Xmas Long Beach Run 2011

Florida skies are Enormous!  They fling across in wild speculation of colors and patterns like old kaleidoscopes broken open, full of mystery and delight.   This special morning was no different, and the ocean anchored the sky of today in a most pleasing way.

The skies always inspire me,  the big vistas ever changing remind me of Things Bigger than my ideas, thoughts or beliefs...Bigger than the planet, bigger than my imagination of the universe....as if the patterns flung over my head are hints of amazing free-forming alliances of All Things in motion...as I was in motion on the run.

It was extraordinarily quiet...almost no one to break my focus as I made it across Dania, down Surf road and across Sheridan.  I was as light and carefree as the winds gently cooling the sweat from my arms, and whispering in my ear....the year is almost done and a new one about to begin with all my dreams, as usual,  ready to fly.  

Find your Big Dreams under your tree this year, tucked in your heart.  In 2012, let them fly...let them find their homes in your future.  Happy Holidays to all!

For Those Who Left us in 2011

In the craziness of the times as we wind down the old year,  it finally hit me that I am coming up on the year anniversary of Mom's death,  on New Year's eve last year (yes, technically 2010).  It feels as if it's taken much of this entire year to adjust to Life without the Parents....and the aftermath, emotionally, of the last several years of Mom's decline.  I still have a very tough time looking at those last pictures and the smells, images and emotions which come with the whole post-stroke ordeal....every time I think of my parents in their present state I chuckle a little, imagining the dynamics they must work through to resolve their complicated relationship, their own life lessons and to determine what comes next.  I hope they hover close at times;  I still miss the affection my mother was able to show no matter how tough her situation or how awful she felt.  I was always her "baby doll", and we never saw each other without a big hug and kisses. 

This is the time of year when we all take time to join together with whoever we feel is our 'family', whether biological,  vocational, spiritual....our 'tribe' will always be those with whom we feel the closest affinity of the heart.   My mom was a most heartfelt woman.   She gave me the counterpoint of dad's sometimes volatile personality, and embedded in me my core compassion for the struggles and hopes we all share.

To those who went on before us this year,  to the ancestors who are paving The Way forward,  who listen to us in the night and stand at our shoulders when we cry....we send our prayers and best wishes...we love you, we carry you on in This World, our world, always.

Love and miss you so much mom. 

Long Beach run 12-18-11

After the relative ease with which I pulled out Saturday's run,  I wasn't sure what to expect for Sunday going long.  In fact I was completely undecided about route, length, time etc until I actually began walking out the door.  And like an old horse who knows its routine,  found myself heading east for my (now) usual beach loop.  As it's been pointed out to me,  why not focus on the half-marathon? which is more or less what this loop is now...my weekly half-marathon!

I couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day!  The skies were finally clear of clouds, low winds, and plenty of full on sun.  Chilly at the start, I shucked my over-shirt by the second mile and was still not quite awake until I hit Dania and saw the bridge beckon to the beach.  I felt slow, and my endurance was down.  I stopped a few times for water and to break the run;  and at every point I could I gave myself an 'out' if needed.  I can turn back here- I can loop back through here....but I've begun to crave that Sunday morning commune with the ocean,  waiting for me like a loyal friend when I show up and shower Her with my awe.  It is breathtaking every time to walk up to the point when I see the surf begin to crash into the shore and welcome the morning sun rising off the water....churning in Her emerald and olive greens,  the smell of brine and the winds welcoming me as I meander down Surf Road to North Park.

It wasn't a bad stretch to this point, and I enjoyed my pit stop before heading west, unfortunately with the winds in my face.  I've developed a few new discomforts:  a cramp in my right calf for one,  forcing me to slow it even more until I came to my usual turning point to cut south.  This time,  down to a walk I just hoofed it back on Sheridan and with a few intermittent jog stretches, mostly walked home.  Once again it's hard to say why some runs come off without an issue and others are challenges on many levels....whatever I've done to create consistency in my routine,  my energy flux is such that I suspect Bigger Forces are influencing me and everyone else.  As energies accelerate globally it seems we experience the impact in unpredictable ways,  as physical discomforts, as mental fatigue,  as emotional bumps and swirls which can have us wonder what is going on...!

Often times when I'm still far from home and the run has me beat,  I focus on "one foot in front of the other"  parsing my attention down to the lines in the sidewalk,  the pit-pat of my footfalls,  the beat of the music in my ears.  Our breath, the engine of all Life and connection with the Great Universe,  can itself feel like the only anchor to earth and will ground us if we pay attention.  When I aim small,  sometimes the world unwinds itself within me,  and the grand scale of everything seems to fit within my every step - until once more I make it back Home.

Feel your breath today and the footsteps you take to traverse the world you inhabit.  Each moment takes us further down the road,  a little stronger and wide open to the wisdom Within.

Long Run 12-12-11

Blustery, drizzly, Mother Nature threw her smorgasboard of elements at me as I headed out for my Sunday long run.  All the way up to heading out the door I was unsure where or what distance to tackle, given the impact of last week's 'half-marathon' training....but once out decided I like the visit to the beach every weekend:  so off I went heading east, into the winds.

So once more I settled into a long, resistance stretch, working into a gear that I could maintain even out on Dania Beach Blvd with the winds slowing me to a near walk, as I made it over the bridge and down onto the beach.  My energy was holding and as always, the ocean spread Her shifting surf and skies up and down the wide open coastline, shimmering in hues of turquoise and emerald in an ever-fluid dynamo of change....My thoughts falling open to the gains and losses this week, the success stories and the tragedies,  including Mike,  felled by the disease of addiction.

I took my time at North Park,  filling my water bottles and taking electrolytes and a few 'chews' to keep my stamina up for the ride home, and headed out over the Sheridan St. bridge.  The photo attempts to capture a rainbow as it hit the clouds just as I made it up the rise:  the shot taken through the plastic pouch I stash the iphone in on my belt-  even still, look closely;  can you see the faint bar of color just on the horizon line?

Buoyed by this delight, I got a nice rhythm going heading west and the busy stretch of other runners and bikers passing me on their way to the beach.  As I made my cut south I settled blissfully into sunshine and solitude, enjoying my meandering way through the parallel neighborhoods as is now my habit,  chatting up a few kids as I passed by,  appreciating that each time I do this run,  it feels a little more 'normal', comfortable, doable until I come again to my connection to Taft.  Just as I made my turn,  the skies opened with swathes of heavy, blowing rain!  I tucked into my hooded top and walked the last miles home, pummeled by the wet winds,  coming up to my end point like a drowned cat - happy to have a hot shower and big breakfast waiting.

As much as I'd like to make my long runs predictable by controlling the miles or route, making the challenge familiar and routine,  the world has a way of throwing creative chaos into our well-structured lives.  Within the di-urnal cycle,  the expression of weather and the elements outside and within our bodies gives us the nuances of physical experience.  There is something reassuring about throwing oneself into this, while knowing the structure of home, etc. supports us.   Even the ups and downs of work and relationships are contained within the knowledge of cycles as they continue to unfold.

Mike,  I would have stood in your way if I could;  I would save you from yourself.  I ran with you heavy in my heart even as I knew your wife and family cry for you, miss you.  In the world you may now inhabit,  I pray for your soul to find it's way into the Love you've been looking for all this time.  And be free.  I run on....

Nature Heals

After hobbling around the unit yesterday,  I decided to space the week's runs with a day off today:  as in,  no running, no nothing!   It's a rare day when I'm not incorporating something into my fitness routine, whether it's my usual training runs, yoga or working with weights (small medicine ball, my favorite fitness toy).    Physical and emotional burnout can come upon us, athlete or not;  when we notice the increase in irritability, malaise, lost stamina, it's time to 'tune in' and 'drop out' of the normal pressures we place upon ourselves and however possible, recharge.

One of the biggest reasons I run is to take myself out into Mother Nature's wide world.  Here in spectacular South Florida,  we are treated to a full-color spectrum all year long.  Even when overcast,  the sub-tropical clime provides a glowing landscape of color and light.   Inside my home base,  I grow an assortment of plants.  I've been a "plant person" since early teens when my mom allowed me to co-op a house plant given to her;  before I graduated high school, I had overtaken an entire south-facing room full of plants (the same year I also read Secret Life of Plants, possibly one of the most influential books for what unfolded in my life in many ways).  In most places I lived up north, I had extensive gardens;  indoors plants provided 'green space'.  Down here,  land and garden is the top of my 'intention list':  for those of you in my area, be aware:  I am actively seeking a little piece of heaven to cultivate into my own therapeutic compound!

Plants, from my humble geranium above, to the big oaks in the park or the palms swaying in the winds, not only feed and sustain us,  they transform us with their capacity to display themselves in their intrinsic beauty, and how they adapt and relate to their environment and each other.  The 'green thumb' is the intuitive sense of tuning in to plants and working with them   Many folks become completely disconnected from Nature-  grow a plant and cultivate a loving relationship with a living being,  take a walk in a park and stroll through the greenery;  your soul will thank you and your Spirit will sing!

So today, as I rest from physical training,  I appreciate the silent beauty of my plant world.  As yoga teaches a mindful position to activate inner energies,  I can absorb the essence of plants to calm and ground me in the world.   Tomorrow, its back out on the roads and a peek into the Great Outdoors where Nature lays Her banquet for all to enjoy.

Repetition and Resistance: Long Run 12-4-11

From here on out,  all the miles on the Plan are longer ones.  With the past few beach loops coming in just under half-marathon distance, I decided to repeat it with a bit added to see if I could become more comfortable with 13ish and thus have a half-marathon within my reach.  I headed out at dawn into a very stiff wind blowing off the ocean and directly into my face as I made my way east, then north to catch Dania Beach Blvd and the cut down to Surf Rd.  Since resistance running is like hill running,  I knew this was good for me,  and I had better stamina with it than I've had in a while.  The blustery, scuttling clouds kept changing the landscape of light-  and the few runners and bikers did not look any more energetic than I was.

But there was the ocean, and the path south, the surf crashing high and the music in my ears drowned out with the onslaught of winds.  I was still feeling ok and made it down to North Park in one fell swoop (no Publix stop today!).   As I took my time rehydrating, filling my bottles, etc,  I stretched and headed out up the intercoastal bridge.   The wind, now at my back, gave me the extra push I needed to keep up a decent gait as I made the cut left to catch the back streets parallel to Sheridan.  Here I meandered an extra bit to once again pick up Taft and come up to home.   I walked some of the last miles to cool it down, as the sun, now full up, gave me a warm second half.  Taking my time, enjoying the views, with the wind, pit-stop and all,  I made it in about 3+hours (better!!).

A straight half-marathon (13.2) mile shot is about what my body feels it can handle without ultimate meltdown.  Sure I might be able to keep extending (and no doubt I might try a time or two).   But what I really look for is enough of a long run to really challenge me without killing me- and let's face it,  won't take up my whole day!  And better still,  once home and onto my chores etc,  I noticed much less 'complaint' from my body.  Tired, yes.  But not, as sometimes happens, completely done.

Working with resistance means accepting what direction the winds are blowing, and knowing that a change in direction will come along, either on Nature's side or our own.  When in those first miles with the wind in my face it FEELS as if it will never end;  I am being pummeled and 'punished' by these winds!!  When in fact the atmosphere is on its own schedule, and running into the wind is making me pretty strong!  Repetition gives us mastery.  What felt impossible a month ago is now pretty comfortable, as the experience of staying in motion 13ish miles is beginning to feel normal.  Lots of running, like life, is about transforming the strange and new into the 'new' normal.

I'm happy that lots of things are synching up into new routines, which I need to ground and stabilize the inner circus which is in high gear sorting out the world's affairs.   Now I can say I feel my Center returning, and the conviction to keep it simple during the wrap up of this year.  For complicated me, this feels pretty amazing.

Long Run Beach loop 11-27-11

16 miles is a big haul;  I mentally mapped out what that would entail, even with the beach loop, but adding a detour into Hollywood to come back home from the south.  16 is also way beyond my usual reach-  the longest I've logged so far is about 14, and with lots of walking.  I decided to take it as it goes and adjust if needed.

It was a really glorious morning, clear and cool, and the lead up to my Dania cut off was uneventful.  The traffic was light and the morning sun was full on my face as I headed east.  Once I made the cut and proceeded along Dania Blvd, I shared the path/roads with all the other bikers, and bladers, and a few runners heading in my direction.   The intercoastal came up on my right and as I came down off the bridge, the Dania beach rolled out before me as I cut the corner to catch Surf Rd,  and my North Park pit-stop.  I was about 7 miles in and feeling pretty tired, all too soon negotiating with myself about the rest of the run.

There are so many fit, fabulous runners out there,  young, strong, tireless....it's impossible not to compare myself and wish I had their stamina, their lighter-than-air musculature, whatever that magic formula is that makes distance runners able to just go and go...while the turtles like me, slog along, trying to find the groove.  So I thought as I decided to take the Sheridan bridge and cut down from there, instead of attempting to run all the way down a crowded broadwalk to Hollywood.  Once I found my side road, I kept heading west while making occasional cuts south to catch Taft and the closest means of getting under the Interstate.  I had a nice, if very slow stretch in this area,  distracted as I love to get, by the houses, landscapes...and allow my dreams of future house/office/studio/garden
to percolate.  As I neared home and realized I would come well under the 16 I decided that had to be ok;  there was no sense in torturing myself.

Much as I theoretically love those big distances,  my body is clearly telling me I now have some limits- and to disrespect this will come at my peril I know.   Since I told myself I would decide something about Miami by now,  it looks like if I do any racing it will be a half- not a full-marathon.  And that's if I care enough to race at all.   For what I loved most yesterday was getting lost in those back streets,  cruising along without a time clock, without a time limit, and free to move at my own pace and rhythm.  Do I really want to add stress to that?  Why not allow the run to just be?

Our accomplishments are not always measured by medals or awards;  the World will not always acknowledge us for our efforts, or reward our breakthroughs.  Ultimately, once I got home I just felt exhilarated to know my legs carried me almost 13 miles and gave me a marvelous Sunday morning adventure.   It was grand; and next week, I'll see how far I can make it, again.

post-Thanksgiving run

Slightly overcast and cool, the weather gods delivered the perfect conditions to set out for my morning run,  fueled by yesterday's extra carbs and assisted by the nearly empty streets.  A lot of everything banged around in my brain until I worked out those first few miles, the awkward  rhythms in my footfalls settling into the cadence of entrainment, as the right-left-right of the swing eased out my aches and my worries into the Earth Herself.

Sometimes, I don't want to care about anybody or anything.  The constant attention I need to focus on the woes of the world, as they show up in my clients and others can collapse my world-view into a kaleidoscope of crazy chaos, and my gratitude this Thanksgiving, among so much else, is for the grace of an empty schedule to bring it back to the essence of things.

People, we are not the end all be all, and yet at this point in time all that we do will influence our global outcome. We are monkey gods,  stuck on our desires and insecurities, lashing out at misperceived threats and defensive against all pain.  Our fears get stuck in our throats and swallow the words that might otherwise heal and uplift.  We personalize it all,  demonize, rationalize out behavior, our principles.

Beyond the little bag of skin and bones,  the Greatness of Spirit is calling to carry us out of our tiny views into a Big, Broad perspective where the DNA which is spinning in our cells mirrors the perfect turn of worlds... and the moves we make into our lives are met with immeasurable Forces which have our back and guide us along the open road.

I feel the greatness of All that Is when I forget the struggle...when I fly out of my constrictions and into the Rhythm, the movement itself.  Our biology links us as surely as intentional prayer.  Use your body to gain appreciation of the Big You inside.

So high, so low

On Sunday's long run, the Plan called for 12 miles ,  a bump back to obviously help consolidate gains and something I should be able to handle;  so my thoughts went as I watched the rain pour down before I finally made the dash outside.   Squally bands of rain, sometimes hard, usually a drizzle kept fanning over me as I headed up the overpass to begin the loop south then east along Arthur St.  I did not dress in rain gear,  instead trying a minimal approach-  a simple cut-down micro-tee and shorts with my phone-slash-music safely stowed in a plastic bag in my spi-belt.  My legs felt heavy, and so was my mood.  Before I warm up it's a chilly and surreal slog until I begin to unwind some miles east and hit my first pit-stop at John Williams. 

The wind was at my back to get there, and while I cruised up 66th to link with Stirling.  I began to feel the rhythm of my gait lull me into the pleasant trance of the movement, allowing my mind to surf the images and concerns of my inner landscape, until I faced east and the long stretch back.  The weather was on dial to fuel up and down the register...at moments the sun would break through and the heat/humidity would blast me.  Most of the time strong blustery winds blew right at me, slowing me to a walk until I picked the pace back on Emerald Hills, my short cut for the day.

I watched as I swung from confidence to deflation with every change....when I caught a good stretch I felt sure I could master any marathon...sign me up!  When I crawled to a walk, the senselessness of it all would strike me....why punish my body, pushing it so hard?  Would I benefit just as much from a modest running routine,  and keep my fitness and health?

I'm glad I had those ecstatic stretches;  I love feeling like anything is possible, even when Reality smacks me in the face.  When world and personal events feel as if they conspire to bring me low, I recognize that parallel paths are unfolding miraculous breakthroughs and the paradigm of possibility emerges stronger than ever.    And whether the wind is at my back - or blowing me off my feet, it is the same Wind after all.

Thanksgiving weekend calls for my first bigger distance, a 16 miler, and as I've been telling myself, this will help me decide if I have it in me to train any further for Miami.   Whatever the mind wants to interpret,  there is no getting around the footfalls, the rain, the silence on the empty, open roads which beckon with possibility....I run on.

Long Run 11-13-11

The Plan was 14 miles.  It took a while to guestimate that distance, given the GPS on MapMyRun.  I came up with a  warm-up loop up the overpass, to hook back west until John Williams Park (this is 5 miles....), continuing on up the Turnpike overpass to 66th where I took a right to connect with Stirling.  Heading east, I picked up the cut to Griffin and headed east to my Publix stop which was an even 10.

Easterly winds blew into my face, and I walked that mile into Publix, exhausted, numb, and once again daunted by the demands of distance and the time it takes me to traverse it.   A cut down to Angler's and looping back to Park,  and I just made it under 14 as I came (walking) home.  It's still embarrassing to post a time;  and yes I know under race conditions there are no meandering stops at stores, or walking miles...what can take me 2 and 1/2 hours (my race time for a half-marathon) is taking way more this;  so now my concern is, even if I run the marathon, do I really want to be out there 6-7 hours to finish??

So for the first time I felt willing to revisit the whole idea, and what running means to me these days.  If my early running years were about proving myself up the chain of miles and races, just to see if I could do it,  my relationship to running is morphing as I age into something less competitive;  or at least that where it feels it wants to go.  The competitor in me is not letting go of the need to keep comparing myself to other runners who are still achieving big, admirable goals.  My fear is that any reduction in effort or achievement just contributes to my overall declining physicality and fitness, a fear encapsulated in the image of my mother in her wheelchair.  

If I run to avoid an outcome of decrepitude and decline,  is this just hubris of ego?  Will I, and the other, elder, uber-runners all end up the same?  Or is there a magic, an elixir in running which can preserve my strength, endurance, energy through the 'long run' of my life?  Granted, I was proud to pull out a 14 miler,  no matter how much time it took, or how much I walked.  But the inner and outer Me's are still coming to terms with what is and what is Possible....

My 11-11-11 Run n' Ready Experience

I felt compelled to go to one of my favorite power spots at Hugh Birch park,  and which was FREE for Vet's day.  I settled into a parking spot and donned my running gear,  and after a nice warm-up loop around the park road, took the pedestrian tunnel which links to A1A and the ocean.

Windy, cool and mostly clear,  the ocean rushed up towards the beach while runners, bladers, walkers and cyclists of all stripes piled through the north-south stretch.  It felt GREAT to be back here again, remembering race days thundering down this stretch to the finish line for the Ft. Lauderdale halfs I've done, and other training runs down to 17th St. causeway. I hoped to make it that far, but once I got a few miles south, it felt prudent to head back;  pedestrian traffic makes unnecessary challenges for me- and I was craving some deep private time.

So I took my magic stairs back into the belly of Deep Nature....

...meandering through some of the inner trails, mostly flooded out by our recent storms...and 'seeding' spots with meditations and offerings...until I found what I was looking for:

a BiG Mama Fig Tree standing by Herself in a clearing, just beyond my parking space,  and providing a park bench platform and opportunity to 'tune in' beneath and surrounded by Her amazing energy. 

She is so large, you can climb INTO Her- and look up into the canopy and sky beyond....

For about an hour (spanning before and after 11:11 AM) I meditated, wrote and of course, left some "stealth art" as an homage to the Day:

and 'wrote' this:

I am in the Presence of Light
and yet I AM the Light,
the dark spaces through the tree limbs
are only deflections,
For they, too, are Light.
The Wind is Light,
for it travels through the wind,
and so even our thoughts,
broadcast to the winds,
are Light.

It must only take one photon
to reflect the universes,
as it is Light,
So am I in the Presence of
Infinite Universes always.

There never were shadows,
just deflections of Light,
creators of shape and form.
They do not impinge upon us,
we impinge upon them
and create the visible world,
which is Light- and Infinite Universes- as One.

So the Me who can float like a single photon
of Light
if one of Infinite Me's, but we are the Same,
since we are Light.
Our manna is the play of forms within Light
and our limitless potential to Shine.

Daylights Savings Time Long Run 11-6-11

I woke to warmer than expected temps, and a bright early morning thanks to DST.  Heading out towards the overpass,  I decided to see what a beach loop would feel like, haven't headed east in quite some time, and the thought of ocean scents and sounds felt like a nice reward- so off I went!  Up and over the overpass then settling in for the 4 miles until I took the left up to Dania Beach Blvd.  Once again the calculation on the MapMyRun GPS seemed longer than I remember...but now I was curious;  just how many miles is this loop anyway?  And as for the Plan,  I was due for a 10-er,  a nice little break.

One of my favorite stretches is the long (it feels long) lonely road to Dania  Beach.  As usual per Sunday mornings, there are plenty of cyclists and a few other runners out there, as I pushed through strong blustery headwinds to make it up onto the Intercoastal overpass ... and cruise down past the beach parking and head south along the beach itself.   The walkway cuts down from Dania Beach to North Beach, where lots of runners, cyclists, bladers and walkers are busy getting their morning exercise.  At this point, I had stopped hearing the miles prompt and had no real idea how far I'd gone, but was onto a fine stretch when I made my pit-stop at North Beach.

I took my time,  took a few more pix and headed  back west on Sheridan with the wind at my back.  It was a pretty torturous time although I kept a run up until the last bit before climbing the overpass one more time before home.  The distance said 11.25.   I used to think that loop was about 13.  Either way, it felt good to know I could pull that off and that I'm still 'on schedule',  more or less, on my plan.

Meanwhile, I caught the last 6-8 miles of the NYC marathon and saw the women's and men's winners cross the finish line,  all in world record time.  It is hard to describe what its like watching a world class runner cruise through sub- 5 minute miles at the END of a marathon, while I struggle just to RUN any distance at all...and the crazy motivation it gives me to know just what I CAN do, by comparison.
Congrats to the runners, winners and finishers at NYC yesterday,  for a job very well done!  And I remember to pat myself on the back:  I put my mind to complete that run yesterday and I did.  It is small accomplishments, unsung, that sometimes put us back into a place of confidence.  Grab them when you see them unfold for you:  they are your daily gifts. 

Long Run 10-30-11

The Plan said 12 miles.   According to my past on-line mapping,  I fully expected to roll out about 3 loops on my Park West route as a solution to dealing with a. my fatigue of late and b.  my issue with the weather, which has been blustery and rainy.   For once, I set the GPS via Map My Run and headed out just after dawn.


The long loop of Park west, turns out, is barely more than a mile each way.  So after doing 2 of these loops and hearing, in the pause of the music stream, the voice of that GPS say "distance: 3, speed ..." etc, I began to feel what that distance really meant.   In my head I began to scramble my inner measurements.  In all these years I've been doing my neighborhood routes, I think I know them like the back of my hand.  And no, I cannot account for the difference between the on-line and phone app for Map...but suddenly,  a 12 mile goal became a really really long one.


I was just at 6 when I made a pit stop just west of the loop, and feeling pretty fatigued.   I tried to figure out how to place the additional 6 and not kill myself, so I decided to make my usual way up and around 56th and head generally east, while listening to that GPS voice tell me, at every mile mark, how far I got.  The weather threw me occasional drizzles and very strong head winds.  For hill-less folks like us,  a strong wind is the equivalent of hills;  pushing through a steady wind takes enormous fortitude.  Just when I'd think "this has GOT to be another mile!"  that voice would stay silent for what seemed like another mile more before I'd hear "distance: 9 miles" etc.  In fact I never broke into the double digits until I almost hit 29th....and the other voice inside said "hahah, you want to run a MARATHON??? right..."


By the time I made it home,  it was just over 11 miles.  I won't say how long that took.  I walked a few long stretches in the last half;  I was wet, tired, and pretty much over the whole thing.   The 'fight' I usually have to gut out big pushes in Life, weather work-related, relationship or running, just feels like 'flight'....these days, I am never so happy as wandering the inner realms of my own Solitude, where pace and distance have nothing to do with what I feel, who I am, what I'm doing.


This trend is not conducive to marathon training...LOL.  


The World feels to be whirling enough for all of us;  sometimes a girl just wants to be Still.

Iain McGilchrist: The divided brain | Video on TED.com

Iain McGilchrist: The divided brain | Video on TED.com

 thanks Joanna for the share.
Check out this interesting and creative explanation....and see if you relate!

Sunday long run 10-23-11

An unexpected opening in my schedule allowed me to run Saturday, a brisk, energetic 6-er which gave me false hope for Sunday.  Normally, because of timing,  I have 2 rest days before the Sunday run.  So the question was,  would a run prior give me a boost, or a bust?

Up early and out, I've been mapping out the extra mile or so weekly in my head, this time placing a run up the overpass to hook right and back to Park as the extra bit.  The goal was "8-9 miles" and adding this to my usual Park west and up to Griffin loop, should make that easily. 

Right away,  I felt sluggish and weak.  Sometimes, putting the overpass first is a jump-start, so I hoped by the time I got it going on Park, I'd find my rhythm.   The weather was a continuation of cool and clear, the early morning crystalline quality of light throwing everything into high relief.  Distracted by the shower of beauty in color and form,  always enamored by great landscapes and trees,  I made it over to John Williams for my first pit-stop and assessment.  It wasn't what I hoped;  already, I was dragging ass over to the park, and I was only halfway home.

I took the stretch all the way up to Griffin, passed by an older man/runner I see alot up there,  whose gait looked barely perceptible as he barely seemed to lift one foot after the other...SIGH....and walked a good bit between the top of 40th ...all the way to my next pit stop at Publix.   As I began the last stretch out,  my ringer went off!  (love my iphone slash music slash trainer....) and as I trotted along took  the call.   It was several miles later and I was still on the run!   Quick moral of this story:  distractions are helpful;  for that stretch, despite my clear fatigue,  I hardly noticed, getting deep into the conversation.  By the time I realized how far I'd gotten I was pretty close to home.

I won't say how long it took,   but clearly longer than I hoped, or how tough it was,  which was way tougher than I hoped.   The 'middle distance' runs are pretty predictable this way.  This is just when the body is most stressed to adapt to the 'shifting' into a higher level of endurance....and where my uber-inner-runner and my 55 year old self will battle it out.    I know if I can clear this hurdle, there are challenging, but enjoyable longer runs ahead.   It is said over and over,  and cannot be restated enough:  running is a mental sport.    The inner perception of distance, effort and pain are all subjective.  Get into your comfort zone, synch into the rhythm of the run itself, and a la Chi Running,  utilize the energy both within the body and around/through it, to achieve the effortlessness desired.   Sounds good, right?  It is the 'practice' of running that allows me to focus on exactly this;  overcoming my insecurities and doubts that I CAN do it!  And....I WILL.

I gave myself time to make the decision about Miami, and so far,  that luxury still holds.  Next week is the 12 miler,  which will tell me a lot about whether the full- or half- might need to be the goal.  Is it back to the beach loop?  A longer expedition to the west?  We'll see where the running gods lead me when I come back around next weekend.

Occupy Freedom

It doesn't take much to realize how little freedom there is in this world, including our own home country, and how dearly we pay for whatever freedom we allow to slip away;  Ai Wei Wei is my reminder of that.   An internationally recognized artist who designed China'a "birds nest" for the Olympics,  it would be fair to say he was unquestionably overly confident of his ability to speak Truth to the Powers that Be in China.  He paid for it by his recent detention and ongoing house arrest.  Despite recognition by other celebs, including Bianca Jagger's plan to award him through her human rights foundation,  Ai Wei Wei is imprisoned- in his own home now- for his expression of private thoughts.

On this week's long run, which is miraculously on schedule for my marathon training plan in case I decide "YES" for Miami, I had the Occupy movement on my mind.   For all of us oldster hippies who formed the ranks of protest and activism in the past,  the current movement feels like deja vu all over again.  Creativity forms the basis of the collectivism,  the expression of personal stories and the performance art of those on the streets making their points.  Add a healthy dose of drums, chants and the level of techno expertise, and we (the 99%) are communicating in a big way.

It may be true that, as some righties say,  we still have it better than many places on earth.  True, that.  However,  the Forces of Oppression find their means in all nations and classes,  forcing the dogma of acceptable and 'legal' behavior and action,  suppressing the means to express free thought.   We are careful now to nuance ourselves in the public arena for fear of more losses;  of jobs, prospects, power and control.  The Occupiers, like Ai,  are facing pressures from political and police forces.  Can we stay our course and keep our banners flying?  Can we Occupy Freedom anywhere, anytime?

The core reason for running, for me, is absolute freedome of movement.  No one can tell me "I can" or "I cannot"...with one foot in front of the other,  at my own time, pace and distance.   The feeling of ultimate control of my body/myself is a symbolic boost to my inner space, where I inhabit as free a spirit as I can!  The run reminds me of who I am apart from any job title or obligation;  the run is my chance to feel the link between inner freedom and flying off the pavement on a good stretch, embracing the wide skies. 

There are many (too many) who cannot feel any of this today.   And for them,  I pray,  I hope- and I run.

Marathon musings

I downloaded a training plan that, miraculously, I am currently 'on schedule' for in order to pull off the Miami Marathon in Jan. '12.   I keep trying to make up my mind.    So here's the plan.   Continue with the training as it's laid out, and see how the longer miles feel.  Make my decision by Thanksgiving AT THE LATEST.  Registration.  Commitment.   Follow through.

Part of what I feel is on my mind about it, besides gauging my body's general level of endurance for handling this, is why I want to do it....I've done 2 other marathons...the first one, also Miami was to test myself.  The second, Marine Corp, was for Dad.   I'm thinking of this one for all my Ancestors who continue to support and inspire those of us who are seeking to change the world for the better, one step, one client, one person, one act of empowerment at a time.

Thoughts???

The Book is Calling....

Rightbrainrunner:  Finding Creative Transcendence on the Run and in Everyday Life


To all my readers:  I have a goal of morphing the blog into a book.  Look at the title above;  does it speak to the theme?  For something so 'right brain'  I could use feedback about what it is you would crack open a book form for,  in order to get a hit of the journey and inspiration. 

The Pines Psychological Associates practice Open House is this Friday,  3-7P.  I should be there by 5P.   The practice is located at the corner of Pines and Palm Ave and if you want to talk to me about art therapy and psychotherapy in general,  please stop in!! 

Even when I want to 'go with the Flow',  there is often an internal impulse to 'get it going'  on various projects etc.  I am grateful for the Creative Push and hope to see the manifestation of my inner Vision and dreams continue!

Visions and Reality

I put on my wind jacket, not completely water-proof (alas), and tucked my iphone into its plastic pouch before heading out for my Sunday long run, expectations low.   The blustery weather from a system sitting out to our east gave the morning a crazy, surreal feeling;  sharp periods of squally rain, long stretches of wind and enough dry stretches to allow the run to unfold.  It took a few miles to get my head out of my dreams and onto the road, but once I found my gait heading out Park, I settled nicely into my private reverie.

I continue to debate the decision to register for Miami 2012.   Training starts NOW.  To my advantage,  I have a pretty decent base, if the rule of thumb is about 20-30 mpw.   Check.    My routine is pretty training friendly with a few minor adjustments.   My heath is stable.  There are no other big distractions and/or responsibilities that would take me away from a calendar routine.   In my con column is the anxiety and stress I seem to undergo in the marathon training process...the race looms over me like Mt. Kilimanjaro;  every week is another gauntlet to 'run' through on my way to another ratcheting up of the month's totals...going after the ever elusive Long Distance needed to tackle the 26.2  miles.  Marine Corp was an eye-opener for me.  I trained, I was well-prepared, and it still took over 6 agonizing hours to come into the finish.   Pro:  Miami is VERY user-friendly and its in my back yard.   I would probably face less weather and logistical stress here at home.

It is easy for me to tap the Visions which have sustained me over the years,  a natural talent I'd feel safe in saying I inherited from my mother,  a mildly psychic and intuitive woman herself (comments always come to me about how I can 'read' someone's mind or as someone else recently reported, 'show up' in dreams to empower).  My sleep state has always been a sacred portal to dreams which are a conscious key to bridging my material and spiritual realities.   When it comes to the marathon, experience tells me that I need to be in full agreement with the Vision of the race;  can I translate my uber-wishes into Reality?

Part of what I have come to enjoy about my running since Mom died was the lack of pressures....for once,  there was little to impede my passions or pressure me to 'achieve' anything besides the process itself.  The relaxed agenda gave me the mental rest I needed;  is it time to adopt the "plan" again?  Regiment what has developed so organically, naturally?

A good goal is never a bad idea.   I can see myself cruising through the wonderful neighborhoods of Miami beach,  Coconut Grove....the question is, can I get there from here?

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Tapping the Power

 TY Park: the grove

As I set out for my Sunday long run the temps were cool enough to feel 'autumnal' and give me an early oomph as I began my loop.  The streets were quiet,  the occasional dog-walker was out, as the empty morning gave me an invitation to expand myself out into the atmosphere and into my inner Self.  As I cruised down Park I kept debating about how long to go;  my uber runner began with "there's always Miami (marathon), so why not go for it?  Push a lot of miles, let's get in gear- while my rational self countered with "slow down, things are going well, there is no need to ask for injury and I can still add some distance and keep it real."    As I rounded out to my first pit stop at John Williams, my rational self won.  I love my uber-self, but she is not necessarily out for my best interests.

It was a nice run, with a couple of decent strong stretches.  I was glad to have time to tap into my inner Power, the habit I have now to sort out my musings, dreams, projects and direct energy where I feel I need the healing.  The entrained staccato/percussive motion of running provides an excellent base for self-adjustment and massage.  I'm not sure and doubt I am the only one to notice this,  but once I get going I scan my body and use the rhythm of the gait to help me work out my sore and tight places.   I also work in meditative visualizations, such as the Hathor material, and of course the music and/or material I'm listening to off the phone.   It felt good yesterday, and again today, to feel the core of my commitment to self-care and healing...and to keep the positive aspects of aging in flow.


Tapping into Power appears to be breaking out all over.  I am enthralled by the Wall Street occupiers, the primarily young folk who are taking a page out of our book to 'change the world'.'   It feels as though strong currents are pushing the wheel of seasonal change, and as the Jewish New Year folds into Yom Kippur and the days of at-one-ment, our insight into what we can manifest in our World increases.   There is always opposition, even from seemingly benign sources.  Like the uber-runner in my head,  not every voice is the one to listen to.  But each one brings a point of view to the development of our choices.   Power spots are everywhere.  Choose where you make your stand today and tap into the energy Mother Earth Herself provides not just for you and those you agree with, but everyone as we Wake Up and Keep our Voices Heard!

Before the Rain

I was lucky to hit 2 runs Sat and Sun this weekend, breaking up my usual long run into 2 slightly shorter ones and beating the rains which came in with a vengence yesterday.   Weekend runs deliver up the quiet and solitude I so enjoy out on the roads;  both times, I looped south, picking up some of my old routes for a change of scenery and mentally comparing where I am now to where I was when I hit these roads before.
I am always changing from year to year,  week to week, and often day to day, defeating my quest to stabilize my training and build into the uber-runner I see in my head.   While new runner rock stars are smashing records and achieving the impossible, I keep seeking to adjust to the many factors which seem to influence my running.   In Serenity Prayer terms, what I can and cannot control becomes as much an issue here as anywhere:  if not the response of my body to changing conditions,  what (besides food, gear etc) can I really control?
There is no relationship which can conform to my needs, but there are connections which support them.  The vast expanse of Nature Herself always gives me an open invitation;  She says,  come on out anytime, in any weather, and just keep moving one foot in the front on the other.  Enjoy your innate rhythm, motion and inner meditations.  Soak up the ephemeral beauty of My landscape as it unfolds around you.   She is making no other demands on me.  The only one 'demanding' is me.  

The Light of Fall

South Florida has a subtle way of shifting seasons.   If you are out midday, it would feel like any hot, humid summer-like day.  But in the early morning,  fall is bringing a slight moderation and breeze to the air, a welcome relief.  What strikes me most is the change in the light;  as if a shroud of mist, hovering from the intense heat and humidity was lifted, and a surreal clarity returns to highlight every leaf and shadow.

I walked a good bit of today's Griffin loop.  Now that I am back on my 6-day/week work stretch for the foreseeable future, my body is trying to keep up the pace overall.  In racing, I am was is kindly referred to as a "back of the pack" runner;  ok maybe not ALL the way in the back, but my gait is slow and easy.  The runner in my head thinks I am going like a bat out of hell.   The reality is my aging body struggles to keep a rhythm going these days.  On really slow days, like today,  I just throttle it down and walk.
On better days,  I am keeping some good stretches.  But this is not anything like my past training performance.  Clearly,  things are changing- again.

I've been deep in a shamanic/meditative space leading up to the High Holidays, using a "30 days of Elul" from our friends of the Daily Kabbalah to contemplate the year past- and ahead.  Despite my lapse as any kind of ideological or practicing Jew, I subscribe to the moral and ethical teachings I grew up with and come to appreciate more and more in my life.  The New Year is more than a celebration;  it is intense soul-searching, to come out into the new life of the new year with 'accounts balanced', and a sense of preparation for the new growth ahead.

Kabbalah asks that we put our principles into practice, and focus on changing behaviors and attitudes that keep us stuck in negative patterns.  This sounds exactly like the CBT and RET type of interventions I've been focusing on with clients.  It is always easier to see the places in some one else which calls for attention, and change;  it is far tougher to turn the lens on oneself and expose our own vulnerabilities and decide where we are ready to grow.

Running is an ever changing experience for me, and like today, humbles me to appreciate the limitations of the material world despite my lofty and idealistic vision.   The trick seems to be how to hold onto Vision no matter what the limitations may be,  and the faith that somehow the manifestation of our latent dreams are bound to find their way into our lives.   Too many things have emerged in my life not to believe this is true.   But the trust to stay true to our intent takes the greatest work;  we are waiting - and praying- while the New has already arrived.

Arlington/DC trail run

My trip to play Granny to now one year old Claire gave me a chance to revisit my favorite little run spot in Arlington.   My hotel stands just at the corner of an entrance onto a footpath, following a waterway which eventually leads to the trail-head in towards this beautiful wooded area.  Michael and I have been deep into this area, and last time I revisited this, snaking under and around highways in order to get as lost as I could into the landscape.  This time,  the Irene and Lee floods had washed piles of debris over and into the streambeds;  the path was clear, sometimes wet and I cut the whole thing short once I reached the underpass:

On my way back,  I was drawn to sit with the water, which was rich with silt and rushing down the rock bed,  singing loud above the silence of the trees.

I love Alexandria,  and my spot in Shirlington/Arlington where I can access all this, but it wasn't until I got back to Florida that I realized how gray Washington DC really is.   One thing my body has learned to crave is the strong sub-tropic sunlight;  depression and debilitation have a tough time finding a foothold in the Sunshine State.  And the feedback from those who know me ensures my opinion:  I am where I am supposed to be.

Of course the reason for everything is claiming my place as an Elder in our little family circle.  The thrill of holding my granddaughter and feeling the spirits of my parents through me, watching my son and daughter-in-law, and reconnecting with my other family members brought me an energized joy which comes on me fresh and deep.  I had many moments of happy tears and of course, I could not hug this darling child enough!

Running is the ground, the predictable motion of my body into the world, bringing me the peace and solace of Nature wherever I find Her.   Within the confines of physicality,  our emotional and spiritual lives learn to soar into new dimensions, where connections are felt through our hearts, souls and World Mind.   When you see the loved one before you,  embrace the heroics of reaching out to find our footing together, as we walk our trails of Life, Love and Light.

Here- to There

Sometimes the pace at work is exhilarating, other times simply exhausting!  When I prepare to be away there are tons of things to do, and the last 2 days it felt non-stop.  The capacity to focus in and find my 'rhythm' is a skill I borrow from running;  once begun, I'm in it to the end, and I don't like to stop for long, just keep going, going ...

I wanted to give myself a full loop this morning to help ensure a settling of my nerves and an honest exhaustion to help snooze on the flight later, if possible.   I was up and out earlier than usual, pre-dawn.  I felt like the only person out on earth; even the traffic was light as I crossed over by the park and headed out my usual route.  The coolish feel to the air was like a fresh push, helping me wake and swing into my warm-up walk.  I packed the Ghosts for the trip so I took out the old Launches, amazed at how wonderful they felt!  With a spring in my step I rounded the corner where I begin to run and felt like I could fly right off into the sky....

Amazingly,  I took the entire stretch from there to my Publix pit-stop in one fell swoop.  I had enough adrenalin to push past my usual lazy stride and settled into something that felt like a real run.  Everything was relaxed, and something about this early hour brought me closer to the passion I feel being out in Nature-  She calls to me, and I forget how Her times of transition are often the most Magical of all.

I hope the weather allows me to run the trail I love out the hotel...and take advantage of the hilly VA terrain to keep my endurance up.   There will be plenty of time of share the wealth of family and love, surrounding our little Claire in the circle of her first year!  I'm glad to represent faithfully the Self I am into this new experience, from Here- to There. 

The Mother is All

While the stormy season continues into September, and the mornings are overcast, sometimes rainy, definitely a bit cooler, I continue Project Adaptation coming off being sick and picking up my running groove again.  At work the other day, as I jaunt up and down our long hallways, I felt an interesting shift in my right hip/leg socket...the very place where I've been jammed up my entire running career.  As I took a right turn, it almost felt like tumblers in a lock- and I knew immediately that whatever had been stuck, suddenly got unstuck.  The feeling was immediate;  where I had limited range of motion on my right side and a chronic "hitch" in my hip and flexors, relief was sudden.  Cautiously hopeful that this might be the breakthrough I needed,  and after a no run day yesterday, I headed out on a longer Griffin loop just keeping my fingers crossed...maybe this is my opening at last.

It wasn't apparent until I took my first water break, and headed west to catch 56th and the road north.  Where I would labor, my legs found a smooth swing.  When I would usually flag in a muddled, painful pause, walking out the soreness,  I found the fatigue but not the pain- an experience of utter freedom - and the ability to sustain a stretch from Emerald Hills to my Publix pit stop...at one fell swoop.   Is it diet? supplements?  keeping my yoga routine up??  Or just the ongoing refinement of the Celestial vibes which, along with everything else, are clearing the debris from our fullest function?

We tend to polarize existence, from good and bad,  up and down, inner/outer and all sorts of dualities.  We've separated ourselves from the Process of our own lives in pursuit of goals;  materialistic or spiritual.  Goals got me where I am today.  At the same time,  the art of non-doing, of immersing myself in the process of the run, is what I always wanted.  The sheer joy of 'lifting off' into my shared space with Mother Nature, while moving in and through Her, soaking up every good vibe She has to offer;  this is bliss to the Long Distance Runner within. 

I seem to be reminded by all kinds of sources that The Mother is All.  Our ancient ancestors, and the medicine folk (still) know that behind the many faces of existence lies the Source of all Life.  We may struggle to be:  the better runner,  spiritual guide, partner, mother, worker etc.  And our humanity seems to urge us on to 'higher ground'.  But ultimately we are Held in the Good Hands of She who has birthed it all and continues to Mother us through our ongoing emergence into our New Selves.   It is time to Allow, and to Manifest Her willing support. 

Devi Prayer - Hymn to the Divine Mother

Irene, Coming and Going - SoFlorida

With yet another TS/Hurricane contender out there in the far Atlantic, all of us up and down the eastern seaboard are now veterans of Irene.  While still a Cat 3, she majestically skirted all the territory below Orlando, dropping hints of what what in store for the rest of the folks further north.  Not without her manners, she apparently lost her will right at the last minute and packed a less powerful punch;  very fortunate for all those who expected an even worse event, and yet enough to remind us all that Mother Nature isn't fooling around;  disrespect Her at your own peril!

Meanwhile, back on the Adaptation project, coming off the natural disruptions of illness and weather events,  I am back to running and once again the quest to build a base.  On the other side of big weather are slight changes in the presentation of late summer;  extreme heat and humidity and new just now, a slight breeze in the early morning hours giving hint to a fall change to come.   Moving the air is often enough to give big relief under these conditions.   Focusing on getting back my usual 6 mile loops,  it is enough to give me big challenges, but reachable ones.  There is residual strength to carry me into this, and build from - to meet my usual goal:  stable health, strength, endurance.

The inner changes roll along their own response to input, whether from the external sources of people, places and events or to the ever-changing conditions of internal mind and experience.  Always attuned to atmospherics, and often too much so,  it's been a breach of my otherwise formidable defenses to find myself struggling with health and growth aspects of personality and profession.   No one likes to admit their short-comings.  And for someone who feels perpetually reaching for a kind of creative high which validates my Soul experience,  I am often unaware of the nuts and bolts of issues right in front of my nose. 

Our Best Teachers point out to us where we have drifted off from the integrity of the Team, whether that team be our partners, family, friends or coworkers and clients.   Too much focus on little s self, and the ego will take the inch and hang us with miles of pride, self-service and selfishness.  Too little focus on Big S Self and we forget the spiritual muscles which yearn for as much of a workout as our bodies;  time to reflect, meditate and Center our purpose on the mission of our lives, the bigger reasons for time and effort to achieve anything we define as our Work.

The body needs to be 'pushed', persuaded, to reach beyond our mental limits to discover what we are capable of... any runner knows we constantly reach beyond our current abilities in order to increase what we can do.   Same with the Spirit:  the Benevolent Ones see a larger slice of the whole pie,  a bigger view of the skies,  the Pattern of Soul and being in this world to gently influence and guide the shape of our intent, to conform, ultimately to something ever Greater than us.  We go kicking and screaming like small children, afraid of the changes, unaware of the opportunity just beyond that door- or we accompany the Forces of Growth like lucky lovers, enamored of a sweet surrender which can take us to new places, and widen our own Arc of Love and acceptance to who we really are.

Adaptation and the Unexpected

Hurricane Irene is lurking around Puerto Rico, with a bulls-eye on South Florida.  In the lead up to big storms, the skies here always take on mythic proportions:  this was my view off the catwalk this AM as I headed out to run.   By mid-week we will see the large arc of feeder bands;  that's IF she decides to take the projected path our way.

Meanwhile, my debut run yesterday, back from my 10 day hiatus was better- and worse- than expected.  I took the Park west route to have a long stretch to do nothing but allow my body to regain it's 'muscle memory' of a gait, and to keep distractions to a minimum.   This first couple of miles was amazing stress-less....clearly,  a break from constant impact was not a bad idea.  That said,  as I continued a loop up 56th and over Emerald Hills,  I could clearly feel the drop in stamina,  and walked a good bit of my last bits.

The Uber-runner in my head, and the reality of the Me in this world are often out of sync.   While visions of marathons and quirky trail runs dance in my fantasies, the challenge of doing even my usual 6 miler, run or walk, is now where I am at- actually.   Today,  more or less the same route in reverse, I walked even more as I caught the sun full on with a few miles left, and could feel my body wilt under the forces of heat and humidity.  What I could more easily cope with a month ago has become, again, an up-hill slope as I re-acclimate to everything:  weather, distance, endurance and stamina...building strength in connective tissues and muscles which were throttled down to a snooze-mode, and just long enough, apparently, to lose a lot I'd gained this summer.   SIGH.

I told myself, on that walk home, that I am grateful to have the full faculties of my body, senses and mind, even if the diamond is a little more 'rough around the edges'.... the brilliance of inner soul seemed reflected in those big gorgeous skies and full sun.  Clouds which carry ever changing banners of color and wind feel full of portent;  I will always have a passion for jaunting out in the open world, whether my aim is to run or not...and Nature will always Call me to join Her.

Often adapting is little more than a shift in our mind-set.  In my professional work I can watch the pattern of cognitive distortions like patterns which lay themselves out like plot-lines, often tangled and twisted up into cul-de-sacs of assumption and pain, laying wait for the unsuspecting nuance of meaning to come along and pull on some unopened door, creaking on rusty hinges when knocked upon, and opened.   We are such creatures of habit, that even when the amazing new insight introduces itself, we don't always recognize or welcome it.   We change with a chip on the shoulder, or we hide from the assumed threat- of change.

Then sometimes,  change comes without our consent.   Illness is a reminder.  Irene is another, and soon enough we will find out just how close to 2005 things will come again, and whether we adapt to our stormy horizons any better than we did then.   Expect- the Unexpected.