Slow Run: Moving is still movement

I have a saying about myself:  I am a high energy person in a low energy body.  Meaning,  all my life I have had enormous mental and spiritual energies...which often translated into wild and unpredictable emotional energy.....and generally leaves my body lagging behind in an attempt to keep up!  Running became my Grounding practice.  Good run or bad,  nice weather or not,  keeping a routine of getting out there consistently to move my body has helped me re-introduce myself to my body in a new way.   Where I used to think of bodies as "necessary", something to endure, put up with,  micro-manage (ok I still do that),  I began to feel it was my vehicle towards total integration.   Movement, meditation, free thinking...often crying or otherwise weird emotional expressions!....Running was truly the thing that put it all together.

So as I navigate the health system to determine what, if anything, is going on with said body,  I've ramped down the miles.   Yesterday,  my typical long run day,  I simply put my shoes on and headed out past the park with no expectations...walking, walking, finally finding a very slow- but steady- jog pace that I kept up meandering through Emerald Hills,  up towards Griffin,  and turning for the cut-down back to Park.  Maybe 5-6 miles?  And often feeling like I just couldn't quite hit that next gear- breaking to walk the last mile or so.  I felt a little lost and frustrated.  I wondered what was wrong and how to fix it.  I wanted back my Long Run Bliss....and kept that thread of thinking up until the orange bougainvillea practically grabbed me as I passed by:

 The light was streaming through the intense orange....and I 'felt' Mello (her color) reach over and grab me, saying something like "Rainbow Warrior,  wake up!! What gives?! Turn this thing around!  Change is in the air!!"  (Mello was never known for 'soft and warm'...more like spiritual drill sergeant!)

So I stopped right there.  I looked closer,  took pix...admired the light,  the array of spider webs, the intense color...I 'felt' her pressing upon me, connecting with me,  standing with me.  I felt supported by my Sun Temple brothers and sisters and dismissed the tapes of "not enough" as in "not good enough" and decided right then to stop punishing myself for perceived flaws and failures.   The body does what it needs to do,  and high time I support it whole-heartedly and take GOOD CARE of ME.

Thanksgiving is a time for looking at all that tumbles out of the vast Cornucopia of Life.  The generosity of living comes with its share of triumphs and challenges.  I will write more towards week's end about all the ways in which this year,  the holidays move us to turn ever deeper into our spiritual nature and reap the Bounty of Understanding...not just for everyone else in our lives,  but for our Selves as well!! 

Super Portal/Full Moon Run

It's a treat, being a long-distance runner, out in the world by yourself with not a soul to make you bad-tempered or tell you what to do.

Alan Sillitoe, The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Runner

Mother Nature ramps up Her housecleaning project,  shaking out the cobwebs from Spider Woman's unused webs which vibrates the energy grids from end to end,  creating waves of weather and deep earth changes.  Throw in the intense pull from Super Portal/full moon and yes, Ison (Isis?!) and others,  and for me it felt almost as if I had 'slipped' off one timeline and found myself in another....more surreal than real.

Many folks find themselves in their religious or spiritual circles these days, whether praying for the lost, the stricken, for their own troubles and challenges or grounding the Light for global transformation- and that was me, once, back in Virginia.  Here in Florida,  while building the externals of career and early Crone-hood,  it seemed I was asked to 'go within'...and establish the certainty of my heart's own vibe and direction.  A necessity, it seems, for a therapist to remain balanced, healthy and available for clients who come to me for help. 

I learned to turn loneliness on its head and develop the beautiful peace that comes with solitude...to cultivate the silence and appreciate the down-time as rest and rejuvenation time.  I take each run as a mystical break from the 'every day' and plunge myself into what friend Stuart calls "liminal tme" which usually refers to the dream-state, but I know is another layer of my life,  peeking into the corners of the day.  Recovering from my self-imposed yoga injury, whatever it was/is (rib? muscle?),  I headed out yesterday and automatically climbed the overpass turning for 29th and my Griffin loop.  Like any old horse on the trails,  familiarity breeds comfort.  I didn't want to think about where I was going.  I wanted to focus on how my body felt along the way.

The pull under my ribcage made it feel as if I was hitching constantly to the left.  I focused on breathing (hadn't been able to breathe really deep....) and syncing my steps into a rhythm that wouldn't aggravate, but support the breath.   After ramping down all my efforts last week it was a glorious feeling to have any 'umph' in my gait.  And it showed me that laying the base- all these many months of weekly miles- the strong foundation in whatever we do - has a 'pay-off' - whether we see it immediately or not- for all the efforts that come. 

As if to make the point further,  my small collection of orchids inherited from my father have gone into overdrive this year!  The purple blossom above is a new bloom- in the 5 years this orchid has been with me,  I have never seen it bloom!  Granted my plants seem to love the high solar energies etc....everything in my humble abode is growing!!  But I take this as a particular sign:  "as above so below" knowing that what I experience on one level reverberates throughout my life.    Dad seems to want me to know....to GROW....and to take this Portal, like any other,  with a sense of curiosity, adventure and confidence.   Nothing 'grows'/lives by itself.  We are all interconnected.  So where's the loneliness now?  All Life has come to your aid, to grow you into your Path.  What catches your eye, your heart, yur focus?  Follow the lead of YOUR heart's song and watch life blossom as you move forward!

World Run Day 2013

Jim, on the left, may remember the exact year:  I have not run an official "World Run Day" since then.  It was shortly after this that Tom,  the big guy in the middle,  died of an alcohol-induced OD after some years clean.  Still hard to grasp:  and I miss him as much as ever.

It's hard to regroup after set-backs.  I pulled something (or bruised or cracked something?) under and in my rib cage doing 'relaxation' yoga (haha) Friday.  I ran a simple out and back Saturday,  not TOO bad,  then Sunday to pay homage to World Run Day,  got back up on the Griffin loop.  It was very uncomfortable,  and worse,  I can't take a full deep breath.  Today I had to give it up and give in:  sometimes a body just needs to stop and rest.  

...and take heed of the Big Picture.....

So I'm back to basics.  Plants-putzing out on the back porch as they bloom out in the short arc of the southern sun, especially Dad's orchids.  Absorbing news of the world while running the 'alternate program' of cozy and comforting home,  putting all my remedies to work:  ginger and turmeric,  quercitin,  aloe....cold-pack- having to 'sit on my hands' so as not to try more stretching, etc. and just ....let.... it ....be....

I always have such high hopes for running.  Like everything else in life,  I dream big:  convinced that like my other running buddies I will hit these big benchmarks and push myself into another race this winter, (at least a half, geez!)....and uneasy when I have to pause the tape (fear of losing progress, fitness....).   While a part of me refuses to 'settle' for moderate level outcomes,  I also realize the series of Stepping Stones involved to move forward.  What looks like 2 steps forward/20 steps back is only from my limited perspective.  It could be the Phillipines.  It could be anywhere else with a million other kinds of challenges....more dire than anything on my plate.

Here's to gaining perspective, gratitude and humility.  To the grace of time to have this rest,  and a moment to reflect... to appreciate Dad on Vet's day and knowing these orchids are just another means of linking us in our eternal bond and appreciation.  I know you're there, Dad, keep a good eye out for me, I'm keeping one on you!

NYC Marathon Thrills! And other Runs

I ran Friday and Saturday,  back on the Griffin loop then a modest little out and back Saturday early in the morning before clients.  It felt as if a delicate balance had been achieved between my perpetual struggles and a feeling of comfortability out on the roads,  not enough for anything very long, but...long enough.  So many runners are racing or preparing for races.  I think I've had it in mind all along that if I could pull out some consistency,  I could train for Miami or Ft. Lauderdale, at least the half, in early 2014. 

So when a big marathon comes around like NYC on Sunday,  it's a chance to get re-ignited with the passion of my chosen sport:  NYC is legendary.  And this year, with even more importance, coming back from last year's last minute cancellation due to hurricane Sandy, and in homage to Boston,  48,000+ runners left the starting line!  In a chilly 46 degrees and a head wind,  they left their respective corrals and headed into history as they started up the Verrazano bridge. 

Meanwhile,  I woke up to early light thanks to daylights savings time and the usual beautiful skies of fall in SoFlo....glad to have time on my side but feeling fatigued as hell.   Running consecutive days no matter how modest is hard on me,  so I figured just to let my feet tell me where they wanted to go as I headed out past the park and into the heart of Emerald Hills.  It felt extra tough getting 'into' my body....I cut short at 56th and turned south, taking a pit-stop at little Oak Park where all the ducks and geese congregate hoping for a hand-out, and meandered past Park to pick up a side-street turning towards home.

I knew I didn't have it in me.  I pat-patted down streets eerily silent in the early morning, as the slight breeze, still cool at the edges, rustled an occasional palm or brought the bark of a fenced dog to my ear....I got lost in my thoughts and followed my body's lead, turning up towards Park once more and a last stretch of pulling out just a bit of speed,  a little lift to my feet, as I rounded it out for home.

I didn't think they were broadcasting live!  So when I settled in with breakfast and coffee...there!  the start of NYC!  WOW!  I saw Meb getting emotional at the national anthem,  the rest of the Kenyans and others at the front of the pack (both men and women),  the long long knots of runners in their respective time corrals (oh how I know that feeling of pulling up the rear, waiting forever to finally make it just to the start line!), until BAM! the Big Gun goes off and so do they!

Now:  imagine a caliber of running so amazing that for 26+ miles they can sustain something in the range of a 4-5 min. mile CONSISTENTLY!  Then imagine the shake-out as a whole group of such runners attempts to sort themselves out on the NY streets until Mutai,  natural that he is,  took the lead- and won it!  A very humble Kenyan who took

that race like a stroll in the park, who has set the marathon record (about 2:03:)  and yesterday ran in that headwind for a VERY respectable 2:08: (approx)

Meanwhile,  as 2 womens' leaders appeared to duke it out for their respective 1st and 2nd place finishes,  Priscah Jeptoo came from the pack behind them, flung herself down the course and FLEW by them both,  to win the women's title!  She was AMAZING....and inspirational! running in a style that suggested either fatigue or undisciplined excitement and was neither:  and a good lesson in 'whatever works' in her unusual form, arms flailing,  long legs tacking out from the knee, looking for all the world like a windmill rolling down the street!  But FLYING! 

Somewhere I heard in all the stats that most elite runners spend about 75% of their time IN THE AIR. 

I stopped many times on my Sunday run when something caught my eye, as I usually do;  this was the light hitting the foliage at the side of my 56th St. cut-down...as usual,  running in part just to see what Mother Nature has been up to,   and to absorb the air, the sunlight,  and to let my body 'let go' of whatever has constrained me otherwise. 

Later,  when I had those images in my head of Mutai flying into first place,  or Priscah focusing on passing those leaders,  and the humble gratitude and tears shed as they crossed their finish lines,  I felt proud to BE a runner!! 

Because....THIS (above) is what average runners like me look like at the finish....shouting, clasping hands,  walking and sometimes gently jogging it across the line...proud to complete for our various causes,  to prove something to ourselves,  to know we have done it, so we can do....anything we set our hearts to.

Distance is a beautiful thing.  It takes effort and huge heart to make it a long ways to what our heart desires. You must hang in there,  even if,  like my hero Meb,  you had to walk it in.   I patted myself on the back for about the millionth time yesterday thinking....I get out there and I do it.  It might not be pretty,  but like every runner,  I am grateful to know the deep pleasure that my body gives me - in motion!  CONGRATS TO ALL!