There are few things in life in which I need precision; in my line of work, there is a wellspring of intuitive and deeply rooted concepts and skills which enable me to work with my clients. In running, I came too late to the party to capitalize on the 'need for speed' and the usual obsession with times and distances, much as I'd like to. But Friday, I need a sharp focus to pass my state exam!
Lately, in every run, I have been forced to dig very deep to find a core of strength to handle the discomfort I still have from the marathon. This is deeply disappointing; I would like to be back to my normal routine, and hoped to run Miami, at least the half! But I'm letting go of all my expectations now...yesterday, a 5 miler out and back west of here was torture until the last mile when my body finally settled into its groove.
Sitting and studying. Sitting and listening. Hyper-focus on the computer, at work and home...my poor eyes are blurring out and still I need to see what I'm doing. Precision comes in documentation, in finding the right words to describe the right perception of symptoms, behaviors, affect....mine included!! I have struggled this year to focus myself on the road to the goal...which is one more door, one more needle to thread to stitch together this life.
Some of you flagged; I understand. Others are still standing by my side. Maybe I know, now, that no one does the run for me, no one holds my hand when I stumble down the road in pain. And this is a necessary discipline to strengthen my reserves, endurance, competence. Because no matter who comes and goes on the landscape of social supports, the universe continues to compel me forward. It's my willingness to keep following that impulse to go, to find the way through, and place myself in the care of larger forces which understand the Big Picture so much better than I.
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