The Light of Fall

South Florida has a subtle way of shifting seasons.   If you are out midday, it would feel like any hot, humid summer-like day.  But in the early morning,  fall is bringing a slight moderation and breeze to the air, a welcome relief.  What strikes me most is the change in the light;  as if a shroud of mist, hovering from the intense heat and humidity was lifted, and a surreal clarity returns to highlight every leaf and shadow.

I walked a good bit of today's Griffin loop.  Now that I am back on my 6-day/week work stretch for the foreseeable future, my body is trying to keep up the pace overall.  In racing, I am was is kindly referred to as a "back of the pack" runner;  ok maybe not ALL the way in the back, but my gait is slow and easy.  The runner in my head thinks I am going like a bat out of hell.   The reality is my aging body struggles to keep a rhythm going these days.  On really slow days, like today,  I just throttle it down and walk.
On better days,  I am keeping some good stretches.  But this is not anything like my past training performance.  Clearly,  things are changing- again.

I've been deep in a shamanic/meditative space leading up to the High Holidays, using a "30 days of Elul" from our friends of the Daily Kabbalah to contemplate the year past- and ahead.  Despite my lapse as any kind of ideological or practicing Jew, I subscribe to the moral and ethical teachings I grew up with and come to appreciate more and more in my life.  The New Year is more than a celebration;  it is intense soul-searching, to come out into the new life of the new year with 'accounts balanced', and a sense of preparation for the new growth ahead.

Kabbalah asks that we put our principles into practice, and focus on changing behaviors and attitudes that keep us stuck in negative patterns.  This sounds exactly like the CBT and RET type of interventions I've been focusing on with clients.  It is always easier to see the places in some one else which calls for attention, and change;  it is far tougher to turn the lens on oneself and expose our own vulnerabilities and decide where we are ready to grow.

Running is an ever changing experience for me, and like today, humbles me to appreciate the limitations of the material world despite my lofty and idealistic vision.   The trick seems to be how to hold onto Vision no matter what the limitations may be,  and the faith that somehow the manifestation of our latent dreams are bound to find their way into our lives.   Too many things have emerged in my life not to believe this is true.   But the trust to stay true to our intent takes the greatest work;  we are waiting - and praying- while the New has already arrived.

Arlington/DC trail run

My trip to play Granny to now one year old Claire gave me a chance to revisit my favorite little run spot in Arlington.   My hotel stands just at the corner of an entrance onto a footpath, following a waterway which eventually leads to the trail-head in towards this beautiful wooded area.  Michael and I have been deep into this area, and last time I revisited this, snaking under and around highways in order to get as lost as I could into the landscape.  This time,  the Irene and Lee floods had washed piles of debris over and into the streambeds;  the path was clear, sometimes wet and I cut the whole thing short once I reached the underpass:

On my way back,  I was drawn to sit with the water, which was rich with silt and rushing down the rock bed,  singing loud above the silence of the trees.

I love Alexandria,  and my spot in Shirlington/Arlington where I can access all this, but it wasn't until I got back to Florida that I realized how gray Washington DC really is.   One thing my body has learned to crave is the strong sub-tropic sunlight;  depression and debilitation have a tough time finding a foothold in the Sunshine State.  And the feedback from those who know me ensures my opinion:  I am where I am supposed to be.

Of course the reason for everything is claiming my place as an Elder in our little family circle.  The thrill of holding my granddaughter and feeling the spirits of my parents through me, watching my son and daughter-in-law, and reconnecting with my other family members brought me an energized joy which comes on me fresh and deep.  I had many moments of happy tears and of course, I could not hug this darling child enough!

Running is the ground, the predictable motion of my body into the world, bringing me the peace and solace of Nature wherever I find Her.   Within the confines of physicality,  our emotional and spiritual lives learn to soar into new dimensions, where connections are felt through our hearts, souls and World Mind.   When you see the loved one before you,  embrace the heroics of reaching out to find our footing together, as we walk our trails of Life, Love and Light.

Here- to There

Sometimes the pace at work is exhilarating, other times simply exhausting!  When I prepare to be away there are tons of things to do, and the last 2 days it felt non-stop.  The capacity to focus in and find my 'rhythm' is a skill I borrow from running;  once begun, I'm in it to the end, and I don't like to stop for long, just keep going, going ...

I wanted to give myself a full loop this morning to help ensure a settling of my nerves and an honest exhaustion to help snooze on the flight later, if possible.   I was up and out earlier than usual, pre-dawn.  I felt like the only person out on earth; even the traffic was light as I crossed over by the park and headed out my usual route.  The coolish feel to the air was like a fresh push, helping me wake and swing into my warm-up walk.  I packed the Ghosts for the trip so I took out the old Launches, amazed at how wonderful they felt!  With a spring in my step I rounded the corner where I begin to run and felt like I could fly right off into the sky....

Amazingly,  I took the entire stretch from there to my Publix pit-stop in one fell swoop.  I had enough adrenalin to push past my usual lazy stride and settled into something that felt like a real run.  Everything was relaxed, and something about this early hour brought me closer to the passion I feel being out in Nature-  She calls to me, and I forget how Her times of transition are often the most Magical of all.

I hope the weather allows me to run the trail I love out the hotel...and take advantage of the hilly VA terrain to keep my endurance up.   There will be plenty of time of share the wealth of family and love, surrounding our little Claire in the circle of her first year!  I'm glad to represent faithfully the Self I am into this new experience, from Here- to There. 

The Mother is All

While the stormy season continues into September, and the mornings are overcast, sometimes rainy, definitely a bit cooler, I continue Project Adaptation coming off being sick and picking up my running groove again.  At work the other day, as I jaunt up and down our long hallways, I felt an interesting shift in my right hip/leg socket...the very place where I've been jammed up my entire running career.  As I took a right turn, it almost felt like tumblers in a lock- and I knew immediately that whatever had been stuck, suddenly got unstuck.  The feeling was immediate;  where I had limited range of motion on my right side and a chronic "hitch" in my hip and flexors, relief was sudden.  Cautiously hopeful that this might be the breakthrough I needed,  and after a no run day yesterday, I headed out on a longer Griffin loop just keeping my fingers crossed...maybe this is my opening at last.

It wasn't apparent until I took my first water break, and headed west to catch 56th and the road north.  Where I would labor, my legs found a smooth swing.  When I would usually flag in a muddled, painful pause, walking out the soreness,  I found the fatigue but not the pain- an experience of utter freedom - and the ability to sustain a stretch from Emerald Hills to my Publix pit stop...at one fell swoop.   Is it diet? supplements?  keeping my yoga routine up??  Or just the ongoing refinement of the Celestial vibes which, along with everything else, are clearing the debris from our fullest function?

We tend to polarize existence, from good and bad,  up and down, inner/outer and all sorts of dualities.  We've separated ourselves from the Process of our own lives in pursuit of goals;  materialistic or spiritual.  Goals got me where I am today.  At the same time,  the art of non-doing, of immersing myself in the process of the run, is what I always wanted.  The sheer joy of 'lifting off' into my shared space with Mother Nature, while moving in and through Her, soaking up every good vibe She has to offer;  this is bliss to the Long Distance Runner within. 

I seem to be reminded by all kinds of sources that The Mother is All.  Our ancient ancestors, and the medicine folk (still) know that behind the many faces of existence lies the Source of all Life.  We may struggle to be:  the better runner,  spiritual guide, partner, mother, worker etc.  And our humanity seems to urge us on to 'higher ground'.  But ultimately we are Held in the Good Hands of She who has birthed it all and continues to Mother us through our ongoing emergence into our New Selves.   It is time to Allow, and to Manifest Her willing support. 

Devi Prayer - Hymn to the Divine Mother

Irene, Coming and Going - SoFlorida

With yet another TS/Hurricane contender out there in the far Atlantic, all of us up and down the eastern seaboard are now veterans of Irene.  While still a Cat 3, she majestically skirted all the territory below Orlando, dropping hints of what what in store for the rest of the folks further north.  Not without her manners, she apparently lost her will right at the last minute and packed a less powerful punch;  very fortunate for all those who expected an even worse event, and yet enough to remind us all that Mother Nature isn't fooling around;  disrespect Her at your own peril!

Meanwhile, back on the Adaptation project, coming off the natural disruptions of illness and weather events,  I am back to running and once again the quest to build a base.  On the other side of big weather are slight changes in the presentation of late summer;  extreme heat and humidity and new just now, a slight breeze in the early morning hours giving hint to a fall change to come.   Moving the air is often enough to give big relief under these conditions.   Focusing on getting back my usual 6 mile loops,  it is enough to give me big challenges, but reachable ones.  There is residual strength to carry me into this, and build from - to meet my usual goal:  stable health, strength, endurance.

The inner changes roll along their own response to input, whether from the external sources of people, places and events or to the ever-changing conditions of internal mind and experience.  Always attuned to atmospherics, and often too much so,  it's been a breach of my otherwise formidable defenses to find myself struggling with health and growth aspects of personality and profession.   No one likes to admit their short-comings.  And for someone who feels perpetually reaching for a kind of creative high which validates my Soul experience,  I am often unaware of the nuts and bolts of issues right in front of my nose. 

Our Best Teachers point out to us where we have drifted off from the integrity of the Team, whether that team be our partners, family, friends or coworkers and clients.   Too much focus on little s self, and the ego will take the inch and hang us with miles of pride, self-service and selfishness.  Too little focus on Big S Self and we forget the spiritual muscles which yearn for as much of a workout as our bodies;  time to reflect, meditate and Center our purpose on the mission of our lives, the bigger reasons for time and effort to achieve anything we define as our Work.

The body needs to be 'pushed', persuaded, to reach beyond our mental limits to discover what we are capable of... any runner knows we constantly reach beyond our current abilities in order to increase what we can do.   Same with the Spirit:  the Benevolent Ones see a larger slice of the whole pie,  a bigger view of the skies,  the Pattern of Soul and being in this world to gently influence and guide the shape of our intent, to conform, ultimately to something ever Greater than us.  We go kicking and screaming like small children, afraid of the changes, unaware of the opportunity just beyond that door- or we accompany the Forces of Growth like lucky lovers, enamored of a sweet surrender which can take us to new places, and widen our own Arc of Love and acceptance to who we really are.

Adaptation and the Unexpected

Hurricane Irene is lurking around Puerto Rico, with a bulls-eye on South Florida.  In the lead up to big storms, the skies here always take on mythic proportions:  this was my view off the catwalk this AM as I headed out to run.   By mid-week we will see the large arc of feeder bands;  that's IF she decides to take the projected path our way.

Meanwhile, my debut run yesterday, back from my 10 day hiatus was better- and worse- than expected.  I took the Park west route to have a long stretch to do nothing but allow my body to regain it's 'muscle memory' of a gait, and to keep distractions to a minimum.   This first couple of miles was amazing stress-less....clearly,  a break from constant impact was not a bad idea.  That said,  as I continued a loop up 56th and over Emerald Hills,  I could clearly feel the drop in stamina,  and walked a good bit of my last bits.

The Uber-runner in my head, and the reality of the Me in this world are often out of sync.   While visions of marathons and quirky trail runs dance in my fantasies, the challenge of doing even my usual 6 miler, run or walk, is now where I am at- actually.   Today,  more or less the same route in reverse, I walked even more as I caught the sun full on with a few miles left, and could feel my body wilt under the forces of heat and humidity.  What I could more easily cope with a month ago has become, again, an up-hill slope as I re-acclimate to everything:  weather, distance, endurance and stamina...building strength in connective tissues and muscles which were throttled down to a snooze-mode, and just long enough, apparently, to lose a lot I'd gained this summer.   SIGH.

I told myself, on that walk home, that I am grateful to have the full faculties of my body, senses and mind, even if the diamond is a little more 'rough around the edges'.... the brilliance of inner soul seemed reflected in those big gorgeous skies and full sun.  Clouds which carry ever changing banners of color and wind feel full of portent;  I will always have a passion for jaunting out in the open world, whether my aim is to run or not...and Nature will always Call me to join Her.

Often adapting is little more than a shift in our mind-set.  In my professional work I can watch the pattern of cognitive distortions like patterns which lay themselves out like plot-lines, often tangled and twisted up into cul-de-sacs of assumption and pain, laying wait for the unsuspecting nuance of meaning to come along and pull on some unopened door, creaking on rusty hinges when knocked upon, and opened.   We are such creatures of habit, that even when the amazing new insight introduces itself, we don't always recognize or welcome it.   We change with a chip on the shoulder, or we hide from the assumed threat- of change.

Then sometimes,  change comes without our consent.   Illness is a reminder.  Irene is another, and soon enough we will find out just how close to 2005 things will come again, and whether we adapt to our stormy horizons any better than we did then.   Expect- the Unexpected.