Falling Forward

As a motivational present to myself for the marathon training, I got the CD version of Chi Running so I could load it onto the ipod. Danny Dreyer, an uber-ultra runner took up Tai Chi one day realizing how much he could apply it to running. As I've begun to listen I'm realizing how democratic truly universal truths are; what I aspire to in my rightbrain running is very resonate with him. But what I think I've found is an aspect I've been searching for- the core principles and practice of Tai Chi as it really structures the 'practice' of running.

I set out just after 6AM today and began to listen. Although many of his introductory material is not meant for running itself, I incorporated everything he was saying into the run as much as possible. The dawn was on its way. Early traffic, my nemesis, was cranking up, spoiling the otherwise surreal silence of the end of night. Waking up this early is not natural for me, as a restless 'night owl, who spends forever falling asleep as I meander the inroads of my mind. I was dragging ass big-time as I rounded out at Publix, timing it right so that I caught them just after opening and gave myself the needed potty and water break.

Back out on the road, I began to sense some of what he was teaching...that the 'force' of the road, plus the force of gravity combines with our own postural integrity to utilize the most efficiency, relaxation and ease of motion in the run. As I made the turn at 40th, I began to sense how the shift in my attention was beginning to ease the fatigue- not in the exhilaration sense of mystic dissociation I usually strive for, but in the centered support of the martial art. The body seeks to move in a natural way, easing the energy through it. The mind needs to work in sync to facilitate it "like an old married couple" was his metaphor. Integrating mind with body, through spiritual energy is right up my alley. I found it easy to transition my focus to accommodate this. By the time I rounded into Emerald Hills, I found just the rhythm I hoped for, a taste of what this could be. A freedom from resistance to pursuing my dream of long-distance, effortless running for many years. No reason why not. Just keep practicing.

When he talks about the movable force of the ground meeting the feet in the run, I thought about the elements at work in my life which at first look feel so resistant and immovable, but are themselves in motion and at work on other levels. I suddenly saw the connection between my traditional Aries means of working through my will to accomplish the distance, the overall mileage, the goals- and the subsequent aches, pains and fatigue. Distance training is not for the weak, but like any athlete I suffer from the desire to 'overcome'. I realized today, like in everything, it is the moving with, not through the apparent obstacle, finding the inner center point where those forces meet to produce the way. I needn't worry about fortitude. I needed to relax.

It was a pretty run, in the end. I came into TY park for some stretches and felt a sense of rejuvenation as I surveyed the vast expanse of greenery, the collection of odd-ball exercisers, the long trails of gray clouds promising some relief from constant heat and sun. I felt a new upswell of gratitude and inspiration for the inner guides who place in my life everything I need to keep doing what I do. I don't know how we choose our goals. As in group last night, according to Tom C., its not "I am searching for my higher power...but maybe it's searching for me."

No matter how hard I try to abdicate, Life comes finding me. But I am such an easy mark. I am so full of the depth of the beauty of earth, air, elemental stuff. The poignancy of humanity pulls me in every time. My own path, complete with sordid stuff that like anyone I wish would displace itself elsewhere, becomes the holy road to meet the gods. They never begrudge me my struggles. They seem to celebrate, always, any effort I make to meet them. Then the party really begins!