World Running

It's that time again, the annual World Run Day and opportunity to celebrate what we enjoy- whether it's the solo run out on the lonely roads, or training with our club, group or training partner(s).  I've been in the habit of running at Hugh Birch state park/Ft. Lauderdale.  This year I'm open to suggestions in case anyone is interested in marking this event.

So local runners, let me know what you think!  Even if a group run doesn't materialize, mark the date to pay homage' to the sport which gives us strength, stamina and a peace of mind which comes from letting our bodies and minds get in sync with our spirits....There is an Elder Soul of Running, maybe it's Mercury, the Messenger.  And I often feel that the wings on my feet are really those in my heart.  It is the thrill, beauty and persistence of the run which lifts me into that mythic connection.  Want to run?

North/South, East/West

Thanks to Michael who turned me on to this trail run last year pre-MCM, I was back on it the week up in DC (I know, its really Virginia...).  Two days of this, plus daily walking the hill(s) to the kids place kept me in shape, and thanks to the hotel, a really great 'staging' place, all the bells and whistles. 

Amazing to meld the cultures of our families, to share the joy of our new family member Claire despite language barriers....which shows how the language of love transcends all.....Michael's in-laws were a lesson in great elder-hood;  spry, lively,  calm and content, running circles around all of us as they maintained the daily routine of the household and baby care.  Mike's Dad and I commented over and over, 'wow and we did it all alone...'....demonstrating one of the big cultural differences right there!  It was my mother's generation who was surrounded by/assisted by family when her children were born.  Our generation had moved far away from our family ties to go it alone....

The circle's turn back around to a new generation, and becoming grandparents feels like a rebirth for all of us, together with our various struggles, changes and challenges.  Realizing that each of us brings a strength to the link in the family chain, amplifies the sense of love and devotion. 

Our international matrix grows by the bond these two created many years ago in France....no matter what seems to happen, there is something which supports the journey of adventure the kids have had in unfolding their lives.  So here's to you, beautiful Claire!  It will be too long before I see and hold you again- but you are already deep in my heart.  Granny Florida has your back, always!!! xoxox

I Take You With Me

When I saw Mom on Sunday I had Shirley's set of photos from the fam in California to share...she knew most everyone, and got emotional at the pix of Butch in his dress suit and sunglasses striking a very 'Dad'-like pose.  The best part was a singer brought in her karaoke machine and old songs, and together we all sang and clapped....(well those who were awake/alert)...Mom and I clasped hands, and did a lot of smiling at each other. I was overcome with gratitude and emotion that I had this time with her still.

If my Dad were alive he would be ecstatic about little Claire, and my trip north!  Mom has a conflicted attitude about all the family now;  she doesn't like to 'bother' anyone, or initiate a call.  And yet, as the newly minted grandmama of the bunch I know I carry them with me into this experience.  Suddenly, I am the Elder, and get to watch my own son make his parental mark on the next generation together with his dear wife.  It will be a thrill to participate in this grand Dance, even if a short time;  but I feel very connected to the whole scene.

I am nostalgic that this time last year I was also preparing to travel north: for the Marine Corp marathon.  This year, I will hopefully get some training runs in, on that lovely trail Michael and I hit last year and enjoy what Fall has to offer a place with seasons.  Time away is also time with....and whether I am here, or there, the inner landscape is populated with caring souls.

Vitae has also been much on my mind.  Last year's race was my last time with him, as he made the trek from the Valley up to see me run, with the rest of my 'team'.  I will never forget the outpouring of love and support in the midst of his herculean effort to maintain the route, walking from point to point with the younger folk.   It seems the message he keeps sending is "LOVE....", he who always was - and still is- my spiritual father.

If we bring with us all whom we love, and those who love us, then each introduction is a meeting of many souls.  Claire, you are welcomed into a very big Family of connections;  and already cherished as our newly beloved!!  See you soon!

Past and Future

"Love looks not with eyes but with heart." - Sri Swami Sivinanda

The face of a baby can inspire the deepest resonance in our nature;  how else can you explain the perfect rest and togetherness in this photo?  Where past generations gave their struggle to see mine take the reins at the cusp of change, now a new one comes along to continue where our children began...a journey into the future, taking with them ancestors who are embedded within them.

With all the turmoil in my young life, it does my heart good to witness the unfolding of my son's and his own family.  I suddenly feel as if I've come out from a very long desert trek, full of thirst and angst, lost to my own perceived fight for survival only to find it was me who got me lost, circling around and around all this time.

   I can run to get away, and end up in such circles;  the same loop, the same landscape, the same amount of effort or challenge where mindlessness makes due for metaphysical connection; lost in the miasma of my own past illusions holding on for dear life knowing their end is near.
   I can run to release from the perceived bondage of the body, even as I take it along and challenge it, punish it, and ultimately demand it give me my youth and health on a silver platter.  Denial of death, of aging, as long as I am 'athlete' I am clinging on to a younger self.
   I can run to follow a dream;  whether its a marathon, a deeper connection to my own inner mind, or a sense of unification between my body, mind and spirit.  Whatever the dream which drives me, recognizing that not every dream is known comes with not having full control of the run.  Some runs are beautiful, inspired, charged with energy and purpose.  Yesterday I did the big Griffin loop after 2 days off and found myself exhilarated with the cooler temps and nice long stretches down the back side of 40th and along the Emerald Hills road.  Sure I walked here and there, and no doubt about it my overall endurance is down.  But the road met me with reassurance, as if it 'knew' the rhythm of my gait and supported my breath in the morning air.
   Some runs, like today are nothing special- a few rounds on the overpass for hills (such as they are), just enough to wake me and fire up the muscles which have protested anything beyond a flat.  Throwing some 'hill' repeats into the week will do me good to break out of the endurance gap, and hopefully relax into the bigger miles to come.

But today I hold a new feeling which puts everything in perspective.  The desert trek ends with the fall of illusion, knowing that the deep isolation and frustration were persistent echoes from the past which kept clouding my vision of now.  What I see is love, support and optimism.  The same light which shines for the sake of my clients, or my family I am willing to shine within- and for- me.  It is good to know that no matter how dire the hold Maya tries to have, She will eventually lead me back to My Self;  her aim apparently, to make me appreciate, when I get there,  the grace of a Loving Kindness which allows ALL. 

Fall Equinox '10

The turn of the seasonal year brings a renewed attention to All Things Nature, including this year's full moon which caught my eye over my left shoulder as I drove home from work last night.  Despite crippling heat and humidity, something about the lift of light through the hazy atmosphere brought a glint into the skies, as the liquid glow spilled over onto the cloud formations on the evening skies.

This morning, despite intermittent showers, I headed out to see at the east the kaleidoscopic layers of light and clouds- blue and white ribbons of sky and clouds overlayed perennially by a patterned light and color show- the like of which I've never seen!  The atmosphere so thick with moisture, there was no rain, just a persistent kind of drizzle that gave me that Florida feeling of being in a water-based world.  I am soon soaked, but run on my modest loop, expectations in check.

The balance points on the Great Wheel are an opportunity to breathe into that delicate space when the very weight of time Herself is poised, like a dancer on a tightrope, a runner in mid-stride.  Between the chronic effort to maintain, achieve and accomplish, to push through every obstacle and challenge in our path, there is that still point, an awareness of ultimate Beauty.  I have always been grateful for this inner eye that allows the artist to me to perceive this layer of intrinsic energy;  the informing of the formless with the creative brush of a Bigger Hand.  It is the saving grace for any of us willing to stop even momentarily to look up, look within and acknowledge that which spreads itself before us, for our own delight and awakening.

The Path of Nature

'Process' is a word relevant for anything in context of systems, forces and intent.  We use it in counseling, training and so many other physical and mental tasks.  My process has been full of challenges, and without challenge there would be no forward motion...so Nature shows us...

After 2 days of yoga I was back out this AM in a blessedly cooler atmosphere, which even down here in the southern tip of the US notes the change of seasons, albeit with extreme subtlety.  While folks up north prepare to celebrate the Equinox,  full of cool nights and slowly changing colors, we are still hampered by record heat (90's in the day).  Running has been a slog all summer.  Today it was a better haul from my start point, thru my park break and on up the Stirling loop to my major stop on Griffin.  I took that stretch nicely;  proving that a few days off with the yoga did me some good.  My expectations for the week are low.  This gives me the excuse to say "its a low mileage week", backing off, resting and hopefully gearing back up in sync with the season.

Nature is very much on my mind.  WE are nature, the stuff of stars, dust and DNA.  Try as we do to 'control' and 'master' the mighty forces which inform us,  She has a Mind of Her own.  Her agenda, to perpetuate her intricate patterns of Life, are in some ways as dispassionate as the sun which shines on us all.  On the other hand, I'd like to think I can crawl into Her wide mind and curl into her heart.  Only there does the wisdom of process become a part of my breathing, and my being can be at peace.

The Tyranny of Happiness

Whenever the coin flips, and I find myself on the side of 'issues' and more challenging emotions, I seem to buck up against my own prescribed expectations for emotional balance, as if 'happiness' were the only indicator.  I know this so well from the counseling process;  a client has gotten up enough courage to take a look under the 'rocks' of secrets and denial to really explore difficult terrain- which they interpret as "depression" or "going crazy"/unstable and I'm throwing them a parade for finally looking in the shadows where they previously refused to go- and where the trouble emanates.  I've never known a client who isn't somewhat surprised by my 'interpretation' and enthusiasm for their process.  Once they have some confidence in the 'normalcy' of it all, we can continue 'connecting the dots' between the disowned parts of themselves and their patterns and problems.

Now lens turned inward;  my emotional palette has been influenced by many events;  my granddaughter's arrival, the high holidays and expected melancholy over missing the active participation of my parents, and the chronic health challenges which corrupt my otherwise optimistic ambitions for all things running and long-term wellness.  Just when I thought I should bag the marathon plan, I pulled out a very nice long Griffin loop today.  Again, after a carb-fest yesterday (thank-u Whole Foods for making it 'real'), a bunch of sleep and a gift from the gods- a cool breeze on the dawn and as comfortable as it's been in many months! 

Once settled into my gait, and still sans music, I tried to roll out the carpet of emotional notes which seemed to be caught right at my throat.  The anxious, disconnected presence of that little girl who has quietly taken me hostage into her solitude.  Artists can tolerate- in fact often crave- large periods of time alone.  The schedule of a working counselor hasn't offered me that in many years.  Running has become a means of achieving glorious isolation from the world to meet myself in my own head.  However, the persistent and sometimes tiring needs of this child in me can simply be the desire to escape- run from the 'crazy and dangerous adults' (especially men, sorry guys....), from pressures to perform, conform, and put up the brave face....

I have no doubt about my Path, my mission or purpose in this world.  Thanks to my lifelong quest and identification as a spiritual worker/warriour (thank u Mello and Sun Temple folks!) I am confident that my abilities have been channeled to the right Work.  Meanwhile,  learning to develop Self while coming into closer contact with all aspects of myself brings the challenges of growth.  My light worker brothers and sisters seem better adept than I at the art of Happiness;  of experiencing the joy and connecting with the exuberance of Life.    For me, the presence of Spirit comes with a price;  and connection has demands....

I took the long road today until I felt the pressure begin to come off....the emotional elements began to blend into that hypnotic and calming rhythm that is a natural gait.  Each part of me clamoring for attention finally quieted while something else, the rhythm itself let me relax into the motion and atmosphere.  The true 'escape' is only at the deepest levels of trust, when we meet our Self in the arms of our very Life,