As I cruised up the overpass for my Sunday long run, I had the delicious satisfaction of feeling back where I belonged, gearing up for a nice big Griffin loop, soaking up the bright sun cradled in the cooler morning breeze. I had missed my run schedule the prior Sunday since Ruth and I were rained out. I took on Anglers and settled into Ravenswood with the rising sun at my back. I found that groove and allowed my feet to find their pace and settled my hips into the steady back and forth that, when I have the right endurance, will 'set' me into the distance without too much discomfort. I watched my hands come up and back and felt an 'Explosion of Light' from my solar plexus, as if I could see the crystalline engine of my body. It was such a natural feeling and sight, and yet in what felt like the same instant, became extra-ordinary and 'noteworthy'...just as fast as It was there, I seemed to 'notice'...thus pulling my attention back to 'me noticing'. But the movement let me stay with it, and it did. For the cut down on 35th, I stayed right at the shoulder of the road and opened up my stride (as far as turtles can), hurling myself down the broad curves. I had the air in my lungs. The water of my body. The elements/earth of my flesh, as unsolid as we know THAT to be....and finally that crystalline engine of desire running it all, in me and through me....letting All of Me in at once for at least a few blocks....enough to show me a new experience of my Self.
I took that beautiful gift into my first day on the new job today; a whirlwind of new supe boot camp and transferring caseload...saying hellos and goodbyes all at once, trying to sus out my new co-supervisor and the myriad politics embedded in every relationship with staff.
When I made it home shortly after 5 PM (wow!) I grabbed my running gear and took off down the street, feeling almost desperate to unload the constraints of the day: the careful listening, watching/absorbing, appearing appropriately competent but knowing how much I don't know. The weather is turning. The northern cold is coming in. To the west the sky was framed by the bank of grey clouds, easing in on the warm humid air that had hung around before it. I felt odd, like I couldn't sense my feet under me, and as I lost the daylight, couldn't see well where I was going. In fact I managed to get lost for a minute as I cut the loop short.
As I dodged the first rain drops coming in for home, I had to laugh to myself. In all my running years I have worked the same schedule in Outpatient, and had the same kinds of runs (during the week), my mornings not set by alarms, and my loops as long as I pretty much wanted to make them. Suddenly I realized I was in for a whole new 'school' of running. Finding very early or late windows and figuring out how to absorb what I need of Nature beside the sunlight, which was pretty much the whole point! Still, as I walked in the door to think about dinner, I knew I was liking these changes, this coming into new empowerment, and not just on the job. Lead me on into new experiences, Great Mother, I can see you have my best interests at heart. Help me help You and keep me humming on the crystalline core running it all inside, tuned as always, to You.
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