15 and counting

The weather may be creating some challenges to an outdoorsy holiday weekend, but so far it's been a boon to training....the rain has not developed until later in the day. The mornings are cooler, with more cloud cover and so much easier to endure even a few degrees less than before.

So yesterday, starting out after 6:30AM was still pre-dawn, and cool enough to feel refreshing. My left ankle has been acting up with the new shoes, so I decided to do a long beach loop on my own and just take it real easy. From start to finish, out my door and back, up To Dania Beach Blvd and down the Broadwalk, through Hollywood and home by Sheridan is 15 miles. What 'Coach' and I have been doing is an 11 miler....Out west, I can put extra miles on the Griffin loop. This would be good, though, to begin extending what has been within my comfort zone and see what going alone feels like.

Heading east into the dawn. On weekend mornings, the serious cyclists are out in packs, strewn along the big roads in their multi-colored tops and helmets, their gleaming bikes strewn like jewels shooting down the sides osf the road. They are all business, too. I was in a good stretch all the way up to Dania, and did not feel the need to stop at either Publix. On the bridge over the Intercoastal I saw a knot of cyclists hovering over a man down. Looked like they had it covered. The entire pack riding with him obviously hovering to help....I felt suddenly very alone, invisible...what if something happened to me? Where is my team, where is my support?

Odd how the mind wants to make a case out of thin air and circumstances to trip up our confidence and resolve. I was over the bridge and heading south on the Broadwalk after my first pit-stop at the rest area on the beach, and feeling beat-up but elated. So far it was going well, even with my sore ankle. I was dressed right, packed right. And I was in no hurry. The shelf of gray clouds hovering over the morning sun skirting the ocean's surface like a shroud, parting now and then for a ray of light to kiss the water. The democracy of runners was out and about, trotting, dragging, jogging, bounding down the path. I felt too close and ached for the open road again, skipping out before Hollywood to run down to the bridge away from the crowds and took the overpass in a long, hard climb.

At the bottom on the other side, the early morning old Hollywood neighborhood took me in its quiet embrace. I had a good rhythm pulling along the picturesque streets, finding my way safely through the threat of a thunderstorm to my pit stops before making it home. Did it take a long time? You bet!~ But I was on my feet and able to maintain. I pictured myself 15-18 miles in and knowing "there is still another race to go"...with 6+ miles to the line. I felt the pain and discomfort and kept going anyway. I knew, somehow, that when I needed it, I would have it; the strength, the courage, the capacity, even if I lose the initial comfort and confidence. Something will bring me into that line. Someone will be waiting. A lot of someones will be there, this time.

Mom was better yesterday, if compared to "i want to die"...and able to evoke a sense of calm in me I haven't felt in a long long time. For a brief moment I was able to let go of my constant worry for her. I felt the Universe holding her separate from me, on her own timetable with her own process at work. I took back my desire to give up and morphed it into a peaceable distance from the stress of everyone else's life. My mind, which was taken up on that open road, still found itself gratefully running down some singular, singing dream.