Emergence-See

When I give myself a day off running,  like I did today,  I tend to fight through a round of initial feelings;  guilt that I'm not running ("Marlon is...."wink), relief that I DO get a break, trepidation that in a day I will lose my ability, endurance, strength.  Irrational sure, but that is the way of our strange and out-dated beliefs.  In fact, from a viewpoint of true connectivity,  of listening to my body,  alternating run days is a wise idea.  I may have fantasies of being an uber runner my self.  And I STILL maintain that with everything in working order I CAN.  But that time, apparently is now right now.  Even with 'NOW' being the only moment there is...That's a homage to the Shift we are in.  A reminder that every aspect of this experience 'runs' concurrently.  So there is a part of me basking in the late afternoon air and light as I sit at my back windows.  The picture is my view o the left of my little sanctuary,  the porch.  Notice the spinach in the container; there is also an avocado and papaya tree (thanks Mike F for that great find). 

Another part of me scans my stiff, achy body and knows a good little run would feel great (afterwards..haha),  and is the part inducing guilt...come on,  you could if you just would.  It's an easy out to have a 'rest day'....Marlon is out there on the trails today.  Have you figured out my cyber runner bud Marlon is my running hero?  And of course Dean K.  And Crash who dips and dives into running with open abandon.  Or Jim who will run the ultra and clear the trails too. 

And yet another me is trying to come to terms with aging itself, and this deep need for rest!  Wow, how my parents morphed into me, or me to them.  My father really tried to stay active in elder years.  He golfed, he liked walking malls etc....Maybe mom not so much.  But I protest this inevidability with every ounce of resistance.  And often I wonder if I waste a lot of energy.  Look at many great artists, writers etc etc who stay creative and active, look at the Dalai Lama.  He is mid-70's, like Vitae was.  70's are killer years!  Look at Mello, post 100.  That says it all.

There is no doubt that behind all this some new version of us is emerging.  Sometimes I feel it is so new I'm not sure to even reference my past much any more.  I test my every thought for hypotheses that have run their course.  Such presumptions we have as people;  the record shows for itself that reckless abandon,  in the context of divine imperatives,  are the reality.  For we may anticipate, maybe even be prophetic - but whatever will unfold is still just that next moment on the road,  and still as unpredictable, as new as the next moment truly is.  It's 'the will of the gods' as I like to think, when suddenly I 'sync' my way into the run, or the inspiration at work is available for me. Or conversely when I surf the waves of chaos that could take me, or any of us down- into shamanic descent, or hell our choice I guess.   The intersection of so many energies, changes, shifts and pressures is no joke.  We may bask in our routines, or even our tired desperations.  But I keep feeling that whatever is stuck on us now is about to be flung off and away like the chrysalis.  There are major wings to be spread.  The Shift is gonna hit that fan.

When you are out and about ask the world to reveal itself to you.  Not the traffic, the radio, the time crunch.  See what the light is doing around you, and how the atmosphere, the winds, cold, moisture, the trees adds, like a color,  an instrument to the canvas/chorus of your day.  THAT is where Spirit is trying to reach you,  past the cacophony.  Mother Nature is talking to you, coaxing YOU, the real you out of hiding, from behind the old beliefs, and all the distraction.  There is a New World emerging.  Be part of it's grand and conscious unfolding.

Adaptation

When I hit the roads yesterday after work,  the skies were crystal clear.  Beautiful bright Sol was streaming down, painting the clouds in their late day colors.   As I walked out for a short Griffin loop, I only had about a good hour or so of daylight.  I put a little jog on as I began my cut through the quiet streets (holiday for others), and headed through the trailers, up the over pass, through Ravenswood, and headed south again on Park.  Running after work is a considerable challenge, oh yes.  All day using my body to support my head constantly looking at computers,  listening to people...my respite is running through the hallways to find person A or B....(like I did on my old unit, 'running' up and down our corridors for clients).  So you can imagine, when I ask my body to really RUN I get protests.   I get a creaky, tight short gait; I get a "wha???" from my feet, my legs, my hips.  It feels like I am back in my early running days when going several blocks,  a mile, 2 miles was such a triumph!  The difference?  I can tell I am a 'real' runner because my breath is good,  I really do not tire-  it's always my legs/feet/hips that give way eventually to walking my way home.


By the time I rounded out past the park,  the evening clouds had wandered in like parked airships pointed towards the sunset, morphing colors as the daylight bled out to evening.  I felt that coolish air filling my lungs, and the painted sky luring me deeper into endless wonder:  how did I manage to find a place on this planet where climate is a boon, not a bother?  Where everyone else seems to struggle against winter, floods, volcanoes and earthquakes- every imaginable condition.... we bask in the warmth, the heyday of sub-tropical splendor!

My office has no windows.  I hole myself up in my role as co-boss, and channel my creative skills into the endless series of projects and interactions that seem to make up my day,  just a few steps removed from the grand Out-of-Doors.  Running is still-and always- my way back into Mother Nature, and I can tell She misses me!!  Our love affair continues in different circumstances and timing, but our passion always runs deep!

Many of my uber runner friends continue to race and rack up impressive distances and times, while some like me struggle with adaptations.  I put myself out there to get the support I need to help keep my motivation from failing me altogether.  And you are there,  my friends, my family who follow all this running drama,  you who know it is not just some exercise routine.  It is my life-saver,  my meditation,  so much a part of my spiritual path it has been with me in some form (long expeditions into wherever) since childhood. 

So if you are struggling to adapt to 'new things',  as I know many are,  I prescribe a trip out into the arms of Gaia, on your own two feet.  Take yourself out for a date with Nature and notice the amazing skies,  the trees waving at you on the wind,  and most of all, absorb that beautiful light which grows in strength every day as we grow closer to Cosmic Mother and Her Galactic signals.  Show YOUR true colors today and shine!

The Gods/Goddesses Speak

(written 1-30-14)
Catching up  to my Self and Cosmic unfoldings;  M flares, plate movements, amazing weather extremes...uncovering the ancient histories, the real truth of how we were all duped, complicit, into, and emerging from the Matrix.

Meanwhile, shifting through the portal of personal changes.  I honor the Teachers I am leaving behind, while I step into the Golden Rays of opportunity for becoming who I am meant to be, and the amazing culmination/continuation of all my experiences,  all the diverse skills, under a new moniker "The Communicator."  Watching the back stories, agendas, subconscious scripts, vulnerabilities, disabilities, eruptions, redemption, possibilities....It's just another big 'ol stump of beautiful wood, an ancient tree, poking through the riverbed.  Embedded within hides a new potential, the shape, the form seeking it's expression (wood carving days.....).  And I 'know' the way in to reveal it.  I know how to 'see' what that emerging/organizing pattern(s) are. 

Often I actually DO blank out the 3D world and SEE these torus-like patterns;  and when my focus is really sharp it is very clear.  This is the case with my clients, and to my great relief it appears to be the case on the new job as well.  A powerful, intuitive tool which enables me to connect to the inner 'structure,' the 'flow' and help shape it to help reveal the inherent (beautiful) outcome. (Remembering 'beauty' is beyond our judgment- beauty is the 'necessity' of the material world...)

Personally I want and prefer to believe that my own Self is inherently capable,  just like all  else, of organizing itself.  After all, I am ALL/ALL is me.  However,  as Self asks for my cooperation,  then I am compelled,  in day-to-day life,  to do all I can to enhance it's efforts!  What else?!  Why would I want to hinder the expression of a 'Highest/Best' outcome,  a Win/Win?  And yet I see people do this all the time, and I am called upon to help them AUGMENT, not sabotage,  their own inherent healing/growing/becoming/blossoming process.

I have the skills now.  THIS (whatever 'THIS' is),  is a 'special assignment.'  And this mission,  which I decided to accept with Mello and the Sun Temple but really accepted many years before that, is about finding the way in to reveal and support  the inherent organizing patterns, the Growth seeking HIGHEST/best expressions...in the very midst of The System,  and bust it wide open....(grin).

(written 2-1-14)
When I finished out the work week yesterday, and my first month on the new job,  the weather was kind enough to clear out and give me a gorgeous sunset to follow westward as I looped out and back, and a great excuse to capture the whole visual experience in pix.  In fact,  after 3 or 4 miles done,  my initial 'umph' petered out, so I walked most of the way back turning constantly to catch the next shot, as I headed east.  I felt the 'trance state' that is my 'surrender' into Mother Nature's artistic expressions....I 'insert' myself;  I 'see' those patterns and colors weaving and morphing through their sequence from daylight to evening.  I forgot about running...I was moving through the descent of darkness and the mystery of Night.

I see it as Power,  as Passage.  I was near tears over many aspects of what we are all going through.  And they were not just tears of sadness;  after all leave-taking, even from our old Selves, or what we hold dear, is never easy.  I caught too the ecstasy,  the bliss of feeling ONE with what I saw and where I was,  moving steadily through my run/walk and the electric air, through the fading light.  Suddenly I was not anything BUT this beauty. 

 This is the gift ART has given me in my life.  Mother Nature schooled me.  I am still and always Her devoted local representative.  And on this, another bench mark day (Imbolc), I give homage to Her Wisdom.  I am grateful beyond all measure to hold a piece of the Puzzle in my own two hands. 

Transformative Forces at Work

Late last week I caught this unusual sunset 'rainbow' just as the light was leaving the skies,  the synchronicity of circumstances that had to come about to create such a sight in itself a marvel.  How often does one see something like it??  In the midst of solar winds and what one source calls the arrival of the Cosmic Pulse from the center of our galaxy, magical sights and transformations are afoot.

I did not run Friday or Saturday;  my right hip and leg once again protested against my will to overcome.  I wondered if I'd strained a ligament,  had a stress fracture-  the movement in my leg became so limited... so when I donned my gear Sunday for a long run I wondered what I could accomplish, hobbling out the door and past the park,  'scanning' my body to ascertain what was not fitting properly where....

I headed for a normal Griffin loop (not too small, not too big), and switched into a slow lope,  the kind a wolf or dog might adopt to cover the ground- slowly and relaxed- while the discomfort moved from my backside to my hip to my thigh, knee and finally ankle.  I walked,  I slowed,  I kept on going....the more circulation,  the more I could feel moving parts ease, like the Tin Man and his oil,  until even my ankle protested less and less....The sun was shockingly bright and warm after a week of late forays....the air filling my lungs like a sweet balm,  as I consciously took in all the light of life into my body, and breathed out the distortions, stuck thoughts, painful beliefs lodged in those defensive positions. 

Later,  after I settled into the porch with my colors, surrounded by the bright light of midday and the forest of plants,  I let that Cosmic Pulse come to me, and felt it reach through the swirl of space to find us,  the little blue dot,  the pearl of Mother Earth, undergoing our historic transformation.  The most powerful things are sometimes the 'invisible ones'....energies unseen which nevertheless are felt.  And as we find ourselves overtaken in this cosmic embrace,  the divine feminine in us senses instinctively that our 'birth' is underway.

My pain subsided greatly after my healing run.  Just so,  as we allow the healing work of Mother Gaia to entrain our Selves with Her,  we synch with the Galactic songs that themselves were birthed from a farther point,  a more central sun....a Multi-verse of possibility that has our redemption in hand.   Somehow,  more than ever,  I feel the certainty of our arrival in something brand new.  If my cells can feel it,  and my heart,  then surely I can 'translate' this to my daily world.  I pray to do just that. 

"Winter" Running, SoFlo Style

We are having our share of 'winter',  yes, when the morning sun cannot burn off the night chill,  at least for a while, and if the sun is not out,  then the pervasive grey of winter skies can feel (almost) like any other more northerly place.  Lack of sunlight also increases seasonal affective depressive symptoms for those sensitive to this issue.  As part of my shift in work schedule- and therefore, running times- I am still feeling my way through these changes.

All last week I tried to run after work.  Great displays by evening sunsets quickly resolved into darkness;  and I do not have good night vision.  Even as the comfort of the night wrapped around me,  I cannot find my feet- so I am finding it challenging to embrace the evening runs.

I headed out for my Sunday run THRILLED to find the morning still waiting for me!  I hugged the sunlight through my skin and watched as the clear, still skies began to fill with a breeze, a few clouds,  the colors of the day turning up their tones and deepening my ease as I settled into the road.

At my pitstop at beautiful John Williams park,  this little guy and a few of his friends, chased me all around hoping for a handout I'm sure,  finally finding his niche and posing for me.....Squirrel medicine is all about "being prepared",  and getting ready for (more) change!  I am quoting from my Medicine card book which also reminds me that creating that 'safe place' is another way to say 'I create an untroubled heart and mind, and I place my wisdom and caring here'.  I can add that the feeling of being cared for,  by the loving embrace of Great Mother,  is sustaining me greatly as I watch- and notice how She places Her Teachers on my path for me to notice...and appreciate!

As I find the pace, the place, the time and trails for my new expansion,  we all reach together for the outcomes of change,  forgetting that even in that moment when we stand where we envisioned ourselves,  we are already getting ready for 'something else' to come.  Somehow it feels as if we are reaching our 'Zero Point',  or that place descending down from the Cosmic clocks where all our timelines have come together in a kaleidoscope of infinite possibilities.  And not that every moment is any different.  But as a collective,  a 'system',  a tribe, a star family,  we are moving as a single body through a doorway,  which might appear differently for each of us.  Every runner has their own run, even on the same route.  Each of us walks inextricably together pushed along by the pressure of Mother Gaia's great birthing,  and pulled through by unseen hands of those who 'know' us, and every nuance of how we react to this ultimate new-ness of All Things.

I trust my body to have the 'feel' of the run,  and continue to move me through morning or evening,  cold or warm expeditions out there on the roads.  Just so,  I trust my heart to 'feel' the pulse of Earth's movement into Her expansion,  where old roads just crumble away to dust and the light has revealed itself even in dark places,  allowing us to 'see' where we plant our feet:  safely every time.  

Running into Changes, and its All Good

As I cruised up the overpass for my Sunday long run, I had the delicious satisfaction of feeling back where I belonged,  gearing up for a nice big Griffin loop,  soaking up the bright sun cradled in the cooler morning breeze.  I had missed my run schedule the prior Sunday since Ruth and I were rained out.  I took on Anglers and settled into Ravenswood with the rising sun at my back.  I found that groove and allowed my feet to find their pace and settled my hips into the steady back and forth that,  when I have the right endurance, will 'set' me into the distance without too much discomfort.  I watched my hands come up and back and felt an 'Explosion of Light' from my solar plexus,  as if I could see the crystalline engine of my body.   It was such a natural feeling and sight, and yet in what felt like the same instant, became extra-ordinary and 'noteworthy'...just as fast as It was there,  I seemed to 'notice'...thus pulling my attention back to 'me noticing'.  But the movement let me stay with it,  and it did.  For the cut down on 35th,  I stayed right at the shoulder of the road and opened up my stride (as far as turtles can),  hurling myself down the broad curves.  I had the air in my lungs.  The water of my body.  The elements/earth of my flesh, as unsolid as we know THAT to be....and finally that crystalline engine of desire running it all,  in me and through me....letting All of Me in at once for at least a few blocks....enough to show me a new experience of my Self.

I took that beautiful gift into my first day on the new job today;  a whirlwind of new supe boot camp and transferring caseload...saying hellos and goodbyes all at once,  trying to sus out my new co-supervisor and the myriad politics embedded in every relationship with staff.
When I made it home shortly after 5 PM (wow!) I grabbed my running gear and took off down the street,  feeling almost desperate to unload the constraints of the day:  the careful listening,  watching/absorbing,  appearing appropriately competent but knowing how much I don't know.  The weather is turning.  The northern cold is coming in.  To the west the sky was framed by the bank of grey clouds, easing in on the warm humid air that had hung around before it.  I felt odd,  like I couldn't sense my feet under me,  and as I lost the daylight,  couldn't see well where I was going.  In fact I managed to get lost for a minute as I cut the loop short. 

As I dodged the first rain drops coming in for home, I had to laugh to myself.  In all my running years I have worked the same schedule in Outpatient, and had the same kinds of runs (during the week),  my mornings not set by alarms, and my loops as long as I pretty much wanted to make them.  Suddenly I realized I was in for a whole new 'school' of running.  Finding very early or late windows and figuring out how to absorb what I need of Nature beside the sunlight,  which was pretty much the whole point!  Still,  as I walked in the door to think about dinner,  I knew I was liking these changes,  this coming into new empowerment, and not just on the job.   Lead me on into new experiences,  Great Mother,  I can see you have my best interests at heart.  Help me help You and keep me humming on the crystalline core running it all inside,  tuned as always,  to You.

Day One Run

I'm in the middle of packing my condo, and my work office (more fun with that tomorrow when I go back to work...) and somewhere in all that came across a pair of Brooks I hadn't worn much.  I go through a lot of shoes:  I'm very particular.  When I woke up today I put those Brooks on and walked out into a breezy, grey morning, the intermittent drizzle between short bouts of sun, bare arms in the cool-then warmer air feeling fabulous on empty streets.  My feet found a happy place in those unexpected shoes and I took my time looping up into Ravenswood and back down,  just enough to feel like I greeted the New Year with appropriate appreciation,  on it's own terms,  as it revealed itself out in the landscape of the world.

Later, my contribution to a mandala-a-day project (FB), and a peek into the "Present of Day One" turning off the OCD button of my typical drawing style in '13, giving myself something to 'unwrap' this year, this present to my self. 

At the same time,  and with all the changes upon us,  I hold onto my miles as my lifeline to stay grounded and connected with Mother Earth.  I pledge to keep listening to and seeing Her, the pain and beauty of what we're all going through together now,  as we keep our pace into the future.  Sometimes, like you, I get tired, I want to stop.  I feel discouraged,  I feel justified to quit.  I ask that all of us remember to ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER, keep faith with each other.  For no matter what,  none of us knows exactly the outcomes of resolutions and good intentions on the New Year.  May we all be here next year, comparing notes on a 'Job Well Done'! and many pats on the back- may all people, animals, all life everywhere be FREE.