"I can't get a therapy appointment round the clock, so I had better invest in some friends that won't tire of me telling them that my thoughts are turning to mush again."
-from Beliefnet: 12 ways to keep going
I'm sure I was hugely over-confident, coming off the stress of last week and cramming Saturday chores and visits into the first half of the weekend. But I felt determined to reach beyond the half-mary long distances, and headed to Cooper City which is a pit-stop going into an 18 miler. I haven't done this distance for a long time, and leaving that Publix stop I had my doubts about whether I should go for it, since by now it was already unbelievably hot, and my legs felt like rubber bands...but hey, I'm here, I thought, the worse that can happen is I walk parts of it. So off I trotted....
...Past Brian Piccilo Park, making the turn south to Taft and taking that stretch to University and my second major stop. Lots of gatorade, then the stretch east, which I altered to take me back up to Sheridan so I could stop at John Williams park before the very last stretch home.
I'm embarrassed to report it was a 4 hour ordeal. I figure I can take about a half hour or so out of the time for the pit stops. But here's where I had to give myself credit where credit is due. I did not walk any of it. In fact, during the stretch to University which is about where I die down, I felt like I kept up a pretty good rhythm. And even coming home, until the very last I managed to keep focus. All this in high 80's, low 90's heat. All this from an older middle aged wanna be who never ran a block before 5 years ago, or whenever I actually began. So even with all the temptation to beat myself up, the run did that for me....I not only survived, I triumphed, I endured...and I had plenty of time to think about the need to translate all of that into navigating the current changes.
I have had a very difficult go of it, summarized in this whole experience. And I haven't felt like talking about it. Supervision was one 'structured' outlet, and it was good. But when I find myself in the Silence, I know it's about self-preservation, and the need to dig deeper and deeper to find the resiliency necessary....if I can do it out on that massive trek yesterday, then I can do it- period. Friends and supporters, find patience with your humble sojourner, and send me your love and light. I will find a way to you, I will keep you tucked into my pockets. I am amplifying my own light, such as it is, so that we will find each other, no matter what. And even far away, you are always near.
1 comment:
older middle aged wanna be
You are growing younger every day.
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