Closing in on the Longest Night; its all Lightward from Here

I'm guessing it's been about a month from my side injury and physical setbacks which kept the miles low.  Winter is happening elsewhere, and I missed plenty of gorgeous, warm days not on the roads.  A significant depressive episode during Thanksgiving caught me off guard, and it would seem I was scheduled to meet up with my Shadow for a last go-round before the year wrapped itself up. 

Sudden changes can bring as much stress as laying fallow.  So this curious mixture of forces deep at work,  micro and macro, while my running regressed was frustrating.  Just when it seemed I needed those miles most,  my body ramped down into beginner's mode....a slow jog when I could,  plenty of walking/breaks, more off days than on....the only thing I was disciplined to increase was my yoga. 

I learned significant lessons from this Shadow encounter.  How vulnerable I can be.  How much that innocent wanderer I was as a young child holds onto running as a last bastion where I can move freely in the world.  The toll work and people can take on me.  The stress I put on myself.  Baggage and agreements long held amended.  The fear and anger I held against that girl for not 'knowing any better' (youngest child syndrome...in the perpetual dark about what's going on with all the older people around you...) and all the jams I've been in since.....began to evaporate.  I connect with that little wanderer who knew every back path in the neighborhood, and began my lifelong love of long treks (now runs) and 'getting lost' in Nature.

My mom's death anniversary comes up New year's eve too...so added to this the yearly remembrance of Motherhood themes of bonding and losses which permeate my life....and the stability I found in a conscious connection with Great Mother as a resonance to the Life force I always felt in and around Nature and my own pure spiritual being. 

The shamanic descent of humanity this time of year is amplified by Cosmic forces too numerous to mention.  While the plans and palette of Universal architects renovate our foundations,  we wander through the sparkle of photons pinging like tiny receptors towards our next world.   Mother Nature is coming on fierce these days,  after all there is much to do in this rehab project....but She's been shining bright out my window and giving us tropical splendor, a reminder that not all change is hard.   And back on my lovely Griffin loop this morning,  slogging my way through the last few miles,  I finally remembered to get out of my head and really LOOK at the skies, the flowering landscape, all the beauty around me.

The blackest black has a beauty.  And the boundless imprint of Light lifting our souls into its right  Loving place is beautiful.  But what I love most is all that stuff in-between.  Today I learned my every step has a beauty, no matter where I think I am 'in the process'.    May we all learn how beautiful our vulnerability is this year.  And how strong we can become.