Here- to There

Sometimes the pace at work is exhilarating, other times simply exhausting!  When I prepare to be away there are tons of things to do, and the last 2 days it felt non-stop.  The capacity to focus in and find my 'rhythm' is a skill I borrow from running;  once begun, I'm in it to the end, and I don't like to stop for long, just keep going, going ...

I wanted to give myself a full loop this morning to help ensure a settling of my nerves and an honest exhaustion to help snooze on the flight later, if possible.   I was up and out earlier than usual, pre-dawn.  I felt like the only person out on earth; even the traffic was light as I crossed over by the park and headed out my usual route.  The coolish feel to the air was like a fresh push, helping me wake and swing into my warm-up walk.  I packed the Ghosts for the trip so I took out the old Launches, amazed at how wonderful they felt!  With a spring in my step I rounded the corner where I begin to run and felt like I could fly right off into the sky....

Amazingly,  I took the entire stretch from there to my Publix pit-stop in one fell swoop.  I had enough adrenalin to push past my usual lazy stride and settled into something that felt like a real run.  Everything was relaxed, and something about this early hour brought me closer to the passion I feel being out in Nature-  She calls to me, and I forget how Her times of transition are often the most Magical of all.

I hope the weather allows me to run the trail I love out the hotel...and take advantage of the hilly VA terrain to keep my endurance up.   There will be plenty of time of share the wealth of family and love, surrounding our little Claire in the circle of her first year!  I'm glad to represent faithfully the Self I am into this new experience, from Here- to There. 

The Mother is All

While the stormy season continues into September, and the mornings are overcast, sometimes rainy, definitely a bit cooler, I continue Project Adaptation coming off being sick and picking up my running groove again.  At work the other day, as I jaunt up and down our long hallways, I felt an interesting shift in my right hip/leg socket...the very place where I've been jammed up my entire running career.  As I took a right turn, it almost felt like tumblers in a lock- and I knew immediately that whatever had been stuck, suddenly got unstuck.  The feeling was immediate;  where I had limited range of motion on my right side and a chronic "hitch" in my hip and flexors, relief was sudden.  Cautiously hopeful that this might be the breakthrough I needed,  and after a no run day yesterday, I headed out on a longer Griffin loop just keeping my fingers crossed...maybe this is my opening at last.

It wasn't apparent until I took my first water break, and headed west to catch 56th and the road north.  Where I would labor, my legs found a smooth swing.  When I would usually flag in a muddled, painful pause, walking out the soreness,  I found the fatigue but not the pain- an experience of utter freedom - and the ability to sustain a stretch from Emerald Hills to my Publix pit stop...at one fell swoop.   Is it diet? supplements?  keeping my yoga routine up??  Or just the ongoing refinement of the Celestial vibes which, along with everything else, are clearing the debris from our fullest function?

We tend to polarize existence, from good and bad,  up and down, inner/outer and all sorts of dualities.  We've separated ourselves from the Process of our own lives in pursuit of goals;  materialistic or spiritual.  Goals got me where I am today.  At the same time,  the art of non-doing, of immersing myself in the process of the run, is what I always wanted.  The sheer joy of 'lifting off' into my shared space with Mother Nature, while moving in and through Her, soaking up every good vibe She has to offer;  this is bliss to the Long Distance Runner within. 

I seem to be reminded by all kinds of sources that The Mother is All.  Our ancient ancestors, and the medicine folk (still) know that behind the many faces of existence lies the Source of all Life.  We may struggle to be:  the better runner,  spiritual guide, partner, mother, worker etc.  And our humanity seems to urge us on to 'higher ground'.  But ultimately we are Held in the Good Hands of She who has birthed it all and continues to Mother us through our ongoing emergence into our New Selves.   It is time to Allow, and to Manifest Her willing support. 

Devi Prayer - Hymn to the Divine Mother

Irene, Coming and Going - SoFlorida

With yet another TS/Hurricane contender out there in the far Atlantic, all of us up and down the eastern seaboard are now veterans of Irene.  While still a Cat 3, she majestically skirted all the territory below Orlando, dropping hints of what what in store for the rest of the folks further north.  Not without her manners, she apparently lost her will right at the last minute and packed a less powerful punch;  very fortunate for all those who expected an even worse event, and yet enough to remind us all that Mother Nature isn't fooling around;  disrespect Her at your own peril!

Meanwhile, back on the Adaptation project, coming off the natural disruptions of illness and weather events,  I am back to running and once again the quest to build a base.  On the other side of big weather are slight changes in the presentation of late summer;  extreme heat and humidity and new just now, a slight breeze in the early morning hours giving hint to a fall change to come.   Moving the air is often enough to give big relief under these conditions.   Focusing on getting back my usual 6 mile loops,  it is enough to give me big challenges, but reachable ones.  There is residual strength to carry me into this, and build from - to meet my usual goal:  stable health, strength, endurance.

The inner changes roll along their own response to input, whether from the external sources of people, places and events or to the ever-changing conditions of internal mind and experience.  Always attuned to atmospherics, and often too much so,  it's been a breach of my otherwise formidable defenses to find myself struggling with health and growth aspects of personality and profession.   No one likes to admit their short-comings.  And for someone who feels perpetually reaching for a kind of creative high which validates my Soul experience,  I am often unaware of the nuts and bolts of issues right in front of my nose. 

Our Best Teachers point out to us where we have drifted off from the integrity of the Team, whether that team be our partners, family, friends or coworkers and clients.   Too much focus on little s self, and the ego will take the inch and hang us with miles of pride, self-service and selfishness.  Too little focus on Big S Self and we forget the spiritual muscles which yearn for as much of a workout as our bodies;  time to reflect, meditate and Center our purpose on the mission of our lives, the bigger reasons for time and effort to achieve anything we define as our Work.

The body needs to be 'pushed', persuaded, to reach beyond our mental limits to discover what we are capable of... any runner knows we constantly reach beyond our current abilities in order to increase what we can do.   Same with the Spirit:  the Benevolent Ones see a larger slice of the whole pie,  a bigger view of the skies,  the Pattern of Soul and being in this world to gently influence and guide the shape of our intent, to conform, ultimately to something ever Greater than us.  We go kicking and screaming like small children, afraid of the changes, unaware of the opportunity just beyond that door- or we accompany the Forces of Growth like lucky lovers, enamored of a sweet surrender which can take us to new places, and widen our own Arc of Love and acceptance to who we really are.

Adaptation and the Unexpected

Hurricane Irene is lurking around Puerto Rico, with a bulls-eye on South Florida.  In the lead up to big storms, the skies here always take on mythic proportions:  this was my view off the catwalk this AM as I headed out to run.   By mid-week we will see the large arc of feeder bands;  that's IF she decides to take the projected path our way.

Meanwhile, my debut run yesterday, back from my 10 day hiatus was better- and worse- than expected.  I took the Park west route to have a long stretch to do nothing but allow my body to regain it's 'muscle memory' of a gait, and to keep distractions to a minimum.   This first couple of miles was amazing stress-less....clearly,  a break from constant impact was not a bad idea.  That said,  as I continued a loop up 56th and over Emerald Hills,  I could clearly feel the drop in stamina,  and walked a good bit of my last bits.

The Uber-runner in my head, and the reality of the Me in this world are often out of sync.   While visions of marathons and quirky trail runs dance in my fantasies, the challenge of doing even my usual 6 miler, run or walk, is now where I am at- actually.   Today,  more or less the same route in reverse, I walked even more as I caught the sun full on with a few miles left, and could feel my body wilt under the forces of heat and humidity.  What I could more easily cope with a month ago has become, again, an up-hill slope as I re-acclimate to everything:  weather, distance, endurance and stamina...building strength in connective tissues and muscles which were throttled down to a snooze-mode, and just long enough, apparently, to lose a lot I'd gained this summer.   SIGH.

I told myself, on that walk home, that I am grateful to have the full faculties of my body, senses and mind, even if the diamond is a little more 'rough around the edges'.... the brilliance of inner soul seemed reflected in those big gorgeous skies and full sun.  Clouds which carry ever changing banners of color and wind feel full of portent;  I will always have a passion for jaunting out in the open world, whether my aim is to run or not...and Nature will always Call me to join Her.

Often adapting is little more than a shift in our mind-set.  In my professional work I can watch the pattern of cognitive distortions like patterns which lay themselves out like plot-lines, often tangled and twisted up into cul-de-sacs of assumption and pain, laying wait for the unsuspecting nuance of meaning to come along and pull on some unopened door, creaking on rusty hinges when knocked upon, and opened.   We are such creatures of habit, that even when the amazing new insight introduces itself, we don't always recognize or welcome it.   We change with a chip on the shoulder, or we hide from the assumed threat- of change.

Then sometimes,  change comes without our consent.   Illness is a reminder.  Irene is another, and soon enough we will find out just how close to 2005 things will come again, and whether we adapt to our stormy horizons any better than we did then.   Expect- the Unexpected.

Healing Hiatus

Cocky me, thinking I will cruise on through indefinitely without any set-back, letting my expectations get the best of me when my body says "WHOA!"  and time for healing comes.   OK so it's a summer cold (I assume) and this constellation of symptoms is no doubt a cleansing from very stressful times....busy work schedule, training and just trying to keep the rhythm going on the Treadmill of Life.

I realize that anything that forces me to slow down is probably a good thing.   My nature is to discount the vulnerabilities of my body;  I train to increase my general stamina and endurance- not to become a super-athlete, but to keep my energy strong for everything I seek to engage.   When down time comes to me, I tend to fight it.   But the body surrenders eventually and with it, the healing rest I obviously need.

I seek the support of my healing allies today, and as Mom and Dad have been hovering around in my dreams, I hope the Ancestors are doing their part to support us here.   They have been much on my mind of late as I traipse around the backroads of my childhood, remembering the peace and comfort Mother Nature always gave me,  starting right out our back yard.

So to everyone striving to maintain their health, balance and faith in the path before them,  I am with you.   We all bleed and cry, and suffer the slings and arrows of our status in the material world.  The Hands of Greater Awareness are there to hold us whether we move forward or not, even in our down days.  Reach, and Grab hold.  

Sunday Beach Run 8-7-11

TS Emily skirted our shores dumping much needed rain Saturday night and lulling me into false security as I woke Sunday to see overcast skies.  Without direct sun I decided to trot east towards the beach and visit the ocean for my long run loop.  I greatly under-estimated, once again, the power of humidity to lay a runner low.   I bench marked the major cross streets until hitting the first of the 2 overpasses on the last stretch when I began to feel nauseous and light-headed.  On all my usual loops I make it a point to hit some hydration early on.  But this time, I skipped the Publix, and this was 4 miles in more or less.  I felt embarrassed as older, faster runners loped on by, and I walked on up the first overpass to stop and enjoy the Intercoastal.  One more overpass and I cruise into North Park and the ocean,

The light is deeply mysterious early in the morning when squally weather has been around.  The shades of blues and greys can hardly be identified as they blur and blend into the atmosphere.  The ocean seems to swallow the light as morning seems 'suggested'...I hung out a bit,  took some photos and drank plenty of water.

I hit that Publix on the way back, and took my electrolytes.   By the time I limped home, it felt like 10 pounds of moisture was carried in my clothes;  I felt humbled yet triumphant that finally I made it over to the beach, even if it was shy of my usual long loop distance.  Clearly, it's not always about how far you decide to go, but what you go through along the way.

The only one putting any pressure on me is myself.  I am deeply grateful that so much of my life has fallen into a rhythm of routine, something that works well for me.  Whatever I can do independent of outside demand will call up my best assets, the ability to call upon the  skills and resources I need to execute my professional responsibilities.  Personally, the journey I take to transform past hurts into clear connection continues.  Running is a dialogue with the elements, and I will never be wholly independent of the Forces of Mother Nature in Her quest to Express Herself, regardless of my training inclinations.   This inter-connection is the mystery that pulls me back each time just to discover what Adventures await.