It would appear that the Powers that Be are throwing obstacles in my path this week, as I find out about work-related challenges that are serious enough to cause lost sleep and nightmares. I am a person prone to emotional bleed; the intensity of my inner life can be easily thrown off balance by the turmoil of conflict directed at me. As a counselor I am learning to deflect the hurt and pain of my clients, knowing it is energy blocked about others, not me. But this time, it is my superiors who are on the hunt. And what was my honest efforts to achieve a greater stability, clarity and unity in my work has now been redefined in an adversarial way by others. It never ceases to amaze me how this works. And the casualties it causes. Very real harm is done by those who take positions against others without cause. Follow Tibet. Follow any of the political hot spots. Power, control and authority at other's expense. It's a very sad state of affairs.
The sun was throwing slow moving shafts of morning light through the sheafs of gray clouds, spitting drizzly little showers now and then as I rounded out my 8 miles. It was good to be out, on my feet and away. I took no music today and found in my head the images of my dear friends CeeCee, Vitae, and Shari who magically connected yesterday, a time when I needed to hear from those I love. My spiritual family. The nightmare I had lumbered around in the back of my head and occasionally tried throwing me off my stride. I got really fatigued coming off 56th. But somewhere in that last mile or so I found that little nook of peace, away from traffic, tucking into my own lonely heart, and letting my feet take me home.
It's hard to remember this is going somewhere without Fear nipping at my heels. I try to stay focused on everything happening as if nothing is wrong. The cougar I dreamt about, who is stalking me, better beware. Maybe I am stalking him. I might be running him down.
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