Validation

"If you want to reach a goal, you must 'see the reaching' in your own mind before you actually arrive at your goal."
-- Zig Ziglar

Tired, and a little tougher 8 miler this morning, but in general, strong. I'm placing more 'fartleks' in when the energy seems available, little bursts of speedwork for a block or so, always easier towards the end of the run than the beginning, after I've gotten loose. My legs are feeling more solid; I seem able to find my rhythm and keep the pace comfortably...my goal? To ease into distances for the fall imperceptibly, naturally, without pressure. So far, so good. Starting this weekend, with the month of September coming up in a few weeks, I'll begin lengthening those long runs, with the hope of cruising past half-marathon distances. If I can sustain those long miles, keep a decent pace, I can begin to plan my race schedule and hopefully more than 1 marathon this year.

Last night, the group gave me a token of their appreciation "for all you do for us", and the discussion roamed around themes of gratitude, giving, receiving and finding compassion and trust. I sat with a huge grin on my face as I watched each one find their voice and give story to their struggle. The progress of these folks in finding some center of stability is truly amazing; and to think that I am the catalyst and 'agent of change' validates my 'mission'. Mello would be proud, I think, as I embrace the Path, the Work and the challenge. I am SO VERY GRATEFUL that the universe saw to it to make good use of all my foibles and mis-matched talents. That somehow, a tapestry has come together of my soul's desire, and plan, put to the purpose for which I came. I've never felt so sure of it, and yet, so amazed at the focus it takes to pull it off. Running was the magic ingredient that calmed my mind and gave my body integrity and strength. The endurance is a heart-level phenomenon; it is the courage to put it all out there, every run, every time, and allow myself to follow the road from start to finish, completing the circle.

Meanwhile, the athletes of the world find their own validation for dedicated training and the vision of accomplishments. There are many wonderful and poignant stories coming out of these Olympics; political and personal. But the world watches the individual try and triumph, and cheers each one towards their own glory.

"Feel the fear and do it anyway."

-SUSAN JEFFERS

Pushing 9

"Paula Radcliffe Says She's Ready for Marathon

Trying to regain fitness after losing time to a stress fracture and spider bite, she's been running outside every day at the British training camp in Macau. The team's marathon alternate, Hayley Haining, has flown home from the camp, further indicating that the world record holder will race next weekend."
* * * * * * *

I dropped Michael off to the airport before 6AM this morning, and was out on the road heading west by 6:15. The sky was barely coming light behind me, and in front a sea of darkness and quiet slowly engulfed me mile by mile as I made my way through the shrouded neighborhoods. I veered up to Stirling so I could take the overpass to 64th and cut through the Seminole rez. I knew if I put a 9 miler in it could help shake the tension, cobwebs, stress and extra calories off...by this point, I was into my stride and feeling strong. The sun, which had crested the horizon, was still just light- not heat, and I rounded out at Sheridan full of energy still. I took my break at Anderson Park and had the straight stretch on Thomas to take me back. These last miles I picked up the pace and gave myself a much needed speed work-out. The benefit of running so early, and missing the heat? Cruising into high gear and having energy to kick. It felt fantastic! And it was almost the last miles before I can safely say my head was finally at peace.

The weekend with Michael, family and friends, the Olympic start- all of it, was full of breadth and depth in every imaginable way. My emotional circuits were hard-pressed to keep up! Yet I felt deeply connected to the pulse of it all, as I stretched my mind out and about to the many facets of action. It is easy to get lost in all the push and pulls, and a temptation to allow others to take away my joy in the challenge. But time and again, I see how running keeps giving me renewed gifts; the ability to find within the resources needed to sustain effort, to meet new benchmarks, to put into practice what I once only envision as possible. It is even more certain, in my heart, that my path is unfolding with heart and hope on my side. It was Michael who helped me see that the resistance I get is the lack of ability of others to speak the language of emotion. I am lucky that those who are closest to me also open from their hearts. They provide the loyal attention of good family. They are my support as I throw my talents toward the world. I am grateful, and excited to be ever on my way!

"Days before the Olympic Games begin, and as all eyes turn to China, we appeal to the world to remember that millions of Tibetans are crying out for human rights and freedom,"

-Tenzin Dorjee, deputy director of Students for a Free Tibet

Not fast enough

-Usain Bolt, Jamaican sprinter

I was optimistic about my run this morning, even though I began easy enough. But by the time I hit the middle of Arthur, I was in full stride, feeling good. It was hot as hell, and I was set on my usual 8 mile loop. Coming up to the corner of 58th, where I make my right turn, a yellow dog, wandering loose, began to chase me down, snarling and growling. I tried to outrun him, but he got me, biting me square on the back of the knee! Then he kept circling me while I flagged down the first car I could find to put something between me and him. The car was packed with Latino guys on their way to work, who turned out to be the owner's neighbor. When they called him, he came out, said 'no speak English' and nonchalantly called, then gathered the dog, who by this time was sheepish, submissive, coy. Damn dog, my adrenaline was pumping, and my leg was sore. I flagged down a very nice lady in a van full of little girls who dropped me at Anderson park, where I had the water fountain to wash it and rehydrate. I did a loose loping run back down Thomas home. I'm in the middle of trying to get Animal Control in order to post a report. It's sore, and I want to make sure the dog has his shots. DAMN DOG!

Meanwhile, Usain Bolt, the Jamaican sprinter and possible gold medal contender for the 100 and 200 meters, will want to be fast enough. Look at those legs! It is a few weeks before track and field will come on the Olympic time line, but it will be thrilling to watch these ultra-runners do their thing. Who knows, if I had a sprint in me like him, I might have out run the dog, at least tired him out. One more obstacle to overcome in the quest for sound training.

8 miles, 8 fold Path, 8-8-08 Olympics and Tibet Protest

Last night I dreamt I was on a trek with a group over a rugged landscape, when a band of rebels crossed our paths. Not sure what happened to the rest of my troop, but I tried hiding up against a rock face. Trouble was, I was fully visible through a gap on the side, and the rebels were watching me and quietly laughing. I thought, surely I am dead. I turned to see their women folk, old and young gathered in front of me, dark expressions on their faces. Now they will kill me, I thought and watched as one of the women appeared to reach under her burka for what I assumed was a gun. I even thought I saw a few guns appear....when instead hands came forward, to hold mine, and smiles of understanding broke out. They pointed me on my way and I felt my heart race from terror of death to sudden gratitude as I realized I was given my life and my freedom. Thank-you, Mothers, I said, as we embraced.

I feel like I am on my way to the Olympics in spirit. On my run today, I had this dream image haunting me with its powerful sense of purpose and plan. I am on a rendezvous with Purpose, and it felt just like the dream to set out on my 'trek' and my 8 miles, where I could internalize the struggle for freedom in my every footfall and accomplished mile. I felt placed where I belong. I imagined the crossroads of brother and sisterhoods on many levels meeting and watching the proceedings of 3 dimensional deliberations, set against the backdrop of physical and spiritual merit. I know the emotion will act as a conduit bringing in the sympathetic call of assistance while we attempt nothing less than the transformation of the world.

And I can hardly wait!

4 days on, 3 days off; On again

It was excruciating to not run for 3 days. To sit in hard plastic chairs attempting to be comfortable; impossible! To listen to all the youngsters who find themselves knee deep in the 'shit' of our Work, a little wide-eyed, a bit naive, and to reminisce about episodes in my own career. It was great having Keith there for the presentation. It felt like bringing a slice of real life into the classroom, where it belongs. But the effort and time it took to get through all the work, the chores and self-care was enormous. Now it's 3 days at work, and Michael comes Thursday!

I am really feeling what it takes to manage and maintain my life solo. The busier and more complex things become, the more disciplined I can be. But with no wiggle room or 'back-up', I see all the time how every little thing depends on me. This has brought me full circle in my life, from my earliest independence, through the era of marriage and boyfriends and the larger community up north, to independence once again. I am past the 'lonely' stage; I am so grateful to have my autonomy. But it's a dicey game, and sometimes I wish I could opt out, even for a bit.

Back to running today after missing those 3 days, I came to see all over again how the sheer movement brings the control back into my psyche. How much I need to move at my own pace without interference....and be the originator of my physical process. In the job of sitting and listening or focusing on the computer, I am never able to mobilize my energy which needs to stretch itself...when I don't run, there is nothing else that gives this to me, in such direct, entraining form.

So not only did I run 7 miles, I did the yoga routine too. I prepared all the food for the next 3 days and talked to Michael. I'm set to go. Aiming for 40 miles this week, if all works out as it should. Back to balance, such as it is. Back to the road, which welcomes me always with its wide ribbons of possibility.