into the 60's, it is back to small modulations, meaning now the nights are 70's, and starting out today I was warm in my summer gear.  I decided to take it one part at a time, and after heading out Emerald Hills, took the southern route over to John Williams as the main pit stop.  The 2 day break (a regular thing now that Saturdays are booked) seems to give me a necessary recovery period, and one I probably wouldn't give myself otherwise.  I notice less chronic aches and pains, even if my endurance is down.
I had several nice stretches up to JW, then down to hit W Park and make my way home.  On the way I realized I am ready to accept that this is NOT looking to be the year I'll do Miami.  Instead,  it looks like a far wiser plan to sustain moderate, regular miles, allow my body to continue to adjust to all it's various and sundry mid-life, elder physical adjustments, and give myself the run as the RB break it needs to be. 

As long as there are so many other professional 'pushes' in my life, and with Mom and the condo project still ongoing, the need for attention to the down/rest side of my life is paramount.  I've had 15 years of pushing towards many Big Goals which took all my time and attention.  The time hasn't decreased, but now the goals are shifting once more.  The stress of training can be one more 'thing'...and most of all I need running to be my Refuge.

Sunday long run 11-14

Just some of the amazing things I see on my Griffin loop....I never take for granted having the opportunity to run in a climate that allows me to see this 365 days a year, and revel in the modest temp ranges.   The beauty of my environment 'calls' me out every time just for the pleasure of the run.  How can folks run on treadmills, in the gym???

World Run Day at Hugh Birch 2010

One of my favorite spots, it was great to see Hugh Birch state park, now green and lush after all the heat and rain this year...a gorgeous hideaway on the east edge of Ft. Lauderdale, and staging area for my homage to running this WRD.  When I first began to run, I used to come here to feel at peace in a deep pocket of Nature while learning to ramp up my endurance and miles.  For this year, it was an easy, breezy 2 loops with the few fellows who joined me, conversational, convivial, with all the great stuff a group run has going for it- cementing our love of running

The fact that we ran at the same time as the NYC marathon was a nice bonus;  and though I haven't yet read the whole story, our elder hero Haile had to bail at mile 16 giving newbie Geb a surprise win- the Ethiopians still rule!  It goes to show how much can change despite our best efforts and expectations.

Once the boys left, I did a lazy final loop with my camera, catching all my favorite little spots, the magic that makes this park special;  from the intercoastal, to the wild little patch of woods, and sunlight drifting through trees now arcing their way across several stretches of road...the bladers, the bikers, and yes the runners circling their way round and round this oasis of bliss.

We run, us roadsters, to get OUT and into the world.  To experience, on foot, the relaxed attention of taking things in on the move, meandering our way around.  Jim was the real champ- running TO our meet-up over 9 miles, then leaving to complete his designated mileage for another oh, 13....no biggie to him!  You are a real inspiration, Jim!  Your relaxed attitude reminds me that no matter what level I choose to run at, it must retain this core of unexpected pleasure- or else there's no point to it for me.
I have time this week, to organize my runs with a bit more thought to the miles.  But it was good to share the road, and the passion for running with kindred souls.

The Time is Right

Left/Right Brain

While the Reds celebrate their ongoing corporate take-over of democracy (excuse the political rant), Higher Forces are apparently pulling us onward into a direction that will inherently utilize the amazing capacities of the Right Brain to adjust and adapt Wholistically.

It was many years ago in my artist days that I first felt a psychic and intuitive understanding about my life mission;  that what I was able to do/access naturally was a Process that can be augmented and encouraged in others.  As a child,  'natural mystic',  a 'sensitive' and artistic soul who felt more at home in nature, with art, music and books, I knew there was something I was connected to that kept me alive on a broader deeper level than most others.  My path in life has led from one stepping stone to the next, as part of the alchemy of my own development in the healing arts.  First, though I had to learn to live with my own left brain, and forge an alliance between the two hemispheres, which often worked at cross-purposes and created the many 'symptoms' of my younger years.

The times have conspired to lift us all into an awakening of consciousness and awareness- not just of ourselves but of our global reach and responsibilities, our place on Mother Earth and within the very Galaxies.  Where mind and intellect can sometimes grasp the concepts of change, it is heart and soul which leads us into new places.  The Right Brain, as holder of the Big Picture, and its ability to 'translate' experience in ways which anchor it to our personal purpose, is coming into a greater role.   We have 'demonized' the feminine, intuitive, instinctual, cutting ourselves from the font of meaning.  If ever there was a time to galvanize your creative, intuitive self, its NOW.    Whether your means is the arts, athletics, interpersonal or spiritual, take this opportunity to GET into YOUR RIGHT MIND!

There is unprecedented 'help' from unseen and benevolent forces which seek our safe passage into the future.  Tap into them.  Tell them your secrets and dreams.  Write them, paint and dance them AWAKE and seek the highest vision of yourself, your families, your world.

Long(er) Run at Last

This piece was done in '09, an homage' to long runs, specifically the Dania Beach route I used to do in preparation for MCM.  The stretch on Dania Beach Blvd, before the Intercoastal and the beach used to mesmerize me in a kind of blanket of atmosphere;  the briny smell of ocean, crustaceans, sandy soil and sprawling vegetation mixed with the impression of fog and mist....thus the image of -just that.  Those long runs used to take me all the way around the greater Hollywood area, east.  Today, it was just a taste of that as I wound around the Griffin loop...setting off pre-dawn, welcoming a rising sun in clear skies, setting a rhythm in amazingly moderate and pleasant temps;  not chilly, not warm, but 'just right.'

I know it sounds old, but my constant ambivalence about the Miami marathon continues.  I'm enjoying these runs right now and know fully what it would take to ramp sufficiently up to 'marathon training' and the necessary miles to handle it.   Working 6 days a week, adjusting the new reality of my physical changes (post-menopause) and trying to interpret my attitude and willingness has put an ultimate decision on hold.

Somehow I'm no longer a fan of 'forced' or obligatory running.  I may be rationalizing- and please tell me if I am- but as time has now caught up with necessity,  the idea of 'mandatory' runs are beginning to change my attitude towards running for the worse.  It's been about 7 years now;  working from pure walking, to 5ks, 10ks, half and full marathons.  I am a turtle.  I do not run for speed.  I love the 'theater' of races, the democracy of group runs.  But deep down I am a solitary runner just as content to take off for whatever route beckons and as far as I'd like...my dreams are still to find off-road places where quiet trails or roadways will bring me that lovely loneliness that the long-distance runner craves.  The space for wishful thinking and dreaming of all kinds...the chance to stretch out tired legs, weary mind and let loose into a rhythm of movement.

If anyone can convince me to grab on to the marathon, I am open to your feedback.  Meanwhile, see you on World Run Day at Hugh Birch Park - Sunday Nov. 7 @ 9AM.  Don't forget the gate fee.  And whatever you do, ENJOY THE RIDE!

World Running

It's that time again, the annual World Run Day and opportunity to celebrate what we enjoy- whether it's the solo run out on the lonely roads, or training with our club, group or training partner(s).  I've been in the habit of running at Hugh Birch state park/Ft. Lauderdale.  This year I'm open to suggestions in case anyone is interested in marking this event.

So local runners, let me know what you think!  Even if a group run doesn't materialize, mark the date to pay homage' to the sport which gives us strength, stamina and a peace of mind which comes from letting our bodies and minds get in sync with our spirits....There is an Elder Soul of Running, maybe it's Mercury, the Messenger.  And I often feel that the wings on my feet are really those in my heart.  It is the thrill, beauty and persistence of the run which lifts me into that mythic connection.  Want to run?

North/South, East/West

Thanks to Michael who turned me on to this trail run last year pre-MCM, I was back on it the week up in DC (I know, its really Virginia...).  Two days of this, plus daily walking the hill(s) to the kids place kept me in shape, and thanks to the hotel, a really great 'staging' place, all the bells and whistles. 

Amazing to meld the cultures of our families, to share the joy of our new family member Claire despite language barriers....which shows how the language of love transcends all.....Michael's in-laws were a lesson in great elder-hood;  spry, lively,  calm and content, running circles around all of us as they maintained the daily routine of the household and baby care.  Mike's Dad and I commented over and over, 'wow and we did it all alone...'....demonstrating one of the big cultural differences right there!  It was my mother's generation who was surrounded by/assisted by family when her children were born.  Our generation had moved far away from our family ties to go it alone....

The circle's turn back around to a new generation, and becoming grandparents feels like a rebirth for all of us, together with our various struggles, changes and challenges.  Realizing that each of us brings a strength to the link in the family chain, amplifies the sense of love and devotion. 

Our international matrix grows by the bond these two created many years ago in France....no matter what seems to happen, there is something which supports the journey of adventure the kids have had in unfolding their lives.  So here's to you, beautiful Claire!  It will be too long before I see and hold you again- but you are already deep in my heart.  Granny Florida has your back, always!!! xoxox

I Take You With Me

When I saw Mom on Sunday I had Shirley's set of photos from the fam in California to share...she knew most everyone, and got emotional at the pix of Butch in his dress suit and sunglasses striking a very 'Dad'-like pose.  The best part was a singer brought in her karaoke machine and old songs, and together we all sang and clapped....(well those who were awake/alert)...Mom and I clasped hands, and did a lot of smiling at each other. I was overcome with gratitude and emotion that I had this time with her still.

If my Dad were alive he would be ecstatic about little Claire, and my trip north!  Mom has a conflicted attitude about all the family now;  she doesn't like to 'bother' anyone, or initiate a call.  And yet, as the newly minted grandmama of the bunch I know I carry them with me into this experience.  Suddenly, I am the Elder, and get to watch my own son make his parental mark on the next generation together with his dear wife.  It will be a thrill to participate in this grand Dance, even if a short time;  but I feel very connected to the whole scene.

I am nostalgic that this time last year I was also preparing to travel north: for the Marine Corp marathon.  This year, I will hopefully get some training runs in, on that lovely trail Michael and I hit last year and enjoy what Fall has to offer a place with seasons.  Time away is also time with....and whether I am here, or there, the inner landscape is populated with caring souls.

Vitae has also been much on my mind.  Last year's race was my last time with him, as he made the trek from the Valley up to see me run, with the rest of my 'team'.  I will never forget the outpouring of love and support in the midst of his herculean effort to maintain the route, walking from point to point with the younger folk.   It seems the message he keeps sending is "LOVE....", he who always was - and still is- my spiritual father.

If we bring with us all whom we love, and those who love us, then each introduction is a meeting of many souls.  Claire, you are welcomed into a very big Family of connections;  and already cherished as our newly beloved!!  See you soon!

Past and Future

"Love looks not with eyes but with heart." - Sri Swami Sivinanda

The face of a baby can inspire the deepest resonance in our nature;  how else can you explain the perfect rest and togetherness in this photo?  Where past generations gave their struggle to see mine take the reins at the cusp of change, now a new one comes along to continue where our children began...a journey into the future, taking with them ancestors who are embedded within them.

With all the turmoil in my young life, it does my heart good to witness the unfolding of my son's and his own family.  I suddenly feel as if I've come out from a very long desert trek, full of thirst and angst, lost to my own perceived fight for survival only to find it was me who got me lost, circling around and around all this time.

   I can run to get away, and end up in such circles;  the same loop, the same landscape, the same amount of effort or challenge where mindlessness makes due for metaphysical connection; lost in the miasma of my own past illusions holding on for dear life knowing their end is near.
   I can run to release from the perceived bondage of the body, even as I take it along and challenge it, punish it, and ultimately demand it give me my youth and health on a silver platter.  Denial of death, of aging, as long as I am 'athlete' I am clinging on to a younger self.
   I can run to follow a dream;  whether its a marathon, a deeper connection to my own inner mind, or a sense of unification between my body, mind and spirit.  Whatever the dream which drives me, recognizing that not every dream is known comes with not having full control of the run.  Some runs are beautiful, inspired, charged with energy and purpose.  Yesterday I did the big Griffin loop after 2 days off and found myself exhilarated with the cooler temps and nice long stretches down the back side of 40th and along the Emerald Hills road.  Sure I walked here and there, and no doubt about it my overall endurance is down.  But the road met me with reassurance, as if it 'knew' the rhythm of my gait and supported my breath in the morning air.
   Some runs, like today are nothing special- a few rounds on the overpass for hills (such as they are), just enough to wake me and fire up the muscles which have protested anything beyond a flat.  Throwing some 'hill' repeats into the week will do me good to break out of the endurance gap, and hopefully relax into the bigger miles to come.

But today I hold a new feeling which puts everything in perspective.  The desert trek ends with the fall of illusion, knowing that the deep isolation and frustration were persistent echoes from the past which kept clouding my vision of now.  What I see is love, support and optimism.  The same light which shines for the sake of my clients, or my family I am willing to shine within- and for- me.  It is good to know that no matter how dire the hold Maya tries to have, She will eventually lead me back to My Self;  her aim apparently, to make me appreciate, when I get there,  the grace of a Loving Kindness which allows ALL. 

Fall Equinox '10

The turn of the seasonal year brings a renewed attention to All Things Nature, including this year's full moon which caught my eye over my left shoulder as I drove home from work last night.  Despite crippling heat and humidity, something about the lift of light through the hazy atmosphere brought a glint into the skies, as the liquid glow spilled over onto the cloud formations on the evening skies.

This morning, despite intermittent showers, I headed out to see at the east the kaleidoscopic layers of light and clouds- blue and white ribbons of sky and clouds overlayed perennially by a patterned light and color show- the like of which I've never seen!  The atmosphere so thick with moisture, there was no rain, just a persistent kind of drizzle that gave me that Florida feeling of being in a water-based world.  I am soon soaked, but run on my modest loop, expectations in check.

The balance points on the Great Wheel are an opportunity to breathe into that delicate space when the very weight of time Herself is poised, like a dancer on a tightrope, a runner in mid-stride.  Between the chronic effort to maintain, achieve and accomplish, to push through every obstacle and challenge in our path, there is that still point, an awareness of ultimate Beauty.  I have always been grateful for this inner eye that allows the artist to me to perceive this layer of intrinsic energy;  the informing of the formless with the creative brush of a Bigger Hand.  It is the saving grace for any of us willing to stop even momentarily to look up, look within and acknowledge that which spreads itself before us, for our own delight and awakening.

The Path of Nature

'Process' is a word relevant for anything in context of systems, forces and intent.  We use it in counseling, training and so many other physical and mental tasks.  My process has been full of challenges, and without challenge there would be no forward motion...so Nature shows us...

After 2 days of yoga I was back out this AM in a blessedly cooler atmosphere, which even down here in the southern tip of the US notes the change of seasons, albeit with extreme subtlety.  While folks up north prepare to celebrate the Equinox,  full of cool nights and slowly changing colors, we are still hampered by record heat (90's in the day).  Running has been a slog all summer.  Today it was a better haul from my start point, thru my park break and on up the Stirling loop to my major stop on Griffin.  I took that stretch nicely;  proving that a few days off with the yoga did me some good.  My expectations for the week are low.  This gives me the excuse to say "its a low mileage week", backing off, resting and hopefully gearing back up in sync with the season.

Nature is very much on my mind.  WE are nature, the stuff of stars, dust and DNA.  Try as we do to 'control' and 'master' the mighty forces which inform us,  She has a Mind of Her own.  Her agenda, to perpetuate her intricate patterns of Life, are in some ways as dispassionate as the sun which shines on us all.  On the other hand, I'd like to think I can crawl into Her wide mind and curl into her heart.  Only there does the wisdom of process become a part of my breathing, and my being can be at peace.

The Tyranny of Happiness

Whenever the coin flips, and I find myself on the side of 'issues' and more challenging emotions, I seem to buck up against my own prescribed expectations for emotional balance, as if 'happiness' were the only indicator.  I know this so well from the counseling process;  a client has gotten up enough courage to take a look under the 'rocks' of secrets and denial to really explore difficult terrain- which they interpret as "depression" or "going crazy"/unstable and I'm throwing them a parade for finally looking in the shadows where they previously refused to go- and where the trouble emanates.  I've never known a client who isn't somewhat surprised by my 'interpretation' and enthusiasm for their process.  Once they have some confidence in the 'normalcy' of it all, we can continue 'connecting the dots' between the disowned parts of themselves and their patterns and problems.

Now lens turned inward;  my emotional palette has been influenced by many events;  my granddaughter's arrival, the high holidays and expected melancholy over missing the active participation of my parents, and the chronic health challenges which corrupt my otherwise optimistic ambitions for all things running and long-term wellness.  Just when I thought I should bag the marathon plan, I pulled out a very nice long Griffin loop today.  Again, after a carb-fest yesterday (thank-u Whole Foods for making it 'real'), a bunch of sleep and a gift from the gods- a cool breeze on the dawn and as comfortable as it's been in many months! 

Once settled into my gait, and still sans music, I tried to roll out the carpet of emotional notes which seemed to be caught right at my throat.  The anxious, disconnected presence of that little girl who has quietly taken me hostage into her solitude.  Artists can tolerate- in fact often crave- large periods of time alone.  The schedule of a working counselor hasn't offered me that in many years.  Running has become a means of achieving glorious isolation from the world to meet myself in my own head.  However, the persistent and sometimes tiring needs of this child in me can simply be the desire to escape- run from the 'crazy and dangerous adults' (especially men, sorry guys....), from pressures to perform, conform, and put up the brave face....

I have no doubt about my Path, my mission or purpose in this world.  Thanks to my lifelong quest and identification as a spiritual worker/warriour (thank u Mello and Sun Temple folks!) I am confident that my abilities have been channeled to the right Work.  Meanwhile,  learning to develop Self while coming into closer contact with all aspects of myself brings the challenges of growth.  My light worker brothers and sisters seem better adept than I at the art of Happiness;  of experiencing the joy and connecting with the exuberance of Life.    For me, the presence of Spirit comes with a price;  and connection has demands....

I took the long road today until I felt the pressure begin to come off....the emotional elements began to blend into that hypnotic and calming rhythm that is a natural gait.  Each part of me clamoring for attention finally quieted while something else, the rhythm itself let me relax into the motion and atmosphere.  The true 'escape' is only at the deepest levels of trust, when we meet our Self in the arms of our very Life, 

The Grandmothers Gather

As the northern circle commenced their homage to the grandmothers on Sunday, I was as usual called into the group.  The auspiciousness of the occasion was naturally enhanced by little Claire, so my 'membership' into the 'club' was ensured.  We are not our grandmother's generation, clearly.  But maybe what we inherit is that same single-minded focus on the good of the global push for the generations to come, as we plant our seeds, send our signals and light our bonfires for others to find their way.

Since I put my back out, it's been important to change gears and shift down into more healing modes.  Today, I did not run more than half the loop, and walked most of the last several miles, in an attempt to loosen, but not punish, my stiff body.  Those old crones were whooping and singing their hearts out, no doubt.  And if my spirit presence enhances theirs, even from a sensitive space, all the more important for our voices to blend together.  I often (VERY often) miss the proximity of my 'sisters'.  Now with the family adding a generation, I know my distance will continue to provoke more focus on how to stay connected on other levels.  Every image, post and picture allows me to peek into our multi-dimensional web of intentions and work.  So even while alone out on the roads, I feel the buoyancy of many hands soothing my heart, my soul.

It was always the work of the grandmothers to comfort- and awaken- the young ones to meet their path.  How amazing that we found each other to begin with, and awaken each other, still!  Namaste, my beautiful goddesses!! 

Claire

Too comfy for her own good, Claire needed some persuasion to come into this world.  Once arrived, she proves her impact with sheer size (9#5oz!!) and her gentle influence on everyone, especially proud Papa!!  Born 9-10, I spent Saturday seeing clients and periodically checking in with the new family.  Just before I left that morning, I pulled out my back reaching for the coffee pot;  a maneuver I haven't fallen prey to in some years.  So between video cam and resting on the heating pad, I hoped to rest up for a long run Sunday.

Even if the temps have not really moderated, there is the slightest dip in the early morning hour around dawn.  So with expectations appropriately low I set out on a walk just to loosen up and vowed to do nothing that didn't feel ok.  My ipod is on the fritz again (this is number umpteen million...hey Apple, why is your technology so damn problematic on the low end of the price scale??) so I went sans music and instead soaked up the gentle sounds of almost nothing except early bird chatter.  Music is the means of keeping me on a pace, within a beat and disconnected from discomfort.  Without it, I'm forced to really follow my form, my comfort level and most of all my inner mind.  Needless to say, much of my thinking was focused on Claire.

When I saw my mother yesterday I took pictures.  We made verbal lists of her grandchildren and greatgrands to remind her of everyone.  Claire is greatgrandchild #4 and takes her place with numbers 2 on of the family members who came into this world after my Dad left it.  It's been poignant beyond words to think about him and how much he would have LOVED being part of Michael's journey into papahood; the illustration of grandparenting bonds:  my dad was close with many of his grandchildren.

And though Mom recognized and clearly appreciated the news, her focus is limited.  There would be no bursting announcements through the condo doors;  no celebrating.  Suddenly I realized, the generations have truly shifted and I am taking my place among the elders.  Sad, this passing of the torch.  Happy too, because we are a new generation of crones us grandmothers, and we come to this as Warriors of our own life, able to instill our strength and drive into the march of the generations coming.

I join many of my friends and family members into this exclusive club.  I completed that long run thinking about the time around Michael's own birth and how 30 years has gone by since the time a young, idealistic but ill-equipped gal gave over to the birth of a new life that catapulted me into all kinds of unforeseen directions.  What the 'road' has given me now is a predictability and stability that has grounded me in my ever-present quest for meaning and cosmic connection.  The run is now my link to my path, and my present commitment to be mindful of the process of Life unfolding.  And in my new role I can link to the newest voice in the family as she asserts herself into the Fabric of our unfolding.  

So welcome, Claire Ellyn to this big beautiful world.  Grandma is looking forward to traveling a few roads of our own!

Nice and Easy

The heat is not done with us yet.  In fact, on a rare day of trying to catch a few rays, something I haven't done almost all summer, the heat has been so intense, I went over to the pool at the beginning of the holiday weekend only to bail after about an hour.  The Sun felt like an opened oven;  it was not the warming feeling- it was a burning, blast- and not comfortable.  I was glad we had a chance to get to the beach later in the weekend, and later in the day.  That wonderful warmth that melts deep into my tired muscles was there....and the sounds and smells of the surf, the happy laughter of kids, all gave me that holiday feel I needed.

I pulled out a nice long run on Sunday, just keeping it within reason on the big Griffin loop.  Today I took the loop to the south and wound around the overpass, down to Arthur and back on Thomas.  It was a tired and unimpressive effort;  but I made up for lack of umph with a few periods of strides just to rev the engines a bit.  This is about a 6+ miler, so the same as my smaller Griffin loop.  Just enough to press, not enough to fatigue.  I would like to say I am more comfortable at these short distances, but the heat is not helping.  Time, for that, is on my side.

I am aware of how slow I really am every time I happen to get passed by another runner (not often, very few folks out on the roads this year)...and watch their relaxed gait- as they leave me in their dust!  For whatever reasons, I cannot turn over my feet very fast.  And since I don't do drills or other types of workouts, I'm sure this is the basic reason why.  For me, running has been as simple as I can do it:  I run shorter during the week, longer on the weekend.  I run even longer if I have a race.  I think of myself as 'out on a trek' which requires a faster pace than a walk, as if skimming the savannas in a very ancient time.  I want to TAKE my time.  I run to see the sights, the landscape.  The escape from the clock, the civilized sitting is what motivates me out the door.  I may be the slowest runner around, but I'm still out there- where are you?

My clients always have excuses why they can't do things, even the simplest.  I recognize that line of thinking.  Food and exercise are two things we can accommodate by making even the most basic choices.  I learned long ago that my body would go where I led it, which took me from smoker and sweets eater to athlete wanna-be.  OK athlete.  I qualify that because I know the daily dedication it takes to meet the kind of goals I secretly harbor.  One day, as I climb the ladder of ability, occasionally falling off, I hope to achieve that balance between obsessive zeal and comfort as my system keeps "tuning" itself to the new vibrations twanging all around us.  As the momentum of change keeps revving higher, so does our adaptation.  Keep making all the right moves; watch your gait gain momentum and take you along for the ride!

Mom, continued

The last picture of Mom at her condo, as beautiful as ever, serves to remind me how much keeps changing...now when I see her at the nursing home, I'm struck by the swift melting of her form and function into ever new modes of aging.  The wisps of her long gray hair captures in thin ponytails, her scalp visible, her eyes looking cloudy, her hearing shot.   She locks onto me like a laser beam for about a minute or so before the distraction sets in, and isn't talking much anymore:  "I'm listening..." she likes to say, but I know she isn't hearing all that much so it's her way of saving face.

When I do my Sunday runs I have her and Dad on my mind, as Sunday is visiting day for me.  No matter how stressful or busy the week has been, or how many clients I have on my mind, nothing trumps the challenge of what my elders endure.  I feel as if I owe them/her this weekly reminder that a loved one is near, someone who sees her for who she really is beyond the little old quiet lady in the wheelchair.  For me, my mother is a complex woman who endured historic and personal chapters I have limited appreciation for, being the generation which benefited from their great sacrifices.   But most of all, she gives me courage to keep my perspective on my own aging process, and to appreciate every ability I have.

The Sunday run, is my affirmation of courage, hope, endurance and the persistence of Vision to become...what my dreams, goals and aspirations inspire me to do, and what my Spirit gives me the courage to pursue.  I know my parents often wondered how and why I did things in my life, but they never discouraged my hopes and dreams.  The unconditional love they built in me is a fraction of the love I try to show Mom, to be there for her, see her, hug her, before moving on.  On some level somehow, I know our Best Selves are celebrating every moment we can share along the way.

Brooks Launch

In my quest to prepare for real training and all things Miami marathon (Jan. 2011), I took a field trip to one of my local running stores.  Packed with every stripe of runner, seeming, like me to look for the next pair of perfect shoes, I was fortunate enough to connect with a young, dread-headed salesguy who patiently took me through my options.  Seems all the major brands are now on the 'minimal' band-wagon.  Not quite the same as 'performance' shoes, we now have choices which contrast with the super-constructed, foamy, cushioned trend of the last 10 years or so.  I tried on Saucony, Mizuno and Brooks.  And for fun a pair of Newtons, which cost a fortune and apparently will 'adjust your alignment' due to their unusual soles (take a look next time).   Brooks felt balanced and 'right' immediately.  I've had a series of Brooks now, and ran my Glycerins into the ground.  So out of the box and onto my feet, I ran my longest run to date yesterday and felt completely fine!

Shoes will not solve all my issues.  Nor will the moderation in temps (hey it has to happen sometime!).  The truth of it is, I still have to close the gap between my expectations and my level of fitness.  Little by little, as I begin more consistent mileage, strength-training, yoga and nutrition, I hope to conquer the voice of doubt in my head.  Sleep seems to be an important tool as well, and I'm not afraid to crawl into bed like a real oldster, and allow myself plenty of rest.  The pay-off?  Feeling strong, fit and full of energy to cope with everything on my plate.  But most of all, that magical stretch of distance that comes when least expected...the quiet dissociative break from reality and the soaring into my own inner mind.  Running has been my means of access into the 'gestalt' of the world.  Without it, I would be hard-pressed to immerse myself in much the same way.  I have reached many a breakthrough with art, music, writing, and the spiritual connection with others.  But where the body goes, the mind will follow if given a chance to resonate on its own unique wavelength.

Happy training to all the club runners, the solo-ists, the charity supporters.  I am always glad to see others now out on the roads... preparing for what comes next. 

Practice

As a kid I played instruments: organ lessons, piano, later picking up the guitar, recorder, and later still in a wanna-be rocker stage, messed around some with bass, drums, and lots of percussion. I still have vivid memories as a girl sitting at the huge organ of my Pittsburgh teacher, who played for the Pirates Stadium! Endless drills, testing my 'ear' to see if I recognized changes...and hours in my parents' living room at our own giant console playing hours of classical, popular, rock songs, along with my own improvisations. Music, art and writing were my 3 early passions. Where art and writing came effortlessly, music gave me the foundation of 'practice'. The switch in my right brain that came to know and trust the organic pathways of sound and pattern was on in a big way, and thankfully for me, has never been extinguished.

Many things can threaten our innate creative thinking. Mostly our own handicapped belief systems; the "I can'ts" or I shouldn'ts" which shift our energy from persevering towards something dreamed for, to keeping the 'status quo.' I recognize these same themes in my running. Big dreams carry me forward, practice gets me there, while I muster arguments against the can'ts and shouldn'ts in my head which try to talk me out of it all.

Practice is something which has come to permeate my life: there is my professional practice, my private practice, my creative practice, my spiritual practice, my running practice. If "application of an idea" is the basic definition, then Life becomes the practice of our conscious and unconscious ideas and beliefs. Yesterday's long run on the big Griffin loop got me back to thinking about 'distance'. At this very early stage of setting up for marathon training, I feel the need to clarify my own beliefs about the miles ahead. Somewhere amidst the nice long stretches, I realized that past knowledge is there to cover the Miami distance from '07: I could picture parts of it in my mind. I knew where it got particularly difficult as well as the infinite excitement of certain landmarks and areas as I passed through. Application of our beliefs is the fuel of manifesting: practice is the key, to get out there, to take the risk, to experience the unique challenges and opportunities that each new experience brings.

It took me a long time in life to put myself together where 'practice' was truly possible; when the emotional and personal landscape settled down enough to allow me to bring these long-held potentials to the forefront. As I witness more and more coming to fruition, I know there are abundance of Forces which work with us in our every good intent: the practice becomes a Partnership, and through this, we work the Magic that is the unfolding of our own New World.

Hints of Things to Come

I never really know why a good run is good. Sometimes I can point to a nice long night's sleep or a particularly lucky stretch of good food, low stress etc. But none of that was in the mix as I watched the bands of storms roll through last night, until finally, around 7AM I saw the skies clear and took to the open roads!

On the treadmill at the gym I make sure to do some inclines...maybe that helped me feel more of a boost, because as soon as I hit the other side of Sheridan I took off, and never stopped until I hit my pit-stop at Griffin Publix!! The temps were as wonderful and cool as they've been all summer after the storms; everything was lush with water. Do ions penetrate even muscular aches and pains? I expected more protest out of my hip. But after a few miles I could feel the soft percussive tap at the bottom/balls of my foot and feel the smooth roll of my gait. I had a rhythm, and I could sustain it! Now double this, double it again..and my current 6 milers will one day approximate the marathon....!

The 'alternate' reality we seek, which bleeds through into our own, is a generous one. Even when we least expect it, peeks into where we want to go come in packages sweet with success and satisfaction. Ahhh....!!

More Rain, less Road

After dreams of someone named "Hugo Wolf", a name so memorable, I recalled it even after further dream 'chapters' unfolded putting me back in Pittsburgh, I woke before the alarm after 6AM. Sweeps of rainy bluster were pummeling the parking lot below; so I packed my gear and headed for the gym. The problem with treadmill running for me (well, there's many) is the lack of visual stimuli. The Right Brain in rightbrainrunner is partly about the immersion in the natural world, and how running places me within the body of elements, not outside of it, soaking up the air, heat, cold, winds, and yes sometimes rain. I've run int he rain but it's cumbersome and uncomfortable. Once you are soaking wet from head to squishy shoes, it feels somewhat like running underwater anyway. At the gym at least, the control over the run makes up for CNN, the work-out junkies, and a perpetual set of numbers inching along a mythical track telling me one more tenth of a mile, one more calorie burned....

I decided, after realizing the other day that I can pull out a decent 5K, to run that, and see if I match the same general time. Sure enough, even after the first easy mile, I clocked just over 36 minutes. A ran another mile or so to ease out of the pace and checked myself over. The 'hitch' in my hip is back. The flexor, or some combination of tricky bits around my right hip socket feel twisted up in themselves. In the marathons I've run this is my nemesis. There is absolutely no way I can relax into a run when this issue is acting up. And so I'm back to the basics again: do I invest the time, money and energy to really work this out? Massage, chiro, the elites have their endless array of therapies...do we think they get to that start line alone?
But for average street runners everywhere, we have to figure it out ourselves.

Last year it took tremendous effort to maintain. I am more strapped for time than ever. While I feel a small spark of hope that my base is there, and the ability to ramp up and increase my endurance will come, the change this year has brought new, subtle vulnerabilities. Willpower alone will not do it. And I am not a Dean, Scott or grandmother 100 miler (well, not yet). In yesterday's 'reading' from Tom Kenyon (look him up), the message was about jumping timelines into alternate realities which are now within our grasp, by identifying it, shifting focus to it and locking onto it by action which support it. Artists and creative types everywhere can understand this principle and process. We visualize to create; we 'see' where we want to go. So if locking onto Miami is my way of 'jumping' realities, it may take the rest of my Big Dreams along...to further unfold New Me, New Future, New Earth.

8-9-10

-Dean Karnazes

So far, the plan to get to bed early and up early (yes even weekend days) is working, with an early enough start time Sunday to catch what passes for 'cooler' temps these days. I had to remind myself to get out of my usual loop up Park and instead decided to head out West Park. For non-locals, the double 2 lane road with its big grassy divide used to be a magical stretch of road about 2 miles from where it curves off to its main intersection at 56th. I say 'used to' because before Hurricane Wilma, the entire road was graced with huge trees which created a leafy canopy, right down the grass divide. Wilma uprooted almost all of them. Now, it still has a wonderful quality- but only on Sundays, the one day when traffic is mostly absent, and the ability to run unencumbered, on a straightaway, is a nice training boost.

Yesterday, a woman and her dog came running past me as I began my walk up to my 'start' point (I have been walking the beginning and end of every run these days). As I began the West Park stretch, I notice her pass me and had my usual thought; 'oh how annoying, another runner faster than me, better than me who I'll have to look at now for a long stretch....etc'. A little while later, she circled back to chat. What I came to find out is this lovely gal, in her 40's, with her great looking black and white dog reminding me of my many black and white dogs over the years, was a devoted amateur like me, whose run a few marathons like me, and - like me- has visions of getting back to 'serious' distance running. To her, I was the uber runner!! I tell her my goal was tackling my big Griffin loop, which I haven't done in some time. I show her my 'pit stop' past 56th...and as we part ways, I watch and admire her steady gait, and the dedication of her dog who relaxed into her own easy lope besides her.

Naturally this was all the boost I needed to head out in the back roads to 56th. I took the stretch straight up to Griffin surprising myself that despite the heat, the usual fatigue, I could focus myself to maintain. I had a few nice lengths of relaxed gait, and nothing was hurting (for a change!). I have been keeping Miami in my mind and asking my body, are you ready? Do you want this? Knowing the expectations between my fantasy and reality are often somewhat out of sync.

Then there's Dean Karnazes. Look him up, he is the gold standard of everything distance and "uber". Where Scott Jurek sets records and struggles with his own internal demons which contribute to a sketchy performance, Dean is a flat-out, do it kind of guy. How do you train? I run. How do you cross train? I run. What do you eat? Good stuff, nothing extraordinary- "I drink water before I run" is one of my favorite 'Dean' answers (look up his website). Dean says, the only limitation is yourself, your attitude- etc. I believe this. I know, because 6-7 years ago before I ever ran a step, I would never have imagined running-or finishing a marathon. And what do all elder woman like me do post-menopause? Do we hang up our shoes, wax sentimental over our medals and photographs and start baking cookies? HELL NO! We stay on track; like the grandmother runners I saw via Facebook/YouTube who happily complete 50 and 100 miler races, it's a matter of 'reframing'...taking the distance and believing in its doability. The body will go where the mind takes it. I began to believe that this year and its new health challenges were an automatic set-back. But the magic of the road is such that Miami begins to feel better and better the more I imagine it...

Except for my SO, whose hesitation to say yes was knowing how difficult coming back from injuries and set-backs can be, my 'Team' is in consensus to do the marathon in January. If I commit that means we can look forward to 5 months of blog-work in processing my triumphs and challenges. Are we up for it? Do we have what it takes to commit? If Marine Corp marathon was the 'homage' to my Dad, this one would be in honor of my new granddaughter, (arrival date Sept!!), my Mom and all things Female. If the Goddess Herself enjoys the guise of Huntress, and the occasional long jaunt into the wilderness to clear Her mind and refresh her Spirit, then I'm sure She can lend me some of Mercury's courage and swift heart in my quest to demonstrate that ANYTHING is possible if we BELIEVE!!

Thank you all!

Rain Run

My timing was terrible if running in the rain is not your thing; up on schedule and out the door just as the skies were opening into a steady downpour. I wore what I thought was enough gear to stay somewhat dry which was a joke after a few minutes...but was smart enough to wear shoes sturdy enough to take pounding through puddles. I'm not adverse to strange weather conditions; for me running on a treadmill indoors like a lab rat is the workout of last resort.
I took the overpass, and made a very modest loop around Taft. The rain became a torrent and pretty soon I gave up any semblance of distance or true effort. Instead I began to remember the weather of my childhood in Pittsburgh, which at the time was a city of real extremes. I have distinct memories of tornadoes, huge snow storms and big rain, and my daily walks to school...As my feet became thoroughly soaked I began to stop avoiding puddles and went right for them...noisily running through with a child's abandon. Slogging through so much water, in water-logged shoes was tiring! So having a short run in this case packed its punch. And of course just as I cruised close to home, the rain began to taper. :-)

I dropped my gear and noticed the early morning sun breaking through the cloud cover. So I made my way to the opposite side of the building where, sure enough, a rainbow began to form. I did my stretching while watching this one and it's fainter twin develop over the arc of the sky; the colors becoming more distinct, the sheer thrilling beauty of it eclipsing the traffic, noises and human hustle-bustle below.

Somehow, Life is trying to remind me not to take anything for granted anymore. With every little step comes unexpected challenges and surprises. What we decide to make of all this is entirely up to us, as we begin to translate this language of essence and experience for ourselves. No one knows our secret inner world. Best yet, the only keeper of the keys is the Courage of our Hearts to see it clearly. I thank the gods of rain for the gift they gave me today!!

Working (it) Out

Now that my schedule is getting more locked in, I developed a strategy of winding down the weekend early enough to get a good long night's sleep before Monday AM. Sleep for me is more than restorative. As a life long 'dreamer' who has always had vivid, sometimes profound and always instructive dreams, my sleep life is where I seem to go to work out the issues of the day on deeper levels. As Vitae always taught me, the 'Dream masters' are there as unseen guides. Whether I remember the dreams or not, rarely do I wake up without some sense of 'something' necessary happening.

Today I woke plenty early enough to be out for a moderate loop and found myself in that strange zone between sleep and not-quite-awake, on my feet as I cruised up Park to take the cut up by St. Maurice. My Sunday long run was just brutal enough to make today more sluggish. But overall, I had the strength if not the 'umph' and made my way to my pit-stop at the Griffin Publix, no problem.

As I cut down 35th and the lovely winding stretch back to Stirling, I found myself hovering still in a dreamlike state where working out the nuances of plans, feelings and issues rolls along unencumbered. The mechanism of being in motion is the key to unlocking this process; I've said before that many people are not 'sitters' when it comes to meditation. And it's my theory that many runners are able to become most mindful when they can catapult themselves forward and therefore dissociate from their bodies. How does this work? I am aware of the run; I know what hurts, if I'm laboring either in breath or stride. The magic happens when the mysterious alchemy of elements syncs up into the kind of gait that releases me from any realization of being earth-bound; as if my spirit cuts free within my mind as it expands beyond the road, the shoes that bind my feet, the very curve of the earth Herself, the sky....

At those moments, I am in the dream, and the Masters can have at me in all their benevolent effort to open the doors that become stuck and sealed through the frustrations, pain and suffering which comes at me. Every step along the way is a percussive resounding of the current I aim to cut through into truth. If so many teachers are there to assist me, how can I say I am not enough to assist others? What can't I do if I put my mind and its assets to it? Miami...marathon...6 months...shall I??

Heat

A modest few loops at the park, with plenty of walking was nothing to brag about, unless you count just getting out the door. It's time to decide about Miami in Jan. '11. It was 2008 and my first full marathon last time I was there. Miami marathon is one of the BEST ever, since January here in So Flo is a dream compared to the rest of the country, and the course itself winds through every best bit of the area, including Miami beach, Coconut Grove etc etc. Running bud Cheryl checked in with the suggestion to run the half. Doable...?? Either one?? With all the 'maintenance' lately and not much in the way of real training, is it realistic to begin the shift into a consistent plan?? Do I have the umph, the time, the motivation??

The heat is on. Pressure builds keeping all of us focused on more survival than usual, with weather, financial and global changes bouncing around like jugglers balls we can hardly keep in the air. The benefit of marathon training is the whole-hearted attention it takes which acts as a natural deflection of concerns about too much of anything else! Trouble is, have I found myself in a chapter of my life when such focus is not good timing now?

I am trying to fall back in love with many things, including running. Pressure does not help my cause...yet, the goal and its accomplishment is a sure way to up the ante and interest. Goals are good things if they act as catalysts to fling you further into your future. I might try some, now that the BIG ones are in the bag...

Big Weather on its Way

Today's Griffin loop had that odd feel of Big Weather coming in...the winds pushing extra humid air ahead of a mass of energy that you know goes way beyond local scope...the skies filling with that fast mass of clouds beginning their swirl along the upper streams steering things forward, and apparently westward. Not good for the Gulf, for us, perhaps a first dry run of the hurricane season. We are hardened pros now, we know what needs doing...and as part of the Broward County team, I am 'officially' on call and at their disposal always...

Meanwhile we all attempt to cope with what comes our way. These Big Forces are pushing their way upon us and we need to have the muster to hold on to our ground, our faith and hard-working ethic to see us through. It feels like it will never quite be 'easy' again. Even the run, which gives up trance-like stretches of bliss every once in a while, exacts its price: there is always a deep effort to maintain faith that I complete today, and the next, and the next one to come.

Yoga Day

After a stretch of running days it felt prudent to honor the hard work by giving myself a yoga day today. I follow the Rodney Yee "yoga for the core" which helps tremendously with the major muscles which support strong and comfortable form for running. I always know when I haven't done it often enough; the run will begin to feel pushed. This yoga routine is a fantastic counter-balance to the hard work-outs, especially in the heat of this summer. And it reminds me that what I am dealing with is my body's 'chi' and energy shifts, channeling between the ground of Mother Earth and Her core and the axis of galactic balance, as it passes through my body.

In motion, I've also gone back to "chi running" principles. Like all practices, I find myself going back to basic principles over and over again, reminding myself of the basic inner workings and focusing my mind to 'sync' with my body. If I don't I easily fall prey to any typical athlete's tendency to push on without senses tuned to the body's nuances, or body as machine. Much as I would like my body to 'obey' my wishes, there will only be continued progress if 'we' all work together!!

I am reminded of this in all areas of my life. How my clients and I are a team, my agency/practice and I, family, friends and the Great Circle of Helpers who stand seen and unseen on the planetary stage...all contribute to the forward movement. I am always in awe of the cohesive and gestalt nature of this interplay, that no matter how separate we think we are, Forces so much greater than us have us in the cradle of their consideration while the strands of chaos and fate intertwined to make our future.
Move on out with courage and a brave heart, dear friends. There is no where to go but UP!

New Week

Saucony Hurricanes were half-off... who can resist a bargain like that? Never ran in this brand, but they felt pretty good at the store. Today, I took them out for an easy 4ish miles with plenty of walking (and dodging the sudden rain shower!)... and they felt pretty good...cushiony, but hopefully not TOO much stuff between me and the road.

Inner Distance

"Part of the challenge of the marathon is pushing past what you think is physically possible. You can do more than you think you can."

-Christine Hinton, a Maryland running coach

Yesterday as I watched my clients cope with the pressures of therapy, as I prod and push them past their own limits, a part of my mind kept wandering back to points in my own growth when I never thought I could....(fill in the blank)...go back to school/have a career/be financially stable/run/run a 10k,half marathon, marathon/retain a secure job for a long time/influence a ton of people for the better...etc etc etc....

Our belief systems stack up like bricks in the walls of our minds. They define the course, the challenges, the obstacles to overcome. One of my clients suffers from severe panic disorder and decided one day to challenge his beliefs by writing a 'letter to myself' and since then another, empowered part of him has become the driver in the journey of his healing process.

"You can do more than you think you can" is a mantra I live by. You can love more, accept more, resist more (the propogandists and repressive forces), empower yourself more to dive into the dream that hovers at the edge of your attention. If dreams are the echoes from our future selves, encouraging us on, then what do we have to lose by following them? Only the fear of yesterday.

This morning I set out for the Griffin loop thinking long and hard about the "Grandmothers of Endurance" someone posted on FB about 2 gals in their 60's/70's running ultra's...I mean 100 milers! The video had their interviews as well as footage of their beautiful matched cadences on a training trail run. It was a thing of beauty to see these old gals skimming the ground like sailboats on the water, as breathtaking to see as any star elite athlete...and for me, more inspiring!

One day, I will push past the limits of yesterday to the possibilities of today. I will remember how many dreams I thought were out of reach only to be the foundations of new ones. I sense the future world hovering like a beautiful veil on the edge of our daily routine; take the time to part it and see for yourself, who and what is waiting for you there.

The JOY of Running

Again, for no good reason....except for good fuel and a weekend rest (as opposed to fretting about work)... I take the Griffin loop over from 56th and up SW 40th, a road I have not been on in some time....

The crisp light of early morning cradles my eyes as they adjust to the rhythm of footfalls, until I get my gait and begin to ease into the atmosphere. Over Emerald Hills I just focus on keeping everything on a smooth move....nothing was terribly sore, no hitches, so the shift of gears from slow shuffle to respectable pace (for me now) happened effortlessly. Instead of constant walk breaks, I seemed to have the pace right to go and go....on up to Griffin, enjoying the peace and quiet of lovely open roads with hardly a car out: Sunday mornings are the ideal day for the long run!

Griffin to my Publix pit stop. I was over-heated but feeling triumphant. I would like to push it to Angler, but something in me said, don't take the risk just yet...a good thing can turn south and any one of those vulnerable places lock me out of making it back in one piece. So instead I took my time and ran the branch back to Park, keeping up a nice little gait to Tom Petty all the way down to Stirling. I am in the habit now of walking the last mile, a 'homage' to an article I read about a NYC runner who figured out if he walked his last mile home, made it back in good shape, allowing his legs to recover. Walking does just that; while still on a brisk move, it feels as if all the connective tissue can stretch back out, while muscles remain active...plus I work on swinging out my tense shoulders, neck and arms...

The JOY of running comes unexpected...and usually under pressure from set-backs, challenges and obstacles along the way. In the photo, from MCM, this was mile 18-19 before I saw a familiar face; my 'team' waiting for me along the DC mall...Michael, Yu, CeeCee and Vitae- triumphant for me, spiriting me on with hugs, shouts, kisses and love....

There are times when I feel I hold the vision of everyone I love like a flower in my hands...while the fragrance of such solidarity generates the wind at my back each time I go it alone.

Summer Running 2010

Up and out between 6:30 and 7 AM, the sun having just hit the roofs of the condo buildings, preparing to heat up the moist night air into a sweat bath, but not for a few miles yet, as I head up Park. It's been a tiring week; nothing at work is ever balanced; either too much chaos or a dull roaring calm before the next storm, I am ever on my guard against too much stimulus pushing me into frenzied compensation. None of which really relates to my clients who are always the best part of what I do! By Friday, the first one I hadn't taken off in a month, my reserves were down. Sleep is the only antidote to fatigue...so I was optimistic that today I could run on more rest.

I try not to compare what training this time last year was like to now. The Marine Corp marathon was creeping up on me all summer, and my mileage was also increasing from the 30's per week, to 40's until at my peak I had a few 50 miler weeks with the long long runs. It was the summer of beach loops with my training buddy on the bike, out for hours and hours in the brutal heat. It was strength training and yoga, and so much attention to diet. The anticipation on the one hand and the stress and grief over losing my Dad just prior, and the last class before completing licensure requirements. Everything piled on and I mastered it, suited up, finished up, and ... crashed.....

This year's summer running is the antithesis of last: no meters, watches, fuel/fluid belts, no gels, gu's or extra anything. No weekly mileage 'requirements', no strict dietary no-no's. The goal this year is, "just run!" whenever I can, however long I can, where ever I feel like it.

While my post-menopausal body continues its transmigration into elderhood, a process I am not the least on board with yet, my mind struggles to find its footing in the constraints of aging's demands. I remain convinced that if I made it my absolute priority, I could find a way to build back to a bigger, better base and STILL become the ultra-runner I have inside my head! And even so, the dream-sojourner in me also realizes that the long trekker who keeps moving me place to place is responsible for this inherent self-image; I am always, somewhere deep inside, on my way...

It's a lucky thing we evolved this universe inside of us. The medicine people know there is no need for bodies when it comes to travel. For me, I hope to hang on as long as possible to the alchemy of weaving into one the twin trails of inner and outer movement. For me, the power is amplified, the juice is on. I 'see' my way through any obstacle thrown my way.

Happy 75th Dalai Lama!!

Thanks to Facebook where connections of connections posted the pix of the Dalai Lama's birthday which took place across the world in an earlier time zone. Even the photos themselves are a tribute to DL, filled with intense color and pageantry, and the grateful smiling faces of his many many devotees. And again thanks to FB to write my regards, which was "I hope you live long enough to help us through this transition..." because many great spiritual leaders and teachers are passing away.

It was the story of the DL which all those years ago inspired me to accept my own 'exile' on Planet Earth, and to understand the bigger mission behind place and time, nationality and identity. A young monk who understood his purpose, uniting the many like-minded people from all over the earth in a quest to alleviate the insidious effects of political and mental violence through compassion. A teacher who seems never to decline an invitation to sit with students. A symbol of all Tibet has not yet completely lost, but is in danger of...Truly may he live long enough to see some resolution to his own cultural crisis.

Never one for patriotic Independence Day instead a time to reflect on the various forms of repression which seek to take away our precious freedoms, and to give thanks for independent thought and action. For a woman nothing is more important than protecting this right and we all too often give it away in the name of money, romance, power and security, all the while losing ourselves to the repressive grind. For anyone on a spiritual path, the stakes rise on the temptation to parrot your guru, your sage, your favorite healer...all the while your own unique voice, your talent is waiting to express itself into the world.

While I work through the new challenges in running I never take a step anymore without a 'thank you' to the Powers that Be which keep me moving. Running is like a gift from the gods, bringing me closer to their presence in every bit of Nature, air, breeze, swoosh of my feet along the pavement, along the grass...Today the pain from new meds was almost eliminated after a long night of discomfort. The run reminds me of my potential, power and position on the earth....and that intention is nothing without action - nothing without the heart which nurses a dream and brings it to fruition.

So now, it may not be marathons, but its each loop I set out to finish...its each day at work, every client, every chart. It's fighting for my life and those of others in searching for healing and functionality to keep me in the game. It's devotion to Cause, to DL, to all the Teachers who have helped me along the way. While my heart weeps for the Gulf and The Mother's tremendous journey towards Her own wholeness, I hold onto Hope for the Vision She gives us; to never surrender to repressive forces, to embrace the creativity in change, to keep moving!!