Catching Myself

The blog has patiently waited while I got a year older,  visited with the fam in DC,  and navigated some busy weeks with both Broward County work and the private practice.   All things have infinite items attached on their respective "to do" list.  As for running,  it's been a struggle to once again find my base and build back my endurance.   Plane rides,  several 3-4 days off stretches and sleep disturbances are all it takes to blow me back from my prior level.

Yesterday was my first 'Sunday run'-  I'd like to call it long,  it was 'longer'  than my usual weekday runs, yes,  but modest enough;  an out to the west on the long, mostly empty Park stretch, loop to the north and the Emerald Hills road.   The ability to sustain persistent running is eluding me right now.  I put walk breaks after a few miles,  then again in the middle of the loop.  At the end,  I walk the last mile or so,  not sure if it's actually my legs or core breath (or both)  which causes the pause.   Aging tries to convince me this is typical and natural.  To slow down,  to walk when one ran,  to begin limiting the dreams and ambitions compared to youth seems part of the age-script.  And yet the Soul of Me feels as passionate about all things within my vested interests as ever!  Is there an end to art,  music,  the poetry of the written word,  the Life of Plants and Nature,  the process of healing?  The magic of love?  Does the run end when I walk in the door or does my body still feel the pit-pat rhythm of footfalls long after I stop?   Are the power of dreams limited to my sleep life?  Or like today,  with the image of the small organ modified with full keyboard pedals etc,  does the Metaphors projected in us and through us live on in the world in ways we cannot imagine?

I'd like to think I am catching myself on a long road where a part of me ran on ahead.   The rocks I stumble over may not impact her,  she has hurdled them and more,  and she looks back over her shoulder to tell me to keep going,  keep running, keep dreaming!   I want to stop sometimes.  I have the same desire as babies,  to drop off into sweet unconsciousness and forget the imprint of the world, soaking up, instead the beautiful vibe of pure becoming.   But once the day is born,  the run begins.  And with it the hope that I'll see her up ahead, closer and closer,  until She is Me.