The run over the interstate, across major roads and into the neighborhoods had an eerie silence to it...which only happens a few times a year when most folks are snug within their cocoons of comfort or discomfort, depending. After 10 miles yesterday, I did 8 today, with a good kick at the end, and a few sections of hitting a higher push on the pace. I've been eating more, and maybe it accounts for the endurance. But my sleep is disturbed again, and I'm just trying to run out the nervousness, fear and anxieties before I head back to work tomorrow.
Dave offers lots of support from Urban Shaman. Very practical, yet elusive as is all change-advise. My strategy was to try to attain some emotional distance from everything, but I don't think there was quite enough time....after getting past the unveiling and family, it wasn't much until the real world comes flaming back into my head.
December is coming to a crashing close. Somewhere on a church billboard I saw the xmas message "Share the Gift". I had to stop and think about the gift, past the personage, and the sharing. And how to find a root to it all, to get deeper than the social networks that I've lost. I shared time with the sky, the atmosphere filled with light today. I followed my feet around the loop of streets until I passed the park, closed up tight. I barely hobbled to the corner where I came to a stop and felt my heart pound in my chest. My legs and feet are sore. My heart is frayed at the edges. I know this is a time when the burden of loneliness is difficult to take, but as long as I'm moving, it seems easier. It's just when I stop that the undeniable reality of silence comes.
For those who carry the Joy, I salute you and thank you. May you carry me through, those who love me, as I carry others through their suffering and pain.
Let's share the gift- of hope.
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