Cold Run

We broke heat records this past summer;  we are breaking cold records now.   Not sure what the low was last night;  I had it in mind to run no matter, so I didn't really care either way.  The photo shows just some of the ridiculous measures I have to go through...long tights, tank, long-sleeve micro tee, fleece hoody and over all that a wind-breaker.  And gloves.  And ear protectors.  As I set out, I took my time walking to get my legs to warm up.  There is something about rolling out of a warm bed, and into a frigid morning which challenges the strongest commitment.  At the same time, with my hood around my head, the music from my ipod made me feel as if I was sunk deep into a cocoon of sound.  The strange, mystical quality of it all was enticing.  And such is the motivation which leads me on...

I had plenty of chances to amend the plan.  Somehow it felt right to run up to the Winn-Dixie as my pit-stop, then on to the 'T' at 56th to meander down, across Sheridan to pick up Thomas home.  It may have been a pretty modest 5+ miler, but somewhere on the 56th St. stretch I began to have that niggling feeling of timelessness that comes with The Zone, and a nice rhythm to my gait.  The compression tights feel wonderful:  they really help support the legs, keep out the chill, and help me sustain what would otherwise be more difficult stretches.  Too bad there isn't something for warm weather, but that is a fantasy for another season.

The week of settling into our new offices demand I keep myself balanced with enough Nature to remind me, 'this is not my whole life.'  What I don't like about the new building is its fortress-like feel.  Once inside the warren of hallways and offices, stairwells and cameras,  we scurry like hamsters around invisible hurdles and wheels trying to get our jobs done.  I have a window, and a decent view of a not so decent neighborhood (so my clients tell me, and they know!).  But the moment I get to leave, the air seems to flood back into my lungs with relief.

There is something about the open air I have always craved; even as a child, never changing through every chapter of my life, whether stuck inside jails, other institutions and offices, or living on the land.  Running satisfies my need to be out with wide skies above me.  It puts me in some perspective with the rest of the planet and helps settle my seemingly endless concerns with the body of larger issues pulsing around me.  I feel solidarity with sentient beings whose only recourse is to 'endure', grow and be.  The many trees I come to recognize, the bird-life... Having even a little while to just move along in the landscape is my Right Brain anecdote to left-brain stress.  Try it:  next time you feel the world is caving in on you, take a walk in your favorite spot and breathe in the free air.  Your soul will thank you!

Back on the Road

It was unusually humid and warm, anticipating the front which has wrecked havoc further north, and promises to bring an end to our unseasonably warm temps by tonight.   I took the Launch replacements out for their maiden run.   Once again, I realize how many miles I put into a pair of shoes;  with every new pair, my feet say "thank-you...!" and I get a reprieve from the aches and pains of the old ones.

My mind was free to wander where it needed to go;  there is the work upheavals, as we move to our new offices on Sunrise.  The chronic pressures of clients and focus on the many crises of others.  Hanukkah arriving, and the disconnect from the usual family;  sitting with Mom on Sunday chit-chatting about the Jewish decorations, this after she comes out of "church" services, and our mutual eye-rolling over prayers to JC. 

Dementia is an interesting thing.  In her timetable, there is no difference between the living and dead.  Our weekly check-in on this subject surprises her every time with the litany of who's gone before her (she is the last...).   Seeing her fleeting shock and her head shaking trying to piece it together, wondering why she cannot ultimately free herself from her imprisonment in this mind and body. 

Most of the time when I run I think about the contrast between my mom and I, and how much she used to comment on my way of being;  where she was the passive, the accepting one, I was the aggressor- I had no problem setting out for what I wanted to do- my issues came with the situations that then befell me.   Nevertheless, very little got in my way.  When I run, I recognize the same amazing single-mindedness.  No matter how tired,  discouraged or old I may feel I know it is only my 'opinion' and subject to change.  Therefore, running is how I 'change' the mental landscape.  By allowing myself proof positive that I CAN indeed run, and usually further than I think I can, I automatically use this tactic with whatever else I feel stuck on;  what can I revamp in my thinking?

Obviously I take a page out of the meditator's handbook;  the gift of meditation is in cultivating the awareness of thoughts and the space between where thoughts are formulated - or dismantled.  The use of running as a meditation technique is not unique to me:  there are many others who use moving practices like yoga, martial arts to achieve the same results.  Some are sitters.  Some are movers.  By dissociating THROUGH the body, I allow my mind to 'take off'....now I gain some perspective, and in the mix a nice endorphin/dopamine hit.

I feel like I take my mother with me into the world, she who seems content now, to never move from that hallway, that room, bed.  One day, she will take her own lead, and drift out of my life...and I know I will be so happy that we've had all these heartfelt connections, lasting us forever.

Happy Hanukkah-  kiss your loved ones, light the Lights....remember Freedom.