Spiritual Support

A 'shout out' to my spiritual parents, that's CeeCee, on the left, my spiritual mother and Vitae, on the right, my spiritual Dad. They epitomize for me the beautiful essence of feminine and masculine energies, and always infuse me with love, acceptance and joy about our shared paths/Path. I find them on my mind today; dearest of friends. The scenario at work, the legal proceedings for my client, have brought a rare window of loyalty, love and friendship, in the unlikely relationship this amazing attorney seems to have with the client, the world...! He reminded and inspired me about the Work; he ignited warmth and passion, not the disconnected, disgruntled and critical atmosphere at work. I needed to think and feel these things; I love to feel I am in firm hands, when it comes to the presence of The Mother and all the beneficent ones. It does me good to see compassion at work and always helps me have compassion for myself. So tonight I regroup; reorganize for the weekend and class, and give my body and mind a break. It will come back, greater than before- the load and the love of the challenge, the incredible reward.

The day is no longer outside my reach, it has come into me instead.

Yoga Day

"A man can fail many times, but he isn't a failure until he begins to blame somebody else."

STEVE PREFONTAINE

I put running clothes out last night knowing my body was fatigued, allowing myself the 'out' if needed after running 4 days straight, Sunday through Wednesday. I dreamt last night about continuous plots of boundaries....of attempts to 'get me', and measures needed and taken for protection. This tells me that I am in the thick of many psychic pressures, not the least is putting my body through rigorous work-out. As Rodney Yee likes to say on the CD, "let the body be quiet."

So I did the entire routine this morning, both parts, and began to feel the slow loosening of areas that were trying to hold onto their tension, trauma, sensitivities. I grounded, stretched, breathed my way through every position until the sense of strength and peace enveloped me. It is difficult to sustain; the opposite of running which is a controlled falling, throwing into a rhythm; yoga is about placing and sustaining strength, control and release.

I have the deposition today, and need all my wits about me. I don't usually have to go this deeply into my cases, but it's for a good cause- this client deserves my extra help. Meanwhile, I have others who want to hold me responsible for their distress, and attempt to hold me hostage. I recognize the theme, and the work of the dreams to bring to my attention the need to hold my ground. I am learning, through practice of both intense effort and controlled release, to find that delicate, and necessary balance. Each moment, it's up to me. No matter what is said, or done or considered, I have only myself to hold accountable, for keeping my focus or losing my way.

Running into Rainbows

If you cannot find the truth right where you are, where else do you expect to find it?

-“The Practice of Meditation,” Zen Master Dogen


It might have been a good day to stay in, but despite intermittent rain, the open road beckons....so out I headed towards the overpass, under 95 and a short loop west before heading back east on my usual 8-9 miler. The long stretch on Arthur was where the sky opened up with inconsistent showers that fell soft then harder while gray scuttling clouds tried to block the sun. From the east, however, the rising run found pockets of clearing, and threw light up against the moisture falling, and hanging in the air. Another rainbow (!) this time not quite full, but distinct and beautiful formed over the west....and I ran into it, and kept wondering, what do all these rainbows tell me??

I did not stop at Anderson, but waited until Emerald Hills Dr. to rehydrate and take the rest of the electrolytes. I felt strong, despite yesterday's long run. Some tightness in my right thigh...a little fatigue episode hitting me until I got the water and minerals back...then it was straight home to yoga, and a hot shower.

Watch for the unexpected....and the sudden beauty that folds out in front of us like flags. I needed to see something for the week ahead that would help remind me of a Nature more vast and animate than any of my own concerns. And yet it helps to validate all those as well, as if something reaches out to acknowledge and support the forward journey...something says, come along with me- so you will not miss out on a thing.

Signs and Wonders

After a 2 day break, and much needed therapeutic and personal attention, I ran 10+ today feeling great. Sleeping and eating and resting allowed me to get up early enough today to start out with everything nice and cool and comfortable, heading west on Park to pick up the rhythm and using John Williams as my staging stop, for electrolyte boost and bathroom. It was coming in from the out of my outandback, on Charleston that I swung into rain showers, sparse enough to allow sunlight to flash through thready clouds meandering around the wide sky. Once heading back down 64th, the more opaque sky to the west lit with a strong double rainbow, low enough towards the ground to be distinct in all its colors, like a huge banner across the road, it's more ephemeral twin hugging the outline of it's curve. I had to turn my back on it heading east, but I imagined it swinging overhead like a suspension bridge to my dreams, where images of traveling and getting from place to place mirrored my trek.

I fell into my gait after that second stop. I took Thomas in one big stretch from end to end, and practiced pushing through just a little harder than comfortable to test the mettle of my 'core' endurance. There was still breezy wind in the air; and the sun, when popping out, felt enduring and warm. I came into the last corner and home nicely spent. And my fantasy breakfast, bowl of berries, yogurt, toasted flax bagel and peanut butter was minutes away.

The lasting blooms of Aunt Rose's orchid is a testament to eztraordinary powers and forces at work in their own rhythms and time. The rainbows which endure the clash of air masses, temps and terrain, and connect themselves nevertheless to invisible anchors to benefit the imagination of sentient folk... the surprising tenderness and care from loved ones, the acknowledgment of struggle, and compassion for mustering effort and staying the course.

We are full of signs and wonders. As we step out on the world, we blanket the path with hopeful intent. We throw our fears and worries before us to be stepped over as we gain our gait from training. Always increasing from that mark where we let off, are we ready to stretch a little further? Have we come all this way to be cautious?
The sky was not careful to hide its colors today, and the orchid, which spills it's blooms along 4 different spikes, has thrown caution to the wind. They tell me, and persuade me of the abundance of inspiration, and the artistry of the world for my greater pleasure. Bring the divine into the breath you breathe, and remember to look closely at all things. The pattern of completeness is there to be seen, inviting us into it's beautiful mind.

Don't Be Afraid to Play Through Life.

Don't be afraid to play through life. Retire from heavy thoughts. Take everything with lighthearted wisdom. We are heavy because we think we must make an impression, gain something, be somebody. In spite of what society tells you, you need not be anybody at all in the eyes of men. The only genuine need you have is to be a real human being. Try to see this, try to feel it with all your heart. Then you will know what it means to make the world your plaything.

-Joe Anthony

Feelings, whether of compassion or irritation, should be welcomed, recognized, and treated on an absolutely equal basis; because both are ourselves. The tangerine I am eating is me. The mustard greens I am planting are me. I plant with all my heart and mind. I clean this teapot with the kind of attention I would have were I giving the baby Buddha or Jesus a bath. Nothing should be treated more carefully than anything else. In mindfulness, compassion, irritation, mustard green plant, and teapot are all sacred.

-Thich Nhat Hanh, "Miracle of Mindfulness"

Keeping Pace

I tacked on the 2 miles east over the overpass, back on Taft before cruising out on Park and taking the corner at 58th. All together is was somewhere around 9-10 miles, getting stronger as I went longer. Sleep weary at first, the first 2-3 miles are ass-draggers. Attempting to get enough blood pumping to my legs, brain, heart and breathe easy into the early morning, which was heavy with humidity, but cooler. After my stop at Anderson Park for the water fountain, I loped up across Sheridan and found my pace. Once tracked in, I could feel the gait pick up in sync to the ipod's beat as my steps turned comfortably over, and over, taking Emerald Hills Rd in one light stretch, rounding off past TY park until coming at last to a walk, just shy of home.

Despite upswing in demands on all fronts, I am keeping pace. Extending my reach, my endurance, my range, I find myself able to handle the load. At 40+ miles per week, I am getting comfortable, although the aches and pains are there. Nothing is too chronic or severe to set me back. Across the board, even with the extra pressures at work, and with the family, I am sensing when to push through and when to pull in, to rest and regroup and let myself be quiet. I give myself the space and time necessary to envision the Work, step by step as it waits for me to carry it through; for it takes strength, stamina, it takes faith that it all can be carried without losing any of it along the way.