A lovely 10

Those drills did me some good; as I rounded the corner to take Stirling in one long straight stretch to the Seminoles and finally a stretching out on the open road.....
after a quick stop at the park, it was on to Thomas and home....the weather was picture perfect, with a breezy coolness in my face and pressing against my legs. It felt wild and strong and free. I ran hard the whole way in. I wanted to dance. Lift off the earth and take the wind under my arms...suddenly I've embraced the run.

Anything is Possible

I know you're listening, so be clear.
Know your heart.
Find your feet, and the direction they want to go.
Then go there.

hills and drills

If only the weather would be exactly like today....I dress in loose shorts and a tank top, and the air feels feather light and fresh...clear skies and sun....and the only task is to find all the hills I can. I take the overpass first, one side then the other for warm-up, then on to the park, where the low rolling grounds provide perfect paths to throw my legs up, and down, up and down, using muscles I don't typically feel, pumping my heart rate - and my arms- up. And in between, lovely bursts of speed up and back in the straight aways....letting it all loose.....until finally finding a quiet bench by the lake where I can stretch and undo the kinks.

It was an hour, more or less. I'm usually out at least one and a half to 2 hours when I run a route; so it felt kind of odd....at the same time, I recognize the need to respect the distance I'm about to tackle. I am eating, sleeping and preparing for that last long run on Saturday, when I hope to nick the corner on 22, and maybe creep just a bit closer to the actual mileage.

Meanwhile, I stare at the course plotted on the map. I try not to think too much about where I will be, I want it to be fresh and new. But it's an awful long way to the finish....

I watch all the time as people struggle with their commitments to goals, and changes of all sorts, meandering their way through the trails in their heads, hearts and environments. I work with people every day helping them sort out the difference between real challenges and excuses. And I've learned the difference in myself. If it wasn't for running, I doubt I would have turned the tenacity in my heart towards the concrete; I would have stayed lost out there, trying to manufacture more false rewards and gods. Instead, I have an honest assessment of my strengths and abilities, and I come by it by rights, with all my hard work, my passion and heart.
I had to learn it step by step, from one mile to 22....and one day, to the finish line of the greatest race any newbie can hope to run..

There are a lot of races out there today. Barack and Hillary, to name a few....running for change, to capture the spirit of the times. I run for peace, for purpose, for planetary healing. It only takes one.

January 24th

3 days before I run my first marathon, the Powers that Be are delivering up a "one night only" movie event, a documentary about the marathon..........!!!!!!!!

For all you runners who have followed the blog, if you haven't heard about this, it is a MUST SEE. For any of you who have dipped into my world and try to understand what all the hoopla is all about, it is a MUST SEE.

I am so excruciatingly excited....just to watch the trailer moves me to tears.

Running strong, running long.....
the spirit of the marathon is capturing me.

Got it

When I woke on Saturday, a gusty, rainy day waited for me. I planned on 20+ miles. I stood at the back door and watched waves of breezy rain trail through the parking lot. Donning my running gear, I mused over the hours of fighting through the winds and cold, what to wear for the water, how to cover the ipod....and all the while thinking, couldn't I just go back to sleep? One more contemplation on the front stoop, and one more clothes change...another light layer between the top and under shirt. And with one deep breath, its off I go.

I had good endurance to Publix, the first 10. And though tired, I still had my motivation. I caught 2 squalls on the way in, and felt wet and cold. On the way out, I stretched the outer loop an extra block before heading back east and the uber-long straight away home; except this time, I detoured to Johnson, making the extra 3+miles in the run. A head wind was in my face all this distance....for more than 10-12 miles at regular intervals I pushed into cold, gusty and rainy winds....several times I shouted, screamed and pummeled my arms into those winds...but I made a pack to myself to keep moving....I even got lost off Johnson, trying to find a way back up to Taft.... and got so disoriented I had to ask a motorist which way, finally, was east again. Miraculously, after what seemed like the toughest stretch, I made it in to civilization and University, where I rewarded myself with a major stop. I needed to stretch my legs and get my mind mentally around the 2 big stretches left- the miles into 441, and the last big leg from there home. The 441 stretch is segmented by chunks of major blocks, and I counted them down...McKinley, McKinley, Roosevelt etc...until I was crossing over towards Thomas. By then I had well towards 18? and I was actually finding my late stride. It was somewhere around here that I finally found the marathon; somewhere in me I knew I had the distance in me...and as each segment melted away I could feel my legs dig in to the corner of the next block and take their stride with certainly, staying on my feet, keeping the gait, even with the discomfort and stiffness settling in. The best blocks are always the last; but this time, it wasn't to end the pain, it was to enjoy the freedom from absolute meltdown. I needed to stop, yes, but I didn't have to. And when I saw on the route that it was just shy of 22 and 1/2, I felt triumphant, as if I'd already run the race. It was done. If squally, cold weather didn't take me out, if I could stay on my feet 5 plus hours to do this run, I can handle the task...I am so much tougher than I think....

There are only so many ways we are given to truly test ourselves in this life...some come to us unbidden, and some we choose willingly, to pit ourselves against a vision, a potential, a possibility, or a probability....to extend our range of experience and our limits, to conquer fear. I am no longer afraid of the race. I am a respecter, a navigator, a willing companion of the miles. I hope to befriend the road in Miami, and make it fall in love with me, and save me from getting lost in doubt, once I have it to myself; just me a few bunch of thousands of other running fools....

21 days. Dave says, speed work and long run - 1 (or 2?) left. Eat. sleep. Stay focused. Have heart.

First hurdles of '08

Cold, record-breaking temps have arrived in sunny south Florida. A chat with 'Coach Dave' last night helps me to adjust all my expectations at this point in my training.
As I describe the achy left ankle, the struggle to run in the cold, the fatigue and stress from the last few weeks, he finally concurs that the time is right to back off.
Not run??? Take a couple days, rest and regroup. Then Saturday do the 2nd of 2 last long runs....go for 20+....you might be surprised, he says, what rest might do to help you feel refreshed. And I realize I have been pushing 50 mile weeks and sometimes more for months now....definitely time to PAY ATTENTION.

I love that I was able to ruminate about work and sleep more last night without the pressure of having to face the brittle dawn. I have an hour or so to compose my head for the hearing today at work. Just me and some high powered administrators and the government center downtown, sorting out the mischief a co-worker has created. My notes are in order, and hopefully my emotions will stay that way too. Last night, after group, a client who was no longer in that phase waited for me to give me a card for New Years. This has been one of my most difficult cases; a young man, a serious addict, immigrant, survivor of neglect, abuse, mental illness and trauma, who is starting this week at NSU with the hopes of entering the health profession. The card was a heartfelt message of thanks- and I'm taking it with me today as my 'secret weapon'. No matter what the 'suits' may try to do to catagorize me, label me or attempt to distort my motives, this card sums up my commitment and passion for my work. I put the same heart into everything I do; I can't distinguish.

It has always been a run for my life. Never having the solid ground other folks seem to take for granted, the simple strengths of connection, of being in this world are powerful mystery and magic to me. I will remember who I am as I sit at that conference table today. I am a runner. I don't give up. I persevere, see it through. You will see me soon, at the finish line. 24 days.

27 Days....

....to change this......to the phenomenal goal of a full marathon. With time counting down, New Year's Eve isn't nearly the benchmark as this number. The one factor I took to heart was using the turn of time's chapter to benchmark a clean slate in my attitude, to have hope and heart, to honor Ryan Shay, and all my running heroes by hanging in, hanging tough, and seeing it through. This month's Runner's World is filled with amazing photos and stories from the Olympic Trials, the Chicago and NYC marathons. I cry every time I see the pictures of Paula, the Ryans, Meb, Abdi...one shot of the lead bunch of the men's race in the NYC marathon seems to catch every one of the runners in mid-stride; they are floating, the position of their bodies is fluid and full of grace. I stare at that picture and will my hobbled, achy body to take note, to absorb the energy of youthful ambition, limitless energy contained within the fragile human forms that take to the streets. I burn the impression of time standing still as they fly past their limits, easy on towards their goal. If they can do it, I can do it. If they can put their lives on the line, the least I can do is...show up.

So I took myself out today for my first run of 2008. Timed right before the front coming in that will plunge us into freezing temps, the sky was warm and blue, with a beautiful cool breeze kicking up. I wasn't planning to go long, but I meandered a bit and probably logged a 9-10er. I took a gel, and halfway stopped to get water and take the calories at the small kids park on 58th. It seemed to do me some good; or maybe it was the lack of pressure. But the entire run felt light and good. I helped myself fall back in love with this strange pursuit and realized how fierce in my struggle is the quest to this passion. It takes putting my entire body in motion, in semi-flight to free my head. Not every time but most times. The morning brought me around the top side of the Park and home. The aches and pains are there, but so is the smoldering desire. I understand some of it. I don't yet know what those final 6-8 miles contain for me. But I get where they come from in their quest for this groundless place of being that pulls those elite into an embrace with the very air.
It is a moment I can have, if I allow it. In 27 days, I hope to find a few.

The pressures are great. But so is the potential, always, for great and wonderful changes....holding on to my hat, and my hope. And happy to have all of you out there sharing the ride.

27 days.

"Waking, sleeping, dreaming, know you as light."
- Tantric teaching
thanks, Steven