Was it a birthday?- I see a cake- her's? My mother always loved to hang in the kitchen. Our talks always seemed to take place at the table over coffee and anything she could pull from the stove or fridge to feed me, a cornucopia of goodies. When I see this, it feels as if I was just there, comparing notes as we always did on everyone and everything. I can't believe how much I still miss her.
Being a mom has been the hardest and most surprising thing of my life: when I think about Michael, I wonder how I must've surprised my own mom with whatever gifts or issues I revealed. And yet, as any mother knows, we just 'get' some essence of our children ...since they reverberate the same genetic energy, the same vulnerabilities, courage, beauty....we are pulled into our generational groove through some alchemy of Life processes. We may try- and never really understand how or why we are what we are. But as we grow older, we keep working at it, harder than ever. Maybe we are trying to make peace with all those ancestors, those ghosts of our past.
Today, I woke to a beautiful morning and headed to John Lloyd state park for my long(ish) run, and immersed myself in the beauty of Mother Nature, allowing my heart to reveal itself through the sights of the sea and the long road. 'Mother', for me, was brought to life when Mello sanctified Divine Mother for all of us in the Sun Temple, weaving together the threads of history and spiritual search we, as women, are often called to embrace; whether we consciously choose a Pathway, or walk the natural life, giving birth to our children, our dreams, our struggles and tribulations....an my mom did, and her sisters, and their mother from many generations ago.
And although a big chapter in my life is coming to a close, folding closed its lacks and losses like packing boxes ready for storage within the Universal Mind, I have more faith than ever before in Great Mother's power of 'Process'; that we are firmly in Hand, held close and brought to each moment like a revelation, a surprise full of utmost mystery and wonder. This embrace of intrinsic Beauty is what Mother feels like for me. At every turn on my run something extraordinary swept into my attention, catching like lures into my gait and pulling themselves along the inner story in my head until memories, hopes and visual scenes all seemed to bleed together, skimming along with the dreams that are sending me up above and forward from now. Something Big is at work.
Sense the pull for yourself and look- really look- at the things and people around you. Do you see Her? She is rising through all the accumulated pain, that terrible torture, the dispossession of your soul. She is telling you every day how much you matter to Her, to those you love and who love you- and always in the Grand Scheme of Things.
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