Coping with Obstacles

"To know you are one with what you are doing, to know that you are a complete athlete, begins with believing you are a runner."

-George Sheehan


Ganesh is the Remover of obstacles. Once a long time ago, I had a dream about a large white elephant who came to my assistance. Regardless of the source of the challenges, there is an art to finding one's way through.

This weekend, the 2 runs completed were so very far from my usual level of ability; Saturday I did a moderate 6-7 miles with plenty of walking. Sunday, an out and back, walking most of the back. I'm hoping that now with the end of one of the problematic meds, the pain in my feet and legs will resolve. It feels strange to take this body out for a run; the misfit between my image of myself as a runner and my current level is hurtful. I try to feel compassion for my state and avoid my typical impatience with set-back. This hurts "the committee" of body/mind and needs the more balanced leadership of my soul, my Self to direct the healing process. And with that thought, it's "just take it easy", "moderate, consistent effort" are the mantras I tell myself out on the open road.

I still remember clearly practically the day I began to run; a walker all my life, I have the habit from childhood of wandering around long loops of what I think of as 'expeditions'. In the neighborhoods of my early years, pockets of nature co-existed with the increase in suburban development. It was my secret and consistent escape into hours of exploring the landscape that gave me solace in childhood. The pattern persisted everywhere I went. I walk to explore, discover, soak in the atmosphere of a place in motion. One day, after moving to Florida, I tried a little jog in the middle of a long loop. I still smoked cigs; I wasn't an "athlete". But even in the strange sensation of effort, the rhythmic flip-flop of my own feet under me had a trance-like effect. My breath was more evident. My thoughts settled down. In the first few years of running I cried constantly, finding a surprising outlet for embedded emotional pain. It was later that I finally 'bought' the identity as a runner. After I quit smoking. After a few 5 and 10k's...after my first round of shoes...after realizing that I was indeed running on a regular basis.

Like everything in life, I must 'believe' it internally first, then 'see' it manifest.
From artist/writer to mediator/facilitator to counselor, licensed and all, each leap was born with a picture in my head of some sort of probability. A sense of my ability, potential and 'mission'. It was in the days of Mello that an imperative was born that supported my process. Doing what I do in service to the changing times; seeking to put forward my unique vision and skills to help others realize their own potential. The glitches in my own health and well-being needed to be addressed; could I add the physical dimension and feel like this, too would improve? Could I build a better base of operations? I began to run like a runner. One day I realized, I was better, and my health reflected this. The discipline, strength in endurance and ability to regulate myself was all a part of the benefit from training.

This is the first year I feel a significant set-back, even while other goals continue tearing down the track of my life. Perhaps my body, now 54, was not quite up to the same pace of change. With menopause came freedom but also a decrease in energy and fluidity in all my parts. After the Marine Corp marathon, something seemed to require a deeper recovery than ever before, one that I still feel part of, which calls for a revamp of training. Or the concept of training.

So maybe for the first time I need a new vision of myself as a runner. Just as things shifted after my license happened and new opportunities present, the shift in my physical self provides other means of 'believing' into new form my 'athletic' self.
The Remover of obstacles becomes the Teacher of perseverance, going with the Flow, following the doors as they open, enduring the pain of change.

Today, I find a base. I do yoga to strengthen and rest the energy currents. Tomorrow I'll run with no expectations except to explore the neighborhood and relax into the motion of whatever my body can do.