Transformative Forces at Work

Late last week I caught this unusual sunset 'rainbow' just as the light was leaving the skies,  the synchronicity of circumstances that had to come about to create such a sight in itself a marvel.  How often does one see something like it??  In the midst of solar winds and what one source calls the arrival of the Cosmic Pulse from the center of our galaxy, magical sights and transformations are afoot.

I did not run Friday or Saturday;  my right hip and leg once again protested against my will to overcome.  I wondered if I'd strained a ligament,  had a stress fracture-  the movement in my leg became so limited... so when I donned my gear Sunday for a long run I wondered what I could accomplish, hobbling out the door and past the park,  'scanning' my body to ascertain what was not fitting properly where....

I headed for a normal Griffin loop (not too small, not too big), and switched into a slow lope,  the kind a wolf or dog might adopt to cover the ground- slowly and relaxed- while the discomfort moved from my backside to my hip to my thigh, knee and finally ankle.  I walked,  I slowed,  I kept on going....the more circulation,  the more I could feel moving parts ease, like the Tin Man and his oil,  until even my ankle protested less and less....The sun was shockingly bright and warm after a week of late forays....the air filling my lungs like a sweet balm,  as I consciously took in all the light of life into my body, and breathed out the distortions, stuck thoughts, painful beliefs lodged in those defensive positions. 

Later,  after I settled into the porch with my colors, surrounded by the bright light of midday and the forest of plants,  I let that Cosmic Pulse come to me, and felt it reach through the swirl of space to find us,  the little blue dot,  the pearl of Mother Earth, undergoing our historic transformation.  The most powerful things are sometimes the 'invisible ones'....energies unseen which nevertheless are felt.  And as we find ourselves overtaken in this cosmic embrace,  the divine feminine in us senses instinctively that our 'birth' is underway.

My pain subsided greatly after my healing run.  Just so,  as we allow the healing work of Mother Gaia to entrain our Selves with Her,  we synch with the Galactic songs that themselves were birthed from a farther point,  a more central sun....a Multi-verse of possibility that has our redemption in hand.   Somehow,  more than ever,  I feel the certainty of our arrival in something brand new.  If my cells can feel it,  and my heart,  then surely I can 'translate' this to my daily world.  I pray to do just that. 

"Winter" Running, SoFlo Style

We are having our share of 'winter',  yes, when the morning sun cannot burn off the night chill,  at least for a while, and if the sun is not out,  then the pervasive grey of winter skies can feel (almost) like any other more northerly place.  Lack of sunlight also increases seasonal affective depressive symptoms for those sensitive to this issue.  As part of my shift in work schedule- and therefore, running times- I am still feeling my way through these changes.

All last week I tried to run after work.  Great displays by evening sunsets quickly resolved into darkness;  and I do not have good night vision.  Even as the comfort of the night wrapped around me,  I cannot find my feet- so I am finding it challenging to embrace the evening runs.

I headed out for my Sunday run THRILLED to find the morning still waiting for me!  I hugged the sunlight through my skin and watched as the clear, still skies began to fill with a breeze, a few clouds,  the colors of the day turning up their tones and deepening my ease as I settled into the road.

At my pitstop at beautiful John Williams park,  this little guy and a few of his friends, chased me all around hoping for a handout I'm sure,  finally finding his niche and posing for me.....Squirrel medicine is all about "being prepared",  and getting ready for (more) change!  I am quoting from my Medicine card book which also reminds me that creating that 'safe place' is another way to say 'I create an untroubled heart and mind, and I place my wisdom and caring here'.  I can add that the feeling of being cared for,  by the loving embrace of Great Mother,  is sustaining me greatly as I watch- and notice how She places Her Teachers on my path for me to notice...and appreciate!

As I find the pace, the place, the time and trails for my new expansion,  we all reach together for the outcomes of change,  forgetting that even in that moment when we stand where we envisioned ourselves,  we are already getting ready for 'something else' to come.  Somehow it feels as if we are reaching our 'Zero Point',  or that place descending down from the Cosmic clocks where all our timelines have come together in a kaleidoscope of infinite possibilities.  And not that every moment is any different.  But as a collective,  a 'system',  a tribe, a star family,  we are moving as a single body through a doorway,  which might appear differently for each of us.  Every runner has their own run, even on the same route.  Each of us walks inextricably together pushed along by the pressure of Mother Gaia's great birthing,  and pulled through by unseen hands of those who 'know' us, and every nuance of how we react to this ultimate new-ness of All Things.

I trust my body to have the 'feel' of the run,  and continue to move me through morning or evening,  cold or warm expeditions out there on the roads.  Just so,  I trust my heart to 'feel' the pulse of Earth's movement into Her expansion,  where old roads just crumble away to dust and the light has revealed itself even in dark places,  allowing us to 'see' where we plant our feet:  safely every time.  

Running into Changes, and its All Good

As I cruised up the overpass for my Sunday long run, I had the delicious satisfaction of feeling back where I belonged,  gearing up for a nice big Griffin loop,  soaking up the bright sun cradled in the cooler morning breeze.  I had missed my run schedule the prior Sunday since Ruth and I were rained out.  I took on Anglers and settled into Ravenswood with the rising sun at my back.  I found that groove and allowed my feet to find their pace and settled my hips into the steady back and forth that,  when I have the right endurance, will 'set' me into the distance without too much discomfort.  I watched my hands come up and back and felt an 'Explosion of Light' from my solar plexus,  as if I could see the crystalline engine of my body.   It was such a natural feeling and sight, and yet in what felt like the same instant, became extra-ordinary and 'noteworthy'...just as fast as It was there,  I seemed to 'notice'...thus pulling my attention back to 'me noticing'.  But the movement let me stay with it,  and it did.  For the cut down on 35th,  I stayed right at the shoulder of the road and opened up my stride (as far as turtles can),  hurling myself down the broad curves.  I had the air in my lungs.  The water of my body.  The elements/earth of my flesh, as unsolid as we know THAT to be....and finally that crystalline engine of desire running it all,  in me and through me....letting All of Me in at once for at least a few blocks....enough to show me a new experience of my Self.

I took that beautiful gift into my first day on the new job today;  a whirlwind of new supe boot camp and transferring caseload...saying hellos and goodbyes all at once,  trying to sus out my new co-supervisor and the myriad politics embedded in every relationship with staff.
When I made it home shortly after 5 PM (wow!) I grabbed my running gear and took off down the street,  feeling almost desperate to unload the constraints of the day:  the careful listening,  watching/absorbing,  appearing appropriately competent but knowing how much I don't know.  The weather is turning.  The northern cold is coming in.  To the west the sky was framed by the bank of grey clouds, easing in on the warm humid air that had hung around before it.  I felt odd,  like I couldn't sense my feet under me,  and as I lost the daylight,  couldn't see well where I was going.  In fact I managed to get lost for a minute as I cut the loop short. 

As I dodged the first rain drops coming in for home, I had to laugh to myself.  In all my running years I have worked the same schedule in Outpatient, and had the same kinds of runs (during the week),  my mornings not set by alarms, and my loops as long as I pretty much wanted to make them.  Suddenly I realized I was in for a whole new 'school' of running.  Finding very early or late windows and figuring out how to absorb what I need of Nature beside the sunlight,  which was pretty much the whole point!  Still,  as I walked in the door to think about dinner,  I knew I was liking these changes,  this coming into new empowerment, and not just on the job.   Lead me on into new experiences,  Great Mother,  I can see you have my best interests at heart.  Help me help You and keep me humming on the crystalline core running it all inside,  tuned as always,  to You.

Day One Run

I'm in the middle of packing my condo, and my work office (more fun with that tomorrow when I go back to work...) and somewhere in all that came across a pair of Brooks I hadn't worn much.  I go through a lot of shoes:  I'm very particular.  When I woke up today I put those Brooks on and walked out into a breezy, grey morning, the intermittent drizzle between short bouts of sun, bare arms in the cool-then warmer air feeling fabulous on empty streets.  My feet found a happy place in those unexpected shoes and I took my time looping up into Ravenswood and back down,  just enough to feel like I greeted the New Year with appropriate appreciation,  on it's own terms,  as it revealed itself out in the landscape of the world.

Later, my contribution to a mandala-a-day project (FB), and a peek into the "Present of Day One" turning off the OCD button of my typical drawing style in '13, giving myself something to 'unwrap' this year, this present to my self. 

At the same time,  and with all the changes upon us,  I hold onto my miles as my lifeline to stay grounded and connected with Mother Earth.  I pledge to keep listening to and seeing Her, the pain and beauty of what we're all going through together now,  as we keep our pace into the future.  Sometimes, like you, I get tired, I want to stop.  I feel discouraged,  I feel justified to quit.  I ask that all of us remember to ENCOURAGE EACH OTHER, keep faith with each other.  For no matter what,  none of us knows exactly the outcomes of resolutions and good intentions on the New Year.  May we all be here next year, comparing notes on a 'Job Well Done'! and many pats on the back- may all people, animals, all life everywhere be FREE. 

New Year's Resolution: Balance in 2014

I am living vicariously through the uber-runners out there doing marathons and other extraordinary feats to close out the year.  Yesterday,  my westerly loop was just enough of a challenge to 'feel it'...today I opted out of running to give my body a last rest- sans work and all other obligations, to truly reflect:  not so much on where I've been, but where I'm going.

It seems as if I was stuck on some kind of perpetual loop in 2013.  Out on the roads,  I found myself taking the same turns,  feeling the same fatigue,  the work routines,  predictable politics and frustrations,  even the same tired relationship stories...endless obsessive and narrow pursuits.
Something in me knew it was a limited trap, after all it was MY trap.  I made this strange confluence of pathways.  I stuck with the same box of colors, and kept wondering where all the twinkling sparkle was at....It was time to look outside that box, stop looping around the same familiar tracks.  Some roads are no longer meant to be followed.

I've learned that my relationship with Mother Earth is the whole reason I persist.  Just as She supports us all,  it's way past time for all of us to support Her.  Divine and ET interventions aside,  if we don't get our collective shit together, then we/humanity can kiss it all goodbye and try somewhere else, if such chances are given to those who seduce-to-destroy with careless and reckless abandon.   I've never felt how sheer existence balances on the head of a pin, and one's tipping point,  towards destruction or creation, can look so much like the same thing.  I'd like to imagine Gaia knows how it turns out and is reassuring us to keep making resolutions and dreams,  to keep following good roads into the future.

If you are, like me,  someone who can easily get lost,  then some of those familiar roads may offer the safety net you need to just keep moving forward.  But ask yourself anytime you are persuaded from your purpose:  what kind of experience am I after?  And what kind of earth will support that?  I want back the land, the housing, gardens, studio of my prior life.  But I want it in a new form, in the New Earth.  And I want a New Me to live there.

Winter Solstice: We Welcome the Abundance of Hope

I woke before dawn, and when I made it over to Dania beach the first morning colors were just coming up over the ocean.  High winds were whipping the waves, but the air was clear and filled with the briny smells of everything washing up through the salty surf.  I took a gentle jog down the beach,  passing little knots of other folks huddling here and there- not as many as last year for the 2012, but clearly out like me to see the Solstice sunrise. 

By the time the goddess team arrived I'd began making the mandala, using the logical and abundant material- seaweed- and happy to join in the spontaneous dancing, drumming and meandering about that only a 3 year old brings! 

I made an inner circle around the 4 directions: I wanted something to symbolize the microcosm of our physical beings IN the world surrounded by the macrocosm of all that supports us OF the world, placed as we are in the BiGGER circles of the planets, sun and all life. 

So while goddess-in-training Naomi tries out Celeste's singing bowl,  and the candle, sage and various artifacts placed in the center,  we also state our hopes and prayers to place into the circle....

...as the sun rises.....

...and we end our little ceremony by closing the mandala/circle and leaving it for the beach to absorb.

Celeste and I both remarked on the contrast from last year to this:  from the dark pressures of the 2012 culmination point, through a challenging year,  to the lightness and joy this year!  Naomi said the sun was "happy"...and I agree....all up and down the beach,  the seagulls seemed excited and free,  the sun was bright and the water was full of diamonds glittering on the waves....

Sunday I took myself out on the Big Griffin loop and into the gorgeous day,  my heart full of those sparkling edges coming off the soles of my feet as I found a gait and ran more distance than I've done in a while...I was eager to see everything and feel the world come to me in the costume of 'ever-green' and verdant south Florida.  The knowing that my body was still capable of performing such a seemingly simple function- to run- filled me with gratitude and joy.  There is nothing like unfettered movement, out in beautiful Mother Nature,  to heal whatever hurts my heart.

I feel ready for my vacay break,  time to work on- and spend with- my space, and get ready for the unfolding of 'next chapters'...some known and some, I trust,  mysteries.  It used to be 'trepidation' when I thought about those future challenges. Now it's the raw enthusiasm an Aries gal like me can muster from that deep expeditionary impulse:  to go, to know, to see,  to feel myself Free to keep becoming what I am meant to be. 

Closing in on the Longest Night; its all Lightward from Here

I'm guessing it's been about a month from my side injury and physical setbacks which kept the miles low.  Winter is happening elsewhere, and I missed plenty of gorgeous, warm days not on the roads.  A significant depressive episode during Thanksgiving caught me off guard, and it would seem I was scheduled to meet up with my Shadow for a last go-round before the year wrapped itself up. 

Sudden changes can bring as much stress as laying fallow.  So this curious mixture of forces deep at work,  micro and macro, while my running regressed was frustrating.  Just when it seemed I needed those miles most,  my body ramped down into beginner's mode....a slow jog when I could,  plenty of walking/breaks, more off days than on....the only thing I was disciplined to increase was my yoga. 

I learned significant lessons from this Shadow encounter.  How vulnerable I can be.  How much that innocent wanderer I was as a young child holds onto running as a last bastion where I can move freely in the world.  The toll work and people can take on me.  The stress I put on myself.  Baggage and agreements long held amended.  The fear and anger I held against that girl for not 'knowing any better' (youngest child syndrome...in the perpetual dark about what's going on with all the older people around you...) and all the jams I've been in since.....began to evaporate.  I connect with that little wanderer who knew every back path in the neighborhood, and began my lifelong love of long treks (now runs) and 'getting lost' in Nature.

My mom's death anniversary comes up New year's eve too...so added to this the yearly remembrance of Motherhood themes of bonding and losses which permeate my life....and the stability I found in a conscious connection with Great Mother as a resonance to the Life force I always felt in and around Nature and my own pure spiritual being. 

The shamanic descent of humanity this time of year is amplified by Cosmic forces too numerous to mention.  While the plans and palette of Universal architects renovate our foundations,  we wander through the sparkle of photons pinging like tiny receptors towards our next world.   Mother Nature is coming on fierce these days,  after all there is much to do in this rehab project....but She's been shining bright out my window and giving us tropical splendor, a reminder that not all change is hard.   And back on my lovely Griffin loop this morning,  slogging my way through the last few miles,  I finally remembered to get out of my head and really LOOK at the skies, the flowering landscape, all the beauty around me.

The blackest black has a beauty.  And the boundless imprint of Light lifting our souls into its right  Loving place is beautiful.  But what I love most is all that stuff in-between.  Today I learned my every step has a beauty, no matter where I think I am 'in the process'.    May we all learn how beautiful our vulnerability is this year.  And how strong we can become.