Topping 40

The legacy of my training this week is a sore hip, towards the back, sustained while coming up on Stirling and almost tripping at a crosswalk, my eye on the convenience store I planned to stop at for rehydrating. My goal this week was consistency; and I managed 30 miles M-Thurs, took a break for Friday and the girls' visit, then put the 10-12 on Saturday morning. I did a long loop to Davie Rd. ext. and took Stirling all the way back until I could tuck into the Emerald Hills neighborhood to cruise home. It was hot, brutal, and trying, but relatively strong. It's hard to judge endurance when you're sweating through the humidity like swimming...and barely managing to move forward. But I was strong enough to keep a steady gait for each stretch I marked out in my mind, the crossover at Sheridan, the stretch up the reservation, the long open few miles on Park....I walked off the last half mile to try to loosen my legs, and though I knew I had overdone it somewhat this week, I felt I needed the push...the mental and emotional energy has been tremendous. Something in me was asking to press it out from the middle of my bones, and pound the pain, like beats of the drum off the pavement, the rhythm of my heart beating, beating, breathing.

The moments of struggle are interrupted by frames within which oases of such delicate care and love are enclosed. I was enveloped in the beauty of those 2 girls, my nieces, with their open eyes and strong hearts, as we shared the drama of heartbreaking change within the family. There are times when we need to push to create space for the fragile within us, when going long or strong means tapping out the bigger muscles and exhausting ourselves enough for rest and regroup. We cry plenty of tears in the effort, and hug each other, and ourselves when we find we are all out there floating through endless sky, attempting to orient ourselves towards goals. In the end, we are all carried by the winds, which themselves are uninstructed; where are we meant to be? You must keep going to find out.