Beautiful Beach: Sunday long run 8-25-13

"Running has thrown me into adventures that I would otherwise have missed"

-Benjamin Cheever

Persistent tropical moisture swirls around the Gulf and Caribbean basins.  South Florida sports a lush, green landscape- in comparison,  many times by August we are hot and withered.  This year, we are hot and wet, wet, wet.

Running has become an adventure of seeing if I can make it out and back before any rain interferes.... while yesterday,  as I headed out for a Sunday long run,  a strange chill was in the air.  This was all the reason I needed to point east.  The Sundays of big Griffin loops and more or less consistency with my base gave me some confidence that beach and back would be fine, especially with a surprise weather gift:  cloudy, breezy- perfect.

I've read somewhere that radiation from Fukashima mixes with the wild electro-magnetic energy, producing vivid anomalies (like lightening out of nowhere) and more than usually beautiful colors and skies.  This I can believe.  When you live where it's flat,  the sky is a canvas of unusual presence.  And lately it seems as if all Mother Nature's artistry is apparent especially morning and dusk,  when the sun transforms the heavens with luminosity, and colors the cloud formations with quiet grandeur.  It was worth every step to make it to North Park, tired as I felt, and somewhat disconnected from my body.  The pace of work, of change, or staying centered while so much chaos floats around me takes its toll.  As usually happens,  it takes at least a few miles, and in this case, pretty much the whole way to the beach,  before I felt truly empowered into my body.  This, in and of itself, is a tremendous boon about running.   For people like me who tend to 'live in their heads',  it takes an effort to ground.   By the time I trained my camera on La Mer,  spread upon the sands in the diffusion of morning light,  I felt at peace,  welcomed into the day.

As I turned back and headed west over the intercoastal,  I could feel my feet want to give way to quiet walking....but determined to make this a true 'training run',  I talked them into keeping up a running pace even if my run looks so much like fast walking these days....
as I kept on past US 1 and each intersection,  I felt a confidence in my pace that overcame the discomfort or fatigue....somewhere I felt a release into mild dissociation,  the 'trance' state that comes once the body settles into itself, and the mind is empty and free.  I was grateful for the pause.  Too often thinking only reinforces out-moded beliefs, raw emotions with no cause,  preoccupations with neuroses...none of which I need or wanted....and my feet gave me the freedom to simply feel "myself."

There will be much bombarding us with news of wars and rumors of war.  Environmental and human degradations and extinction protocols.  Threats from the sun,  climate changes, and each other.   The insanity of our own irrational greed.   It's good to know that we can go within,  however that works for you,  to find Our True Self.   No one has to tell you what that is or how to get there.  Once you feel it,  you will 'know'  what and who you really are,  a part from the crazy projections of the world.   Find your way in.   And become familiar with the space at the center of your life unencumbered and free.  Move within it, sing to it,  listen for it's message of love and acceptance.  It calls you,  misses you.  It belongs to you.  

Easy Does It, for Now

When running in summer heat,   I am always looking for patches of shade thrown by the trees along the streets,  or chances to slip into any number of small parks flung across the neighborhoods where a rest-stop beckons. 

These mimosa and oak trees standing strong in Emerald Hills.....

and this very tall palm catching my eye against a bright sky,  as I walked the last bits home on yesterday's Griffin loop long run.

Barely keeping a base going,  maybe 20-25 miles a week, roughly,  I am coping with my body's decreased temperature regulation against a solid wall of humidity and heat which has gripped us all summer long...and keeps me feeling like a beginner again just trying to get any kind of gait going, any mileage being good mileage,  just to move at all my humble goal.

I feel a pause in everything:  while transition continues in global circumstances, and the earth Herself regroups through the barrage of celestial changes,  I seem poised on the brink of things completely unseen and unknown.  Packing,  for what?  Where?  My 'vision'  seems blocked and unable to move into a forward timeline.  Meanwhile,  all I really want to do is take it easy,  gaze lovingly at the Natural world around me, and fill myself with the bountiful artistry that is Gaia.

The 'to do' list isn't going anywhere.   And neither are my endless speculations about what's going on and what it all might mean for any of us.  But I catch myself, sometimes,  laughing at all the drama,  once I immerse myself in the life of living things.  Each flower lifts itself like a gift into my eye-line.   Each petal asks for it's place in the Sun.   I would rather spend my time in my own natural self, aligned with this endless vibrancy.   Running gives me this. 

Run, Rest, Rejunevate: Repeat

I've been revisiting many aspects of my life as I continue the packing project;  this piece shown here is a silkscreen from my early 20's circa Bennington, VT, after I met Jay,  who became a springboard for all things New Age.  I was still making art, trying to express what I was learning.  Amazing how well this piece captures an ascension/meditation process, in 7 parts....and how well I remember my intent, hopes and dreams,...which mostly remain....as my core intent- hopes and dreams!!

Lately it feels as if things are running on parallel paths.  By day drawing upon my knowledge and experience to provide the support for those who are marginally making the transition from utter catastrophes to some semblance of stabilization,  or navigating the deep anxieties such a world is bringing upon us, as it morphs through the summer of change,  the shift through the star-gate, portals and potentialities which summon us on through these times.  By night,  intrepid explorer of the Zeitgeist,   following the flow of dreams, intuition, guidance, signs and events as they manifest themselves to me and my ability to 'translate' into patterns which shape the nature of the path ahead.

Out on the Griffin loop yesterday,  I felt barely conscious of my body.  So swept up into the dichotomies of these realities,  it seems I hardly have the chance to transition in- or out- of one state before I am drawn into the next.  As I started up 29th, I kept trying to 'locate' my feet and get grounded with Mother Earth, lost somewhere in dreamland, not quite registering the intensity of the early morning heat,  the movement of my legs up the street.
I found my way down Ravenswood finally catching up to myself.   A rhythm settled in to my gait as my breathing regulated....the 'drift' lifted as I felt the embrace of a glorious, quiet Sunday unfold before me.  The ride down 35th was steady and sure-footed and my head was full of nothing much at all except a quiet exhilaration deep inside as my body carried me on it's cadence of motion through Emerald Hills. 

Blazing sun through the cloud cover greeted me as I walked home.  I took my time and absorbed the show....

wondering as I often do, looking at the skies,  what is revealed in these atmospheric displays which might give a hint of our fate....of Mother Earth's intent.  Or maybe it's Her reflected joy, as She spreads light and color across the canvas of things just so....this happiness that comes with Creation. 

I understand that feeling.   I am there.   We are all creating our lives each and every moment,  just as the Grand Creatress of them all centers Herself upon Her potentiality and draws in the most urgent design...the formless seeking form,   the image seeking expression,  the Vision which must be born.  Rest assured,  there is an Imperative at work.  The World is heeding a Higher Calling....and it's about to call YOU to wake up to Her manifest beauty.  After all,  that's what She's been asking all along.  For once you really 'see' Her,  you will fall in love with Her.  And once that happens you will want to be as close as possible,  protecting and nurturing Her- just as She protects, and nurtures us. 

A Not-so-Long Run: Adaptation is Key

Just move your legs. Because if you don't think you were born to run, you're not only denying history; you're denying who you are. 


-Dr. Dennis Bramble, University of Utah biologist, quoted in Born to Run 


South Florida delivers heat in a very humid package.  I started out way too late,  after 8AM,  the sun already feeling like a furnace through the morning clouds.  I suddenly felt intimidated by distance,  since my body has some trouble regulating itself in extreme temps;  the thought dawned on me, just take it easy and go as far as it feels comfortable.  With that,  I narrowed my loop and cut through the trailer park to pit-stop at Publix and head back down 35th,  walking when it felt prudent,  putting a small kick when I got any momentum up, but mostly cruising along the patches of shadows thrown by the trees on the streets.  And proving to myself once more that running for no reason at all is sometimes the best run of all.

In the new matrix of planetary alignments, weather anomalies, political unrest and ongoing personal transformation,  the sheer inundation of life's intensity can become very overwhelming.  People react all kinds of different ways.  There are the lovers and the haters,  the activists and the sadhus,  the isolators and partiers;  those working on stage, and those behind the scenes, aware and awake, or not at all.   My attachment to outward appearances has got to stop.  What my ego wants to believe is the presentation "at face value" may not be at all what the intention of this person is seeking.   For me,  the new challenge with clients is in catching my own bias before it informs what I 'think',  knowing that at a more fundamental level, we are all playing our part as needed to shape the Cosmic Plan.

So instead of berating myself in any way for my efforts,  I patted myself on the back and settled into a nice generous bowl of breakfast to tell my body, "good job, well done!"  And working through the chores list another "you go, girl" for staying the course,  keeping to the trail,  not allowing myself to get 'lost' in the emotions swirling everywhere around me.  

I have peace in my heart.  It may be more of a truce than anything else at the moment,  but it tells me I am done with the battles in my heart.   Who I am,  what I do,  where I'm going is like the run.  I head out, confident in my abilities and resources, and my body's innate wisdom.  I know I am guided, and supported.  I know I am loved.  

Out of Time

The true but rare runner's high is a zone that we enter when everything seems to click perfectly, when time stands still, and when we can run almost without effort. 
 - Amby Burfoot

There are mysteries afoot.  Super moons and "Day out of Time", earthquakes and crazy weather, too wet, cold, hot, dry- fires and filaments of light,  stars coming into view and whisking away into uncharted unknowns.  Ancient cultures cough up their treasures- and secrets- from ocean floors, volcanoes long dormant explode.  Medicine people all over the globe are organizing like never before, speaking out to the world, hoping to stop the catastrophes The Man has blanketed upon the Earth in unimaginable depths....attempting to destroy the molecules of air we breathe, and the fabric of the food we eat....poisoning our minds with mental slop left over from the ages of ignorance and beliefs which will keep us enslaved if we are not careful to move aside from it all....

My activism is my counter-vision:  what comes to me in the quiet of Nature when Her innate wisdom informs me of just how effortlessly it could all transpire, if we stand with Her,  stay close with Her,  and forge the relationship upon which our lives- and Hers- depends.  On the run yesterday,   I felt full of fogginess;  the heavy load of daily life and the political skirmishes to win control, power, scope of influence,  to find where I belong in the 'real world',  to get the practical pieces of professional and personal space embedded into a piece of land where I can return to my gardening and artistic roots and do what I know how to do:  coax the loving Life from the ground to grow the true necessities for health and well-being, including food,  flowers, trees, medicinals.   To create artistic space, freely expressing and helping others do the same....to unleash the Muse to inspire those who partake of the space, who will in turn take the plant, the guidance, the artwork to inspire others....To make sanctuary that which becomes the oasis in the sea of changes....and a place where folks can gain respite from the pressures of those changes....To support my Crone years, and the needs of my family, even if its a break from their city life;  there is much to this vision,  much to do.

I asked myself,  while out on my long run yesterday,  how much I have become nostalgic for my past:  Barn days and artist/studio days,  garden and river days,  ritual and community bonfire days.....First I swung into this paradigm, full on,  no hesitation as we scooped up what was presented to us along the riverbank all those years ago, and created The Barn.  Then I swung the other way,  as I sought the practical foundation to support myself,  grow a profession, career, a means of growing myself into the Marketplace to end the unnatural dependency on men.  Now, the age of dichotomies is coming to an end, and all that the world has pressed upon me....the credentials, the clients, the need, the desire is all there.  Now,  it is a matter of WHERE.   And WHEN.  I am guided by these forces which will not put it in a text and send it:  instead, they are asking that I follow the trail,  faint as it may seem at times,  as they lay it out for me.

I ran my old familiar Griffin loop.  I seek the consistency and pattern of my runs to keep it simple, to feel the security of known parts.  It's hard to find 'the new' when we churn up the same terrain.  But at the same time,  there is something to those familiar places which inform the future.  As I cruised down 35th,  I got that rhythm going and forgot, for a minute, about running.  I was 'off' somewhere in another time and place,  and whether it shadowed the past or future, I could not tell.   All the world feels balanced on a pin-head,  spinning on this point of change.  We will fall forward into more transitory changes,  and seek the familiar roads.  At some point,  be ready:  we may find ourselves flying into something unexpected.  Be ready to make the leap.  Meanwhile,  keep dreaming, and moving.  

Patience and Perspective

The gap between my dreams/plans for the future and present reality opened up this week,  with more obstacles and delays on seemingly every front.  Time has decided to trip me up between the extremes of its daily rush through hours flying like hummingbirds and the perpetual pause which has caused us all to hold our collective breath...for what, we don't exactly know.  As long as my ego can detach itself from its own insistence of what should be,  I can take in stride the stops and starts which are lurching me through this summer.

Global weather systems have conspired to keep us in a wet cycle,  although mornings are sometimes free of rain before storms build up again through the heat of the day.   Yesterday I caught a dry window,  as storms had come through the prior night, lifting the heaviness from the air and giving me cooler conditions for a long run.  Sans hydo belt and everything  else but music,  I walked out the door and headed south to pick up a western loop,  feeling the mental fog of a busy week,  and so many clients who are working hard to keep their own footing, even as I work to keep mine.   Therapists are not super-people.   We are wounded healers for the most part,  whose own issues propelled us into the healing arts.   We are confident enough about our own insight and management of our problems to feel we can be useful to others.  And as many therapists would agree,  we are often just as tired, frustrated, overwhelmed and burdened by the demands of life.  You only have to read through any of my earlier years here on the blog to know some of what I've gone through. 

What we find, if we are obliged at all to our professions,  is a commitment to using the very same tools we encourage in others.  Willingness, above all,  to dive into the source of the stress,  and balance any conditions within our control, adapting, adjusting as we go, is always a key for me.   In the run,  whatever expectations I have dissipate in my warm-up;  once I get a few miles in,  I am now squarely focused into the attention it takes to manage the initial aches and pains,  the pace,  the intensity I decide to take on, while scoping out miles, pit-stops, water and bathroom breaks.   Everything about the run is like dress rehearsal for Life.   It's challenges, disappointments, and yes, triumphs when I find myself, like I did yesterday, farther along without a break,  better able to sustain the gait,  coming into the last stretch still running, less walking than I've had in a while.

I took my time,  I soaked up plenty of beautiful Mother Nature at tiny Anderson, then again at John Williams parks.   After I got home,  I zapped through the chores while unplugging from the outside world and rested with journal and oil pastels at hand.  I know loved ones and friends wonder why I am not more available to them sometimes;  but I also know they understand,  those who 'get' me, that time in solitude is very important to me.   And in the solace of Nature,  and my own space and thoughts,  a necessary peace is found.  Patience serves me on the run;  perspective comes once we step back and survey our progress on the Path, so far. 

Big Sun Runs

I managed 3 out of 4 days running this holiday weekend,  keeping the new Asics on the road, breaking them in nicely,  beating out any rain and absorbing solar maximum,  or what feels like an unusually BRIGHT sun, even for high summer (see above!).   3 runs were loops around the 'hood,  west, or up on Griffin,  while Sunday I took myself straight out to the beach to say a fond 'hello' to lovely La Mer.  

The more 'automatic pilot' on the run,  the better.  The less thought or critical analysis about conditions,  gait, comfort etc,  the more I am free to absorb the experience.  Like most experiences in life,  removing 'the filter',  the critical mind which seeks to understand something,  often takes such extreme strategies.  The beauty of running is once going,  it is a sure-fire way to move the mind aside, and with practice,  provides a similar mental relief as meditation:  running is by far my favorite meditation practice.

I was barely awake when I geared up with hydration belt and headed past the interstate.   The roads were full of early morning beach-goers,   the closer to the beach,  the more the cars flooded the drop off from the intercoastal overpass.  I was on a nice little roll, without stop, once the cargo trains passed at Dixie...

and took my time at North Park, trying to get a handle on the amped up sun,  shooting massive glare into my camera...more so than I can remember ever seeing,  a light so bright, I could not look too much at the skies at all!  But the beach was laid out underneath in a glittery glory of sparkling sand and water....!

North Park is a perfect pit-stop:  I have a bathroom,  water fountain,  and all these great views of the ocean and broadwalk.   The church people occasionally do their thing at one of the picnic tables,  and sometimes homeless guys are hanging out;  but usually I find runners and bikers and bladers and beach lovers doing what I do, grabbing some water and taking a minute to regroup. 

As I headed back west,  I felt hot and tired,  but managed a steady pace right on through until Oakwood plaza-  that's most of the way home,  just shy of 95.  The sun felt like a slow cooker;  my electrolyte laced water was long gone.   As I walked up the last overpass I was mentally giving myself pats on the back for doing it, making it,  and it was still early enough to give me the rest of the morning.   With everything going on,  packing and sorting,  cleaning and preparing for 'the house' and the current contender in Riverland, (Egypt house knocked out of the running) I felt like my running was a way of incubating the 'long haul' of this process with less stress,  less anxiety:  as if to say to the Universe,  I got this....I'm on my feet, and I'm on my way.   I'm taking it ONE STEP at a time,  and meeting whatever challenges present.  And if I flag,  I'll rest- or drink some water,  or have some good food.  But I know the goal is there, like the ocean,  just waiting in all its glory for me to get there.