The holiday weekend gave me plenty of opportunities to rest, regroup, run and keep working on self-healing on many levels. The mandala above gives a visual. It is deep stuff, the hits and wounds which trigger reflective layers down, down into dark layers of my soul, where my pain and others co-mingle into the existential soup of growth,....I spent many years pursuing help for emotional and physical issues. In running, I found a means of attending to my body's signals and putting in plenty of self-massage and visualizations. For years I have been bound up in the layers of constraints brought about by trauma and my acute sensitivity to the etheric realms...where projections of peoples' best and worst intentions can steamroll over me- yes, for my own growth.
When a blessed break from all the external noise presents, I am eager to find solace in Mother Nature's sure embrace. My latest find, Oleta State park did just that: not only the water of Biscayne bay, but the deep bike trails skirting the edges took me just where I needed to be, lost in a world where my spirit can wander freely, and soak up the rich beauty that is Florida...
I could feel the set-point for stress lowering as I soaked up the beautiful briny air and sunshine...and the quiet beauty of all the various points giving a new view each time....
Sunday, it was long run day, a respectable western loop and yesterday a full rest day. Today, I had a nice gait going after several tight, slow miles....while working on all the tight spots lately, I have felt a loosening in my right-sided mess: ankle, leg, hip, shoulder and neck. During the run I monitored how every new release gives me yet more grounded, balanced, consistent pacing. How I can allow myself to be the turtle and just keep up a nice, even rhythm...and how even the percussive nature of footfalls adds to the general acupressure which is a healing run.
We look for so much outside of ourselves: no one has been more guilty of that than me. It took the cold cruelty of 'love' to show me how much a person's pain will be foisted onto us if we are not careful, how much blame we will be persuaded to take, how deep the remorse can be of wasted words, wasted time and effort. But Nature gives freely. And as always, She gives me back to myself every time. She is my Constant Lover, as She supports every aspect of my being, with Her all abiding unconditional love. She has never told me anything but "you can, you will" and in every moment of fear, or doubt I hear myself say "I AM."
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