Working it Out

The holiday weekend gave me plenty of opportunities to rest, regroup, run and keep working on self-healing on many levels.  The mandala above gives a visual.  It is deep stuff,  the hits and wounds which trigger reflective layers down, down into dark layers of my soul, where my pain and others co-mingle into the existential soup of growth,....I spent many years pursuing help for emotional and physical issues.   In running, I found a means of attending to my body's signals and putting in plenty of self-massage and visualizations.   For years I have been bound up in the layers of constraints brought about by trauma and my acute sensitivity to the etheric realms...where projections of peoples' best and worst intentions can steamroll over me-  yes,  for my own growth.

When a blessed break from all the external noise presents,  I am eager to find solace in Mother Nature's sure embrace.   My latest find, Oleta State park did just that:  not only the water of Biscayne bay, but the deep bike trails skirting the edges took me just where I needed to be, lost in a world where my spirit can wander freely, and soak up the rich beauty that is Florida...

I could feel the set-point for stress lowering as I soaked up the beautiful briny air and sunshine...and the quiet beauty of all the various points giving a new view each time....

Sunday,  it was long run day, a respectable western loop and yesterday a full rest day.   Today, I had a nice gait going after several tight, slow miles....while working on all the tight spots lately, I have felt a loosening in my right-sided mess:  ankle,  leg, hip, shoulder and neck.  During the run I monitored how every new release gives me yet more grounded, balanced, consistent pacing.  How I can allow myself to be the turtle and just keep up a nice, even rhythm...and how even the percussive nature of footfalls adds to the general acupressure which is a healing run.

We look for so much outside of ourselves:  no one has been more guilty of that than me.  It took the cold cruelty of 'love' to show me how much a person's pain will be foisted onto us if we are not careful,  how much blame we will be persuaded to take, how deep the remorse can be of wasted words, wasted time and effort.   But Nature gives freely.  And as always,  She gives me back to myself every time.   She is my Constant Lover, as She supports every aspect of my being, with Her all abiding unconditional love.   She has never told me anything but "you can,  you will"  and in every moment of fear, or doubt I hear myself say "I AM." 

John Lloyd Park Run

With a hold on the rain,  summer weather unfurled itself again,  complete with steamy temps, full-on sunshine and  a few light clouds....a perfect day to take my run to the beach.  John Lloyd occupies a narrow strip of land between the ocean and the Intercoastal.  Its perks include a nice view of the port shipping as well as the cruise ships coming out of dock on their way into the open ocean.  A closed out and back road,  I once clocked it at about 4-5 miles total, so close and empty in parts that it feels as if lost in the middle of nowhere- until a plane rises overhead...or the big port lifters come into view...

South Florida was not on today's solar eclipse trajectory, sadly,  but my aim was to be somewhere out in the open sun,  absorbing the great concentration of energies, and what better spot than this?    Once I geared up,  I took the road from my parking spot at the end to the front gate in one swoop,  feeling the heat of the sun as I dodged into the patches of shade thrown by the overgrowth on the sides...stopping at the one overpass to view this lovely lagoon which hides the ocean beyond (above)....

Running back,  I took my time.  This is not a long run by usual standards, but I didn't feel up to that anyway;  keeping my body happy with enough motion without causing fresh strain to my usual hot spots is good, and I felt light and free between the points on the road when no one was around and the wide skies,  hot sun and ocean breezes were all mine.

We are so much a part of Mother Nature,  we forget, as we act like tourists,  laden with our mounds of stuff, how embedded into Her we are.   I love nothing better than merging into Her own matrix of divinely patterned beauty;  the soft rhythm of ocean waves,  the clouds rolling across cerulean blue skies....feeling the power of solar energies penetrating my own cells and my thoughts drifting into mere reflection of All that She bestows, every day,  on this amazing and magical planet.  If you were fortunate to witness the eclipse,  I hope it was your doorway into something deeper for you.   Her portals are opening everywhere, however.  It only takes the realization that all that will be is with us, now, and has been- all along. 

Mothers Day Run

Somewhere between fantasy distances and not rolling out of bed,  I found the right level of expectation as I geared up and headed out the door, greeting a lovely, calm, warm morning for Mothers day running.
The beach felt a little out of reach right now,  so instead I headed west for the north stretch of 40th which hooks back into Griffin for the 'long'- er loop.   It has been a while since I caught this road, and by the time I rounded out from Emerald Hills, I had a nice rhythm going,  patting along the quiet streets and glad I wore my hydration belt for a few sips of water as things heated up. 

40th is a wonderful, woodsy stretch at the bottom,  opening up at the top,  a feeling of a 'lost' trail' in the midst of outer suburbia, even if briefly, often just enough to give me that blessed relief from human congestion.   Heading east into a stiff wind,  I managed to keep up a slow and steady gait, much to my surprise.  I eat more on the weekends than my spartan diet during the week, which I realize I need to pull off any kind of a longer run.   So head to the winds I was patting myself on the back as I made my pit-stop at Publix.   Connecting with Ravenswood,  settling nicely into that long stretch,  I rounded things out at Park and gave myself a walk break for the last bit,  happy to know that I had enough umph to get out there and put some miles into my day.

It wasn't so much my mother,  or Michael or anyone else that came to my mind, although all of that was swimming under the surface;  it was the glorious reach of Our Mother Earth into my awareness with all Her creative elements-  wind, sun, warmth, scents, movement, bird song, the lush abundance of plant life which feeds everything....Her generosity overcomes me.   I shed some tears feeling Her pain of mis-use, Her tolerance for all human abuses,  and Her over-arching purpose to put it all to use in transforming Herself from old paradigm, to New.

When I run, I become another creature of Nature.  I am divested of all the identities that keep me limited in the physical, and free to express the pure movement of my heart, legs and lungs as they carry the essence of who I am and might be all along the winding trails of Her infinite planes.  As I often do,  I sail off into the heart of it all,  soaking up the visual confirmation that I, too, can 'see' as She sees...only beautiful challenges, and changes underway. 

Running with the Feminine Energies

It was the first weekend is some time when the weather gave us clear skies,  the low pressure moving off with the advent of the Super moon,  Wesak (Buddha's birthday), and the ushering in of the Feminine in balance with the Masculine.   Being outdoors, when I work in an office all week,  is a treasured gift;  and I grabbed some before my Saturday clients with a nice out and back out Park,  then again later at Hugh Birch where a lazy loop under the full up sun,  gave me another chance to move it out.   Basking by the intercoastal,  stretching on the wall,  I soaked up those solar rays and listened to the powerful lyrics of songs as they reverberated in my head....meditating on the inter-union of feminine/masculine coming into balance....

Sunday,  I found myself up on the Griffin loop, cutting back to Angler's Ave and walking the last bit down 29th.   It was good to know that those of us dealing with stiffness in our heads/necks/upper backs etc and 'clearing' and shaking loose the karmic imprints of the past....last night a dream about Dad,  who 'disappears' on me mid-way through a work visit....as I woke I thought...yes....as I release the 'obligations' of taking on negative masculine forces,  one trauma still working through- the strange abandonment of the powerful, protective male as I needed 'him' the most.   The perceived helplessness comes out in those first miles-  the internal fight with myself over how or why I still do this, the discomfort from aches and pains,  the repetition of practice facing the Purpose of what I do....the loneliness,  the lack of exernal mirror....the pain of promises broken....

It was mid-run,  as I came into the long Ravenswood stretch,  blessedly quiet on a Sunday morning, that I found my stride and confidence.  As the rhythm ramped up into an easy gait,  I felt as strong as the mythic messengers cruising down the mountaintops,  light on the trails,  carrying my own Good Message of Awakening to my deep Soul....keeping watch,  protecting the Dream,  nurturing the hopes that feed my motivation to go out there, again and again ...and try,

The balance point that these auspicious times offer are as tumultuous and energetic as any,  and as subtle.  You will not wake up with printed instructions,  or be able to download the new body you crave.   But if you are patient,  you will likely notice what I also see;  the shift, the release, the long progression through the tangles and knots of garden-like growth asking for our attention,  our care, our acknowledgement- our love.   I give myself the Love of Adventure today - for after all, each run, each day is NEW.   And those who resonate to their deepest selves ring Truth into the NEW matrix of change,  bringing YOUR sacred feminine into the drumbeat of your dance with your sacred masculine. 

Spring Run

After what seemed like a long stretch of rainy, stormy, unsettled weather,  Persephone emerged from hiding and unfurled Her beautiful May morning,  complete with warm-enough sunshine and a cool breeze with the occasional blustery gusts.   The air felt fresh and new as I headed out the door,  lifting my spirits into the low throttle of excitement I always feel just to get out and run.

Despite the loss of long run days the past several weeks, crazy busy schedule,  and most of all the pressing in of the Great Changes underway,  my body craves movement and solitude within Mother Nature's embrace.  Somewhere on the link between Stirling and Griffin, I found that 'sweet spot' where the rhythm of my gait with its gentle percussive beats on the bottoms of my feet seems to massage through the kinks, aches and pains accumulated from the prior day...the soft loosening of stiff joints,  muscles expanding/contracting into the perfect paradigm of motion.   With lower endurance,  this doesn't last long...and I put plenty of walk breaks in today.   But Nature is full of Her usual lessons:  and if we look past the preconceived barriers of separation,  it will come to us,  that we are just another particle of Her,  breathing in the tumultuous Spring, breathing out the inner aspirations of our living being. 

Life is so interpenetrating we hardly notice how we take for granted the sheer existence of all this abundant beauty!  Ourselves and our bodies;  our world and its many magnificent manifestations!  Our deep psyches,  which push our realities out upon the canvas of possibility!  I watch people sleep-walking through their experiences with sad or mad faces, full of resentments,  stuck in the boxes of their internalized limits....just asking for the reminder that Life is BIGGER than anything we imagine, even in our wildest dreams....

This month,  the Forces conspire to put us in the path of so many powerful events and experiences...all we need to do is pay attention!  Synchronicity will be particularly strong, so watch as the World places that which will open you to a wider, deeper future....Move into it, and take with you whatever you feel,  sense, believe- for She will move you through it all,  dancing, laughing and shaking you loose from everything which holds you back.