Despite a beautiful morning, lovely breeze to soften the early sun and motivation to get it right, I dragged my sorry ass the entire 8 miles today....without a clue as to why. It frustrates me to no end when this happens, even when I realize I have ramped up my overall mileage, as well as increased my caseload at work etc. It still escapes me what specific factors influence a good run versus a tough one. David gave me much needed inspiration, so cool. But its my own feet that must take the burden of the journey one mile at a time, one step even, one heartbeat, on the hope of completing the effort.
Is it just the fear? I had nightmares last night. I'm irritable and edgy. The dialogue in my head is full of gunk. There is plenty of light, but they're carnivale; they seem charactatures of promise, and I wonder if it will all pan out as promised.
What is certain about any of it anyway? I make a commitment to show up. But anything is possible, including failure. If there is hope of redemption, I have to take it on faith. Hard work, hard work- and more hard work. That's all I have, for now.
No comments:
Post a Comment