Past and Future

"Love looks not with eyes but with heart." - Sri Swami Sivinanda

The face of a baby can inspire the deepest resonance in our nature;  how else can you explain the perfect rest and togetherness in this photo?  Where past generations gave their struggle to see mine take the reins at the cusp of change, now a new one comes along to continue where our children began...a journey into the future, taking with them ancestors who are embedded within them.

With all the turmoil in my young life, it does my heart good to witness the unfolding of my son's and his own family.  I suddenly feel as if I've come out from a very long desert trek, full of thirst and angst, lost to my own perceived fight for survival only to find it was me who got me lost, circling around and around all this time.

   I can run to get away, and end up in such circles;  the same loop, the same landscape, the same amount of effort or challenge where mindlessness makes due for metaphysical connection; lost in the miasma of my own past illusions holding on for dear life knowing their end is near.
   I can run to release from the perceived bondage of the body, even as I take it along and challenge it, punish it, and ultimately demand it give me my youth and health on a silver platter.  Denial of death, of aging, as long as I am 'athlete' I am clinging on to a younger self.
   I can run to follow a dream;  whether its a marathon, a deeper connection to my own inner mind, or a sense of unification between my body, mind and spirit.  Whatever the dream which drives me, recognizing that not every dream is known comes with not having full control of the run.  Some runs are beautiful, inspired, charged with energy and purpose.  Yesterday I did the big Griffin loop after 2 days off and found myself exhilarated with the cooler temps and nice long stretches down the back side of 40th and along the Emerald Hills road.  Sure I walked here and there, and no doubt about it my overall endurance is down.  But the road met me with reassurance, as if it 'knew' the rhythm of my gait and supported my breath in the morning air.
   Some runs, like today are nothing special- a few rounds on the overpass for hills (such as they are), just enough to wake me and fire up the muscles which have protested anything beyond a flat.  Throwing some 'hill' repeats into the week will do me good to break out of the endurance gap, and hopefully relax into the bigger miles to come.

But today I hold a new feeling which puts everything in perspective.  The desert trek ends with the fall of illusion, knowing that the deep isolation and frustration were persistent echoes from the past which kept clouding my vision of now.  What I see is love, support and optimism.  The same light which shines for the sake of my clients, or my family I am willing to shine within- and for- me.  It is good to know that no matter how dire the hold Maya tries to have, She will eventually lead me back to My Self;  her aim apparently, to make me appreciate, when I get there,  the grace of a Loving Kindness which allows ALL.