Embraced by the Open Road: Sunday Long Run and more

Excitement is contagious.  It doesn't matter that I am not personally entered in any races this season,  I am just as excited to follow the Marine Corp marathon (congrats, yesterday!!) or the Halloween runners across at the park Saturday,  or Marlon's success at his 24 hour ultra,  or Crash putting in those long miles for his comeback marathon in December...Saturday I woke early enough for an out and back made comfortable by the cooler temps, and prepped for a long run Sunday.

Morning smacked me in the face with strong sunlight;  slept later than I planned, but temps read 66 degrees so I could still stay super comfortable out for a while on the roads.  The skies were full of feathery clouds as I headed out to the main road, and from sheer habit turned up the overpass to 29th....allowing my body to wake up, stretch out a bit and get a rhythm going.

I thought about the MCM'ers "OORAH"ing their way through DC....and as usual,  wondering what makes one run so different from another....as I turned up Angler's to Ravenswood and took that beautiful straight stretch feeling mysteriously light on my feet!  The air clear as glass,  the skies unfurled like a vast flag while the road seemed to rise up to meet me until I took my first Publix pit-stop. 

From there I wondered about taking the Big Loop down to 40th....I've been plagued by loose dogs at times, and there was one at the bottom of 40th that has made me avoid this road despite its lovely country feel....but feeling so great I thought,  today let's go!  Heading back out to Griffin and passing my usual cut-down at 35th...it's hard to get going again after a break....I slogged along until my feet caught up and took the turn on 40th....so much changes in so many little ways even on residential streets!  I felt tired but kept the pace as I rounded down through the shady trees and onto Stirling...finding my way through my usual Emerald Hills loop to home.

By now the sun was full on,  and the temps back up....the lack of humidity, so rare for us here,  was the boon I needed to feel comfortable despite the distance....I kept patting myself on the back for every little fartlek,  every street covered,  each time I ran instead of walked,  and focused on breath and rhythm...nothing hurt too badly...  and my heart felt strong and wide open to the world.

Running on a day when I have no schedule constraints is the greatest freedom I know.  When I got home I dove into the back porch to putz with the plants and draw....and felt that beautiful vibe all day of being in harmony with the road...as it seemed to rise up to embrace me.  Even if so many previous efforts felt full of struggle and angst,  it only takes one magical run to make it all present again:  the movement,  the power,  the synergistic relationship with Mother Nature watching me watching Her....buoying me up on the hard stretches....blowing me a nice breeze,  warming up my arms....filling my heart with hope that even me,  the 'wanna be' runner is still capable of -what to me are- great feats!!  Getting out there,  putting in my own honest miles....longer than I hoped! And finding my REAL long run again!

Taking Stock: Progress not Perfection

I ran 3 days in a row, Friday through Sunday this week.  I started with my beautiful loop at John Lloyd state park Friday,  nice out and back before clients Saturday and a modest Griffin loop, maybe 8 miles Sunday.   Of course my 'uber-runner' friends are racking up their BIG miles and races, and each time I see their posts I have to SIGH.....with a mixture of hope and resignation...

So when Celeste and I did our full moon meditation and later compared runner notes (she's a newbie),  I got to be the seasoned elder dispensing advice.  My current physical adjustments have meant taking into account MORE rest, MORE relaxation (more yoga),  and willingness to adjust down on the mileage meter.  So 3 days in a row was an accomplishment! And made all the more remarkable by comparison with a newbie.   I remember that first year or so what it felt like to try jump-starting a walk into a run for even a little distance...how sore I was,  how determined to make it 1 block, 2,  1 mile or more.....my first 5K, 10K, half-marathon...my first marathon!    So I have to laugh at myself sometimes....maybe my progression loops around instead of driving a straight line UP....but in general,  I RUN.....I'm consistent....and I still reap the benefits of physical fitness overall.

There are many aspects of things I feel a tug of dissatisfaction about these days....as humans we want to see the progression of our efforts...better (_yours here!_____)....job, status, $, love-life, housing....better health, quality of life,  spiritual peace and connection.   Each generation bequeaths a sense of progress to the next....to obtain greater success, more stability and freedoms.  And all the while we run the gauntlet of World/political realities and events,  global conditions of all kinds,  and the psychic challenges that translate to breakthroughs- or set-backs....in our quest to find our niche in Life.

I am in competition with no one but myself.   I need to look over my shoulder once in a while and see the distance I've come,  mark it on a map,  retrace the route to encourage my looking forward at how far I need to go.   I remember that I CHOSE the route, and the distance,  taking into account my current assessment of limitations....CAN I do those longer miles?  Not right now....CAN I do a marathon?  One day again,  sure why not?!  CAN I find the place of my dreams,  man of my dreams,  therapeutic space.. to support myself,  to assist others find their Inner Runner, Lover, Life-Live-er?   The real question is can I cultivate the patience and persistence to GET THERE?!  Persistence I have in abundance.  Sometimes I think the Universe is constantly teaching me Patience!  So yes,  Mother Nature, I am hearing You.....patience it is....

Where have you gotten stuck in your assessment of yourself...feeling discouraged, comparing yourself against others' perceived success?  Take a look over your shoulder...see where you've come from and remember to pat yourself on the back.  If by chance you do NOT like what you see (maybe you feel you've gone backwards?!)....take stock of the route and remember your choices....if you meander a while on a back road, it might not be the worse thing....it might just give you the respite needed to get back to the main road again....soon. 

Gaining- and Losing Ground: Sunday Long Run

Like a child with eyes bigger than their stomach when looking at a feast,  I woke to such a gorgeous morning Sunday,  that all thoughts of caution flew out of my head.  Instead, I felt a rush of excitement about just being out in the morning, and with a "why not?!" decided to tackle one of my favorite loops,  the long way to the beach via Dania. 

Back in my serious training days,  this 13-ish mile loop was my training benchmark for half-marathon racing.  I've done it many times.  It includes several magical stretches such as the cut between Sheridan and Stirling where the little blue crabs scuttle into their burrows along a waterway,  or the broad expanse of Dania Beach boulevard which brings the beach horizon ever closer,  or the tunnel of green on Surf Rd,  the connector between Dania and North Park beaches,  where all the other runners and bikers cruise up and down, skirting the wild cats, the dogs on leashes, the occasional cars looking for parking.

Over-confident,  and sunk into my early out-of-bed fog,  I felt myself on auto-pilot for the easterly stretch before taking the cut up to Dania,  and across to the beach.  Where I would normally just slow it down nice and easy I found myself needing to walk,  as I came into the Dania parking lot and picked up the path along the shoreline. 

 

Enjoying the welcome distraction of beautiful La Mer as She opened Her arms to welcome me (and catch a few photos),  I hobbled my way down Surf road and into North Park and thought;  "Whew! I'm done! But I need to get home now....yikes!"  And realizing that the umph I might have for a loop this long in the old days was nowhere to be found.

As I lifted my spirits and body from idle, I filled my water bottles and began my way west, up the overpass, admiring the crystalline light making everything seem etched in light,  and walked.  And walked.  For a block or so I put a little hop to it which created a slow (very slow) run,  but soon the heat of the day took it all out of me and I walked some more.   It took what seemed like an amazingly long time to walk the stretches between West Lake to Federal,  Dixie to 95,  before finally climbing the last overpass home.  Everything was aching;  my hips, legs, feet,  pain in my shoulders,  my back....my body wanted to break down and I kept walking like the proverbial zombie....one foot in front of the other.

For a turtle like me,  marathons are like this from about 15-18 miles on.   Sheer willpower and gut gets me through the torture my body experiences in those last miles.   The fact that I have done- and somehow survived - those experiences has always shown me that the body is more resilient than we know.   So somewhere in the midst of my meltdown I reminded myself this distance has not been on the menu for some time.  Clearly I am not used to this kind of push.   Time to rethink my efforts and ramp it back down.

Many of my running buddies, yes that's you Crash,  and you Marlon,  are finding new plateaus and benchmarks!  At the London marathon this year,  the fastest time ever was recorded!   I gained much ground in the old days when training seemed like my singular focus in life.  But now,  it feels I have lost some ground,  and training this body requires increasing vigilance to what I do and how.  

We have a bad tendency to tunnel vision;  whatever state we find ourselves in seems as if it 'should' last forever.   So perceived set-backs are like sentences of doom.  "I'll never run long again" was coursing through my head, -until I put a halt to it and realized "Maybe I can't run long NOW,  or TODAY,  but time will give me another chance to make it long again, if I just stay smart- and consistent...."etc.  

There are many ways I'm looking at where I apply my re-framing to things.  How I choose to turn the dial on my thoughts and focus on which perceptions has lowered my stress- and maybe my expectations.   But the road remains.   Whether I capture all of it,  or some of it,  the enticing beauty of Mother Nature is the constant in my running life.  I run to embrace Her.  And even if sometimes it feels She tricks me with a harsh reality, like the smothering edge of heat or rainstorms,  this does nothing to dampen the magnificence of Her landscape.  

The Nature of our selves is like this....in the weather of our emotions,  there are sometimes harsh environments for our heart.   It feels at times as if our dreams are losing ground,  and the aches and pains of endurance is too much.   But the gains of our experiences truly never leave us, no matter what has changed in the outer world.  Gain the ground lost by feeling the invincibility of your Spirit.   Whether you captured the goal you wanted or fell short,  there are many ways to "get there."   Let the road speak to you, and reach beyond the pain to the beauty calling you from every side.   It emanates straight from you!

Casting our Nets

Passing the Equinox,  south Florida has slowly released its grip on steamy summer and rain.  In the mornings,  the faint brush of cooler air rises from it's night blanket on the ground, teasing the rising sun,  ready to cast it's bright hot light into the day.  Every runner out there knows perfect temps/conditions are a rare and wonderful boon.  So I ran Saturday morning before clients,  a nice western loop,  and Sunday, geared up for a rendezvous with La Mer at the beach.

I haven't tackled big distance in a long time.  However,  keeping my base and yoga routine has kept me consistent.  Running to the beach is challenge enough: enough distance,  enough effort to push myself short of exhaustion.  As I headed out into the brightening day, I was still lost in the fog of sleep.  It always takes me a while to get my head back to 'reality'- and why my work schedule is so beneficial for me:  having mornings to take care of my body and my business allows me a strong transition, and time for myself. 

Traffic was still light, and the tunes were going in my head.  I floated through the first few benchmarks;  the crossings at Dixie and Federal,  and cruised right through the last hump of overpasses and into the beach. 

As usual,  rewarded by a soft ocean breeze lifting off the sands, while the water gently reflected a sky full of sunlight and soft, white clouds bobbing off an azure horizon.

As the bladers, bikers, runners and walkers dodged each other down the Broadwalk,  I took in the scene from a few different vantage points while taking my pit-stop break,  filling my water bottles,  and reminding myself that access to a beach run, just miles from my own home, is just about as great as it gets!!!  And knowing that I can return home, on my own 2 feet,  made me feel strong and fit. 

Farewell and thanks were said to the spirits which welcome me each time I 'notice',  photograph, appreciate 'them', and the awe-inspiring manifestation of beach life.  And so I turn to head back west.   As I begin my climb up the first overpasses,  I spied a group of Latino folks fishing off the pier.  I rounded out the top of my second climb as I watched one young guy carefully fold then toss his net which billowed up into a perfect square and fell in a quiet whoosh into the water.  Spirit gives us "triggers points";  moments in time that seem to rise up off the canvas of our usual lives and get our attention.   I watched that young man with his net and felt the image of its gentle unfurling zing into my brain.  He doesn't know for sure what's under the surface.  He may have spied the currents, and schools of whatever type of fish he's after-  but everything in water is on the move.   His graceful movement told me this is a practiced effort.  So whatever he caught, long after I passed him,  it seemed he was assured that something would land in that net. 

We are all casting our small, square nets into a vast body of water.  We are being called to practice our skills in bringing up the issues, emotions, changes and aspects of Self which coalesce somewhere close, to be captured in the net of our attention.  Putting ourselves into The Flow of experience,  we allow ourselves to TRUST:  that the waters harbor what lies hidden from view,  that we have the resources to find what we need regardless,  that together with all the elements of Living Life we will bring these to the surface, to feast on and integrate new material, value our accomplishments, and ready ourselves for a new day. 

I bench-marked my way back (a technique for running any long distance- or solving any big problem- break it up into parts), and with the sun at my back,  managed to keep my (turtle's) pace until I finally broke into a walk for the last bits home.  I have cast some formidable nets in my life, and many of them were cumbersome and unruly- or the waters were stormy and full of debris- or the weather in general just so bad I could hardly keep to my feet at all.  Now, as I watched that man cast his net I felt a resonance.  Over the years I have learned to hone my skill.   The water, the weather and my own expectations seem mysteriously in sync.  I cast what feels like the right size or shape, and as it unfurls into the air, for a brief moment it almost looks like a flag, semi-permeable, liable to change, dropping down into the depths of myself searching- and finding for what informs me now, and what will shape my dreams later.

Practice the skills which will allow you to cast your nets into the depths of your dreams.   The results may surprise you;  or maybe you knew all along-  this is my good future....I will fish for the freedom this bounty brings. 

Fall Equinox 2013: Let it Burn

After the frenzy of BARC's 40th anniversary event on Friday, and back to private practice on Saturday, I woke up Sunday ready for a long run to get my head into the Equinox spirit.
This benchmark, like so many others this year,  is full of meaningful layers, not the least of which is the 9 month mark from 12-21-12.  In all these months we have gestated ourselves,  to what are we giving birth??  Great Mother conspired to get me over to Tree Tops with Celeste....just so I could open an altar and ask exactly that.  But first....

Headed out into what serves as fall in south Florida- a warm rising sun and the coolish air rising from the earth met with me in the middle as I took the overpass and headed up 29th.  The dream themes of constant renovations swirled around in my head with the images of hope, change and expecting the unexpected.  Without too much trouble I rounded out onto Ravenswood and enjoyed that lovely straight stretch tucked along a nearly empty road, feeling my body relax into the rhythm.  Regardless of any form of anticipation about the day,  the run gives me that structured regularity that grounds me to Mother Earth even as it frees my concerns from their cages of the every-day.  Cruising down 35th,  meandering through Emerald Hills, it was a glorious morning spent with Nature.

I sorted through and packed my altar gear, meeting up with Cel at Tree Tops.  We navigated through our initial 'process' of figuring out where to go by leading with our gut instinct after all,  finding the Perfect Place along a bridle path, just off a hiking trail.  As the prep and opening commenced, and the smoke from the sage began to rise,  it swirled on puffs of wind and danced around us.  I 'saw' a building burning, as red as fire can be....and myself standing a ways back while the 'message' sounded:  'the building must burn, let it;  don't feel you need to run in to save it- the New needs to be built on the ashes of the Old.'

We placed many personal and planetary things into that fire bowl.  Things to let go.  Things to call in.  On this balance point, this birthing point for something beyond our scope of comprehension,  trust is asked of us as we watch our belief systems,  our governing and world systems, even our interpersonal constructs take to the flames of transformation.  I sat in the wafting of that sweet smoke and felt myself come Full Circle,  as we 'sat' with Mello and Vitae,  the rest of the Sun Temple brothers and sisters and all those others who were doing their ceremonies and conducting their own sacred circles everywhere around the world.  I felt a sense of peace about my own path and asked Great Mother to continue to let me serve Her, give Her voice, bring Her Presence into these times. 

We are too consumed with the negative imagery of destruction.  We forget this is just one facet of Her face.   The Old must go to make room for what we all are bringing in to this world.  Don't hang on to it.  Honor the lessons learned.  Now, it is time to stand back,  let it all burn....and - rebuild our New World.

Beyond Dark and Light

In all medicine/indigenous cultures, there is a recognition of the experience of 'dying to the self' in order to move forward, or be 'reborn' into a new life.  Only in the neurotic west, and only because Freud 'won' the psychiatric worldview over Jung,  do we equate 'dark' with 'bad', even evil.  Jung's voice of integration,  taken as it was right off the ancient world's page, joined the other, underground impulses, where the broader spiritual worldview of 'many parts' as One,  was embraced. 

The East is closer to a sense of harmony between Forces,  and under even that is the millennium of Knowledge, when Mother Earth as Mystery School was a designated assignment - to uplift, to educate, to redeem.  No matter what 'side' you were on,  what gender(s),  what script to run, lessons to learn, what comrades and loved ones to work with, what geopolitical stressors to bear....no matter what,  every one comes with every aspect of life bundled into seed packets.... with our potential to grow.

Growth is not dark or light.  Growth is the constant in this process we call Life.  Whether my growth looks good to you,  or not,  my growth is a product of the complex interaction of many many aspects of things,  with much of it is now happening in our global devolution, and our corner of the universal neighborhood.  I have had to wrap my head around what the internet community is circulating about cosmic events of all kinds.  Meanwhile our own geopolitical stakes raise ridiculously higher all the time.  In my time off work,  I felt myself falling under the pressure of so much which seems imminent....just as all Big Change feels...like the birth of a baby,  its the last bits that are indeed the hardest.

I always liked the term 'shamanic descent'.  Just as the medicine people know how to create and conjoin in major initiations, which prompt and feed the psyche with liminal material and build the bridge to the 'new life',  my little vision quest is giving me the incredibly rare space and time to empty myself out- in order to fill myself up.  Depression is an emptying out;  or rather the recognition and fear of emptying.  Week 1 of staycay was an emptying.....

it was emotional tsunamis and lost dreams...it was a curving in on myself seeking solace and safety within The Mother's womb.  And then it was loving that part.   The part that hurts, that hides.  We judge a lot of things that deserve our scrutiny.  But too much we judge the lost and hurt parts of ourselves.  We enforce the PC of the spiritual world; we forget that we play all the parts,  we seek these experiences,  we need to understand.

Once I let someone listen,  it all began to make sense again.  The 'sisterhood' of remembering brought me back to all the good things in my life, not the least of which is the long friendship that gave me that lifeline.

 The pressure finally began to ease a bit, and my excursions into running, or finding good farmer's markets or breathing into the space of simple rest has been fortuitous, timed to the High Holy days on the Jewish calendar.  So many of us are breathing peace back into the picture...., the wars and rumors of wars feel unhinged again from their timeline.... Like those last few pushes,  we work with all our might to bring our Good future into the world.  And very often that Work is so deep within,  it takes an intrepid soul to find the precious light, to find the courage, the stamina...to find the insight, to find the way through.

Beautiful Beach: Sunday long run 8-25-13

"Running has thrown me into adventures that I would otherwise have missed"

-Benjamin Cheever

Persistent tropical moisture swirls around the Gulf and Caribbean basins.  South Florida sports a lush, green landscape- in comparison,  many times by August we are hot and withered.  This year, we are hot and wet, wet, wet.

Running has become an adventure of seeing if I can make it out and back before any rain interferes.... while yesterday,  as I headed out for a Sunday long run,  a strange chill was in the air.  This was all the reason I needed to point east.  The Sundays of big Griffin loops and more or less consistency with my base gave me some confidence that beach and back would be fine, especially with a surprise weather gift:  cloudy, breezy- perfect.

I've read somewhere that radiation from Fukashima mixes with the wild electro-magnetic energy, producing vivid anomalies (like lightening out of nowhere) and more than usually beautiful colors and skies.  This I can believe.  When you live where it's flat,  the sky is a canvas of unusual presence.  And lately it seems as if all Mother Nature's artistry is apparent especially morning and dusk,  when the sun transforms the heavens with luminosity, and colors the cloud formations with quiet grandeur.  It was worth every step to make it to North Park, tired as I felt, and somewhat disconnected from my body.  The pace of work, of change, or staying centered while so much chaos floats around me takes its toll.  As usually happens,  it takes at least a few miles, and in this case, pretty much the whole way to the beach,  before I felt truly empowered into my body.  This, in and of itself, is a tremendous boon about running.   For people like me who tend to 'live in their heads',  it takes an effort to ground.   By the time I trained my camera on La Mer,  spread upon the sands in the diffusion of morning light,  I felt at peace,  welcomed into the day.

As I turned back and headed west over the intercoastal,  I could feel my feet want to give way to quiet walking....but determined to make this a true 'training run',  I talked them into keeping up a running pace even if my run looks so much like fast walking these days....
as I kept on past US 1 and each intersection,  I felt a confidence in my pace that overcame the discomfort or fatigue....somewhere I felt a release into mild dissociation,  the 'trance' state that comes once the body settles into itself, and the mind is empty and free.  I was grateful for the pause.  Too often thinking only reinforces out-moded beliefs, raw emotions with no cause,  preoccupations with neuroses...none of which I need or wanted....and my feet gave me the freedom to simply feel "myself."

There will be much bombarding us with news of wars and rumors of war.  Environmental and human degradations and extinction protocols.  Threats from the sun,  climate changes, and each other.   The insanity of our own irrational greed.   It's good to know that we can go within,  however that works for you,  to find Our True Self.   No one has to tell you what that is or how to get there.  Once you feel it,  you will 'know'  what and who you really are,  a part from the crazy projections of the world.   Find your way in.   And become familiar with the space at the center of your life unencumbered and free.  Move within it, sing to it,  listen for it's message of love and acceptance.  It calls you,  misses you.  It belongs to you.