Serving the Infinite

Serving the Infinite
     in time
a part from us
as Calling,
pronouncing the
names of things
even as they
evaporate on the
     wind....

If you breathe
them in
you locate yourself
while simultaneously
investing Space
with their unique Power....

All you need to do
is RADIATE.....

Peace love and Gratitude

Melissa, the massage therapist at Stirling Massage, dove into the maelstrom of my knotted muscles like she was exploring ancient artifacts embedded long ago by the training and trauma left by past visitors....at one point feeling sparks of crystalline light flying off my shoulders, as if the weight of the world, which I often feel I carry,  was released....like sparks from a great fire....and floated harmlessly into the Cosmic Void.   I'm proud of myself:  I did not run for 2 days.   I rested like my life depended on it,  ate well and did what I love best;  putzed around and absorbed the beauty of my own little landscape- potted and trimmed plants,  looked at paperwork, books,  meditated,  prayed....allowing time to sink into the vibe that is me at my centered best, unencumbered by who I am in any other way.

Yesterday,  I took off for a big Griffin loop starting at the south end of things,  meandering around the 'hood until I rounded out at 29th and up Anglers, hitting the long stretch by Ravenswood until I came up to my Publix pit stop...all in all a slow and lazy jog which was more comfortable than I can remember- no expectations,  walked when I had to- absorbing the beautiful crystal blue skies and cool breeze brushing my skin in electric sparks.   The changes afoot which causes us all to hunch into ourselves a little more,  to brace ourselves for war or deprivation or other sources of stress, self-imposed or not,  want to stop us in our tracks.  Force us to 'call it quits' and give up/give in to the drumbeat of calamity. 

Hope lies in motion.   No matter how stuck in our beliefs, principles or thought processes,  whether our emotions are hanging on us like noisy children, we move with energy that ultimately animates our every breath.  We can therefore change our energy with the motion of intent as our goals, no matter how humble,  lead us on.   I felt this as I cruised on down 35th Ave....whatever I think I can do,  my feet will carry me on the rhythm of the run if I trust the movement...and no matter how slow it feels, before I know it I have eaten that stretch, those miles, and find myself walking the last bit home, like an old horse coming back to the barn.

Trust the motion of change.   It can and will take you along, it is only up to us whether we go 'willingly' or kicking and screaming, stuck as we seem to get, in the quagmire of our insistence of the way we think things are.  Lift yourself for a moment above the road itself and feel that instant before the next foot falls....are you weightless?  Can you glide between your thoughts and grab the hope and light which lives in that beautiful arc of  becoming?  I am the footfalls and the weightlessness of light between them.  I am the relief at the end of the run.  And as always,  ready for more.  This week:  I AM GRATEFUL for all that my body and soul brings to me and through me.  And for those who help me along the way, seen and unseen.   

Portals and Eclipses and Cloudships oh my! and more on the Run

Project Integration continues.....as my body takes me along this journey of discovering what is happening around me, inside of me....related to me....and it's efforts to assimilate changes way beyond my scope of understanding!  During the long holiday weekend  I put R & R at the top of my list:  a big "NOT TO DO" sounding out whenever frenetic energy tried to uproot my need to settle myself within the matrix of my own home base.  Nevertheless,  I managed some modest runs, mostly around the 'hood, taking note of my hot spots and feeling a little more friendly towards the roads.  I had hoped to run the Hollywood half-marathon early December, but that is a reach I acknowledge I must release- for now.

More than anything, I am drawn to watch the skies.  The Big Canvas of Mother Gaia never ceases to please, as She arranges the elements of what is barely material- the air, light, movement of ephemeral clouds- into penetrating images which slowly morph into suggestions of our deepest changes.  The Sun itself is so bright,  so powerful I can barely stand to look towards it or be under it except the mornings.  Some of my plants facing south on the back porch are scorched!  And of course everywhere around the globe our Home is undergoing the pangs of birth into something we've never known. 

I've been told that my 'specialty' is transitions, as I, myself seem to move through things without too much of an anchor, too much attachment....and helping others recognize the opportunity in change comes to me naturally.   Since running is also undergoing change,  it becomes, as always another metaphor for making the shift more seamless.   I worry less about anything but what it feels like to be on the move, allowing myself to fly off into those wide skies and soak up the adventure of Nature's artistry continuously unfolding and overarching all. 

Sometimes art is a stark and brutal statement, and reflects the dark shadows of our fears.  Other times, art takes on the saccharin aftertaste of forced sentiment.  We try to be good, nice, accommodating... to 'fit in' with our preconceived ideas of who we are and how we should behave.  But true art is a Natural outflow of Life and Nature is the Greatest Artist of all.   She uses everything fearlessly.   She displays whether we pay attention or not.  She transforms the very molecules of our bodies every day without complaint growing us and everything around us into something only She envisions.

I am learning to put my trust in Her above even my own perception,  knowing I am still burdened by my inherent blindness to forces greater than me...but even still,  I feel every bit of swaying and sloshing, even when my footfalls make their regular beat- underneath is a rocking and shaking that comes up through my body and meets the open air with an explosion of surprise.  Just when I think I can't get any more removed,  I turn around and find I am in the middle again,  -of a run,  a dream,  a session with a client....dreams and life intermingle...and we are making our way into a transformation of both. 

Daylights Saving time, Beach Jog/walk 11-4-12

Like many others,  I experience the shift into November as luminous (just look at that morning sun!), painful, confusing and exciting all at once.  The physical symptoms which are hampering any serious running continues,  forcing me to relax all expectations and take advantage of down time to REST.  As someone who usually keeps up a pretty consistent and busy schedule, including training,  the message is cutting through my ego loud and clear:  LET IT ALL GO. 

So that's what I did.   Daylights savings time gave me an extra hour to contemplate what to do today:  do I even try to run at all?  But something in me keeps saying 'just get out there'- so I kept it light:  my music only and kept the hydration belt at home.   As I started out,  it felt as if I was drawn to the beach, even though that seemed like an awfully long distance for someone feeling lucky to stay on my feet for a walk around the neighborhood.  And true to that,  my gait is so limited and slow,  that a woman walking a moderate pace easily passed me by, as I kept at my shuffle....it might not look like running at all...but it appears I have morphed into something like a joggish walker....and as I watched her go I felt a pull on my heart wondering as I do every day out now,  'what is happening to me'?

Still there is something to be said for moving just as much as you can.  And my reward came spread before me at the beach, with the Light streaming off the ocean and hitting me in my heart, which I hadn't realized felt just a little bruised from the week past....and as I soaked up that scene I felt proud of my tenacity to get out,  get moving and allow the compassion of Mother Nature to pour into me.

Whatever your beliefs about the hurricane, climate and earth changes and the Big Shift underway,  the fact that our very essence is cradled within the arms of Gaia is comforting to me.   I can easily swirl off into mental realms less secure.  But the forms and feeling of Nature are my comfort and aid. We will see where it all leads us, as we all continue to make our way,  one day and sometimes one step at a time.  But as more Big Events await us,  remember we have each other to lean on,  to love and learn from....Be open to your own heart and the Great Heart of Life beckoning you along.  You only have your fear to lose. 

Resistance Training: Post Sandy 10-28-12

As Hurricane Sandy prepares to move inland and wreck havoc upon the densely populated mid-Atlantic region,  we took a turn into cools-ville, woke up this Monday morning with temps in the low 60's!  While we hunkered down Friday to see what the storm would bring,  I had a window of opportunity to regroup here at the crib and re-orient myself to my own space.  Above,  my very modest wall of running fame....which now serves to remind me:  I am a runner no matter how many miles or races I run.

Saturday and Sunday I did modest loops, which together would add up to a good long run LOL.   But as my usual bucket of aches and pains continues,  I am just not pushing it right now.  Saturday it was a beautiful, bright run on the Emerald Hills loop.   Sunday, it was me and a whole lot of wind down on the southern loop and out Park west,  wind at my back on the 'out' portion,  wind in my face on the 'back' part.  

Meanwhile,  without warning or foresight,  my SO also blew through and as it went,  blew up our night, our relationship....slinging what hurts he harbors at my head and heart,  unable to hear either himself or me.....like the hurricane,  he left debris in his wake....including the safety and sanctity of our connection....which historically and periodically finds itself battered almost beyond repair.

I have hit a lot of resistance lately:  from the Powers That Be and all best laid plans (workshop for NSU postponed;  private clients on the pause..... M.),  from clients who spin into their own vortex of chaos and blame me for the outcomes....from my own attempts to 'plan' things accordingly.   Sunday's run gave me two interesting experiences.  On the way into the western stretch, my attention seemed pulled up into the wind whipping the tall branches in the big trees where the sparkling sunlight met the clear air showering me in that dance of subtle colors which said "all is ready,  anything is possible- at the blink of an eye- changes are coming faster and faster....." which gave me an odd feeling of relief.  And once I rounded back into the winds coming home,  finding the strength deep inside to keep up a good clip....using the wind as a means of testing my own reserves....finding the rhythm....keeping it up even when it seemed the end of the road would never come.

Feeling alone out there on the road is a metaphor for everything I try to do.  The emotion of 'just me' and the elements, the day, the circumstances,  the solitude of my training increases my ability to handle my own Self no matter what blows through.   The World will continue to bring us many unusually high-intensity experiences,  ones we consciously create,  others we find ourselves part of in the larger Gestalt of our mass conscious -(or Unconscious-) ness.  I can't control M., Sandy, the direction of the winds,  the cancellation of events.  I am barely in control of getting enough sleep and taking good care of me.  Resistance is the training we ask for to clarify our own willingness to dig deep and find out what our endurance is all about.  We try to run scared from these challenges, but I have learned it's best to EMBRACE them all as the honored Teachers they are.   So for those of you bracing for the storm,  or feeling storms of your own in your heart,  bow before these forces; I do.   I am humbled by the Power of Mother Gaia to determine Fate in a way which embroils us in Her Big Plans ....for CHANGE.  JUST KEEP GOING.  LOVE WILL PREVAIL.  Stay safe everyone!

Weekend Runs and a Right Brain Workout 10-21-12

The type of runs I had this weekend are characterized by the timeline of flanking on either side of Saturday's Right Brain Workout.  Saturday morning,  as I tried to shake sleep from my head,  I took off for a Griffin loop and an excuse to pass by TY park, site of the workshop and Karmageddon,  and check out the preparations.  As I managed to coax my body into a semblance of rhythm and settled into my gait,   my brain was free to process my own preparations.  Every Right Brain Workout I've ever done starts with 'Plan A' and my carefully choreographed "script."  And then of course there's 'Plan B', or, what happens in the moment,  with the energies of all the participants merging together. 

I will see if the Saturday gals decide to post their own experiences....suffice to say the miracle of any Creative Encounter is the Magic of personal and group transformation,  gently coaxed by the physical elements of the art-making.  For every personal revelation,  there was a deeper nodding inside me which kept saying YES YES YES.   Yes to the divine dialogue with Mother Nature.  Yes to the power of reaching towards Self, with others, in the service of our Greater Awareness.  Yes to the synchronicity of the group members,  the 'Spot',  the Karmageddon event...and the day itself,  unfurled around us like a flag.  I really had to do very little but 'give permission' and all the women were right on my wavelength.  As the power of that original dream continues from so many years ago,  about what a Right Brain Workout was all about,  I see many more to come.

Sunday,  I took myself to John Lloyd state park and shared the roads with the Tri folks,  who were smack in the middle of a race!!  Plodding-along-me was easily passed by every biker-become-runner....as they rounded their loops...showing me yet another athletic alternative to the usual running world.  I like cycling and swimming too...! But the tri folks are very gear-heavy...so for now, I stick with one sport at a time....

This run was reflective and celebratory.  I was less concerned with my mileage, and more content to take the road before me and stop at the end...soaking up the sun,  the breezes and plopping myself down by the ocean to dream of more.....more encounters with Mother Nature,  more opportunities to share this Right Brain world.   When we give ourselves permission to embrace our healing,  we are more forgiving of our vulnerabilities and challenges, which are GIFTS laid before us to unwrap our True Selves.   Make art, make music,  make more love and make someone happy today by showing them their own Creative Self at work....you will see it in tears, 

Big Winds Weekend Runs 10-14-12

While unusual weather patterns continue to surprise folks all over the globe a stationary high pressure system gave us big winds here in SoFLo.  I ran both Saturday and Sunday with the winds a major factor:  wind in my face, resistance training,  wind at my back, cruise control.

Saturday, after my lolly-gagging around,  I caught a late morning westward loop and still had mild temps throughout.  Still trying to work out all the tight spots, I had a nice stretch all the way down and around to tiny Anderson park,  heading north towards Emerald Hills from there.  Sunday,  it was the big Griffin loop and a surreal and powerful stretch down 35th as my music cut out and the only sounds I heard were the birds, the wind and the occasional car rumbling past.  There is nothing I love more than a big open road and no timetable to be on....very often 'lifting' off from my present moment to find myself wandering the associations in my head,  and getting lost in the beauty around me...

 

 As many of us have been noticing,  the winds feel like they are at our back.  And even with the fear-mongering, hype-making, drama-ratcheting going on,  something is pulling us into the Center of ourselves,  a core essence where our purpose and passions make sense.  And where pared down to our very being,  the joy of breath, movement, laughter and love come to us like gifts from Life Herself, filling our need for sustenance from Spirit,  soul and each other.

Whether you are feeling the wind at your back,  or smacking you in the face,  trying to push you backwards,  remember you can always change directions.   You can go on cruise control and take in the liberty of your momentum,  soak up the progress,  enjoy the lack of pressure, praise yourself for maintaining your pace.  Or you can take the winds head on and get strong from the fight, get clear on what's important,  get tired,  then relax into the pride from standing up to powerful forces which only seem against you because you are standing in their way.   Put your finger to the air and test the winds today.  See if you are ready to let them take you further, or if its time to put up, put it out there and allow your heart to get stronger.  Great Mother is a relentless but loving Teacher.  If you let Her She will show you every time;  step out your door and you will see.