She woke me from a long night of dreaming, then veiled my memories of it all, while whispering in my ear, "it's dawn, let's go run! You can do it, you're rested!" And even though I had 'planned' a bit of a sleep-in before running, as much to catch the sun as anything else, I couldn't ramp down my own excitement. Every time is still like an expedition from childhood: I'm about to go out into the world, on my own feet, and explore. The skies looked overcast, weather said clearing. I took one over-shirt for an early chill, and headed out the door.
She gives me constant encouragement. Lately, the sound of my nay-sayer is beginning to feel ridiculous; a repository of ancient fears and beliefs that keep rising through the surface of my thoughts like noxious vapors; wrinkling my nose against their assault on my person, my capabilities, my dreams.
I adjusted my Flows, and threw up some leg stretches on the steps on my way towards the road. I don't know where this energy is coming from, but She nudges me, "look up"
to see the half-hidden pearl of a moon and a sudden knowing, "there is always so much more....to see...to be...." Taking off for a run always holds anticipation and questions: I ran last at the beach for Equinox; I've been working on leg exercises, however. How will I do?
Yesterday I listened to Lewis Wolpert, an English cell scientist in his late 80's talk about aging. How many examples of artists, writers, musicians, scientists live and work all their lives? Compelled by desire and mission and beauty....coming to each day like I did today, with Her voice in their ear saying "wake up! Creation awaits!"
I did my warm-up walking past the sleepy park and catching just a sliver of rising sun off the canal, as I rounded off the overpass into Emerald Hills. There has been a lot of magic to this place; will I find my next "great running neighborhood" as nice as this has been? Living humbly on the fringe of a better neighborhood has been a boon, for sure! Week in and week out I have watched the landscape of many beautiful houses, passed the lovely parks, woven through back alleys and around the waterways of North Hollywood.
And fallen in love with skies. Sometimes I wonder if its a way to connect with Michael, who gets his clouds up close and personal in the glider.
And whether skies are another metaphor for a Great Reaching into something far away from my daily concerns.
The streets were quiet, a few runners and walkers filtering through the same side streets while I crossed Stirling to catch 40th north praying all the stray dogs were asleep....keeping an eye on my feet on the uneven sidewalks...surprising myself with a nice steady gait thus far, adjusting my breathe and coming up to Griffin...
There is an empty lot at that corner. Suddenly the whole sky opened like a Great Fan over me, like Wings, or the soft veils of Heaven following hidden channels of light from the sun to cover the landscape with the peace of Sunday. I start up the Griffin stretch with light traffic on the road, heading east into the sun.
I'm not one prone to 'joy' in the traditional sense. More the contemplater; the 'bridge' of things, not necessarily embroiled in things themselves. Once more, however, as another part of this Equinox portal, joy has come to me and for no real reason. And so I found myself heading past my 35th St. cut-down towards my Publix pit-stop feeling light on my feet, with every past race and run in my vocabulary, infusing
this run with strength, knowledge and confidence. I wasn't a runner until 10 years ago. I couldn't run down the block. Now I was halfway into a sold 10-12 miler, feeling fine, absorbing the gorgeous air skimming my bare arms with bliss in my soul.
Dr. Wolpert said he still jogs, stating something like 'I'm very slow and you walking could pass me, but I do it anyway"- so true! Seeing myself somewhere out there, a little old gal moving slow but sure down some beautiful road. Winding down, I broke into a walk for a nice cool-down past the park, the trees glowing in bright spring green in the morning light.
She is throwing me a parade and patting me on the back, thrilled for my triumph - I have made it back from my great expedition! Inside all of us is a Great Nay-Sayer and a Benevolent Guide, a Coach, our highest self. Each of them embodies the disillusionment of innocence lost in this hard world, or Eternal Hope, the certainty of growth, change and moving forward, guided either by our Consciousness Awareness or self-sabotaging slumber. If we choose to stay asleep we become the expression of our worst cynicism. It is all too much, not enough, and someone else's fault.
Luckily for us, Great Mother has it all in hand. ALWAYS looking out for us, She is busy now, planting Her spring seeds, making sure there is a proper ground for germination. There is a Big Harvest ahead! We have incubated these dreams for a very long time. She knows the hardships of waiting, or harsh winters, feels the scars on Her belly from the destructive hand of humankind disengagement. Singing to us now, waking us from winter while absorbing, assimilating and ultimately throwing off what will not bear fruit, She is ruthless in her truth, in Life and Death balance. Just as aging brings us face to face with our self-management, the scope of our optimism or discord, and asks us to what lengths we will go to maintain our right relationship with our lives.
I say let's go for Hope. There is no number or limit to that. You don't even need to believe. Just look up and see what the skies are telling you. Somewhere in all that moving kaleidoscope of color and light is a mirror, a benevolent reflection of you....a part of you saying, "YOU are amazing, beautiful, strong, limitless. Well done! keep it moving! There is more to create, to see... and be. Do what brings you joy, and be the beautiful being you are. "
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