Autumnal Light Begins

If light is a state of mind, the 'shining' through or illumination of understanding, insight, clarity, inspiration, then the struggle with darkness is an incubation in preparation to receive it. The cauldron of mind that hold the yin/yang of opposite forces struggles mightily to relieve itself of this tension, hoping, by choice, to surrender to something greater than mere will, the tiny effort of a single human against cosmic forces. I feel that sometimes. The lure of 'position'. Just when you find a comfortable foothold either in your depression or bliss, the pendulum begins to sway you off your mark...the delicate balance shifts, and before you know it, you stare down the barrel of a new set of issues....regrouping, recouping, ready as much as you can be for the next push.

I wasn't planning on anything long today. In fact I was pretty sore after 2 runs 2 days in a row. But I woke before the alarm, tiring myself out from the whirring mess of anxiety-driven dreams and decided to reverse my usual course and see what happens.
My goal was to be in the moment, focus on form and let my body grow accustomed again to being ot on my feet. At least the weather was with me, and the air has lost that heaviness of summer. My feet dragged themselves up the overpass, down to Taft and over to Park before the sun was fully up. The 2 mile stretch out Park became marginally more comfortable as I found my stride, and decided to make my stop at the 56th Ave Publix. Back up to Stirling, the long haul back to Park was where I needed that faith in all the past training that put some amount of energy in those tired muscles. It felt heavy in my heart but the very fact that I was still moving out past my length yesterday gave me a small measure of hope; could I still ramp up enough miles to succeed?

My dearest friend, one of many of my 'team' who pull for me, reminds me that Light is freely available- and given. I love her generosity. Prevailing over the pull of darkness, which has its own purposes, to recall the state of blissful being is a very blessed thing. I, who have so much familiarity with dark places forget how lovely and healing the Light can be. And every step on the run, with the sun full on my face I soak it up bit by beautiful bit.