Different Kinds of Runs

"This is what really matters: running. This is where I know where I am."

-STEVE JONES

Tired of fighting high winds and crappy weather, I took to the gym yesterday and a different kind of run on the treadmill. Before I knew it, I managed 8 miles, and threw in a little weight training for good measure. I work on form, time and management of resources, things that are harder to track outside. My slow pace is a 12-13 minute mile. Faster, and I can sustain a little over 10. Treadmills feel very unforgiving....so every twinge and ache seems amplified. But the ability to read the stats, regulate the pacing etc is pretty cool, and every once in a while, I guess it just serves as a break from the routine.

Today, an easy 4+ miles up to Griffin, just enough to stretch out tight legs and get a bit of 02...today is balmy, scattered clouds...the weather doesn't seem to know what it's doing. But the air, the sun, even the occasional gustiness was wonderful to feel on my skin. I am still adjusting to no Miami (can I do the half??)...it seems impossible not to be there at all, but if I do the half, will it feel like a cop-out? I'm not getting that crazy jazzy feeling about racing right now. All these weeks of not feeling well has been draining...and just getting normal runs in feels like a real triumph. Do I commit, and build anticipation towards the goal? Or do I recognize a shift, for multiple reasons, in my approach to running?? I hate to feel like I wimp out, and yet, my body seems to need the recovery. In the book Psychodynamic Running, the aspect of addiction as applied to running relates to the lack of flexibility and balance; the inability to adapt from the compulsive need to run. I relate to this struggle; running has been my dopamine fix, my solution to all things middle-aged. It got me through menopause, job crisis, relationship meltdowns, family traumas. Running instilled self-confidence in a way no other endeavor, despite my range of abilities, has done. The sheer gift of movement, of being safely tucked into my own head is a growing need the more the outer world clamors with it's pressures. How I will continue to utilize running for the long-term, and still make benchmarks, remains to be seen.

Meanwhile, there is a way forward. The road, which always calls to me, has adventures a plenty....all I need is willingness, and my 2 good feet.