....to change this......to the phenomenal goal of a full marathon. With time counting down, New Year's Eve isn't nearly the benchmark as this number. The one factor I took to heart was using the turn of time's chapter to benchmark a clean slate in my attitude, to have hope and heart, to honor Ryan Shay, and all my running heroes by hanging in, hanging tough, and seeing it through. This month's Runner's World is filled with amazing photos and stories from the Olympic Trials, the Chicago and NYC marathons. I cry every time I see the pictures of Paula, the Ryans, Meb, Abdi...one shot of the lead bunch of the men's race in the NYC marathon seems to catch every one of the runners in mid-stride; they are floating, the position of their bodies is fluid and full of grace. I stare at that picture and will my hobbled, achy body to take note, to absorb the energy of youthful ambition, limitless energy contained within the fragile human forms that take to the streets. I burn the impression of time standing still as they fly past their limits, easy on towards their goal. If they can do it, I can do it. If they can put their lives on the line, the least I can do is...show up.
So I took myself out today for my first run of 2008. Timed right before the front coming in that will plunge us into freezing temps, the sky was warm and blue, with a beautiful cool breeze kicking up. I wasn't planning to go long, but I meandered a bit and probably logged a 9-10er. I took a gel, and halfway stopped to get water and take the calories at the small kids park on 58th. It seemed to do me some good; or maybe it was the lack of pressure. But the entire run felt light and good. I helped myself fall back in love with this strange pursuit and realized how fierce in my struggle is the quest to this passion. It takes putting my entire body in motion, in semi-flight to free my head. Not every time but most times. The morning brought me around the top side of the Park and home. The aches and pains are there, but so is the smoldering desire. I understand some of it. I don't yet know what those final 6-8 miles contain for me. But I get where they come from in their quest for this groundless place of being that pulls those elite into an embrace with the very air.
It is a moment I can have, if I allow it. In 27 days, I hope to find a few.
The pressures are great. But so is the potential, always, for great and wonderful changes....holding on to my hat, and my hope. And happy to have all of you out there sharing the ride.
27 days.
"Waking, sleeping, dreaming, know you as light."
- Tantric teaching
thanks, Steven
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