The illustration is someone's interpretation of a Medicine Wheel mandala...who knows from where? (sorry whoever you are...) and seems to capture the seemingly chaotic inner landscape of my life of late. After 6 months of some kind of shock/mourning, post Mom/parents losses, what I now 'see' is the press of many facets swirling around and around, looking for a pattern. I am restless, irritable, feeling out of my element, whatever that is. The world of my work, and Florida in general, the anchors through the family transitions, are feeling surreal- like the image. A kaleidoscope of color and movement which I cannot, as yet, interpret; I look for direction. I crave 'The Answer'. I'd like some directional sign to say- Here is where you go, so Go! My security, while practically intact, feels suddenly in question.
I've run 4 days in a row. Since an early meeting tomorrow took out one of my usual run days, I decided to try consecutive days since Sunday's long run just to see what would happen. It's never predictable. Starting out today, the smell of smoke in the air (where are the fires??), humid, hot and quiet at 7AM on my usual loop, every part of my legs felt like they were stuck in mud, slogging out the first few miles. I felt idiotic for some reason; this happens on a 'bad' run, I start to question my very purpose out there, as if not being the uber runner in my own mind cancels out any other effort. There is no walking. There isn't even 'do a shorter loop' anymore. I was way down on my mileage this winter and I paid for it, losing a lot of endurance. My 'bottom line' has been to put down at least 25 miles a week, which sounds to me like the least I can do.
Here's where the Mystery begins. I find a bit of a groove cruising up the quiet side street to Griffin, and take it all in one sweep to my Publix pit stop. It's amazing how by 8AM it is HOT HOT HOT...sweating, sore, thirsty... the store is my regrouping spot...then I head out to cut down back to Park. I remembered suddenly that the water was to be shut off for repairs; oh no! no water for my morning coffee?! I thought, well I have half an hour to make it home in time, so no walking that last mile like I usually do, and no dawdling out this last stretch. I got on my way, put my mind to a steady gait and LO and BEHOLD make it all the way to TY park in one nice long stretch...!!
Mind truly works its Wonders on the body, which I know I treat sometimes like the reluctant partner in this Quest for some sort of inner/outer perfection, fighting every aspect of aging, limitations, beliefs that I can't do it, when I know there are older runners out there making marathon history and beating all the odds! Every run is an opportunity to duke it out in this internal morphing of purposes, ultimately aimed at UNITING 'us' all in one purpose...to manifest in THIS world the essence of ME, whoever that me happens to be, every run and every day,
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